Remy and I like instant gratification just as much as the next guy - how could you not? Drive thrus and insta-apps have made life so simple and easy, it’s almost disgusting. In many ways, we have become parodies of ourselves, refusing to move until we melt into the furniture of our bedrooms like a scene from Videodrome. So, of course, the idea of instantly accessing an entire database of films at your beckoning call is some sort of heaven, moving us one step closer to our human forms from Wall-E.
Streaming Netflix movies have only made this self-gratifying sloth like indulgence worse for us, which is why we love it. Click a movie and get to watch it? That’s some Willy Wonka levels of magic there, except all you need to do is press a button instead of sit through a song sang by little orange midgets.
But just because you CAN watch something, doesn’t mean you should. The last few Wrong Turn movies should have already proven that to everyone. The Netflix Watch Instantly database is a tricky maze to navigate, filled with perils and dangers waiting to put a damper on your movie night with abysmal quality. Have you ever seen a film titled Thankskilling? That’s just one of the god-awful titles that await your selection to stream instantly, seeming like something that looks like some B-Movie fun, but instead plays out like some faulty student film.
“But Matt, Remy, how am I supposed to know what to watch this Halloween?! There are so many titles to choose from, and some of the cover art looks so pretty!”
First off, here are a few simple rules to follow for the best watching experience:
Nato and Remy’s Netflix Watch Instantly Rules To Live By:
1) Pick a film and stick with it!
We can’t tell you how many hours we’ve spent scrolling through titles, seeing one and going “alright, maybe that one,” and then seeing another and going “well, wait, what about this?” If you fall into said trap, kiss the next 30 minutes goodbye. Don’t get overwhelmed by the titles! Go in with a set plan (genre, director, actor, ect.)! Nine times out of ten, you’ll end up picking the first film you glanced at anyway, making you look like a real dingus. Be strong, be confident, and don’t drown in titles!
2) Don’t be fooled by pretty cover art!
Ok, this isn’t everyone, but some people have the attention span of a kitten with a shiny object, picking films based upon a funny or well placed cover poster. This is bad, this is very bad. Too many films on Netflix are complete bombs, being added to the instant catalogue because no one is renting the DVDs anyway. The chances of finding one of these stinkers is all too great when picking blindly, and we highly encourage at least YouTubing a trailer for any poster you may find appealing. Be smart here people.
3) Rate everything you watch!
Now, at first, we were those people who watched a film and never bothered to give it a star rating. We scoffed at the idea some generated formula could calculate what films we might find appealing, partly because we don’t want to believe computers are that smart. Well, I hate to say it, but they are. Time and time again we pick one of the recommended shows/movies for ourselves, and time and time again we find another winner. Honestly, I (Nato) never would have known about The IT Crowd, or it certainly would have taken longer for me to find out, if Netflix didn’t mention it to me as something I was probably going to love. Trust in the system, utilize its power, because once the computers revolt, we’ll be back to finding movies the old-fashioned way, or be dead.
See, now isn’t that simple? You’re all little Netflix Watch Instantly wizards now!
But, Remy and I are still the masters, and this is our column, so now it’s time to listen to us. We watch all this garbage for you, so maybe a little thank you is in order once this is all over? Remy and I have picked a few titles which will surely spook up your Halloween festivities, so now let’s get to the good stuff.
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