Gaming is a fantastic pastime if you’re the type of creature who enjoys wasting hours of your real-life spent in various sham universes playing out the stories of fake heroes and villains. But so what? Everyone needs a hobby to help them survive the soul-crushing monotony of this screen filled, social media nightmare… with yet another screen. Yes, as games are interactive, they are far better for you than gawking at a television screen, unwashed and shirtless. However, because games are interactive, they tend to create strong emotional attachments that trick gamer’s brains into systematically ruining their life from the inside out.
Don’t believe me? Well, here are 10 ways in which gaming is slowly destroying your life. Just to clarify, there is a whole range of information out there and if you don’t agree with points on this list, do some research.
Also, don’t take it too seriously.Next
10) Bad Language
The internet has uncovered an endless world of possibilities for every single person – who has a computer and a decent internet connection – and that’s incredible. However, you spend one match in any online game and you’d be treated to some of the – if not – worst language to ever pass through your Cochlea.
Yes, some of you will be blaring: “Tom, you’re not my Mother, I’m 27, I can say whatever the f**k I want.” That’s fine, but seriously, not one person who is an avid online gamer can deny that their language has gotten filthier since partaking in the pixelated nightmare that is online gameplay.
Whilst I’m a passionate believer that a consenting adult can say whatever they want – which is why this point is first on the list – letting that ‘gamer talk’ leak over into real-life is going to get you clattered, believe me.Previous Next
Okay, I know I’m not some high-class style deity – I normally knock about in jeans, shirt and a blazer – but when a grown-ass-man is still walking around in pop-culture references and a Pokemon backpack, it sickens me.
I feel the same way when I see some out-of-shape dad, shuffling around town in a Portsmouth Football Club t-shirt, holding a can of White Lightning and shouting at a passersby because this country [England] doesn’t care about the working class anymore. Even though that digression was totally convoluted, the point that it’s high-time you stop dressing like someone who hasn’t hit puberty still stands.
If you want to wear a Mario or Snake t-shirt, maybe partially hide it under a gentleman’s shirt and for the love of all that is Holy, don’t wear any preposterous video game merchandise, like novelty bags, arbitrary Halo straps or caps… Man I hate caps.
I’m not saying you should completely abandon your personality and pretend to be something you’re not. Oh wait, yes I am. Scratch that last part.Previous Next
8) Sacrificing Space
All these consoles, controllers and other nicknacks take up vital space. Whilst typing this, I have my computer – of course – what can only be described as a tower of games consoles consisting of an NES, SNES, Sega MegaDrive, Playstation 1, 2 and 3. A N64, a Gamecube and a cat that won’t leave me be.
Couple all that together with all the games I have for each system and everything else in my bedroom – bed, bedside table, corpse etc. – and it’s starting to get a little cramped in here.
Maybe I’m just poor, and some of you out there live in citadels in the sky, but remember, with every next purchase, more room is sacrificed to the space Gods. Maybe that’s why Steam seems like some sexy concubine, alluringly drawing me closer with her endless sales figure. But, I’m a console boy and I always will be…
Anyway, no space; you seem like a hoarder.Previous Next
Be honest with yourself. You’ve missed a few days’ worth of showers because you were trying to best that stage of Dark Souls or trying to level up your World of Warcraft avatar. Cleanliness is something that flutters out the window with neither a tip of the hat or a flick of the wrist when a big game session is involved. Just speaking from my own experiences, being friends with gamers and living with four of the most repulsive, loathsome Runescape players I’ve met, the stereotype rings true.
Am I a little biased? You bet your sweet arse I am, but when you associate with gamers enough, you begin to notice little things like, “He’s worn that Cake is a Lie t-shirt for the last four days,” and “God, where on this dreadful planet is that odour coming from?”Previous Next
6) Wasting Money
As the English Progressive rock band Pink Floyd said in their 1973 song Money: “Money, so they say, is the root of all evil today.”
Money, cash, dough, dosh, green is the lifeblood that keeps all companies from dying in some ditch in the middle of the desert. However, video game companies are different from other companies as they really push the friendly created for you angle that so many gamers eat up like snacks of kind words.
Stop stuffing your face hole and read. They honestly don’t care about you as an individual, all they care about is your cash flow. Though this isn’t an article on ‘the man,’ companies need to think like that to make it in the cruel world of business, and that’s okay. But, it’s how these slack-jaw gamers throw their money away at a moment’s notice just because new DLC for “Blah Blah: The Blahening” includes a new ultramarine hat, that makes companies believe they can continue charging extortionate amounts for content.
And, it’s not just DLC. Paying for online subscriptions, a decent television to play on, controllers, the console itself, t-shirts and other merchandise, perhaps a sound system, a good internet connection if you’re multiplayer inclined, and let’s not forget the damn games themselves. When you look back at the mountain of plastic space fillers you’ve bought, you’ve spent a small fortune.Previous Next
5) Social Life
While you may think a big night is playing Dota 2 with your ‘friends’ in Russia who don’t speak a lick of the Queens, normal human people will think that is as depressing as the finale of How I Met Your Mother. Whether you’d like to admit-it or not, playing games sucks in your time like a black hole of pixelated importance that doesn’t allow for a lot of other activities, such as Sunlight, fresh air or actually hearing a real person speak without the use of a mic.
Don’t get me wrong, I downright loathe social life and everything it encompasses, and it’s – therefore – somewhat comforting to escape that horrific world by stepping into another, but come on. Come on. Jesus Christ come on. Go outside. Leave your arse engraved chair and see real things. School, College, University or Jobs doesn’t count. Go to the pub and comment on important events like: Why Does David Cameron Speak Like A Broken Washingmachine? Join a club of some description. I’m not saying don’t play games, but being ‘around’ gamers every second of the day isn’t healthy.Previous Next
To see an over-the-top frustrated gamer, merely gaze upon the thousands of videos that clog the arteries of YouTube. Much like Tennis, Rugby or any other sport, gaming is competitive, and it’s in that competitiveness we see these fits of inflammable rage.
Scientists at the University of Missouri found that hormonal surges in men playing multiplayer video games are similar to male animals during territorial challenges. However, while the aforementioned animals are expelling corporal energy, you’re just sat slumped in your chair like a loose bag of human waste, building that exasperated energy until you explode in high-pitched fury.
The ironic thing is, playing whilst annoyed actually aids player ability. Researchers at Stanford and Boston College discovered that players of competitive games such as Soldier of Fortune and Call of Duty intentionally made themselves angry in an effort to play better. So while in the short-term getting pissed off will in fact help you improve, you’ll probably die of a brain aneurysm.
Swings and roundabouts.Previous Next
3) Weight Fluctuations
You know it’s true, but you don’t want to face the truth. We aren’t a handsome bunch, and a massive part of that is how we eat. According to research by Jean-Philippe Chaput, Trine Visby, Signe Nyby, and a whole horde of other smart people at the University of Copenhagen, playing video games like FIFA 11, will make you fat. Although the answer that if you spend every waking moment sitting down eating cold meat off your lap will make you fat seems astonishingly obvious, that fact remains that gamers do appear to be at the two opposites ends of the weight spectrum: Fat or Thin.
Though it seems obvious, getting fit is all down to diet and exercise – I can almost feel the waves of hate lapping over my back. “What happens if we don’t want to be in-shape?” You cry. “Gyms are full of tw**s and they’re expensive.” While I do agree that the cost of a gym membership can be high and the horrendous abyss that is listening to gym ‘bros’ vomit about their day like two apes throwing their excrement at each other is dire, their lifestyle – at least the ones who aren’t abusing steroids or whatever – is healthier than yours, and they will most likely live longer. That’s if I don’t slaughter them in their sleep with their cherished barbell.
Some of you may even say that you don’t want to live longer because life feels like some never-ending Post-office line towards a sheer cliff, and I totally agree. But, think of it this way. If you die because of a substantial heart attack, or you waste away like cheap paper in the rain, you’ll miss the future of gaming. Luckily for me, I couldn’t give one solitary mess about that, so I’m golden.Previous Next
2) Sleeping Patterns
This is a follow on from the Social Life point, but with more emphasis on death. Humans need sleep. We do. It’s something that has to happen – along with a few other things – to keep us from visiting the Grim-reaper’s bungalow. However, gamers seem to think that sleeping is far too ‘mainstream’ and opt for sleeping as little as physically possible. This point is mostly directed at the grinders out there, as time is the name of the game. Want to level up?
You have to put the time in. Want to play with league players in Korea? Gotta put the time in. Before you know it, you’ll be either stuck on an alternate ‘day-night’ cycle – making studying and or going to work virtually impossible – or pushing yourself to stay up longer and longer until you start to lose your mind. However, for everyone else, your sleep deprived rambling corpse will be hilarious as you’ll exhibit signs of visual and auditorial hallucinations, graphic mood-swings and my favourite, micro-naps. Micro-naps causes the individual to sporadically and uncontrollably fall asleep. So, all your friends – if you have the misfortune to have any – can take advantage of you as you wander through an unsleeping illusory hell. Yay!Previous Next
1) It Never Ends, You May Have an Addiction
Over the years I’ve been on both sides of the video game addiction argument. Now, however, I’m more on the yeah, it is an activity that can take over your life, therefore there could be cases that it is an addiction… side of the dispute. The reason for this is an addiction is defined as “being addicted to a particular substance or activity and or affecting your (or others around you) lifestyle.”
So in our case, the activity is playing video games and judging by this list, it’s a safe bet to say your lifestyle takes a swift kick in the sack. And that’s the main problem, when what you love doing – playing sport, collecting Warhammer or playing video games – affects how you live your life, it’s probably time for change.
Maybe you have seen yourself in some – or God forbid – all of the points in this article. Maybe you don’t agree with any of it and think I’m just trying to poke the fanboy bear. Whatever you think, leave a comment down below and let us know.Previous