You’d hoped that it might’ve moved away from our atmosphere and threatened a stupider and more gullible planet with its obvious screen adaptability, but the Asteroids movie has gone and got itself into a slingshot orbit and has fired itself right back at us. And emerging from his farmhouse on a foggy night to investigate a smoking hole in the ground is writer Jez Butterworth, who may or may not have been taken over by an alien parasite, given that he’s said “Yes, I’ll write that” whilst also keeping a straight face.
Asteroids, of course, is a video game from the 70s that pits you, the player, against hundreds of white-lined rock shapes as they attempt to steer themselves into you and ruin your day. There’s obvious untapped potential in this idea (obviously) – so much so that the presumed 100-page screenplay should only take a few hours to write. All Butterworth has to do is scribble down what the game is telling him and put the pages in order. What we’re expecting, however, is for this to turn out a lot like Battleship, given that both of these properties are a) things that do not sound like films when you pitch them and b) things that exist mainly for CGI to do all the work.
Rihanna can turn up in this one too, maybe, perhaps as one of those UFOs goes by and tries to zap you. Something about intergalactic peace or how we should all get along in space. “We Found Love In A Hopeless Space.” You hear that, Rihanna? I’m doing your job for you. Again.
Source: The A.V. Club