Since we’ve already paid respects to one of the mightiest Gods of Slasherdom, A Nightmare On Elm Street‘s Freddy Krueger, Remy and I thought it fit to run down the Die-light reel for another heavyweight slasher champion – Jason Voorhees. Actually, let me rephrase that – The Voorhees family. While most of the kills Remy and I selected for our Friday The 13th Die-light reel do included the hockey mask wearing villain, Mama Voorhees does sneak a kill in of her own. Sure, Jason may not be as creative as Freddy, essentially keeping to sharp objects that can be found around a camp setting, but the deaths he causes are still bloody brutal.
Don’t think this was an easy task either. Jason’s killstreak spans twelve films including crossovers and reboots, providing a hefty pile of entrails and bodily fluids for Remy and I to search through, but we believe our picks represent the vast spectrum of creativity that so many directors and writers have contributed to. From the simply horrifying to the audaciously goofy, every bit of Friday The 13th goodness was taken into consideration.
Enough chit-chatting though, I think it’s time we just let the tape do the talking…Next
Remy: Ice Face Smash (Jason X)
Although Jason X was one of the worst movies in the series, few can deny that it had some awesome kills. One such kill, and one of my all time favorite Jason kills, is that cold-blooded face smash. Jason puts his victim’s face into dry ice, freezes it, pulls her out, and smashes her face on the edge of the table – reducing her face meat to a big pile of what looks like chewed hamburger.
The reason I love it so much is just how well done it is. They put her face in the ice, with the camera below it, and you actually see her face freeze. That alone would be kind of cool, but then the super aggressive face smash just seals it as an awesome kill. Almost awesome enough to forgive that dreadful silver mask.
Nato: The Sexy Skewer (Friday The 13th Part II)
When do we feel at our most vulnerable? When we’re naked. When are we usually naked? When we’re in the shower, doing the nasty, or watching Oprah – it’s inevitable. No one wants to be killed wearing their birthday suit, because even before death, there’s the embarrassment of knowing you’ll be found with all your bits hanging out. That’s why when Jason skewers Jeff and Sandra while they’re having an intimate moment, your head is immediately polluted.
Think about it – when we’re focused on our bump and grind, we aren’t really paying attention to outside surroundings. We’re fixated on our partner, some smooth tunes, the scented candles, the Channing Tatum blow up doll – the mood has to be perfect. The last thing we’re worried about is an undead killer barging in and making a human shish kabob out of you and your lover – until now. Try focusing now. There’s no awareness, no warning, you never see it coming, but hell, at least you’ll go out doing what you love?Previous Next
Remy: Kevin Bacon Neck Spear (Friday the 13th)
I like this one because it is the first real kill I remember from the series, and at the time, the special effects blew my mind. It may be laughable now years later (silly looking rubber neck), but at the time, the idea that the killer could be under your bed and could totes neck stab you without warning scared the ever-loving shit out of me.
Even Kevin looks surprised…
Nato: Harpoon To The Nards (Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter)
Playing off vulnerability again, when do men feel most vulnerable? Simple – when the livelihood of their pride and joy becomes threatened. Point a gun at a man’s testicles and he’ll calmly ask you to aim it anywhere else. That’s just a no-no zone which must be kept safe at all times. You all get the severity, right? Well, now imagine the reaction of every single dude watching Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter and witnessing Paul take a harpoon straight to the groin. For the love of all that is holy, this kill is iconic for a reason – especially among the male crowd. Every time I see this kill, I have the same routine – grab crotch, double over in imaginary pain, vomit, pass out.Previous Next
Remy: Sleeping Bag Kill (Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood)
A kill so cool and iconic, Jason X even did satire of it. Granted, part seven SUCKED, but the kill when he smashes that sleeping bag cocoon into a tree over and over to kill the girl within is, and always will be, one of the best slasher kills in all of Hollywood. It had everything that made Friday the 13th movies good. It had humor, gore, and that moment that makes you wince for a second, grateful it is not your ass in that sleeping bag. That, my friends, is a win.
Nato: You Got Screwed (Jason X)
OK, Jason X may be the epitome of cliched horror sequel writing, sending Jason into f#cking space, but you have to admit, the kills are pretty damn spot on. I know Remy already touched upon the frozen face smash, but one of my favorite kills comes in the form of Condor’s slow helicopter-like rotation down some giant screw.
I mean, we know Condor is screwed from the get-go, even with all his acrobatic martial arts, so his death comes as no surprise. What does tickle my fancy though is transforming the simple act of throwing Condor off a platform and having him go splat into throwing him off a platform and having him be impaled on some giant, industrial screw. Spinning around like a little propeller, Jason watches, almost seeming like he’s admiring his creative work. It’s silly, but it takes a death scene from recycled to uniquely fun.
(In the above video, Condor’s death hits at about 1:06)Previous Next
Hot Sauna Stones (Friday The 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan): Ever have your relaxing sauna experience ruined by someone plunging the sauna stones into your abdomen? One of Jason’s victims has, and it looks none too pleasant.
Eye-Popping Head Explosion (Friday The 13th Part III): How can you not love this Looney Tunes like head explosion as Jason crushes his victim’s skull, forcing one eye to rocket out towards the screen?
Split In Half During Sex (Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday): OK, dying during sex is brutal, but being literally split in half while straddling your partner has to be the absolute worse. You’re naked and dead, your partner is petrified and doomed, and he subsequently has just become a necrophiliac. Doesn’t get much worse.
And we can’t forget…
Without Pamela Voorhees’ head being chopped off at the end of Friday the 13th, who knows how long it would have taken for Jason to become the unstoppable killing machine he is today. Who knows, this franchise might have been a lot different if Jason’s mother were around to groom his character, becoming a deadly mother/son teaming…
Don’t worry, Remy and I already know you can’t make a list like this without ruffling some feathers. What are some of your favorite Friday The 13th deaths?
*A special thanks to Remy for stepping in to guest write! Feel free to follow either of us on Twitter for even more insanity and updates:
Matt Donato Follow @DoNatoBomb
Remy Carreiro Follow @RemyCarreiro
Like what you read? Check out last week’s article where Remy and I name ten celebrities we’d love to ride the rapture out with!Previous