A Best Of Christmas Horror: Merry Christmas To All…And To All A DEADLY Night…

Listen, I love Christmas. I've got my traditions like driving an hour to find the perfect Christmas tree with family, baking Christmas cookies with Grandma (Yes, I'm f#cking adorable, ladies), giving thoughtful and heartfelt presents to the ones I love most -but once a horror fan, always a horror fan, even during the merriest of holidays. Don't get me wrong, Christmas wouldn't be the same without long-time classics like Home Alone and A Christmas Story, but hell, Halloween isn't the only holiday that can be celebrated with my favorite genre.

10) The Gingerdead Man (2005)

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Director: Charles Band

Gary Busey voices a living gingerbread man possessed by the soul of a serial killer. Yes. This really happened.

So far my picks have been very sub-genre based, focusing on those audiences looking for B-Movie hilarity and cult-worshiped films, and The Gingerdead Man is another perfect example. I already introduced you to the edible assailant who runs wild in Passion of the Crust, but it all started in Charles Band’s first film, which is sadly the only one Gary Busey participated in.

While having the potential for “so bad it’s good” laughs, there is at least some attempt to construct horror, and a much more sensible story is kept in place. Well, scary and sensible for having a murderous cookie run amok in a struggling bakery, but still, a tad more care was put in to actual cinematic elements. Certainly a flawed film by regular standards, but admittedly there is some fun one can find about our evil culinary treat’s origin story. Again, this might be a much better watch with some open-minded friends and some kind of mental state alteration.

9) Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

Director: Charles E. Sellier Jr.

Ah, here we go, now we’re getting into much more favorable waters, bringing you Christmas horror I can actually stand behind.

Silent Night, Deadly Night is a nifty little slasher about an orphan named Billy who saw his mother and father killed in cold blood by a man dressed as Santa Claus. From this, he develops a Christmas paranoia that drives him into insanity every holiday season, creating the unbeatable desire to punish the naughty. Punish…..PUNISH!

Not only is Silent Night, Deadly Night‘s story fun and ridiculous, but there are certainly some kills worth a good amount of attention. What’s there to hate about a horror film that plays up an already terrifying notion? The fact that Santa knows who has been naughty or nice is taken one step further by giving the naughty a horrible death instead of a measly lump of coal.

Don’t they say countless amounts of people go crazy during Christmas? Let’s just hope no one ever reaches Billy’s level of mental instability, or we’ll have a real life horror movie on our hands.

8) Jack Frost (1997)

Director: Michael Cooney

In this blatant rip-off of Child’s Play, a serial killer is genetically fused with snow in a horrible chemical accent, so he comes back as a murderous snowman seeking revenge. I mean, yeah, it’s that awesome.

If you’re going to pick a “possessed holiday symbol comes to life seeking revenge” flick this Christmas season, I say Jack Frost is your best bet. You’ll get a better quality watch compared to The Gingerdead Man, there’s a greater entertainment value based on themed one-liners, and Shannon Elizabeth dies a hilariously bone-chilling death. This is a real cult classic watch, much more brutally inviting for those who want some humor with their crazy horror films. Just don’t confuse Cooney’s flick with the Michael Keaton family comedy of the same name, or you’re gonna have a bad time.

Continue the countdown on the next page…


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Author
Matt Donato
A drinking critic with a movie problem. Foodie. Meatballer. Horror Enthusiast.