Remy – The Sheep from Black Sheep
Alright, again, I know they may look like crazed zombie sheep, but so do half our readers, and we love you guys and think you’re cute, still. The point here is, for all the things coming at you to kill you, I feel like a sheep, even if it had gray eyes and was foaming at the mouth, would still be cuter than most things. Granted, once they reached you and were gnawing on your guts like string cheese, it may not be so cute, but at a distance of about forty feet, I am pretty sure you would still go “Awww, look at the cute…urgggh…” See, you don’t get to finish the sentence, because by the time you do, the sheep are all up on you, eating your guts.
Funny fact: That actually happened at a petting zoo once in Massachusetts.
Second funny fact: The first funny fact is a lie I made up as filler.
Nato – The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog from Monty Python
As described by Tim the Enchanter, this wretched beast was supposed to have “nasty, big, pointy teeth” and “a vicious streak a mile wide.” Then we’re shown a fluffy little white-as-snow bunny hopping about, guarding The Cave of Caerbannog, and our first reaction is simply “D’awwww!” Thinking this creature to be harmless, victory seems like a cakewalk for Bors, who boasts “One rabbit stew comin’ right up!” Of course he’s then swiftly decapitated as the killer rabbit jumps into action, biting through his neck in one clean lunge. Yes Brave Sir Robin, now would be the right time to soil yourself.
The purity of the rabbit is what we think of first. Something so bright and clean couldn’t harm a fly, could it? But then when he’s covered in the blood of our knights, we realize what a ferocious little f#cker this guy is. Luckily for King Arthur and his remaining knights, they still have The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, which they throw after counting to three – no more, no less. Well, sorry, technically it’s after Arthur counts to five, which he substitutes for three, then Sir Galahad corrects him – whatever, not important, it’s Monty Python.
Just remember, the next time an Enchanter tells you of a mythical killer, believe him – even if he looks like nothing but a common housepet.
