7 Games That Tried, And Failed, To Make You Cry Man-Tears

Storyline! Yeah, that's an important part of videogames these days. It may be something that's been lauded by gamers since the days of Zork, but only fairly recently has it become so in vogue. As a general rule, the cycle goes: experiences wanted by players from games of old > indie games do it > becomes cool > triple-A developers do it > becomes uncool, and around again. And it makes sense in a vague kind of way. Big budget development teams don't want to waste money experimenting with something new if people won't buy it. They're a business after all. Let the bedroom devs take the plunge, they've got nothing to lose. If it works, then copy them.

2) Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 – England Blows Up, So It Goes Guv’nor

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In what can only be described as the most poorly constructed scene to ever be looked at by a human, Modern Warfare 3 easily surpasses all others in an effort to make the player so angry at the naughty terrorist men that after he’s done sobbing into his bloodstained hanky, all he’ll want to do is vengefully slaughter them. You know, like how you’ve spent the preceding section of the game doing anyway.

Firstly, the scene has clearly been dressed by someone who has not only never even been to England, but only seen pictures of it on page one of a Google search. They somehow managed to cram so many hackneyed elements into one frame that it’s like watching the film Notting Hill on 50x fast forward. The red post box, the chained up bicycle, the police sirens, the black cab, the black and white-style football that no one has used since the 1980’s laying around on the curb for some reason, the Union Jack flag, the pub and “Big Ben,” all on the screen at once. And not to nit-pick, but that isn’t even Big Ben, it’s Elizabeth Tower. Tourists…

And so the Davis family start filming their walk half way down a street for some reason, with a little girl skipping merrily about it. What could possibly happen?? Terrorists, that’s what. And their plan, it seems, is to blow up a lorry on this particular random, generic street. Not by any of the hundreds of tourist hotspots in England’s fair capital. No, just this deserted road will do fine. As long as one cute little girl is killed, the player will be in tatters.


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Author
Ciaran Utting
CiarĂ¡n Utting loves video games and books with pictures of speedboats on the cover. There's plenty more of his drivel on Twitter.