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A Best Of Christmas Horror: Merry Christmas To All…And To All A DEADLY Night…

Listen, I love Christmas. I've got my traditions like driving an hour to find the perfect Christmas tree with family, baking Christmas cookies with Grandma (Yes, I'm f#cking adorable, ladies), giving thoughtful and heartfelt presents to the ones I love most -but once a horror fan, always a horror fan, even during the merriest of holidays. Don't get me wrong, Christmas wouldn't be the same without long-time classics like Home Alone and A Christmas Story, but hell, Halloween isn't the only holiday that can be celebrated with my favorite genre.

4) Black Christmas (1974)

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Director: Bob Clark

A phenomenal horror movie all around, but a must see for horror fans come Christmas time. I mean, Clark’s film is leaps and bounds ahead of Glen Morgan’s remake, even if it skimps out on gore for atmosphere, which happens to be a trait of some of the better horror films of all time. Black Christmas is minimal exposure and tension so thick it’s impossible not to choke on.

If you think about it, the whole “pretty college girls being killed one by one” sounds like your typical slasher material, but Black Christmas really does a phenomenal job of staying incredibly creepy and effective, never getting lost in unfocused killings or distracting plot failures. Roy Moore’s script is genuinely written as to not divulge many details at all, not even till the end, and Bob Clark’s direction keeps the strong suspenseful mystery in tact the whole time. Comparatively, this is where Morgan’s remake foolishly diverts, proving sometimes less is absolutely more. Pick up the original Black Christmas if you want the scariest rendition of Christmas horror, a perfect holiday gift for scareseekers alike!

3) Treevenge (2008)

Director: Jason Eisener

Consider this an early Christmas present readers, but honestly, if you’ve been good little boys and girls, you should have already heard about Jason Eisener’s outlandish short film, and probably have made it a yearly tradition by now. If you’ve been naughty and somehow missed this glorious B-Movie spoof short, I’d suggest you change you ways and check out the video I’ve embedded. I’d rather watch this short on repeat for two hours than sit through Eisener’s feature film debut Hobo With A Shotgun, but let me just try to explain what you’re about to watch.

Well, honestly, just read the title. After years of cutting down trees in a barbaric and disrespectful showing of holiday tradition, our poor, helpless forestation decides to finally strike back, refusing to spend another Christmas being tortured by saws, tree stands, and trimmings alike.

In an act of retaliation so overbearingly and unexpectedly disgusting, Christmas trees start spilling copious amounts of innocent blood on camera, challenging even feature films in the gore department. Treevenge gives Silent Night a run for Christmas horror kill supremacy, but Eisener shows a tremendous grasp and love for “so bad it’s good” B-Movies, a quality NEEDED in order to make murderous trees a reality.

Seriously. Watch this. Right now.

2) Rare Exports (2010)

Director: Jalmari Helander

Alright, Rare Exports, another pick that teeters on the edge of horror, being full of fantasy elements that are more magical than terrifying. Apparently, Finland has their own stories about an evil Santa Claus, again pegging him as a child kidnapping villain; except this time he has henchmen elves who act like vicious little body guards. Released when an archaeological digs locates the beast frozen in a block of ice, it’s up to youngster Pietari (Onni Tommila) and a band of local men (including his father) to stop the evil Claus from harming any more children.

Like I said, this isn’t straight horror, but instead an adult fairy tale created with childlike wonderment but tailored for a more mature audience. Onni Tommila does a splendid job leading this winter wonderland caper, approaching the scenario with creative curiosity, and gives a very enjoyable performance as our adventurous yet pint-sized main character. I want to say it’s a Christmas horror film for all ages, but some imagery can be considered slightly creepy, so be warned. Otherwise, Rare Exports is a film entire horror watching families can bond over with some holiday fun.

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