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Top 10 Movie Franchises That Need To Die

Life isn’t fair. We exist in a movie world where our most desired sequels fester in obscurity for years before seeing the light of day (sometimes never at all) but where cookie-cutter schlock is pumped out ad nauseam. But don’t call me naïve; it doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes to figure out why this is. To quote Wall Street’s Gordon Gekko “what’s worth doing is worth doing for money.”

3. Alvin and the Chipmunks

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Why it was good: The only redeeming quality of the “Chipmunks” trilogy is that it can allow you to plop a young child in front of the TV for 90 minutes while you go play Angry Birds on your smart phone. Fox seemed to have purposely extracted whatever charm was latent in the television series and replaced it with soulless CGI and a cringe-educing Jason Lee who I pray every night will give Kevin Smith a call.

The turning point: The turning point for this franchise should have been in the board room when someone first pitched the idea to studio heads, but alas we got not one, not two, but three instances of embarrassing adventures for Alvin, Simon and Theodore (makes me want to change my name out of shame).

Why it needs to die: If we’re ever going to get fun, intelligent fare for young children outside of Disney – films that don’t include CGI rodents, Chihuahuas, Smurfs or other bastardizations of beloved television shows – a line needs to be drawn. When you discover you have an infestation of vermin you root out the source, and right now this franchise is the chief contributor to the outbreak.