Nostalgia Sucks: 5 Movies You Loved As A Kid (That Are Actually Terrible)

%name Nostalgia Sucks: 5 Movies You Loved As A Kid (That Are Actually Terrible)

Nostalgia is a powerful force of human nature. It can transform those distant, often forgotten sections of life into warm and fuzzy periods of happiness that you can’t help but yearn for as you make the inevitable trip towards the grave. Which means that seemingly mundane events – like being bathed gently by your mother in an iron tub, or that time you got chased by your weird neighbour because you climbed into his garden to fetch your ball – morph into memories that ring meaningfully with the innocent, care-free joys of youth.

Same goes for all those movies you watched endlessly as a kid. Over and over again these entertainment “classics” would make their way out of their dog-eared cases and into your VHS player. There, you’d sit, wide-eyed, mesmerised by the experience. You wouldn’t judge the cinematography or the blunt exposition or the bad acting because you were 10-years-old and that would be insane. You liked the colors and the sense of adventure and the witty talking animals.

But kids are dumb, and that’s why their opinions on absolutely anything should be ignored throughly. Take these movies – all considered the pinnacle of entertainment for somebody without pubic hair – but utterly failing in most aspects that need unite to make a quality motion picture. In advance, major apologies for this: it’s necessary that one person be the depressing, soul-destroying voice of adulthood. I understand, of course, that if you are affected nostalgically by any of these movies, you’re probably not going to agree with a single word written here. But don’t take my word for it (why should you?): see what the critics said at the time. They think most of these movies suck, too.

Continue reading on the next page…

Next

5. An American Tail (1986) 

%name Nostalgia Sucks: 5 Movies You Loved As A Kid (That Are Actually Terrible)

What You Thought As A Kid:

Little Fievel is such a cutie! I feel so sad and sorry for him – this dank old city is a horrible, horrible place. But at least Fievel has a trustworthy group of companions to look out for him. This movie is actually kind of frightening, but so is everything when you’re a child, so I suppose I’ll keep watching it and remember that it scared me loads when I get a bit older. Yes! Time for the song! “Somewhere out there… beneath the pale moonlight…” Aw. Maybe dreams do come true.

What’s Really Going On:

Ever heard of Don Bluth? No? He made pretty much every other animated movie that Disney didn’t make back in the 80s and 90s. You know: The Secret of NIMH, The Land Before Time, All Dogs Go To HeavenThumbelina, Anastasia and… An American Tail. This adorable animated telling of the immigration story holds a special place in a lot of people’s hearts, but I bet most of those people haven’t seen this depressing slog of entertainment recently. Without sounding overly dramatic, An American Tail is absolutely hellish in every possible way.

Well, that’s a slight exaggeration, but this thing is pretty bad. It tells the story (for reasons nobody really knows) of a mouse from Russia who finds himself lost in New York City and wants to reunite with his family because that’s what lost kids do. Let’s start with the animation itself, which is actually kind of crude and off-putting. It’s dark and brown and depressing, and every scene is cloaked in an atmosphere so downbeat that watching this thing makes you genuinely sad. The songs are okay (“Somewhere Out There” is a bit of a classic, yes), but you’re not gonna remember most of ‘em when the credits roll.

No? Okay, well you can forget those criticisms if you like. If you enjoy bad animation and forgettable songs and the fact that this is one of the gloomiest children’s movies ever made, that’s fine: you just can’t forgive An American Tail of its worst crime. Yes, the worst crime this film ever committed just happens to be the worst crime that absolutely any film can commit: it’s boring. Like, really boring. And unless you’re watching this through nostalgia goggles and remembering the scenes through the sheer power of “Oh, yeah, I recall this moment” moments, this’ll have you snoring before little Fievel Mousekewitz (ugh) even gets off the boat in America. Send him back, I say.

Redeeming Features: “Somewhere Out There” is annoyingly sentimental, but it’s sort of also the most beautiful song ever written, isn’t it?

Rotten Tomatoes: 68%

Continue reading on the next page…

Previous Next

4. Jingle All The Way (1995)

jingle all the way Nostalgia Sucks: 5 Movies You Loved As A Kid (That Are Actually Terrible)

What You Thought As A Kid:

This kid Jamie is living the Christmas dream. I wish my Dad was more like Arnold Schwarzenegger – look how much effort he’s making to get his son that Turbo Man! I mean, c’mon, my Dad never went to those extents to get me a Furby. And that toy is awesome! “Rock ‘em, sock ‘em” jet pack? Why are they calling it a doll, though? Heck, I want one anyways! GET ME ONE.

What’s Really Going On:

This is the hardest entry to write, considering that my own nostalgia is telling me that this is the greatest Christmas movie of them all (and maybe the greatest movie of all-time). But if I’m out to destroy other people’s fond memories, it’s only fair that I tear apart Brian Levant’s Jingle All The Way too – and this is a movie that deserves to be torn apart. Firstly, it’s important to mention that Jingle All The Way is still an entertaining flick because, c’mon, it’s Arnold Schwarzenegger frantically searching for a toy in the midst of Christmas cheer. But even that wacky premise can’t save a movie that has all its morals and integrity in the wrong places.

Because Jingle All The Way is all about a terrible father who spends too much time at work, ignores his family, and tries to make right of the situation by buying his son’s love with an action figure. I’m sure plenty of awful parents have gone down a similar road come Christmas time, and it probably works (kids love getting things). But this is a Christmas movie, dammit, and there’s no excusing the fact that Arnie’s character is a piece of work. He eventually resorts to trying to steal the toy from his goofy neighbour’s house and ends up setting the Christmas tree on fire and punching a reindeer in the face. Merry Christmas?

Levant attempts to make amends with the film’s lack of moral conduct during the finale when little Jamie (a pre-Anakin Skywalker Jake Lloyd) reveals that he doesn’t give a damn about the toy and just wants his Dad instead. But that just feels tacked on, given that the little mite couldn’t stop talking about the thing for 90 minutes of our time. There are some genuinely amusing moments to be had: Sinbad plays Schwarzenegger’s rival surprisingly well for Sinbad, the Big Show makes a rollicking cameo, and Phil Hartman is brilliant as always. But despite its good intentions to embrace all things Christmasy, Jingle All The Way can’t escape its daft script and feel-bad premise.

Redeeming Factors: As far as I can tell, the studio didn’t put out a Turbo Man Doll at Christmas time to tie-in with the movie. Oh, wait.

Rotten Tomatoes: 15%

Continue reading on the next page…

Previous Next

3. Space Jam (1996)

%name Nostalgia Sucks: 5 Movies You Loved As A Kid (That Are Actually Terrible)

What You Thought As A Kid:

Oh my God: all my favourite cartoon characters have somehow found themselves transported  into the real world? And Michael Jordan – who I’m actually only vaguely familiar with being just ten-years-old – is going on an adventure with them? Wow, this is amazing. The vast array of colours, especially, are blowing my mind. It’s all very silly, isn’t it? Which is what I love. ‘Cause I’m a kid. Woo!

What’s Really Going On:

You can’t help but think about the initial pitch for Space Jam: “All right, so, it’s all your favourite Looney Tunes characters… Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, you know… and, then, there’s basketball as well… and… and Michael Jordan plays the main character, who is also Michael Jordan. Oh, and space. There’s space.” On another planet but Earth, that might’ve been the greatest pitch ever slammed-dunked into the other planetary version of Hollywood’s basket, but here in the real world, it’s just as bad as the movie it came to produce.

The obvious draws to something like Space Jam are (for a child), of course, the colorful characters and the fact that they’re in the real world and interacting with human beings like it’s the most natural thing to have ever occured. But said animation is cheap-looking and unconvincing, there are barely any jokes in which you might actually laugh, and there’s been no attempt made to make this an appealing ride for audiences of all ages. Not that I go for that sort of thing. I’m just saying that, for a parent, Space Jam has got to be some kind of hell: 90 minutes of… stuff.

The plot is thin. It doesn’t really even make sense, so I won’t regurgitate it here. Just imagine the sort of plot that would bring Michael Jordan, Bugs Bunny and some aliens together and you’ll probably get something close. Then there’s an added layer to the film which in the way it kind of… knows... that it’s just an advertisement for merchandising. I mean to say that Space Jam is genuinely cynical about its own reasons for existing, spewing comments in a way that’d make a parent say, “What the f**k? Don’t tell me this stuff… I don’t wanna know I’m controlled by iconic characters!”

It’s well-known that Space Jam was made quickly for cash-in purposes and that’s extremely obvious, but it’s truly the blandest slice of animation I’ve ever seen as a result. There’s absolutely nothing going on here that might inspire somebody to have a relatively worthwhile thought afterwards. I mean, I guess it could convince a child to play basketball, but a child would still probably, like, prefer to watch Space Jam. And that’s the point I’m making: Space Jam sucks, okay?

Redeeming Factors: Michael Jordan isn’t actually too bad. For a motion picture based around his actual celebrity, the man comes across as humble. Which is impressive.

Rotten Tomatoes: 35%


Please enable Javascript to watch this video

Continue reading on the next page…

Previous Next

2. Super Mario Bros. (1993)

%name Nostalgia Sucks: 5 Movies You Loved As A Kid (That Are Actually Terrible)

What You Thought As A Kid:

They make films… out of video games? Oh, Boy! And Mario? Gosh! This is so amazing. Look at all the characters I love – they’re in a moving movie! I don’t know any of these actors but they’re in a film, and that’s that! “Everybody Walk The Dinosaur!” I’m gonna! I’m gonna walk it!

What’s Really Going On:

What was this? Who let somebody actually make this movie? What person in their right mind actually stepped out of their front door one day, drove into work, and handed the directing team behind Super Mario Bros. the cash to get this thing made? Because a child doesn’t have the ability to see how badly this adaptation of the world’s most popular video game has gone. Oh, no. For the little nippers it’s just exciting to see that real human beings are playing those familar pixelated characters. And, look, there’s all the gang: Luigi, and Daisy… and Yoshi… is an actual dinosaur? Like, a prehistoric dinosaur? And… Bowser… isn’t? Bowser is Dennis Hopper? Um…

The plot for a Super Mario Bros. game is obviously going to be paper thin. You run left and right (mainly right), killing things and collecting power-ups. Put simply, it’s the simple story of a simple man who goes to a castle and rescues a Princess. From a massive lizard. That’s it. So, somewhat understandably, the filmmakers tried to “flesh” out the story for the adaptation, but how exactly did they get Super Mario Bros. into Blade Runner/dystopian future territory? Especially since this thing was aimed at, um, kids. Seriously, there are so many things at odds with the original game that this might has well have been called DinoMovie. What do you think? DinoMovie it is, then.

Despite the fact that this camp-tastic mess depicts a world that you can imagine Arnold Schwarzenegger racing around and blowing things up in, there is truly nothing that really gels together here. You’ve got meaningless dance sequences, snot-themed plot elements, terrible musical choices, sets that look cheap and fake, a script that Uwe Boll would save for his lavatory, and Bob Hoskins desperately trying to understand why he agreed to play an Italian plumber.

As a kid, I really did enjoy this, but recent viewings have confirmed one thing: nobody was paying attention when they made Super Mario Bros. into a film. I mean, it makes sense that you don’t see Samantha Mathis in movies anymore. She’s probably still getting over the shock… not many actors have been in a movie in which their fathers are revealed to have been transformed into snot. Really, that’s what happens.

Redeeming Factors: Why do I still think this song is amazing, though?

Rotten Tomatoes: 13%

Continue reading on the next page…

Previous Next

1. Hook (1991)

dustin hook Nostalgia Sucks: 5 Movies You Loved As A Kid (That Are Actually Terrible)

What You Thought As A Kid:

A magical, adventurous movie spectacle that might actually be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. It understands that I, too, want to be like Peter Pan and fly off to Neverland and never grow up. The Lost Boys are so cool: I wish I could join them and live in their camp with all those gadgets and that amazing array of food. Oh, gosh, this is a dream come true – can I watch it again, papa?

What’s Really Going On:

Hook is the definite perpetrator of nostaglia-based movie brainwashing and the absolute reason that this article exists in the first place. It’s one of those movies that apparently everybody in the entire world loved as a child (like The Lion King) and continues to embrace with joyful spirit to this very day. Well, not me. I never saw this one as a child and am – in retrospect – overjoyed by the fact that my parents didn’t buy it for me. Those who saw Hook as kids still don’t seem to understand just how bad this movie is no matter what you tell them. If ever I’ve met somebody who watched Hook when they were younger and then voiced my own opinion (it’s seriously poor), they seem utterly shocked. Like, bewildered. They love it. Love it. Why?

Not only is this movie a sentimental, schmalzy mess, it also happens to the worst film Steven Spielberg has ever made. I’m talking ever. The plot is tied around that of Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie but doesn’t resemble the genuinely magical qualities of that play or the later Disney animated version. The plot (a kind of half-assed twist on the original story) concerns Robin Williams: he used to be Peter Pan but left Neverland and went home and got bored and became a lawyer and now must go back to fight Captain Hook (Dustin Hoffman) who is stirring up some shit.

This was definitely capable of being something special, but it’s as if Spielberg was on autopilot or something during the making of this project: it reeks of a lazy Chris Columbus movie. The script doesn’t help either… though this is a kind of sequel, it’s just the same Peter Pan story all over again. Nothing fresh. Nothing unique. The action scenes are boring; the performances clash awkwardly; the set pieces are lazy; the characters are bland and undeveloped; it’s about 50 minutes too long. And it’s all just horribly kitsch, really, isn’t it?

Spielberg himself said of Hook: “There are parts of Hook I love. I’m really proud of my work right up through Peter being hauled off in the parachute out the window, heading for Neverland.” Even the master can’t excuse the film’s later half, which I sense he knows was well below his usually high standards.

Redeeming Factors: That Dustin Hoffman performance, I guess. Sort of. He’s chewing the hell out of all that theme park-like scenery, though.

Rotten Tomatoes: 29%

What do you think? Any films you loved as a kid but look back on now and realize how bad they are? Let us know in the comments.

Previous
Promoted Content
  • Jeff

    Gotta disagree with you a little here. I loved An American Tail as a kid, and I still find it to be a good movie now. Sure it’s a little gloomy, but the songs are pretty catchy. I’ve never found it to be boring at all.

    I don’t know of anyone who thought that Jingle All the Way, Space Jam, or Super Mario Bros. were good movies, even as kids. When I was young, I knew right then and there that they sucked.

    As for Hook, it’s another one that I loved as a kid and still enjoy now. It’s a fun adventure movie, nothing more. As for Spielberg’s worst, I’d have to say that War of the Worlds wins that pretty easily.

    • Marco

      where did all the war of the worlds hate come from? it was a well received movie.

      • Steven Peery

        horrible remake I Thinoght too. Actually quite boring. and then all it took was “rain”

        • Chris Buchheit

          Rain? What are you talking about? The aliens in WotW die from air born pathogens their immune systems can’t fight off. Are you thinking of Signs?

          • Ben Tramer

            LMAO. Well, we seem to have established the credibility of the WOTW haters.

      • yacope

        It was TERRIBLE…nothing to do with the original story and then the aliens hated us because of the environment??? WTF, the aliens WANTED the environment and they were destroying it. Read the novel the ending is ass backwards. It SUCKED.

        • Cory Westfi

          The aliens didn’t hate us in that movie….they were harvesting us. Perhaps you didn’t really watch it?

          • yacope

            Yes I watched it, once again Reeve acting exactly the same way he always acts like a freaking emotioneless robot. So you got from this this movie that the aliens loved us so much they were harvesting us?…riiiight. BTW my comment also included the fact that this terrible movie had nothing to do with the original story in the book. In it the aliens come from mars because they wanted our resources, killing us and altering the environment for themselves.

          • http://www.chrissmallfield.com csmallfield

            You are talking about a different movie. You are talking about the day the earth stood still. Both were bad though.

          • yacope

            I stand corrected LOL

      • Hambone72

        I thought Worlds was BORING. My take.

      • Marshfox

        Mostly I couldn’t stand WoTW because of the little girl who’s dialogue seem to consist of ENDLESS SCREAMING. She had a few short, snark-y lines at the beginning and then the entire rest of the movie she did that hideous high-pitched wail. Even the actress admitted that at the time.
        Also, Tom Cruise. That’s the other reason I couldn’t stand it. I don’t like his acting style.
        Now the book itself wasn’t exactly a fast-paced affair either, but the movie lacked that suspense quality the book had. I’m not sure why, but the plot just seemed to drag.

        • killenjoke

          someone who watched the movie and hated it, like me. cruise is pretty bad. but he was good in oblivion, suprised the hell out of me. it is kinda crazy how all this got started on the nostalgic kids movie article. war of the worlds was mediocre, signs was tragicly terrible, and the day the earth stood still, dont even get me started just a bad movie all together, but reves was perfect since originally the alien was meant to be emotionless and well alien.

    • http://www.facebook.com/christophertaylorfort Christopher T. Fort

      War of the Worlds was…at it’s best, “okay”. At the time, I was entertained. But looking back at it, I feel like it missed something important

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Marco-Chaudry/100000989478599 Marco Chaudry

        It was an authentic take an a modern version and was immensely entertaining as well.

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tierra-Rideout/100000018701716 Tierra Rideout

          also agree.

          just like romeo + juliet

          fright night

          the crazies…. great remakes set in different times

          • DiDiDi

            Romeo + Juliet… probably one of the best examples of that. I bawled as I left the theater. In fact, I’m not sure if there was a dry eye in the auditorium.

      • toby

        I agree 100%

      • ThatOneGuy

        All it was missing was the story written by H.G. Wells. No biggie, right?

        • http://www.facebook.com/richard.nevarez.102 Richard Nevarez

          Thank You, I read the book and even as a mpdern remake it took next to nothing from the story

        • Pawel Zietek

          Well, I liked the film, if you feel it is missing the original story then just watch the original film.

        • Fyrefly

          Coming from someone who’s never read the book or seen the original, I really enjoyed War of the Worlds. Heck, still do.

          • Ben Tramer

            Because War of the Worlds kicks ass.

        • Sammy

          Right. As with so many movies lately, “Last King of Scotland,” “Bobby,” and “Black Daliah.” They take what happened and spin a work of fiction around the story they are using to give us a lot of other things that have nothing to do with what they are talking about with the title. If that makes sense. It sounded good in my head before I typed it, lol.

        • Danix Defcon 5

          Interesting tidbit: the original movie also grabbed H.G. Wells story and flushed it down the toilet. I actually despised the movie, as I watched it a couple of weeks after reading the novel. It really sucked seeing that Speilberg’s adaptation was kinda truer to the book, if only they hadn’t stuck that annoying brat daughter along the main character (he does the whole fleeing thing ALONE in the book) and had left the artillery character and the stupid vicar.

          The original movie makes it look like humans prayed ‘em to death; the book’s only religious character is EVIL because of religion (the vicar) and wants to surrender to the aliens.

      • Dazz

        War Of The Worlds was brilliant. The only thing I hated was Justin Chatwin.

    • Rev

      I’d say Spielberg’s worst would easily have to be Hook, then Crystal Skull, The Terminal, 1941.

      • ApesMa

        You could add The Lost World to that list, Spielberg himself hates it.

        • MH

          What does it mean that he hates it??? He also thinks “Crystal Skull” is fine.

          And how about Tony Kaye wanting to be detached from ‘American History X’ for example? The director doesn’t dictate what is good or bad. Most creators of anything depend on pure luck.

          There are plenty of people who think “Lost World” is good. Who’s to say they are wrong about seeing it that way? Maybe the group that dislikes or hates it just doesn’t feel it.

          • ApesMa

            It’s a matter of opinion of course. I just think it was worth mentioning.

        • Chris Stone

          The only thing I cannot stand in The Lost World that even as a kid, I was like ‘wtf is this’… was the girl fighting off a raptor… with gymnastics. That was just so bad.

        • Danix Defcon 5

          Lost World was a kick in the nuts to any of us who read the JP sequel book. You can see the point where Spielberg threw away the book and just made stuff up: when you see the dino hunter choppers flying in. The only thing from the book after that point is the “baby T-rex surgery” and the aftermath of that. Everything else was pulled out Spielberg’s ass.

      • Pawel Zietek

        My list would be a tad longer: War Horse (I really wanted to like it, and it’s got some powerful scenes – probably thankfully to the cameraman), Jurassic Park (I’ve seen it just recently and it sucks big time), any Indiana Jones film (the best of them is at most mediocre), Munich also wasn’t too good and it is another one I wanted to like. And then there is Schindler List. A turd.

        • Mr Gone

          Agreed in full concerning War Horse, Jurassic Park, and all of the Indiana Jones films except for the first one (still a classic). Munich and Schindler’s List I’ve only seen once. I remember liking SL, but was ambivalent to Munich.

        • zpm

          Schindler’s List a turd? You sir are a heathen, and I say good day to you. I said Good Day!

        • zpm

          Schindler’s List a turd? You sir are a heathen, and I say good day to you. I said Good Day!

        • Thanksgiving Chimp

          You, sir, have no taste. Jurassic Park and the Indy flicks are still great to this day. And anyone who says Schindler’s List is a turd either has no soul – and I know of having no soul since I’m a Ginger – or are just a terrible human being.

        • Just Sayin’

          You can add what ever you want but war horse is amazing! like you said really powerful scenes, i went to see it at imax and there was not one person not crying, the guy next to me said he’d already seen it 3 times that week and he still cried plus it totally “played by the book” as in kept the story line well
          p.s sorry for bad joke but someone at work said it was really punny, god i just can’t stop!

      • korichneveygigant

        The Terminal wasnt “that” bad

    • aphi

      Spielberg’s worst was “Batteries Not Included” — he was making turds even in his prime.

      • MadMike R5D4

        Spielberg only PRODUCED *batteries not included*.

      • http://www.facebook.com/jamie.raisbeck Jamie Raisbeck

        Batteries not included was AWESOME!
        One of my favs as a kid.
        You shut up.

      • Sahara

        How dare you dis a classic like Batteris not Included!!!

      • DiDiDi

        Opinions are like ass holes…

      • Ginny

        Batteries not included was one of my favorites as a kid :P
        His worst movie ever was A.I. – Talk about depressing and boring, that one basically takes first place in both categories.

    • Da Troof

      Hook had me till the lost boys showed up, then a shirtless (and hairless) robin williams, then the fat black kid imagined food and then the little girl sang badly…that was when I knew it actually kind of sucked

      • David K?

        That food thing was pretty bad..

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matty-Perron/100000679657439 Matty Perron

      I liked Jingle All the Way as a kid, and Mario has always been kind of a guilty pleasure. Space Jam is like full on nostalgic. I know it’s balls but I freaking love it.

    • http://www.facebook.com/anythya Anythya Gräulnbarkkn

      I love space jam and jingle all the way, own them both as well as super mario bros, my dad was actually the one to show super mario bros to us and he still loves it, as dodgy as it is how can you not, and the goombas ..,.. We used to call my little brother a goomba :P

    • http://www.facebook.com/charles.jannuzi Charles Jannuzi

      I thought the first half of War was great, the latter half, typical Spielbergian suckdom.

      • Asinus

        The tripods were very well done and extremely ominous. I’m sure it depended a lot on the sound system, but their horn sounds were really unsettling to me. They kind of put me in a very mild state of panic (when you fight/flight mechanisms kick in). Granted, I only saw it in the theater and only one time, but it really did a good job of evoking almost lovecraftian feelings of helplessness. I honestly don’t remember much of the human story or even how it ended, but those tripods… ack.

        • Robin

          I concur on WotW, very bleak…ack, ack ack, ack,ack. (I enjoyed Mars Attacks, as well.)

          • Asinus

            I liked Mars Attacks too :)

          • Robin

            I liked your analysis of War of the Worlds, Asinus. Science fiction can be a lot of fun for people who can let go and get into the absurdities and atmosphere of it! :)

    • Alicia Wilkinson

      I agree but i like actually liked Space Jam i enjoyed watching it with my brother as a kid.

    • Matt Williamson

      Gotta agree with you almost completely (I did love Space Jam, and still kind of enjoy it for how silly but fun it is, but its definately a guilty pleasure film) I love almost anything of Spielberg’s and it’s really hard to not please me with his catalogue, but his worst would definately be War of the Worlds as the only one I got incredibly angry to watch – and not just because I can’t stand Tom Cruise. Also hate The Lost World, but that’s about it.

    • Gerard McGrory

      I totally second (i mean agree with) Jeff about An American Tail. Just like Snow White and Toy Story, An American Tail is one of my most favourite animated films of my childhood, and it always will be. About what you said about the film’s animation being badly drawn, well you’re wrong (not you Jeff, i’m talking about the reviewer), I like it! The musical score is really enjoyable to my ears, as well.

      The other films may not have got a lot of fresh ratings, but they’re pretty worth a while to watch.

  • T.J. Barnard

    You were an extremely astute child, then, Jeff.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jeremy-Campbell/100002252218479 Jeremy Campbell

      Look at this moron. He doesn’t even know how to properly comment on his own blog. I can’t believe someone is stupid enough to hand him a paycheck for writing this dreck.

  • Dan Wright

    Hogan was not in Jingle All The Way….are you mistaking Paul “Big Show” White for the Hulkster!?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/John-Lazzaro/626656541 John Lazzaro

      Yeah Hulk Hogan was in Rocky not Jingle All The Way.

  • Justin Klyczek

    I loved, still love, and will forever love Hook. RU-FI-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    • Maffs

      What he said ^^^^

    • Rowan

      :)

    • Nacho Fretes

      daaaaaaamn ye boi xDD

  • Bubbagump

    “Nostalgia googles”?! And Spielberg has done far worse than “Hook.”

  • J94

    Not afraid to say that I loved, still love and always will love Space Jam.

    • hihi

      I haven’t seen it in years, but I have to agree. I think I watched it too many times as a kid to hate it now. :)

      • Matt

        You just said you haven’t seen it in years. You have missed the entire point of this article. The point is that you only like it because you haven’t seen it in years and you have no way of knowing if you’d still like it unless you watched it now.

      • Chris Stone

        I watched Space Jam recently. I’m 27 and I still laughed throughout the whole movie.

  • caca

    this dude, has no childhood :P

    • softie

      this dude is right! Lol!

    • softie

      this dude is right! Lol!

    • Bucky

      lmao caca has a point

    • http://twitter.com/VittoRants Nick Vitto

      Yeah he was born a pirate and we’re all lost boys forever. Kill the Lawyer!!!

      • Rowan

        LOL at “Kill the lawyer”! Funniest thing I’ve heard all day. XD
        Whoever wrote that article is a sad, sad grown up who missed out on an awesome part of being a kid.

        • dk

          He needs his mommy very very badly…

          • DiDiDi

            I lol’ed.

            Jeez, when we are younger we want to be grown up and do everything we want. Now that I am grown up, I relish moments when my imagination takes hold, and I feel young again. Maybe the author wants to be old? Where do these awful writers come from anyways? These articles are booooring.

          • Je Llene

            I agree with you!

          • Ryan

            It’s because these movies suck. There are good childhood movies and there are bad ones. These are the one’s that sucked…

          • Greg

            no they didnt, you probably suck

          • ThatNaggingVoice

            Not me. I never wanted to grow up. I wanted to fly away to Neverland where I’d never have to worry about grown up things. Then I realized that there was no Neverland… Darn it!

          • ANIL

            The neverland is in you. The outhor of Peter Pan found it, ‘cuz he reached to his kid inside that hasn’t died yet, at least I think this way. So you may reach for yours if u haven’t killed it. Sounds gay maybe, but a relaxing thought.

      • Silakai

        “I’m not that kind of lawyer”

    • mike

      Yeah, his thoughts as a kid don’t even remotely resemble the thoughts of me as a kid

      • alex

        Also, I think the writer is trying too hard to resemble the writers on Cracked.com but falls flat

        • DiDiDi

          oooh burn…

        • DiDiDi

          oooh burn…

        • DiDiDi

          oooh burn…

        • DiDiDi

          oooh burn…

        • Chiggles

          Oh my oh my, this is exactly what I thought. Good training though. I love Cracked.

      • Dee

        I knew these movies were terrible back then, too. This author is way late to the party. Even the most shallow and judgmental kid could have identified immediately that something was seriously, seriously messed up with the Super Mario Bros movie back then.

      • Dee

        I knew these movies were terrible back then, too. This author is way late to the party. Even the most shallow and judgmental kid could have identified immediately that something was seriously, seriously messed up with the Super Mario Bros movie back then.

      • Dee

        I knew these movies were terrible back then, too. This author is way late to the party. Even the most shallow and judgmental kid could have identified immediately that something was seriously, seriously messed up with the Super Mario Bros movie back then.

        • Anne-Marie R. Foster

          Yet still enchanting to lots of little kids who were fascinated by the blurring of pretend and “reality”. It wasn’t nearly as awful as Kull (and that’s still one of my favorite campy movies).

          • Drake Nightfire

            Do you mean Kull or Krull? Cuz Kull the Conquerer with Kevin Sorbo was a terrible movie. Krull was awesome! Fire Stalions FTW!

          • Veronica Goff

            I… LOVED… Kull the Conquerer. But, in my defense, I was also obsessed with Hercules and Xena when I was a kid.

        • Sammy

          I loved Bob-omb.

        • David K?

          I agree, I liked the fact that they made a Super Mario Brothers movie, but some of the characters, even when I was younger were like …. What is that? How does it even moderately resemble the game or t.v. show?

          I’d still watch it again, but I never liked Bowser, mini-headed goombas, or Yoshi. I’d have to see it again to talk about the scenes though..

        • Ryan

          Seems like everybody else has a different opinion as every other commenter is talking about how much they loved these movies.. I liked these movies as a kid, I’m not gonna lie. Except hook. But yeah I completely agree with the article author.

        • Luna Lovegood

          I actually really liked that Super Mario Movie. Granted, I was seven the last time I saw it, but I still really liked it.

        • Matt Williamson

          Yeah that’s the one that confused me too; I was 3 when it came out and even around that age NO-ONE liked it. We were really excited for it to come out, but we knew we didnt enjoy it. Also as a kid still thought American Tail was kinda boring, even though I watched it alot.
          Still think Hook is great though, and Jingle All The Way is a fun campy Christmas film.

        • Tyson Hinton

          I remember going to the movies with my uncle and wanting to go to Mario Bros. over Jurassic Park.

      • Ben Tramer

        Or any other human being I have met.

    • Bubbleemi13

      I am with you bro

    • http://twitter.com/MediaCritiquer MediaCritiquer.com

      LOL

    • killenjoke

      someone should tell this twat, excuse me, “writer” to “run home jack”. i had a happy thought. it was this person jumping out a 3rd story window with no pixie dust. bangarang bitches…. star wars had terrible graphics by todays standards. and i still long for the original “un- tainted” versions i used to watch, because what makes a classic is that sense of adventure that perfect storm of wonderment and adventure. with slightly campy special affects but an endearing quality that makes them unforgettable cherished moments of cinematography. take goonies for instance, and to this ham-fisted “author” critics hate all movies especially ones geared towards kids. but their is always someone who will either bash a good movie, or love a terrible one, Google good reviews for x-men origins: wolverine… if you get 1 result, my point has been proven

      • Drake Nightfire

        I have the original Star Wars movies on VHS.. Still watch them with my kids every so often

        • Party_In_Left_Field

          Wow. You have a VHS player? That’s something. Cassette deck, too? I’m not being snide. Just nostalgic.

      • Martin Edmonds

        Get over it… the new ones are far better!

        • Volha

          Nope still love the old ones over the new ones.

    • FiachSidhe

      No his childhood was spent watching movies that didn’t suck. Or at least, objective reasoning. If you think someone had no childhood because they acknowledge that Super Mario Bros. was an awful, awful film, then you have no intelligence.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Christian-Law/1529056454 Christian Law

    I still watch Jingle All The Way every Christmas…tradition dies hard haha

  • Reality Check

    Um… No. Hook is amazing now and always will be.

  • JTFgamer

    The only movie on that list that is not completely awesome to me is Mario and that’s because I’ve never seen it before.

    • http://twitter.com/tokumeiyamada Tokumei Yamada

      Mario is… It’s a niche thing. I think, to like it, you have to fit several categories:

      Like quick, dumb humor. Simultaneously enjoy the silly and the dark(ish)

      Like the outright bizzarre
      Be a fan of the games who doesn’t care if they do a faithful adaptation.

      It takes a very specific kind of person to like the Mario Movie. I just happen to be one of those, but I don’t fault people for hating it.

  • SlipperySam

    How is a movie with a 68% on Rotten Tomatoes “Terrible”? I don’t get it.

  • Jonathan

    You can’t really say anything about the animation if you’re talking from today’s standpoint. Back then, that kind of animation was probably pretty damn awesome. Now we just have better technology and therefore produce better looking animated films. Other than that, haven’t watched most of them to really say anything about your criticism.

    • Vicki’s Tubing

      Back then, the animation was noticeably not that good.

  • whatever

    this is the worst article I’ve ever read

  • RidgeRacer4

    I’ll give it to you totally on Jingle All the Way. Thought it was goofy fun (and you’re right Sinbad was pretty effective) but I showed it to my wife last Christmas and we both sat through it emotionless…so much for the rose colored glasses right?:P

    But Hook, I never heard Spielberg say that about Hook yet it makes sense. Even as a kid I wasn’t fond of Hook (the movie, I sooo loved Hoffman in the role) but the one, and I mean the one thing I love to no end about that movie that needs to be championed is John William’s score. He was really at the top of his game there. Too bad all his efforts went to dud of a film but it’s one of the greatest themes he’s ever composed.

  • MaybeFlealess

    “Steven Spielberg has ever made. I’m talking ever.” clearly you haven’t seen “A.I.” … I was hoping the f*cking robot would actually blow up within the first 10 minutes of is appearance…

  • Jack Lozano

    Come on! You can’t dislike this one… Maybe that’s why you ended up working for an internet magazine… Loser!

  • Kumbricia

    I saw Hook at 11 and didn’t like it very much, so I must have been too old. A year before that I saw “Ghost Dad” and loved it. I must have done a lot of maturing between those years. “Ghost Dad” would have been a great entry under this topic.

  • Lev186211

    Great article. I agree.

  • Derek

    Clearly you are missing some of the finer details of An American Tail. I will back you up on a boring story that only had catchy numbers if you add it had Dom Deluise to carry it, but not as far as rewatch value.

    Yes, there was some nostalgia that kept my focus, but the underhanded politics of the “Mayor”, the class based control over the working class mice, the children labor issues, and the racial strife within the movie created a story that was pretty true to the college level history books that don’t white-wash history.

    As far as the artistic style? I can see how a clean-Disney spoiled degenerate like you can not appreciate “cruder” arts which did better to reflect ambiance, and hailed back to a time when being able to draw collaboratively was much harder before digital art.

    Why not instead point out other issues. Like continuity, and the reuse of footage from NIMH. Glad to see you’re earning that paycheck buddy.

    • arcnova

      Yup I’m sure he doesn’t like it because of it’s ambiance. Brilliant.

      • Lord Kelsier

        He devoted like an entire paragraph to talking about how the movie looks gloomy and dark.

    • s

      The best Disney movies were all hand drawn, even the ones considered to be the most beautiful (The Lion King, Beauty and the Beast). They were also a lot more entertaining and well-written than An American Tail. I’m referring only to Disney movies made around the same time (80s and 90s). You make some good points about the historical references in the film, I was just pointing out that argument against Disney was a bit flawed and kind of came out of nowhere too, author didn’t even mention Disney…

      • Thomas

        Yea but Disney used a cleaner style of hand drawing is what I think he means and around that time they incorporated digital effects like in Beauty and the Beasts dancing in the hall scene. Pretty vibrant colors too. Bluth like to be dirty and gritty/ Disney was the 1st thing the author said BTW

      • Zetannah

        The Lion King, Beauty and the Beast – they both contain _not_ only hand-drawn material (for example the scene, where Belle goes through her home village in the beginning of Beauty and the Beast – it’s made with computers). Don Bluth is an ex-Disney animator, who worked in Disney’s Fox and Hound and Robin Hood (as far as I can recall). When the company decided to move on from only hand-drawn technique to computers (in the late 1970′s), he and several other Disney animators left the company and began to make their own movies in the style which they felt to be artistically better. Nowadays, when people have watched for many years not-hand drawn animations and learnt to like the new style, old fashioned style may look strange or even poor to them. However, I myself find Don Bluth’s mouse movies his best (except the one where Fievel goes to Wild West – too poor script, too many songs without any point). They’re refreshingly different and really beautiful if you look the ways how the light is used in their scenes. Also the animation is surprisingly smooth – you can’t find many other non-Disney animated feature films from that period with that good quality. Or you can, if you count also foreign animated movies, like Studio Ghibli’s works. I’m sad that Don Bluth hasn’t find good scripts and enough money to create a superb animation movie since the 1990′s.

    • Kitkat

      But if you think about it, An American Tail is describing the nitty gritty details of an immigrant’s history…it makes sense that it’s drawn roughly, or “crude”, in a sense to pull you closer to the true detail. Everything was practically drawn anyways in those days…technology wasn’t its finest so there are going to be some bumps in the road. Overall I think the underlining meanings of the all of these movies listed are important, even Hook. Sure, it may “rip off” the Peter Pan story, but it also shows a different perspective from the transition from adult to bringing back the child into his heart that he lost. Why do we have to be so hard on the movies of the past? Look at the crap we deal with today.

      • Steven Peery

        Wendy, “Why Peter, you’ve become a pirate.” I love the woman who played the older Wendy in HOOK!!

        • Lizzie J

          That would be Dame Maggie Smith :)

  • Zach

    The guy who wrote this article is a complete moron. Even as an adult, these are some of the best movies I have ever seen. Sure, they lack certain qualities, but they are instant classics. I could watch these movies a thousand times more each, and never get sick of them. Hook?! Are you kidding me….What a fucking idiot.

    • Tom

      Hook got terrible critical reviews and kids loved it. Spielberg doesn’t even like the movie. It’s considered bad. That’s the point of this article. What aren’t you getting?

      • phunkymama

        His point is that some people including myself consider Hook a good movie that stands the test of maturity. Secondly, Space Jam is still one of my favorite movies. Bill freaking Murray!!

    • Adey

      The Rotten Tomatoes scores seem pretty accurate. Objectively, they are piss poor films.

      • JohnWaynman

        Consensus =/= objectivity.
        If RT consider Hook to be less than 30 percent, instead of maybe at least 60, they’re wrong ;)

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_YKNWSCKRILWISMK4C6BWZXZ5VU Willis

      You gotta be kidding me about being willing to watch Super Mario Bros. a thousand times or more. The cartoon was eons better.

    • Sandeman21

      hehe well no thank you mario bros and space jam were bad, as for the what was the other movie i never even watched it :D

      But Hook, and American Tail?!?!? He is absolutely wrong.

      • Phenom1250

        Speak for yourself, Space Jam was amazing. American Tail was too. They’re all amazing.

  • Zeek

    Do you like movies my dude? I’ve actually had this conversation many times with my group of friends, who all happen to be quite knowledgeable. Also, we work at a movie theater, so I’ve seen many poor excuses for entertainment. And we’ve brought up Mario Bros. and a couple others not mentioned on here. It’s true that there is a lot of movies we’ve seen as a kid, and then seen recently that don’t hold up to my previous view of them. But Hook?? Hook?? Correct it’s not Avatar, or Forrest Gump, or another classic movie. But to say that it’s not a good movie is taking it a little too far. A little Overrated? Maybe. Still, I don’t really comment on articles but you, my good sir, struck a nerve. Good Day!

    • GordoftheNorth

      Forrest Gump was terrible.

      • http://www.facebook.com/danny.kay23 Daniel Klyde Davidson

        you get the fuck out.

      • Chris Stone

        I hope you die a horrible, horrible death someday.

        LIEUTENANT DAN!

    • nobody

      avatar is a classic movie?! are you smoking crack? avatar? really? what… i don’t even…. its just fern gully or dances with wolves with blue people!

      • Charity

        When we are old and wrinkly of course Avatar will be a classic for this generation. It is not some tree hugging dances with wolves movie there such a greater meaning behind it. I suggest you look it up cause it has a lot of back ground and historical shit written in to it. (trail of tears, bitch)

        • imaginaryGHOST

          What do you mean Avatar is not Dances with Wolves? IT’S EXACTLY THE SAME.

          • Charity

            Not to sound unAmerican or anything but I have never seen Dances with Wolves, but I know the basic plot and sure there are some similarity in story but I would say its exactly the same just influence by the same thing.

          • Charity

            Sorry wouldn’t

          • imaginaryGHOST

            No, no. It’s exactly the same. Avatar had one of the worst, most obvious stories I’ve seen in a long time, along with some of the most heavy-handed allegories ever told on film (Unobtanium… now I wonder what Cameron’s referencing?)

            It is in no way a good, or even passable, movie. The only thing going for it was awesome 3D and CGI.

          • ApesMa

            In addition to Unobtainium the natives are called the Na’vi, I mean come on Cameron.

            Take a look at it on TV/DVD/BR and you may be surprised at how unconvincing the effects actually are when you’re not distracted by the then-new 3D technology. It’s basically a 2009 Roger Rabbit with jerkier movements.

          • Chris Stone

            So if you’ve never seen Dances with Wolves, how can you say that Avatar is ‘not some tree hugging Dances with Wolves’? If you don’t know anything or why people are making a certain comment, either look up why… or just don’t say anything.

          • JohnWaynman

            Um quit being stupid, please. For one, Avatar uses the “Mighty Whitey” trope… Dances with Wolves doesn’t.

            They use the same basic premise and some common tropes, but BOY are they different… the tone, the lack of all the obnoxious things that made Avatar obnoxious, the gritty realism (in comparison).
            Quit aping what comedians say and actually watch the movie.

        • JohnWaynman

          Lol is this a troll comment?
          Avatar had “historical shit”, something to do with Indians? Guess what… Dances with Wolves IS about Indians! It’s an actual period piece, not an allegory.
          The Indian “parallels” in Avatar are glaringly obvious, and aren’t used for anything profound or not-annoying. It’s a simplistic escapist adventure movie with an erect and swollen index finger, nothing more.

      • andy

        Dances with Wolves IS a classic!

      • History1066

        Avatar was a brilliant film.

  • beej

    Well Space Jam was awesome as a kid, but I’m fairly sure everyone thought Jingle All The Way and Super Mario Bros sucked back in the day.

  • khazen

    worst article ever…

  • Eric Ambler

    “[HOOK] also happens to [be] the worst film Steven Spielberg has ever made.”

    The existence of ALWAYS invalidates your argument.

  • jordon

    first american tail was gloomy but it wasn’t bad, viewing from the fact that he was portraying something to be emotional it may just have been something that hit over your head. plus space jam was fun and introduced us to Lola which was a great addition to the gang even though she got turned into a crazy and maybe a slite retarded in the newest versioin of her, thou super mario may have been bad to some others liked it. im still a bit crossed with it and haven’t decided it needs more thought

  • Cameron Bohnstedt

    Why are Hook and An American Tail in here? Also, why are the others in here? We knew they sucked since their releases. Must have never been a child, because you give them very little credit.

    • Team

      I’m so surprised how confused everyone on this article is. Hook was a critical bomb, so it makes perfect sense that it’s in this article: that’s the point of the article. And An American Tail wasn’t received very well either by dozens of critics. Again, makes sense. As for the others: you did like them as a kid, and now they’re not very good. The author even says that he liked Jingle All The Way as a kid, but ultimately it’s a bad movie. Seriously: everyone on her is acting like a kid.

      • Cameron Bohnstedt

        I understand the nostalgia effect, but really, I’m just bored at work. As a kid I watched Jingle All the Way three times the week I rented it. A year later it was crap to me. I still love Hook for it’s quirks and sort of… tribute to the fairytale and imaginative thinking. It is kind of dumb of me to subjectively comment on a subjective article. Time enjoyably wasted by all. Thanks for replying though.

        • Cameron Bohnstedt

          Though, I was shocked (somehow) at how much worse Return of Jafar had gotten since I’d seen it as a child. I couldn’t believe it. It’s such I horrible little thing. Especially the part where they talk about having this big celebration and I thought okay, yeah it’ll be like when they announce Jasmine’s marriage or whatever to the kingdom… or something… anything more than just the three of them sitting at a little table being watched by guards. It was as if they weren’t actually royalty (just believing it) and they were being kept in a ritzy mental institution while all the guards were keeping them in. Totally different than what I remembered. Ending being comedic… ignoring characters. It’s all quite bad.

  • bonaparte3

    I never could figure out how all that talent assembled to make “Hook” could have produced such a trainwreck of a movie.

  • Rasmus Lund Albrechtsen

    I think the part of HOOK almost EVERYBODY misses out on.

    Is the “message” under it all

    Its ok to grow up, but to complely forget your childhood, how to play (And to have fun? )

    In my eyes, screw the details in the movie and the cast.

    For me, a movie like HOOK will always be one of thoose who help me remember, its ok to get older (and more serious), but its far from ok to grow up, and forget the simple joy of playing and using your imagination.

    (And yes, i still too love Space Jam, both for the oh so catchy Monstars anthem (Hit em’ high) and also because even today i’m a fan of looney toons (what can i say, i love their slapstick humour and not so serious onlook on life)

    As for American Trail, i disagree with you in most, yes its gloomy as heck, but again, the “message” of the movie is not always something to be seen through stuff like the animations.

    Mario Brother and Jingle All the Way however, i agree with you a 100% (Jingle All the Way even rankers above Christmas movies such as National Lampoons Christmas Vacation, and apart from a few half funny punch lines THAT movie stinks far more than “Eddie’s” sewage.

    • Matt

      Excuse me. That’s the message of Peter Pan. The message of Hook was that the creators liked Peter Pan.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ashley-Seuser/532578008 Ashley Seuser

        It is indeed also the message behind Hook.

    • Alex

      It is not about messages, it is about how nostalgia can make us like something that isn’t necessarily good. You two are talking about different things. American Tail is a boring movie with a message. Many kids thought it boring then, but many hold it dear because thats the colorful stuff they could put on their VHS player. Not a terrible movie perhaps, it created fans, but not a great movie. Mario was always terrible, but some kids still wanted to love it because fo the characters and saw it and theres nostalgia around the whole Mario Bros hype of the time and the moment the movie came out, so it might want to make some overlook how bad it is just because of the nostalgia.

    • Chris Stone

      Seems the guy who wrote this article missed that message in Hook.

  • six

    haha everybody is getting really defensive.. cmon people.. its ok.. i gotta say you are spot on with all 5. without exception, these are all movies i LOVED as a kid. i havent seen any of them recently, but just thinking about the plots and the little i can remember they were REALLY bad.. the only one that surprised me was American Tale, i did genuinely think of it as a great kids movie, to this day.. and even recommended it to someone recently. but youre probably right.. it probably sucked.

    • James P

      Yeah, you should probably disregard all of your own opinions and defer to this guys, cause he’s probably a genius or something. Don’t bother watching any of them again, just believe that this guys narcissistic opinion represents scientific fact and warrants your absolute belief.

  • Adey

    Time Bandits… no wait… that was awesome

  • Xobai

    Nobody ever, EVER liked Jingle All the Way, Space Jam, or Super Marios Bros. But Hook? Hook is ever-awesome. Bangarang!

    • xobai

      Oh, and a list of actual movies I loved as a kid but was terrible would start with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for sure.

  • http://www.ryanstake.net RyansTake

    I’m with you on all of them except Hook. Hook is still fun escapism. When a movie doesn’t take itself incredibly seriously, it’s okay for it to be campy fun. We could use a few more swashbuckling fun movies today, IMO.

  • Papple04

    The multiple academy award activities for Hook must have slipped this genius’ mind.

    • J.D.

      The terrible critical reviews must’ve slipped yours.

      • Constance

        They’re not the end-all be-all.

      • TruGQ

        Hook was a great film! I’m in my late 20s now and i still love that movie. it showed Peter Pan from a different perspective. He DID grow up, he had kids of his own who got to make the choice whether they wanted to be his kids or not. 1) yes, the author forgets that these films were made for different audiences, 2) but at the same time, these films still did things that compared to now, movies just aren’t doing.

        Yeah space jam pretty much was only popular because of the song that was created for it and the fact that it included Michael Jordan (in comparison to “LIke Mike” which didn’t have michael jordan in it, but was a good movie).

        I think if someone is going to make such a list, they need to be cognizant of the fact that there are several other movies out there created during the 80s and 90s and that doing a list of only 5 does nothing for the reader.

        • Matt

          But did you see the movie as a kid? If you have, it’s hard not to see it as you did when you were a kid. I didn’t see it when I was younger. I watched it recently and I couldn’t make it through the whole thing. It was too poor to suffer through.

  • BoredomIncarnate

    I had a Turbo Man action figure. And considering they were selling for upwards of $100 on ebay FIVE YEARS AGO I’m wishing I took better care of it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/boredomincarnate Tom Abila

    I actually owned a Turbo Man doll when I was a kid. And as an adult I wish I took better care of it cuz those suckers go for some money on eBay now.
    Also me, and three of my friends sat down and watched Space Jam a few months ago. She had bought a giant ass box of VHS tapes and Space Jam was one of them. That movie was still the shit.

  • wingwang

    Watched all of these recently. Mario bros and jingle all the way are the only ones you have a point about, the rest are still f*cking awesome. Eat an entire bag of dicks.

  • Gargamel

    Ha using rotten tomatoes as plus at the end.. fantastic.. [/sarcasm]

  • http://www.facebook.com/inash3 Ian Nash

    I still like Jingle all the way. To be fair all Christmas films have an over use of sentiment and glee in them, but that’s Christmas (Not Holidays my US friends) all over. Jingle all the way is an A typical by the numbers films from Hollywood. I am downloading now to watch it later after coming back from my Adam Ant concert.

  • Wayne49855

    I don’t know how dumb his kids are but mine at least know how to spell thoroughly.

  • Corpse

    i liked a movie called “adventures in dinosaur city” when i was a kid and tried showing it to my cousin lately and realized it sucked. Space jam is and always will be awesome

  • tmservo

    Who liked any of these as kids? But American Tale is the only one here that had some follow it.. and it’s not “Secret of NIMH” (which holds up) but it’s also not the worst thing. I’ve seen it recently and it’s “eh”.. I don’t know anyone, anywhere, who ever liked “Jingle All The Way” or “Mario Brothers”, which were both box office bombs

  • http://www.facebook.com/andrew.thomson.58555 Andrew Thomson

    They have An American Tail, and Hook, both of which are still good movies, but not Howard the Duck?

    • Marc Robertson

      Howard the Duck ROCKS!

  • Megan04

    It doesn’t matter how bad/annoying we now as adults we think these movies are, kids love them. And I know that my kids can safely watch movies from the 90′s rated g&pg that I watched when I was little because they weren’t nearly as bad as the crap that’s out today. My little boys love Space Jam, Fivel, and Hook and if it buys me even 5 minutes of them not trying to kill each other I’m going to let them watch it because it’s far less annoying than spongebob. There’s always something risky or over kid’s heads on TV if I pop in a dvd of an older movie I grew up on I know exactly what’s on it and how safe it is. And my kids aren’t old enough to read yet so they can’t do the book thing while I’m cleaning lol

  • Sarah

    I stopped reading when you said ‘kids are dumb’. What a stupid, condescending, small-minded thing to say.

    • Saz

      i think he was joking, serious girl

    • Lerri Ravbembnabtnn

      Kids are dumb

      • Newton

        yeah, really dumb.

    • Constance

      Agreed. This mentality is what is wrong with current media.

    • Susan

      Kids are dumb. I was a kid, I know this.

    • History1066

      I completely agree. If that was a joke, it was not funny. Anyone who says that is an ignorant person.

  • Ju

    You’ve forgotten to say that Julia Roberts plays Tinker Bells in “HooK”. That’s a bad movie in so many ways…

  • http://www.facebook.com/dmelges Dave Melges

    Umm, this article is just plain CONFUSING. First, several of the movies WERE ALWAYS BAD. And at least one was considered bad, but really wasn’t, and I’m talking about HOOK. I was pretty upset with what they did with HOOK, first time watching it….but since then, I’ve watched about every two years without fail. It’s just………plain……..good. If you think everyone LOVED it as a child, THAT THEN would be why you’re clueless.

    Some people liked it, but at the time it came out, it was PANNED. (sorry) There were just as many people that HATED IT. You just have this one quite backwards.

    • Janice Solle

      What are you talking about? Loads of people loved Hook as a kid – read the other comments to see that they did. And i loved Jingle all The Way as a kid, now it’s just plain awful. The guy never said the movies weren’t ALWAYS bad, he said they’re movies people loved as kids – they were bad then and they’re bad now. Your comment is plain CONFUSING.

  • Job M Yamen

    no kid enjoyed space jam or jingle all the way….whered you grow up, Chernobyl? Hook and An American Tail are still enjoyable to this day

    • TruGQ

      I liked Jingle all the way. . . a lot of movies in the 90s were told for the kid/teen who wished they had better parents. Jingle All The Way was a movie where a parent actually gave two hoots and tried to redeem themselves.

  • Zee

    Except for American Tail, That Guy With The Glasses touched upon all of these movies and thoroughly eviscerated them (especially Jingle All The Way). Also, I don’t think anyone liked the Super Mario Bros movie…Dennis Hopper and Bob Hoskins certainly didn’t.

    • http://twitter.com/tokumeiyamada Tokumei Yamada

      I did. I explained it takes a very specific kind of person to like that movie, though, and most people aren’t that kind of person, so it’s understandable that it’s a bomb, and that the people who starred in it don’t like it.

  • gav

    why cant the entire story be on ONE page??? im not going to keep clicking to page after page goodbye!

  • Fazzy

    RIGHT IN THE CHILDHOOD

  • Slughorn42

    Have you ever heard of the Nostalgia Critic?: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Nostalgia_Critic Because if you have, I think it’s really disingenuous that you made no mention of him in this article. If you haven’t, well, he’s been saying more or less the same things for years. You can check out his reviews of most of these movies to see what I mean.

    • Todd Harper

      Aren’t two people allowed to think the same thing? Why would it be disingenuous?

      • Slughorn42

        I just think if he knows about the Nostalgia Critic, he should at least mention him since this article is about his raison d’etre.

  • http://www.facebook.com/GregoriHarbs Fulano Anonimo

    just one word, you suck :P

    you’re just like… in 2020 everybody will live with a stick in the ass, and someone seeing that 20 years ago they didnt will think that was terrible. :)

  • Betsy Hudson

    In 1996, everyone knew who Michael Jordan was, including 10 year olds.

  • http://twitter.com/ReaperCorpse The Great One

    Spacejam was a classic, the rest of the list was always horrible.

  • http://www.facebook.com/christophertaylorfort Christopher T. Fort

    The part where the little boy takes Peter’s glasses off and says, “Oh, there you are Peter!”…that part literally brings a tear to my eyes every single time, to this day. I love ‘Jingle All the Way’ too. The parts near the end are just classic.

    But ‘Space Jam’ was awesome. Dude, you have some excellent and logical points on every choice. I hate to disagree with you at all. But ‘Space Jam’ was the bomb-diggity freshness. Sorry.

  • http://unstoppableforce.forummotion.com darthstich

    I disagree with Hook being Speilberg’s worst movie, but Speilberg’s worst is still a lot better than most director’s best! I think Hook is an awesome movie still

  • Nick

    This article/list is not only ludicrous, it’s irresponsible to your readers. The sentence “But kids are dumb, and that’s why their opinions on absolutely anything should be ignored throughly.” is the most ignorant thing I’ve ever read and shows me, personally, that you have no business writing and critiquing movies.
    Our inner child is the reason we go to the movies in the first place. We watch movies to be amazed, mystified, and wow’d – all emotions we are given a basis for when we are kids.
    I think your sentence should read “But I am dumb, and that’s why my opinion on anything should be ignored thoroughly.”
    And to nit pick – you thinking Hook is A. One of the worst childhood movies, and B. One of Spielberg’s worst films, makes you a complete idiot (as if you weren’t all ready). Go back to film school asshole.

    • Tank

      i think u missed that this is a a humour article.

      • http://twitter.com/tokumeiyamada Tokumei Yamada

        So did the author.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001212691884 Jennifer Page

        What humor? The guy was trashing kids movies and stated over and over again that he disliked them. The point of humor is to be funny. Where’s the joke? All this has is a bad attitude.

    • Constance

      Thank you, Nick.

    • huh?

      Actually.. kids are dumb. Now and then they may accidentally say something funny, but, all in all… dumb.

      • Hypocrisy rocks!

        so you were dumb as a kid eh?

      • History1066

        This is an absolutely stupid statement. Dumb is a very ignorant thing to call children. There are plenty of bright children. So, you may be speaking for yourself, but you certainly are not speaking for all children.

    • stranger77

      The movies were written by adults, for kids, in a time of low technology. That had to be tough. The quality of all of these films, while low, is still better than any of the crap being made today. Humor is what’s missing from the modern film, and it’s hard to find a nonstop action film for kids anymore…
      The author not only doesn’t value a kid’s opinion on a kid’s film, for whom the movies were intended, he also makes a remark about pubic hair. ‘Nuff said.

  • Charity Long

    You should add Jumanji and Sandlot on there too… those movies are horrible. I re-watched them now that I’m older and jeewhiz, they suck.

  • Micheal Ruger

    I saw all these movies as an adult. I thought they were pretty bad but figured they weren’t directed at me but someone who could sup on the awful and swallow. Many of the movies I loved as a child have suffered the same fate. In fact, I sometimes won’t watch a childhood favorite so I can still enjoy the nice memories. But if you can stomach them, more power to you.

    BTW, the worst Spielberg movie is and was and always will be 1941. A movie that starred and awesome SNL cast and a huge budget. He made Raiders of the Lost Ark to make up for it so I guess it was worth it.

  • Lerri Ravbembnabtnn

    Batman. I mean, it’s one of the most boring and stupid movies I ever seen, and the only reason everyone love it is because they saw it when they were young, I suppose

  • Rob

    An American Tail was directed by Stephen Spielberg, it’s a really great movie.

  • Hunter

    Hook is not terrible at all. I still watch it and enjoy it. Loved it as a child.

  • http://twitter.com/Billywinkle ¦:¬D

    Yes, I can well imagine that your childhood era of cinematic nostalgia does actually ‘suck’. I was 14 in 1986 so I didn’t see An American Tail and I’ve never seen Jingle All The Way, Space Jam, Super Mario Brothers or Hook either. I feel very lucky to have grown up slightly earlier, having seen Star Wars, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Time Bandits, The Dark Crystal and Watership Down – which I imagine makes An American Tail seem like a cheery comedy.

  • Mariano Bigdaddy Warbucks

    lmfao ur fucking reasons why these movies are terrible are really fucking dumb…. who the fuck writes these things?!?! i hope these are just user submitted by some lonely fat boy who had no real childhood… because if u get paid to do these blogs and reviews i feel bad for this website

  • James E. Russell

    We all know that Don Bluth has made a few stinkers, but picking an American Tail? Not A Troll in Central Park or something? Come on. And criticising his animation? Even his worst works have pretty stellar animation. There’s a reason the dude practically revived feature-length animation as a whole in the late ’80s (or at least got the ball rolling enough for Disney to go back and try it seriously again). The rest of the movies I can chalk up to opinion (and Super Mario Bros. is legitimately terrible. Fun, but terrible), but Don Bluth’s animation is objectively awesome.

    Also, Hook is Spielberg’s worst? Haven’t seen 1941, I take it? AI: Artificial Intelligence? Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull? Honestly though, even his lesser movies are all pretty great.

  • Anthony

    Barnard, I’m sorry, but you’re just wrong. Half of these movies were horrible even in the 90s. Hook is not a good movie, but it is still charming.
    But An American Tail is a positively outstanding movie. Yes, it’s depressing, but would you expect a movie about finding your family to be a happy-go-lucky romp?

    • Home Alone 2: Lost In New York

      Barnard

  • NCBrian

    MIKE, I’m open!

  • SP

    I was dying to make this a massive hate letter! Haha. Hook? My favorite film ever as a kid! Hoffman brilliant, great cameo from Phil Collins too.

    What’s Really Going On:

    Underlying themes of not growing up and getting too serious. Father/Kid relationships, self discovery, redemption and ‘it’s never too late’ … class. ;)

    RUFFFFIOOOOOO

  • Alex

    Sir, I read through the article, but you actually used very writing skills in this. You never actually give real reasons. You simply stated that it is dreary and boring without giving reasons why. You should analyze instead of telling us “no, the movie is bad,” which is what you do.

  • James P

    I hope TJ Barnard doesn’t make a living at this, because he clearly has no skill for objective movie reviewing. For one, his 5 picks range very widely in intended audience and style. Secondly, his critiques of almost each film seem to completely ignore the basic spirit of each film. American Tale, as its name would suggest, deals a lot with history and story, thus it is not a whir of entertainment, but its good qualities over-shine would might have been a bore and it is a timeless family movie. He states Hook as Spielberg’s worst. A wild and very debatable assertion which I’d say only the minority would agree with. He lists the movie as being kitschy and sentimental with no reference to where the movie crossed into overly sentimental? Why does a movie being sentimental warrant its classification as terrible. With the exception of Jingle All the Way, all of these movie picks are legitimate attempts at heartfelt family films. Even Mario Bros has a heart-felt center to it. If you really want to list Terrible Movies We Loved As Children, go through the giant list of horrible cash-ins and cheaply animated, poorly written films that still made money off us as kids. He even lists Lion King as somehow being a poor-effort. Does he not know the difference between a solid family/children’s movie and low-value schlock? Take 3 Ninja’s and its sequels, Rockadoodle, and lots of Disney sequels like Aladdin 2 and you’ll instantly see an utter lack of writing quality and production value. Then watch Hook and see the grand scale sets and detail in costumes and characters, and notice its adventurous story grounded in the classic tale of Peter Pan. While many moments and scenes in a “family movie” like Hook may not be realistic (young boys defeating a crew of pirates) it is not lazy or cheap, its for the enjoyment of its target audience. The film still has drama, action, adult & child humor, good performances and production value along with its sincere attempt at continuing a classic story. I guess this TJ Barnard gives away his stupidity early on when he states “kids are dumb” as the catalyst for his opinions here. I absolutely hate these articles for these reasons but am somehow drawn to read them anyway. Maybe he intentionally wrote this stuff just to create argument. Whatever gets him views right?

    • Matt

      He never said The Lion King was a poor effort. He simply stated,

      “It’s one of those movies that apparently everybody in the entire world loved as a child (like The Lion King) and continues to embrace with joyful spirit to this very day.”

      He just said that it seems like every kid likes The Lion King. He never said anything negative about it. Don’t read into things too much.

      • History1066

        I had actually misinterpreted the statement in the same way, but I did not even like that movie (The Lion King) when I was a kid.

    • JohnWaynman

      “Why does a movie being sentimental warrant its classification as terrible.”
      Not always does one careless sentence manage to disqualify an entire pretentious post. I always rub my hands together in glee when the stars actually collide on this :D

  • http://twitter.com/BlueKewne Krash-it Kewne

    I disagree with the first one.
    Yes the other four are bad looking back at it; but An American Tale is a classic film with GREAT animation (despite what the author of this article said – you want horrible animation; look at “Titanic: The Legend Goes On”)

    Yes; I did watch it as an adult. Yes; I still enjoy it to this day.

    • http://twitter.com/BlueKewne Krash-it Kewne

      Gah; I almost forgot Hook.

      While I never was a fan of this movie; to say it’s “bad” would be wrong.

  • pootispenser here

    Most people would disagree with that “But kids are dumb” part.

  • Willis the Kid

    Space Jam is like the best movie ever to this day. It’s hilarious and awesome!

  • Will

    I kinda see the point on Hook, but to call it Spielberg’s worst film?! As renowned as the guy is, he’s had his hands in some real steaming piles over the last few years: War of the Worlds, Indiana Jones 4, the last half hour of A.I., just to name a few.

  • MishaBurnett

    I would add both “The Goonies” and “The Breakfast Club” to this list.

  • No one ever thought Super Mario Bros. The Movie was good.

  • https://plus.google.com/u/0/111211435527425505173/posts LLoyd

    thanks a lot TJ, you ruined my childhood indulgences.

  • https://plus.google.com/u/0/111211435527425505173/posts LLoyd

    thanks a lot TJ, you ruined my childhood indulgences.

  • http://www.facebook.com/PinoyLantern Jerimiah Hootman

    Dude seriously, I can agree with quite a few of these. The basis you use for An American Tail though is just stretching for something. The coloring was on purpose as it was supposed to be a depression era film that made you feel that and still overcome everything. It is like a ride you take with the character to see even in the darkest there is hope. Now I come to Hook, you are trying to make Hook out like it was supposed to be something dramatically amazing or something. It was meant to be a fun little movie to waste time. While many things are problematic, in the end the same can be said for every single movie if you wanna be nit picky( I didnt watch it until I was 22 myself).

  • http://www.facebook.com/PinoyLantern Jerimiah Hootman

    Dude seriously, I can agree with quite a few of these. The basis you use for An American Tail though is just stretching for something. The coloring was on purpose as it was supposed to be a depression era film that made you feel that and still overcome everything. It is like a ride you take with the character to see even in the darkest there is hope. Now I come to Hook, you are trying to make Hook out like it was supposed to be something dramatically amazing or something. It was meant to be a fun little movie to waste time. While many things are problematic, in the end the same can be said for every single movie if you wanna be nit picky( I didnt watch it until I was 22 myself).

  • http://twitter.com/WCWnightmare Devin McMillion

    Hook is still pretty legit.

  • http://twitter.com/WCWnightmare Devin McMillion

    Hook is still pretty legit.

  • the critic’s critic

    I’ll give you some of the movies on this list, i didn’t like some of them myself. I’m even willing to overlook the super mario brothers bit, mainly because it’s good because it’s terrible, but i can’t let An American Tale slide. Your issues with it, well your valid issues with it, have nothing to do with the list that it’s in. Its rotten tomato score was around 3 to 4 times that of the other ones on the list there are plenty of movies about sad and terrible things, even kids movies, but an american tale is the only one you thought that relevant for. It’s animation isn’t all that bad, it was a look people went for sometimes, there’s way worse out there that you could have picked, animation wise. when it comes down to it, your only remaining, and most adamant, issue with it is that its ‘boring’, which is way too subjective and limited for any true reviewer to base an entire review on, not and maintain their credibility.

  • MAN

    Even as a kid I could tell that Mario Bros was terrible, I think everyone could. Nailed it with Jingle All The Way too, but the rest I can’t really back you on.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1348104921 Michael Collins

    Except for Hook, I’d agree with you….but TurboMan was always sucky.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Lojacsfantasypictures Lojac Corry

    get a LIFE MATE ALL OF THOSE MOVIES ARE GOOD FOR KIDS..HAVE YOU EVEN WATCHED THEM OR DID YOU JUST READ REVIEWS ON THEM.

  • piloteer

    Who cares what they are like now when you’re older. American Tale and Hook were awesome when I was a kid in the 80′s. I loved them. No I haven’t seen them since. I grew up and my tastes changed and anyone over the age of 10 reaching for these and a pizza for a good movie night needs their head examining. Anyone that says they’re bad is utterly missing the point too. They weren’t meant to entertain adults in the first place. They were meant to be great for kids to watch – is that a crime? They were damn good at it too. Idiot.

  • Nick C.

    Fuck you, Space Jam is magnificent.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1506131236 John Zaffino

    What the hell is the matter with you? My kids enjoyed…. no, that’s not quite it…. LOVED this movie. If you are depressed by it, then, perhaps, you should thinks of spending some time on the psychiatrist’s couch yourself. Why a mouse, you ask? Because kids relate to stories about small animals; they always have.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kristian.jerman Kristian Jerman

    this dude had a childhood… of shit taste in movies.

    • Guest

      all of these blew, even as a kid.

  • Murasame

    What’s wrong with people having no pubic hair? o_O

  • Chad

    This guy is way off. First of all, Hook is entertaining, An American Tail is entertaining, Space Jam, for what it was, is entertaining. Super Mario Bros. was bad when we were kids…and Jingle All the Way is one of the worst all time christmas movies. This guy doesn’t seem to have much of a basis for writing this article, and if he was going to, then why not write it well, instead of just throwing a few movies in here and “analyzing” them. Way too bias, and represents most of what’s wrong with a lot of these blogposts anyhow.

  • barrknuckle1

    Making the statement that liking something as a child and therefore enjoying it later is a lame excuse for insulting a movie. It’s true that most of these do have a type of childlike quality to them, but that doesn’t make them bad. It’s also not necessary to read so deep into them. I completely disagree with his take on An American Tail and Hook. And Jingle All the Way is a favorite of mine from College. Sometimes movies just need to be stupid. And that’s ok. If I saw didn’t like Mario Bros and Loony Tunes, I probably wouldn’t have liked the movies. But they were also fun, and that may be all that’s necessary to say. Gosh, I could think of so many more movies that are horrible, especially as a kid. How about Unico? I oddly enjoy that now because of nastalgia, but it’s down right scary!

  • barrknuckle1

    Making the statement that liking something as a child and therefore enjoying it later is a lame excuse for insulting a movie. It’s true that most of these do have a type of childlike quality to them, but that doesn’t make them bad. It’s also not necessary to read so deep into them. I completely disagree with his take on An American Tail and Hook. And Jingle All the Way is a favorite of mine from College. Sometimes movies just need to be stupid. And that’s ok. If I saw didn’t like Mario Bros and Loony Tunes, I probably wouldn’t have liked the movies. But they were also fun, and that may be all that’s necessary to say. Gosh, I could think of so many more movies that are horrible, especially as a kid. How about Unico? I oddly enjoy that now because of nastalgia, but it’s down right scary!

  • saymyname

    “But said animation is cheap-looking and unconvincing..” (Space Jam). if you watched it today, of course the animation will look cheap! for god’s sakes, this was released in 1996. you’re way beyond your head. you’re not as close as to being a movie critique

    • Yora Dumi

      This stuff looked cheap and unconvincing at the time. The 90s weren’t the fucking 1750s. Other 90s (and 80s) movies had terrific animation and fx.

  • nosdregamon

    More like “Four Movies You Hated As A Kid (plus one that was meh and didn’t get better)”

  • http://www.facebook.com/jonathan.lamar1 Jonathan Lamar

    people make movies like that… he makes it gloomy in color because he wants you to be sad… artist do things like that in all visual art… movies and paintings and drawings alike

  • Brittany

    Never saw Mario Bros. Movie, but loved all of the other ones. The only real problem I had with Space Jam was that I wasn’t really into basketball. And as cheesy as it was, I preferred Looney Toons: Back in Action when it came out. I continue to love Hook. I think the only movies that I thought were the greatest things ever that I watch now and realize they are terrible are the Spy Kids movies.

  • http://www.facebook.com/alexgcohn Alex Cohn

    AMERICAN TAIL – Still a good movie.
    JINGLE ALL THE WAY – Always hated this movie, even as a kid.
    SPACE JAM – Only film on this list that fits the description of the article.
    SUPER MARIO BROS – Didn’t really like this as a kid, but I love it now.
    HOOK – Didn’t really like this as a kid, but I love it now.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Joel-Avila/100000357192970 Joel Avila

    boring? gloomy enviornments? “badly animated”. so it has to have lots of action grab your attention and be bright and cheery to be good? I think you are wrong, soo very wrong.

  • http://twitter.com/tokumeiyamada Tokumei Yamada

    Yeah, no. American Tale was great. Really, ALL the Don Bluth movies were great, with the possible exception of Rock a Doodle. The only stinkers Bluth made with his own animation studio were the games… Dragon’s Lair and… the other one.

    You automatically fail for trying to include American Tale in this. Yeah, it’s harsh, but it’s not supposed to be another Disney Movie. Oh, and I also like Hook. Hook isn’t a great movie, by any means, but not terrible, either. And as for Super Mario Bros… I think SMB has an “Evil Dead” kind of charm to it. So bad it’s good, but not quite that either. It’s hardly the worst movie ever made. There was some legitimately funny moments, and… Meh, it’s hard to explain the SMB movie to people that hated it. It has its fans, I’ll just say that.

  • zirtoc

    Hook is awesome. I’m going to go rent it on VHS right now.

  • http://www.facebook.com/GeneralMartok Marc Richardson

    Interesting, but, near as I can tell, (and I was a child watching these films), with the exception of An American Tale no one ever considered these films any good, child or otherwise.

  • hihi

    I’ve never seen the Mario film, and the image that went with it in this article will probably keep me scared enough to not watch it for a while. That and the bad track record with video games being made into films.

    An American Tale and Hook both bored me as a kid. Sorry to those who loved and still love them, but I didn’t and I don’t. However, there were many more horrible kids movies to come out at the time that were probably more deserving of this list than these two.

    Jingle All the Way was forced on me by my parents when I was a kid and they still love it. I’m conflicted about it, because there are some hilarious moments, but the overall film isn’t that great.

    I LOVED Space Jam as a kid, pretty much solely because of the Looney Tunes. I haven’t watched it in a while, mostly because I’m afraid watching it now will ruin it for me. Until I work up the courage, I will continue to love it.

    One movie from my childhood I that I loved a lot at the time was Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland. My sister and I both used to watch it all the time, and thought it would be fun to watch it again. It was terrible. I can’t unwatch it and I wish I could.

  • Shannon

    No, hook is awesome. You know what movie sucked if you didn’t see it as a kid and then saw it later as an adult? All of them. Seriously. I grew up with my grandparents and watched family affair and petticoat junction instead of goonies and the princess bride I see those movies now and get grief from friends who grew up with them.

  • http://www.facebook.com/julesimanerd Julian Bremer

    wow wow wow wow…..you didn’t like Super Mario Bros? that movie was awesome.

  • http://www.cogonline.net Digital Jedi

    Were you even a kid during these eras? I saw Hook as an adult and loved it. No one, not even children like Super Mario Bros or Space Jam. I don’t think I’ve read an article this arbitrary since visiting Fox News.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=751370729 Aaron Kelley

    Ask yourself this: Was the intended audience entertained? If your answer is “yes” then the movie was good. Critics are too consumed with some esoteric ideal of perfection. I rarely pay attention to them.

  • scut farkus

    okay, so it is clearly obvious that you have really never gone back and watched these movies. While I agree with you on Jingle All The Way (because besides the Terminators, Arnold movies are generally pretty terrible) and with The Mario Brothers movie, I don’t really even think those movies have ever been deemed as awesome movies, even when I was a kid.

    As far as the other 3 movies, all of your questions about the plot are explained pretty easily if you actually WATCH THE MOVIES!!

    your opinion about Hook being the worst Spielberg movie is WAY off. It’s not even close to his worst movie (anyone remember Monster House?). It is not a half-assed twist on the old story, it is a SEQUEL! And Hook doesn’t just “stir up some shit,” he kidnaps Peter’s kids so that he can get Peter back to Neverland so he can finish the war and kill him. If you watched the movie, you would know that.

    The way that I see it, you have no solid argument for anything that you have said. All of your arguments can be disproved just by watching the movie. Do me a favor: the next time you want to voice your opinion, do your research first. That way, your opinions won’t come off as immature and stupid.

  • Josh

    Hook can resonate deeply with adults who understand it beyond its superficial levels. Thematically, Hook is a complete deviation from Peter Pan. Rather than the traditional coming-of-age story where a child faces a struggle that brings him into adulthood, Hook completely turns the archetype on its head. It’s really quite complex. The real question that Hook explores is, “What does it mean to be an adult?” You may could argue that it doesn’t do so very successfully (I would not), but to say it offers nothing fresh, offers nothing unique, is lazy, is kitsch, and fails to develop character is just completely unsubstantiated.

    • JohnWaynman

      Lol the “messages” in Hook are hamfisted, simplistic and obvious.
      It’s only good for its cinematic qualities and entertainment value (whenever it’s not annoying atm, that is).

  • dmitrap

    No “Flash Gordon”? No “He-Man”? No “Howard the Duck”?? You gotta be kidding me! Still, i LOVE “Jingle All the Way”, and i feel your pain, bro :)

  • awtsktsktsk

    Now what’s the point of squatting over some of our most beloved 90s movies (Mario Bros. excepted), movies we grew up with, movies that taught us lessons and made us appreciate friendship and freedom and childhood – and dropping a steaming, ignorant shit on it? Have you ever even seen or read any of Hook’s source material? J.M. Barrie’s original play? Did you not see the parallels and feel the resonance of the story? Did you not get the irony? Were you maybe spanked a little too hard as a child? Opinions are all well and good, but when you rant like an insecure bully with uneducated claims to an audience who clearly disagrees, I almost sense a strange Freudian vendetta in the works…. No worries, guys. He’s just a mean old man without a mommy.

  • Killkillkillingtheppor

    Hook was and still is great, the rest I agree with

  • StevenSwayze

    This article is terrible. American Tail, and Hook are legit, and the other movies were never good ever. To claim that hook was worse than the Crystal Skull is just making glaringly obvious how unqualified this writer is.

  • http://www.facebook.com/tannerchaney42 Tanner Chaney

    Space Jam isn’t appealing to parents? It has a bunch of jokes I didn’t get untilrecently re-watching it. There is even a Pulp Fiction joke. You sir, are wrong.

  • http://twitter.com/ForeverAeon Forever Aeon

    anyone born after 1980 can EFF OFF :)

  • CaptainJames

    Hook is one of my top 10 movies ever. It had so much depth and played into the book better than the disney version ever did. They had true children and childish thoughts in it. Conquering one of the hardest parts of life, growing old and growing up. The disney version had peter be much older and selfish than in the books, he was only around 6 in the series. Hook was beautiful and really touched on the emotions of being you, and learning.

    The son felt neglected, so was destined to become evil just like hook who “never met his mommy”. It showed growth and fun in the characters and still remained deep and sentimental. I really enjoyed it all the way through as a child and today. Any one who rated it badly on rotten tomatoes does not remember what it was like to be a child.

  • Chris

    NIHM should by NIMH.

  • Trevor

    I Love Super Mario Bros. There, I said it!

  • http://twitter.com/gamesreflexoes GR+ Entretenimento

    They are movies FOR kids, they are percet to the target audience, this article is a BS

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/SmashCashEnt7 Smash Cash

    who in there right mind kid or not would of loved the Mario movie?

  • awesomebillfromdawsonville

    What an ignorant dickbag. He obviously has no respect for good filmmaking. Hook is a great film. “T.J. Barnard” is a pretentious dildo with the analytical film sense of Ronnie from the Jersey Shore (or a bag of hammers, as the two are interchangeable). The writing is atrocious, the opinions reflect those of a half-wit gaggle of Bud Light sucking frat chuds, and the writer is completely out of touch with how to analyze a film. I don’t know how this moron got a job writing here, but do everyone a favor and cut him loose or send him back to school.

  • miranda

    i agree with space jam i used to love that movie as a kid because come animation in live action oh yeah but i watched it again and im like what is the plot really the movie makes no since

  • ry87

    never heard of jingle all the way but anyone who can say super mario bros sucks doesnt deserve to be writing anything online and will be never taken seriously.the only people who can have the right to insult some of theb est movies ever made are those who make even better.space jam and the game were amazing,hook isnt my cup of tea but i know its most peoples favourite movie from their childhood,and this article is set to do just what im doing,debate and argue who likes what in a bid to get more views on their sad pathetic article instead of getting a real job like actually doing something constructive rather than just insulting what others have done. as for the rotten tomato review,all they do is give low scores for top movies and the odd time they do give a high score its usually for the worst flm of the year like the black and white artist,how can that be better than space jam,a fun filled adventure,yes fun,no critism needed,just enjoy it

  • Terry

    Here’s the real list:

    1) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1&2 – just try and re-watch the live movies, I loved this as a kid (1 more than 2) and now I just can’t do it

    2) Suburban Commando – or any Hulk Hogan movie for that manner, except Mr Nanny as that movie still holds up

    3) The Wizard – crazy just how this was a 100 min of Nintendo ads and the launch of Super Mario 3 (come on, Nintendo game hustling?)

    4) Santa Claus: The Movie – again another total disapointment after a rewatch

    5) Cobra – and a good slew of other 80′s action movies like it

    Seriously, who puts Hook on a list like this. That is one of those movies you can watch 10 to 20 times over and enjoy every single time…

  • Pete

    I’m going to watch Hook again right now in spite of this article (I actually only just watched it on Wednesday and I loved it)

  • Ben W

    Prolly a few other ppl have said this, but: Childhood officially Ruined! At least he didnt rip on Hocus Pocus or Casper…..

  • somelady

    The problem with this article: male writer will never understand the true nature of Hook nostalgia – every little girl who saw this movie had a HUGE crush on Rufio.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=611139873 Aranka King

    Whaaaat!? Hook is one of my absolute favourite movies D:

  • http://www.facebook.com/beneagee Ben Agee

    i loved ‘hook’ as a kid. then i watched it again about ten years ago. barf. and you’re right about everyone who saw it as a kid still defending it as adults. except me. i’m embarrassed for my younger self. disgraceful.

  • Scott

    No kid liked JINGLE ALL THE WAY or SPACE JAM. It was crap then and still is. AN AMERICAN TALE and HOOK were great then and still are, so back off. The only reason the author included those last two is b/c he worships critics and whatever they say is gospel to him. He doesn’t possess the critical thinking skills to challenge them himself. Therefore, he has no imagination, which is what it takes to enjoy those two movies.

    Movies that were awesome back in the day but suck in hindsight include KING RALPH, HOWARD THE DUCK, MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE, and maaaaaaaybe DICK TRACY.

  • D-Bag

    Your obsession for pageviews cost you a customer. Took me five clicks to get to this story and I’m still not there yet. Goodbye.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kitt.henderson Kitt Henderson

    The term “Cult Classics” come to mind. There is a reason they are deemed that. It means that the movie wasn’t perceived well by the mainstream, but you can always find a decent group of people who enjoy these movies, whether it be for nostalgia sake or because the “crummy” acting/scenes/art actually speak to them on a level that only certain people get.

    …That being said…LONG LIVE HOOK! ;)

  • LawsonL

    But TJ Barnards are dumb, and that’s why their opinions on absolutely anything should be ignored throughly.

  • http://www.facebook.com/rbdrummer87 Jack Treese III

    I honestly agree with An American Tale, except that even as a kid I honestly didn’t like it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jackie.jormpjomp.1 Jackie Jormpjomp

    An article written to take a crap on other people’s fond memories and/or childhood favorites in an attempt to make the readers as dead inside as the author.

  • NRD1138

    All of these were terrible when they came out….

  • Leo

    Hmm, I recall seeing Super Mario Bros as a 12 year old. Went to the pictures with a friend and it actually left me cold. Even as a kid I could sort of tell the good movies from the bad. The ones that I still like today are the ones that are still considered to be good. I don’t think that kids are as dumb as you say they are. Maybe it’s just you?

  • Mike

    Screw you bro! Space Jam always will be one of the best movies of ALL time.

  • bumboclot

    Hook was that first movie I saw as a kid and realized that it truly sucked. I mean there were movies I didn’t like or some were too adult for me, but Hook was the first one I thought I could have actually done a better job myself, even as a 10 year old.

  • Michael Greenberg

    No, Lincoln is the worst movie Spielberg ever made.

  • James

    Masters of the Universe is the ultimate in “nostalgia goggles”. I remember first watching it and thinking Skeletor was the epitome of evil, that Dolph’s He-Man was the man everybody aspired to be and that the secondary characters were all kick-ass.

    I sadly realised that the only good thing about the film, a good few years later was Frank Langella’s performance… Jesus, that film is so bad. But it’s also good… because it’s so bad. You all know what I mean by that, I hope!

  • Garrett

    hook aww BANGARANG

  • http://www.facebook.com/Gregforeli Gregory Aaron Martin

    It’s funny because even as a child coming up with my father who loved movies and watched them all the time, I was able to pick out the lackluster ones from the really good ones. For example, I loved watching Indiana Jones because, well, it’s Indiana Jones. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that The Temple of Doom was a bit of a sleeper. Of course, I didn’t exactly know what to do with those feelings or thoughts about the film. It was easy then to simply get swept away in any title onscreen despite its shortcomings. Looking back at a lot of them now, in my opinion, there are still more good films from bad, and that’s because my dad was a bit of a harsh critic himself and spared us from the terrible films.
    Having said all that, I strongly disagree with you about a few of these films. First off, if you’re going to make a list like this, why not include more films? Fivel Goes West is still charming and surprisingly relevant. It a great adventure film to this day. Jingle All The Way is admittedly tripe for a lot of reasons as is Space Jam. Hook, while a bit dull, is still a heartwarming tale with many important themes at its core, and they were well brought to the screen rather well. The film was also long. Still, I can watch it but giving it my undivided attention would certainly put me to sleep.

  • http://www.facebook.com/chris.pres.50 Chris Pres

    the muppet’s should have died with jim henson. hollywood is running out of idea’s!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001189810172 Ryan Nay

    who the hell EVER loved Super Mario Bros? I was pretty young when that
    turd came out and still realized it was just about the worst film ever
    made.

    Space Jam also always clearly sucked. Though… compared to Super Mario Bros. it was Citizen Kane.

    Jingle
    All the Way I thought was awful when I first saw it. Since growing up
    it has actually gotten better, just the camp value of this movie makes
    it worth watching. PUT THAT COOKIE DOWN NOW!!

    An American Tale…
    the criticisms here are pretty weak, some are not true, and others seem
    to be missing the point. Are all animated films supposed to be upbeat
    and happy? Don Bluth films are almost always dark, that’s one of their
    redeeming qualities.

    Hook I liked as a fifth grader, though it wasn’t my favorite movie or anything. It still holds up, IMO.

  • Penny Sautereau-Fife

    I think this whole article is a troll. I don’t remember ANY kids liking Hook, Jingle All The Way or Mario Bros. And you only shit on An American Tail if you WANT to goad a flame war. I call Poe.

  • Constance

    The “kids are dumb” mentality needs to stop. I loved “Sonic the Hedgehog” as a child. After 20ish years, I rewatched the cartoon as an adult and it is frak’n awesome (season 1, in any case; season 2 follows your “children are dumb” logic). Same with Gargoyles, Batman, several Nicktoons. They were good cartoons, and my friends and I could recognize that bad ones. Give children quality entertainment so they can recognize crap before they grow to endorse garbage like *Jersey Shore*.

    As for your list, I never watched the Super Mario Bros movies, always hated “Jingle All the Way”, and still love those other movies.

  • T. R. Hickey

    I agree Spielberg got a little lost in Hook (although there are many great moments interspersed among the overwhelming chaos…) but it’s hardly his worst. “1941″ was the first and worst case of what happens when Steven gets all self-indulgent—there are also moments in even his best work (like in E.T.)when his self-indulgent streak takes the place of good common sense.

  • http://www.facebook.com/gvick3 Glenda Vick

    Jingle All The Way still makes me laugh. I still like it. Some of us never grow up.

  • http://www.facebook.com/gvick3 Glenda Vick

    Bachelor Party – well I wasn’t really a kid.

  • http://twitter.com/cjames22dox CHRISTOPHER JAMES

    i guessing this was not

    1.) not breast fed as a baby
    2.) never hugged and kissed much
    3.)an athiest

  • RyanO

    I can agree with Jingle All the Way and the Mario movie. Both were abysmal. But in your other picks, I do not know a word that would adequately portray how much I disagree with your opinion here. I could even give leeway with the Great Mouse Adventure. But Hook and Space Jam? Seriously? Any comment I made beyond that would end up in character defacement of you, so I will not comment any further.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=570529781 Alan Beattie

    Did I miss the point of this article? This isn’t anything to do with childhood, it’s just a list of pathetically awful movies. Anyone that didn’t think so at the time is either (a) deaf and blind or more likely (b) a complete moron with no taste

  • Mike

    Here’s your problem, T.J. These are children’s films. I, for one, loved, and love still to this day, most of the films on this list. You know why that it is? Despite the poor review scores from RottenTomatoes, when I watched these films for the first time I wasn’t analyzing them or taking them seriously… they were roller-coaster rides of emotional ups-and-downs. Watching this Nostalgia classics makes me want to go back to the time when I didn’t criticize everything I could potentially enjoy.

  • LD5

    I do disagree with the space jam one granted the plot and story have holes but with these ya gotta remember target audience simple easy to follow fun enough for everyone to enjoy but all these movies really did what they were supposed to.

  • Santos

    My biggest problem with Space Jam is Bugs Bunny being scared of giant aliens. The Bugs I know would mop up the floor with those jokers in nothing flat.

    Oh, and An American Tale is too gloomy, you say? Well, An American Tail: Fievel Goes West fixes that. The colors are brighter and the story more fun despite the fact that things here are also quite dark. It’s just not as in your face as the original.

  • http://twitter.com/LunaVeg87 Ashleigh M.

    The Mario bros movie came out when I was six;I don’t remember any kids I knew actually liking it, let alone loving it. Same with Jingle all the Way.

  • James Van Hise

    Hook can objectively be deconstructed. Robin Williams Peter Pan is passive and reactive through the first 3/4 of the film and is a boring character as a result. His children are kidnapped by Hook but even this shock and seeing Hook’s name scrawled on the wall of his house doesn’t jog his memory. Yeah. Neverland looks like it’s in the middle of a drought as all the scenery in this stage bound film is brown. Someone who read the original script in the form it was sold said it was great until it got completely rewritten for the film. I like most Spielberg films, but not this one.

  • http://twitter.com/VittoRants Nick Vitto

    Nobody loved Super Mario Bros. as a kid because it had nothing to do with the video game. As 7 year old, I was so excited to see the brothers spit fire, jump down pipes, and ride Yoshi. Not motorboat a fat chick, and dance with Gumbas on an elevator.

  • http://twitter.com/ABQMAC Monica Cohn

    Why do you think that song is so cool? It’s George Clinton, bitch! Now I have that song stuck in my head and have to put it on my iTunes wish list. DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!!!!!

    • Halloween_Jack

      It’s actually much better in the original version by Was (Not Was); I hate to say it, because of P-Funk, but Clinton didn’t improve on it. (Also check out “Spy in the House of Love” by W(NW) as well.)

  • Cuvis

    Wait… someone actually liked the Super Mario Bros. movie? I saw that as a kid (well, I was 13, but close enough), and I thought it was seriously shitty.

  • http://www.facebook.com/joeycruel Joey Cruel

    Ok American Tail is sad… but I noticed that it wasn’t an happy animated movie since the first time, I saw it once and I never watched it again…
    It’s the same for Super Mario Bros it was cheesy and campy then and I still think that it’s cheesy ‘n’ campy.
    Space Jam was (and still it’s) like a rollercoaster ride, there’s nothin’ left in your hand (or in your head) but it’s fun…
    Jingle All The Way it isn’t a normal Xmas movie… like Home Alone or Santa Clause… it’s somethin’ like The Gremlins, of course it’s not a masterpiece like Gremlins but the Christmas is only the background the strong message is clear, they just added some sketckes in the slapstick comedy style…
    Hook is the worst movie ever made by Spielberg? It’s a matter of tastes.
    I think that it’s great, the only wrong thing it’s that I wanted Meg Ryan as Tinker Bell because Meg Ryan IS Tinker Bell!
    Just my 2 cents!

  • Me!

    considering the focused at audiences of these movies; I think this guy needs a new day job :D

  • Tom

    You’re just sad that you’re growing up and getting fat. Go do wind springs and stop watching the pseudo pretentious crap on AMC, loser…

  • Tom

    And all these movies are great. Especially Mario Brothers!

  • Alyssa

    I didn’t see Jingle All The Way until just a few years ago and found it to be enjoyable. My boyfriend LOVES that movie and hails it as his favorite Christmas movie, so he had me watch it. Not amazing, but it’s a fun movie. Hook still holds up for me, though I think A.I. Artificial Intelligence is a faaar worse Spielberg movie.

  • Witchdoktor

    What a moron. I still love Jingle All the Way. One of Arnie’s best comedies and Sinbad, Robert Conrad and Phil Hartman were great too.

  • Jesuswillwin

    i dont know… i think i can still enjoy all 5 of these movies…. (not sure about mario) jingle all the way is a classic gem, lol it was funny, and cool..

  • Lost-in-Translation

    The person writing this article needs a hug and a candy bar. These were great movies, in childhood and even now.

  • red4

    Can we have a post now about how TDK and TDKR are pretentious garbage, or are we going to have to wait 20 years for that too?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Steve-Burnet/502634899 Steve Burnet

    American Tail, Secret of Nimh, and Land Before Time are all great movies – although Nimh is a little weird. The second American Tail was way more Disney and much less enjoyable. It should have been Fieval Goes West on the list…. which I still like btw

  • JediRob

    Come ooooon. Nobody ever really loved “Jingle All The Way” even as a kid. And also, People were kids when “Jingle All The Way” came out? Does not compute.

  • Halloween_Jack

    Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang. Forgettable songs and indifferent acting by almost everyone except Dick Van Dyke and that creepy guy with the lollipops for fingers. If they’d stuck closer to the Ian Fleming book (yes, you read that correctly), it would have been a nice precedent to the Spy Kids movies.

  • Derek

    How could you leave out Flash Gordon?

  • Buzzer

    You completely missed the point of Jingle All the Way, but you did understand exactly what the movie’s plot is about.

    A father thinks that giving his son a toy will make him happy, and fix all his problems. He does tons of crazy things, and bad things, to try to get this toy. He even tries stealing it.

    The way the movie was directed promotes this further – the director wants the audience to follow along with Arnold the whole way, to see everything from his point of view. So the audience watches and thinks exactly what the director wants them to think – “What an idiot, Arnold. What a dumb toy! Why does the boy want the toy so much? Why is Arnold trying so hard to get it? If only he got the toy earlier!” But this is exactly what the director wants you to think. He wants you to understand why Arnold is acting this way, but to also see how wrong YOU are, by showing you exactly what Arnold does and why it’s wrong. The main character of this movie is Arnold, who is also supposed to be the VIEWER – that’s where I get “YOU” from.

    The boy, however, as seen in many scenes, does want the toy, but the toy is not the center of what he really wants – his father. You can tell when he’s talking on the phone with his dad and chews him out for never keeping his promises. You can tell in the first scene with the father and the son, when they’re talking in his room and the son is disappointed his father missed his karate show – not disappointed because he’s worried about getting something for Xmas. You can also tell how Jamie never mentions the toy as anything other than a “It’d be great to have” kinda thing. At the end, the kid doesn’t even want the toy – he only wanted his father to be there and keep his promises.

    The father, however, interprets this all incorrectly. He only sees his family as a client to take care of. What does the client want? he wonders. Well, a toy, of course. This is showing how much of a bad father he is.

    Arnold finally realizes toward the end of the movie that this toy obsession has got to end, and that it’s causing him to be a bad person (focusing only on possessions). He decides toward the end to just go to the parade with his wife and son, and to try to salvage the rest of the holiday just like the mother previously said she was going to do. On the way to do that, he gets caught up in the mess with Sinbad, and gets put in a Turboman suit.

    If you disliked the movie, that’s fine. But don’t say the message of the movie is awful, because if you got that out of it you clearly missed it.
    The message is that Xmas (or any holiday), in fact any day, is about family, and spending time with people who are important to you. People want presents, and that’s important too, but it’s not the most important thing about Xmas. It took a father a full hour and a half movie to realize how wrong he is.

  • http://www.facebook.com/rolf.hawkins Rolf Hawkins

    I actually just wrote a really nasty anti-Bluth diatribe, but then read some of your tear-inducing sweetness below, and decided WTF, I’ll leave you with your memories unsullied.

  • Happy Mad

    I don’t read these articles because I want to have my own opinions reflected back at me. I really do appreciate that you have your own point of view. I think it’s very interesting that a film can receive glowing praise from critics, it can stand the test of time and still be loved by most and yet one person thinks it’s the worst thing ever made.

    What’s really going on: Maybe Hook’s sentiment doesn’t reach you. The film is about a jaded somewhat cynical and distracted adult. He’s forgotten what’s most valuable is the love and innocence that children know so well. The film it’s self is about the kind of person that would right an article like this. You may have truly lost your childhood spirit.

    I realize some of the films you list are just crap. People my age hated Mario Brothers when it came out but Hook, Hook is different. Hook is one of a kind. I think it’s amazing that Hook is what it is and I think it took a visionary like Spielberg to pull it off.

    On the surface Hook looks like the worst idea ever. A live action sequel to Peter Pan staring Robin Williams as Peter…What? That just sounds ridiculousness. It has all the elements to become an over the top “family night movie” filled with stupid jokes. It could have just been a vehicle to make money. And I agree that sentimentality has destroyed many films but in my opinion Hook is the perfect example of sentiment done right. I’m a grown male adult and the film almost brings me to tears.

    Are you critical of “sentimentality” or Hook’s effectiveness at going for sentiment? I first saw Hook when I was 18. I was young but I definitely wasn’t into cheesy kids films but I loved Hook then. I just recently rewatched it and was shocked at how powerful it is. I think it has genuine heart and came from a real place of love. I think that’s why you don’t like it. It’s too emotional.

    I’d love to know what you think about Finding Neverland. It’s about the author of Peter Pan and it makes the same point.

    Redeeming factors: The lost boys skateboarding though the trees was pretty stupid.

  • MUGger

    The best part of “Hook”? The crew’s nickname for Julia Roberts: “TinkerHell”.

  • Seth Holladay

    I saw Hook in the theaters when I was a young adult. I didn’t hate it but didn’t think it was all that great either. No I didn’t start hating it till it came to cable. I swear it seems like the movie ran every 20 minutes, and if you are wondering how a 2hr movie could run every 20 min, I’m sure that some sort of time manipulation technology was involved. You never had to check the tv guide, Hook was always on

  • insanity213

    I knew these movies were terrible as a kid and I know they still are now. Saying that you should never take a kid’s opinion is pretty close minded. Maybe you’ve just never been around an intelligent kid?

  • djf617

    Oh, come on, how can you not like a movie that features Mojo Nixon yelling “The King is everywhere!”? :-)

  • metalhead65

    the one one thing we all want as kids are movies with plots about real life problems and how to deal with them. I know I went to the movies not to be entertained but to see how horrible the world was and that there was no hope. get real!one thing in life you can depend on is some no talent critic giving thumbs down to a movie that the general public enjoys. if it says it is not worth seeing then I will get a ticket. this guy thinks he is being cute but is simply showing the world he is in fact a jerk who needs to get a life.

  • http://www.facebook.com/JeremyAce4 Jeremy Johnson

    Who ever really liked any of these movies?

  • phillip_k_slick

    There’s only one movie I can think of that I liked as a kid that’s terrible now that I’m an adult, that was “Fuzzbucket” For the most part my favorite movies as a kid remain favorite movies now, Beetlejuice, Hellraiser, Ghostbusters, Teen Wolf, Dawn of the Dead, NofLD, Back To the Future, The Fly (1986), JC’s The Thing, and so on.

  • Sandeman21

    well if you take out american tail which was not that bad really, and of course Hook he is right about the rest, and yeah..

    KILL THE LAWYEEEER!!!

  • Wraith

    American Tail and Hook on the list? This dude is nuts. He’s spot on for the others though. They were terrible movies.

  • Ed Rhodes

    I missed most of these films mostly because I could see they weren’t worth watching. But I saw “Hook,” not as a child but as an adult and I loved it. Still do. Peter’s redemtion and re-claiming of the “Pan” mantle were great.

  • Cinefile

    Sub par list; the only movie anyone actually would have liked as a kid was Fievel and that film holds up.

  • His last name is also Mario

    Even as a small child I knew that Mario Brothers was one of the worst movies of all time.

  • Pugiron

    If you ever, ever thought any of these movies were great, you weren’t a child, you were a retard.

  • bicyclebill

    Worst Spielberg movie ever? Did you not see “1941″?

  • Blah

    There’s a few movies on here that I think should remain on the list (any scene with Arnold dressed up as Turbo Man for example), however Hook and Space Jam… These are not intended to be serious movies! Face it, you cannot fit ‘childhood’ or ‘comedy’ with ‘adult seriousness’ in the same paradigm. Don’t even try! They’re perfectly fine. I gave both those movies five stars when they came out, and I continue to do so today.

  • wfl_Rasendori

    Space Jam is awesome. I don’t even careeee!

  • http://www.facebook.com/jayli.thomas Jayli Thomas

    This guy is a moron. I’m 28 and I love An American Tail just as much as I did when I was 5. I think it’s a very cute movie despite it being dark. :Shrug: He’s got crap taste. I bet his favourite movies were garbage. I rarely listen to Rotten Tomatoes. They all seem to be idiots.

  • TomasHunter

    I only dissagree in that I never loved most of these movies as a Kid. I knew they were bad then, and I know they are bad now.

  • Lady girl

    This article had me laughing so hard!! I love war of the worlds but all the other ones I loved as a kid and get excited to see them again only to realize they are pretty bad. Hahaaa i couldnt even get through space jam or jingle all the way anymore smh…

  • Dan

    Nobody loved the Super Mario Brothers movie as a kid. That was just you, dude. I knew it sucked when I saw the trailer.

  • gerame

    When I was a kid I loved Howard the Duck…because TALKING DUCK! I rewatched it as an adult…and it’s just an awful movie…

  • WayneInNYC

    Super Mario Bros. was certainly a terrible movie, but it has the privilege of introducing a lot of us in the US to the fantastic UK actress Fiona Shaw – Who this generation of children know as “Aunt Petunia” from the Harry Potter films.

  • Woo in my Woooo

    No, I disagree. When I saw them I thought they all sucked right from the start.

  • Stevo

    Wow as a child you had terrible taste in movies, all of the ones mentioned, I thought were terrible when they came out when I was a kid.
    Apart from an American tail, just because a films a bit miserable doesn’t make it rubbish.
    Your article called all kids stupid!
    What what a prick, I watched every film possible growing up, not just big Hollywood movies like yourself.
    Comeback when you have something decent to say!!

  • http://twitter.com/GeoffieTheKid GTK

    I feel like Surf Ninjas deserves an honorable mention.

  • Alex

    I’d argue over the other ones, but did anyone really think Super Mario Bros. was any good? You may as well drag out Theodore Rex with Whoopie Goldberg(‘s 3 million dollar paycheck) and say that was beloved at the time.

  • BardicFire

    On Space Jam: “There’s absolutely nothing going on here that might inspire somebody to have a relatively worthwhile thought afterwards.”

    I guess he’s never heard of Charles Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden

  • Nikki

    I would like to add the original Tron to this list. I am a huge sci fi fan but I never watched Tron growing up. Recently I decided to patch this gaping hole in my movie repertoire and was shocked by how nonsensical and essentially unwatchable this movie is. The characters are spewing “computer” lingo in muffled voices while being forced to do things for some evil reason. On the surface the plot seems fun and I respect the early use of CGI, but ultimately it seems like one of those movies where they’re trying to fool little kids into thinking its awesome. And they succeeded with the little kids of the 80′s.

  • thesnappysneezer

    lame, American Tail is a classic, celebrated even, I enjoy Hook still, underratred. Not fond of the others so much but you annoy me.

  • Blarg

    You just have really bad taste

  • a

    You are the one who sucks. Hook is a great film.

  • http://twitter.com/WellPuckYouToo Carly Greiner

    Everyone shut up, Space Jam was wonderful. It still is. It has the Looney Tunes. It’s not suppose to have a point! All the randomness is what makes it freakin’ awesome. And the little tiny aliens are cute and they look like they’re high, which is entertaining on a whole different level.

  • tevra

    the most important thing despite any criticism though is are they fun to watch?
    of course there are not any talking dinosaurs or mice or cats etc but lots of movies with them are not only fun to watch for kids but the parents too

  • Page Man

    I disagree with space jam. Its Michael Jordan the greatest basketball player of all time need I say more. then you put some more great atheletes, larry bird mugsy bougues, and so on on top of bill murray and the lonney tunes. granted the storyline isnt the best but for its time it was a perfect movie for children. as for the rest they all were terrible except for hook it was a classic, it is the best rendition of peter pan they will ever make. I mean come on dude dustin hoffman and robin williams really

  • snowman

    oh my gosh***

  • Luke

    How dare you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ccard1 Chris Card

    I still enjoy “Hook”, even if it does have some silly and nonsensical moments. Hoffman and Williams are the ones who carry the film.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jesusolineto Jesus Oliveira Neto

    this dude dont know about movies at all… a stephen spielberg movie is terrible??? ok ok… the guy who wrote this must be one of the greatest director/producer of all time… oh wait… he isnt… pls someone should just sue him for being an idiot

  • http://www.facebook.com/jesusolineto Jesus Oliveira Neto

    oh and the other movies… classics… and this guy still an idiot

  • Nastyconzo

    i feel like this article was written by some asshole who actually takes the same materials into critiquing childrens movies as he does into critiquing r rated art films. I will die before I let someone besmearch the good name of Robin MOTHERFUCKING Williams. Next thing you know this cocksuckers gonna talk shit on Mrs. Doubtfire. Dickweed.

  • Mikennedy

    Hook wasn’t as bad as Lincoln.

  • from the future

    WTF is this sh*t list???? this guy(who wrote this awful article) should be buried next to an ant hill and die a painful death, so at least, we know he can feel anything. Hook, An American Tail and Space Jam was, and IS great, the only people who didn’t enjoy these movies are cynical,thick-hearted people who have very low to zero connection with their emotional selves, or those people who grew up having a terrible childhood….

    and the WORST PART of this article is, he included lowly scores from rotten tomatoes(the worst thing that happened to the movie industry), which are infested by wannabe-movie-critics who watch movies for their cold hard technical details and not about the story, sentiments and visual & psychological interpretations, and desperately want to feel important that they will lash out on every movie they come across, the person who wrote this article must have even stolen awful reviews from the douchebags in rotten tomatoes(or this guy probably is one of those douchebags from RT)

  • Ithamar Ramos

    Sorry Dude!
    I watch Mario as a Kid and nobody I know liked it, in any place, in any age.
    Also I don~t know any kid who liked Space Jam ou Hook, only nostalgic grownups liked those movie. (most movies of this list are made for nostalgic grownups, not for childrens)
    A real bad movie that we loved as childrens was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2

  • kireen

    shaun of the dead awesome

  • toby

    Hook is dope!

  • vipangelbaby

    Did someone piss in this guy’s cheerios for like, EVERY SINGLE DAY during his childhood? Seriously! Why are you gonna sit there and be so damn critical of kids’ movies? THEY’RE FOR KIDS.

  • http://www.facebook.com/matthew.lashomb Matthew LaShomb

    Space Jam is to Michael Jordan what Spice World was to the Spice Girls: a shameless self promotion. Seriously, the whole thing was little more than an homage to Michael Jordan and his overwhelming, all encompassing awesomeness, and hey why not buy some of our officially licensed merchandise to show off to your friends?’Cause Michael Jordan is just so awesome.

  • http://www.facebook.com/matthew.lashomb Matthew LaShomb

    Super Mario Bros was written and directed by a husband/wife team who’d clearly never played any of the games, only sat through multiple episodes of the god awful animated series.

  • http://twitter.com/BrittGranitt Kyle T Palmer

    I used to have that Turbo Man toy! I think I saw the movie once, but I just thought the guy looked cool.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=601725305 Jeff Rittenour

    another uneducated list from an idiot born of this generation – ruined before he even knew it by being brought up on GARBAGE…get a life dude – you have no clue what you’re talking about and just cuz it’s on the net doesn’t validate your uselessness one bit. Fuckin souless loser.

  • http://profiles.google.com/dslieker Dallas Slieker

    There’s quite a lot of second-hand embarrassment when reading about someone misunderstanding An American Tail.

  • A Peter Pan Fan.

    If this guy had actually taken the time to read the original book/play of JM Barrie’s Peter Pan, then he would understand just how genius the movie is. It isn’t anywhere close to a rehash of the original Peter Pan story (as he said), and yet it gives little elements that hint back to the original story. The fight scenes were of decent quality for the early 90′s, so unless he is comparing the fight scenes to today’s standards (which would also be ridiculous), he really shouldn’t comment.

    Never compare anything to the Disney version. The Disney Version is a horrible adaptation of the original play, and takes too many liberties with the story. The level of “magical qualities” was never truly defined in the play. It was actually kinda open ended, so the reader could personally define them as being either literal or even metaphorical (Flying aside; I feel). Or simply put from a child’s perspective, like whether Peter was actually chasing a rogue, detached shadow or his own shadow simply left because it was being cast on a far wall and Peter was a simple-minded child who chased the negative dispersion of light interacting with different angled surfaces.

  • http://www.facebook.com/corey.bayless.9 Corey Bayless

    For the rest of us who are older than 28, the films I loved as a kid but found were terrible later were: “Popeye.” (Robin Williams) “Return to Witch Mountain.” “Herbie Rides Again.” – And you think “Hook” was bad? Try, “The Shaggy D.A.” or “Flash Gordon.” “The Black Hole.” Yet, even without the help of CGI, we had GREAT kids movies like, “The Bad News Bears.” “The Black Stallion.” “Willy
    Wonka & the Chocolate Factory.” “Pete’s Dragon.” And because we couldn’t watch any movie whenever we wanted, getting to watch all the holiday clamations and Charlie Brown specials were REALLY wonderful.

  • http://www.facebook.com/rovelt.nichols Rovelt Nichols

    I agree with the overall premise of the article. None of the films are objectively good movies because children’s movies are made for kids who are actually stupid. Their brains aren’t done yet.

    Personally 3/5 I never liked and always knew were crap. Seriously no one ever thought Mario Bro’s was a good movie. Jordan can’t even play the character of himself.

    Jingle & Hook however have some actual value. Sinbad & Hartman were both excellent foils for Ahnold and I bunch of basically but entertaining crap happening can be enjoyable. Hook is no doubt more bad then good and each time I watched as I grew older I noticed more I disliked… OK he was right but whats wrong with loving a little Rufio, Rufio, Rufio? Could have worded that better. The real question is what does he have against the Lion King?

  • TheViper4Life

    The only movie I truly agree with on that list is Super Mario Bros. Even as a kid I didn’t like that movie, thought it was absolutely horrible.

    Jingle All the Way I guess I agree with too…but it was a guilty pleasure of mine. I enjoyed the movie, but never really thought it was that great.

    An American Tale, Space Jam and Hook (especially Hook) on the other hand, are movies I will still watch now, and I’m almost 27 years old.

  • Jim Guida

    Hook rocks. Even the writer agrees that everyone but himself thinks so.

  • http://twitter.com/scarboroughman Mr. Happy Blog

    As a kid? these were movies when I had my kids.

  • Zcal

    right in the childhood!

  • Mike

    I think the only one I agree with on here is Mario. I thought it was a decent movie as a kid but now, looking back, it beats Street Fighter (with Van Damme as Guile) for the worst video game movie ever.

    However, the other 4 were amazing movies. My friend and I quote Space Jam all the time. And my dad loves Bill Murray’s line, “Perhaps I could be of some assistance”

  • WowbaggerT.I.P.

    Errmm, what would be wrong with putting this article on one page? ‘Didn’t read it, because I’m not going to sit through a page-load for each sentence of this thing. These lists are trivia by definition – entertaining trivia, but… trivia.

    We are talking about a list with a grand total of five (5) items here. I’m not going to mess with navigating multiple pages for something that could fit into six paragraphs. Someone needs to review their Web Design 101 before going live with this stuff. “Piss on the user” is not an attitude that inspires readership. Kthxbye.

  • Teriqua Jones

    I still love this movie.

  • Teriqua Jones

    Any movie starring Dustin Hoffman and Robin Williams is good *PERIOD*

  • Teriqua Jones

    Never heard of this one?

  • Teriqua Jones

    C’mon, this movie was adorable!

  • http://www.facebook.com/shawtybryola Bryan Bryola Cardona

    Wth these were the movies man dude has no life now half these movies r being repeated

  • logic

    how old is the author 13?

  • http://www.facebook.com/steven.c.manns Steven C Manns

    You ve got to be kidding me im upset that space jam made it up here NOT SPACE JAM!!!!!

  • PoesKitten

    I loved Barberella ( can’t believe my parents let me watch that), Flash Gordon, Earth Girls are Easy( another highly inappropriate movie for my underage eyes to see) I still love that highly random scene Where MT VJ “Downtown” Julie Brown sang. Here is the link for those of you who don’t know….,http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rNfZxgkH7k , The Prophesy, Breakin and Breakin 2: Electric Bugaloo, and Warlock. I have tons more that I watched and love…and still love. Will I ever watch them again…maybe if I become desperate enough…or if I crave a really awesome B or C movie. I refuse to do D movies again. Do you hear Uwe Boll, NEVER AGAIN!!!

  • ozarkmatt

    “There are no cats in America and the streets are paved with cheeeeese!!
    FTW.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Christopher-Gass/100001039740161 Christopher Gass

    Oh T.J. Of all these movies, Jingle All The Way was your favorite? I’m sorry, but that movie is, to put it eloquently, the suckiest suck to have ever sucked.

  • http://www.facebook.com/joseph.rose.908 Joseph Rose

    I saw Hook aged 10. Hated it then. Hated it now.

  • PICK A NAME

    How old are you guys if you think Jingle All The Way was a Movie you Loved as a Kid???!!!??? Jesus!!! Are you 14???!!!??? BUT!!! That’d be right! Teenagers these days are too smart and too into getting rich instead of having fun and being dumb! Jingle All The Way..! Pfft… You guys are so young!!! Yet you’re probably rich now for creating this website aren’t ya??? JESUS!!!

  • Joshua Thirteen

    I have little respect for critics, or rather for the concept behind them. It’s ok to have your views and analysis, and to share them. If one finds a critic of like mind they can be a good guide. But the presentaion of subjective information as fact is a delusional mindset shared by most critics. What one person finds boring beyond belief another will love. What one finds funny, falls flat to a another. What one regards as a great artistic achievement another will find a pointless and boring waste. Don’t tell me these movies do suck (a question of fact), tell me you THINK so and why (a subjective matter of taste) Learn the difference between objective criteria and subjective, and don’t present one as the other. It’s not just a matter of semantics. Failure to distinguish these colors every word of most critics writings, and makes them of little real value to many.

  • http://twitter.com/BishopAP Aaron Peeples

    How about you actually say something specific instead of just trashing the movies? I agree that most of these movies are terrible, but you could tell us why instead of just coming up with different ways to say you don’t like them.

  • NatalieEGH

    1. I like Hook. Not something I watch monthly but yes about yearly. It is in my DvD collection. Some of my favorites scenes are where Wendy comments about Peter now being the pirate, when Peter finally laughs and flies back to the Lost Boys, and at the end when Teddy gets his marbles back. I liked the movie for its more abstract meaning. If you, my dear critic are unable to appreciate, I suggest you watch, think about family, think about work, thing about all your commitments and consider how what you most treasure (I assume family) can be slowly shunted to the side or even buried in the very act of trying to fulfill your duties to them, until you forget why you are doing what you are doing, just knowing it is necessary for helping and protecting.

    2. I like Jingle all the Way. I watch at Christmas. It is definitely more a Christmas story than say “The Story Lady” (excellent) rebilled as “The Christmas Story Lady”. It is funny. It also pokes fun at crazes like the Cabbage Patch Kid dolls where everyone had to have that doll that cost at MOST $5.00 even in today’s dollars and was sold in 25-30 years ago for upwards to $300.00. The theme has been included in several television shows and other movies, though not the central theme. And Arnie actually makes a good comedic actor when he tries.
    3. I am neutral on An American Tail. It had great songs and a good story, I have just seen the story in other forms done better. I do have the sound track.

  • Russell in Birmingham

    Jingle All The Way… loved it, surprisingly. Did not see it as a kid but rather on a whim in my mid-20′s. Much to my surprise, I thought it was very funny.

  • who mike jones

    i agree with him on hook and super mario but the rest are bomb as hell

  • e jerry powell

    …And I was in my twenties when all these films came out.

  • dudereally

    The only movie that you are even remotely correct about is Super Mario Bros. (which was absolutely horrible). But to say that Jingle all the Way, Space Jam, Hook and an American Tail were even close to being bad is absolutely ludicrous. Yeah they aren’t the best of movies now but back then they were hits. I also still enjoy those movies very much and some are even my all time favorites. AND your thoughts about watching these movies as a kid are completely off. Especially about Hook. I’ve said enough. But you should really consider doing this list over.

  • yakki Doodle

    Okay yes Hook has nostalgia. But let’s talk Robin Williams 4 1 sec. Many comedy actors get no respect. The 1′s that do is because they do the same thing over & over again. Robin Williams is guilty of it. But you look beyond his typical work & he really does show great moments of potential. People saw it in Good Mourning Vietnam, chew over Awakenings, a court room moment of Miss Doubtfire, Secret Agent, I’ll even defend him in the overrated Good Will Hunting, What Dreams May Come, Final Cut, Big White, Night Listener & Tiny Cameo in Dead Again. Now most of his films usually only have him & if ever 1 cameo. Now it’s easy to say that the majority of his work. Just like films like Graduate, Midnight Cowboy, Kraimer VS Kraimer, Tootsie, Rainman & Mr Magoriums Wonderful Emporium have overshadowed masterpieces like Little Big Man, All The Presidents Men, Marathon Man, Straight Time, Family Business, Billy Bathgate, Wag The Dog, Confidence & The Lost City. Bob Hoskins because of a Disney film & Mario is forever stained. Although he was great in Roger Rabbit surprising that he’s British & show’s no sign of it. Films like The Long Good Friday & his work in Cotton Club go unnoticed now.

    So all these guys are overshadowed by stupid flicks. Not to mention back to Robin Williams. All his movies only have him & a 1 other guy, De Niro, Pachino, Walter Matheu, Jeff Bridges & the list goes on. He doesn’t have the luck 2 be born in the 70′s where I’m sure like Hoffman & Pachino. He’d have a good list of great & bad films. Some relying completely on him or a duo as they usually do. But like Hook &…We’ll Old Dog’s technically had some big people, I mean Matt Dillon Mr. 50′s in the 80′s but come on the co-star is overrated ass John Travolta.

    So yes Robin William’s get’s 2 lead 1 great Epic ensombled films with underrated Hoskins & unrecognizable Hoffman. Only 1 problem. It’s an EPIC kid’s film which let’s face it how many are there really? If you can call OZ which is clearly only ment for mom’s & (I’m not clever enough to think of a better adjective)then what can you really call Epic? HOOK That’s what.

    Sure it used set’s, So did most films of the time. Sure they’re elaborate. But stripping them down probably would’ve made them look really fake. I’ve never been a Spielberg fan, He’s never given anyone struggling except Hoskin’s a break. He missed out not getting Untouchables. Maybe it’s just my taste but I don’t care about Hon Solo looking for treasure unless he was a pirate. I don’t care about Sperm Alians. Dinosaurs, Horses, Alians that look like terds & show ignorant ass kid’s which trust me living in the time of Problem Child & Denis The Menace, I don’t think any kid liked ET, I think it was a film adults thought was cute & shoved down our throats, I don’t care about Sharks, Opera & Abuse, War & saving Matt Damon, Do a fucking Gangster or Mickey Rourke pic or get fucked. Since Rourke’s only Spielberg film is his first 1941. So he’s got an epic early SNL flick, a good Leonardo flick & Hook & beyond that he produced some good early Zemeckis before he went digital.

    Now I admit I was a dumb kid when I liked Space Jam, Rain check. The Jingle All The Way is hilarious. You got this overly action guy pretending 2 be an everyday dad. I mean It’s seriously like they asked Thor, Hulk not Banner, or Conan which let’s face it he is, Hey why don’t you play an everyday father. As a kid the reality of the film wasn’t no big deal, but watching now it’s just crazy.

    Now I know that Cutthroat Island is just the “Worse film ever” meaning we can never have another pirate film again unless it has even bigger over the top fake ass Bruckheimer a scumbag who’s biggest crime is fooling the american public into liking Nicholas Cage. But hey let’s think about it. A flick with a baby eyed terd for girls to woo over, a gay pirate, a PG13 balless film that pretends to have balls & Disney slapped on it for credit. As if people were 2 stupid 2 know that Hollywood & Touchstone is a pork term for Disney.

    So yes shame Spielberg for once getting his shit together. Using some good actors not that Walken wasn’t cool in Catch Me If You Can briefly. Actually he was kinda wasted now that I think about it. Making an EPIC KID’s FILM. Enthuses on EPIC because it was.I know kid’s are evil & don’t deserve anything. But this film did have plenty for grownups & is still endearing.

    Now I’ll address the real problem people have with the film. Why would someone forget they were peter pan.

    The same reason kids everyday block out abuse. Abuse lead’s 2 a change in kid’s people notice it & repeal, Abuse generally ruins the person someone could have been & makes them a shell of they’re potential & 1 day they remember & they’re whole sanity comes crashing down.

    No imagine, When Peter got to Neverland he tried 2 forget life pre neverland & live in the now. Then he decided 2 stay in the real world after loosing Wendy’s youth 2 old age. So again he lived in the now. As time went on & he grew. The idea he was once a forever prince having the time of his life & is now a real person in everyday real life & is gonna grow old & die. Stuff he never had 2 deal with. Seems like allot to give up a care free immortal adventurous life to be a normal working person who is gonna grow old & die.

    Now granted that probably is 2 deep for most kid’s at the time 2 understand it. But that’s why it’s so good watching it was a kid. As a kid, Growner up people make they’re responsibilities & getting 2 stay up late seem so cool that kid’s rush 2 grow up. Then they do & it sucks. Movies like this unsuccessfully try 2 warn kids that growing up isn’t all that it’s looks. But kid’s never quite grasp it & live in the now & that is the tragedy of HOOK.

    So as I say up your’s 2 the writer.

  • Craig

    Disagreed on Jingle All the Way. That movie used to be, and still is, hysterical.

  • aaF

    T.J. Barnard, eres un gilipollas.

    Hook será maravillosa por siempre.

  • theparadoxx

    BANGARANG!

    yup..still awesome. I hear fantasia’s animation isn’t up to 2013 specs… you should bitch about that too…

  • Gunther

    This entire review was obviously just written to make his writing quota and to garner some comments. I was going to go through and write this long dissertation but came to realise that it was unneeded because most reasonable people know that children movies are made for…….. why yes, they are made for children. To hold them to any other standard is ludacris at best. Cinematography and good acting is great and all but the real test of a children’s movie is replayability(does your child play it over and over, or was it once and then never watched again) and by that standard these are all proven good children movies. One other thing, I don’t know what rock you were growing up under but I can’t think of anywhere in the country that any 10yr old boy didn’t know who Michael Jordan was(even little old ladies that hated sports knew who he was).

  • http://twitter.com/Captaintae Taylor Johns

    Hook is like Alan Moore doing a Peter Pan story. Just because you are pretentious and caustic doesn’t mean it’s a bad movie.

    You should watch it again, take in the message about growing up without losing your happy place. Because your words make you sound miserable.

  • Kris L

    Just because rotton tomatoes says something doesnt make it true. I for one still love Hook and think its a bloody good film. Duston Hoffman played the captain so well that I didnt even realise it was him until years later.

  • no

    you’re an idiot, TJ … you write like you are not old enough or smart enough to be nostalgic.

  • http://twitter.com/RossSclafani Ross Sclafani

    you forgot the neverending story. a few good scenes of dialog but mostly BAD. don’t believe me, watch it again.

  • ThatOneGuy

    You will die a slow painful death, with no movies to comfort you except for Star Wars episodes I, II, and III

  • Breadfan

    This article is full of shit, written by someone that grew up without a TV and was jealous of all the other kids that actually had a normal happy childhood.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ron-Hatchell/100003876293486 Ron Hatchell

    Hook is one of my favorite movies. And the first time I saw it I was an adult. A great story about learning to be a responsible adult and yet learn how to enjoy life as a child.

  • andy

    Jingle All The way isn’t a good movie, unless a person has a special interest in it. I personally like Arnold, the Big Show, the DJ, and Sinbad’s performance.

    I’ve never watched Super Mario Bros, only because I’ve seen previews and somehow resisted watching.

    Space Jam was one of my favorite movies for years, until I was even out of high school. I watched it four or so years ago and realized that it is nowhere near as good as I thought it was, although it isn’t completely and utterly terrible. It’s not a good movie, but it’s entertaining.

    I haven’t watched An American Tail since I was a kid, but it does have a 68% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. A 68% rating makes it a good movie, meaning that it belongs nowhere on this list.

    Hook, IMO, is a classic. Is it overrated? Yes. Is it a film featuring great effects and acting? No. It’s a VERY FUN film, though. That’s why it is so beloved. I personally am a HUGE fan of Robin Williams, I remember RU-FI-OOOOO, “lookie lookie I’ve got Hooky!” the fat black kid who rolls into a ball, and the pirates being morons. Is it a bad movie? Probably, but the fun scenes make it good.

  • KeithDaddy

    Goonies should be #1… because it ended. No movie THAT perfect should ever end. There should be theatres playing it nonstop like an unending episode of Big Brother. Goonies, Goonies, Goonies.

  • Vuk

    You are an idiot i could writte why but that would be a waste of my time.To say that space jam is a bad movie…..well you suck man……i love basketball even today and a big part why i started plazing it is because i watched this movie…….Space Jam is a great movie and IT IS FUNNY

  • BloodFoot

    This is utterly idiotic. These movies are all awful. They were crap when they were made and they are still crap. There is no redeeming nostalgia about any of them. Why do you write this garbage?

  • Malex

    I always thought that ET was great as a kid, but horrible as an adult, even as a teenager.

  • danidoubleu

    I still like Hook…

  • plevel

    lol the only movie i know from these is space jam and its still epic

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1131262646 Alyce Demary

    This guy really did have no childhood… That is truly sad. And for someone to make a list of movies you thought were great as a child but terrible as an adult and to include movies you didn’t even watch as a child is stupid. You’ve ruined your own list. Try sticking to your own criteria.

  • JM

    Space Jam is the shit you asshole

  • David

    Hey moron, worst movie ever made by Spielberg? Ever see A.I.?

  • thetrellan

    No, “Somewhere Out There” is NOT the most beautiful song ever written, it’s actually the first clue that “An American Tail” could be much better.

    As for “Jingle All the Way”, it’s just one of those films which REQUIRES the main character be a piece or work. I’m sorry if this disillusions you, but it didn’t make the film awful. The sad thing is, there actually are such clueless people in the world as Arnold’s character here. Mind you, I didn’t like the film either.

    Okay, I admit it: I was no kid when these monsters came out. For me, Space Jam was a nasty revelation as to how far WB had sunk. Need I say more?

    If I saw SMB, it made no impression on me.

    As for Hook, while nothing special, it really wasn’t that bad. This is what comes of finding out your cherished memories are crap: you overreact and hate beyond reason.

    It’s also why I despise creators who make garbage just because the target audience is young. You’re a professional, so do the work of a pro and get it right. Because when a teenager looks back and sees that his taste was horrible, it creates a kind of self-loathing which can become unhealthy. Stop doing this to our children!

  • Tony Stark’s Illegitimate Son

    I agree with the author. These movies stink. Even as a child, I just didn’t like them. My family tried desperately to get me to like “An American Tail,” but it just rubbed me the wrong way.

  • saintfighteraqua

    Feivel bored me to death even as a kid, so did Space Jam.
    Hook was okay though.

  • whatever

    (I’m not clever enough to think of a better adjective) critic, i wonder what does he enjoy.. what a piece of shit fuckin moronic opinion, never seen such biased criticism in one hyperlink….

  • Tony

    Hook is an amazing film, Dustin Hoffman was perfect as Hook, i could talk about all the great parts of the film but i’d prob have to make my own article explaining how good of a film Hook is

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jubal-Biggs/686455551 Jubal Biggs

    Perhaps I am too old, but when I first saw Hook I thought it stank up the living room. I was young enough that my mom had control of the VCR though; and she loved it. To this day I believe that this movie, like many Robin William movies, is not aimed at children at all, but at Baby Boomers who not too secretly want to watch a slightly grown up kiddie movie because they never grew up. They could then use the excuse of their children’s existence (us poor, put upon Xers) to watch crap like Hook again and again and again…

  • ToothyGrinn

    I must be ancient, Hook was a cow pat

  • http://www.facebook.com/tomspratt Thomas Spratt

    Ridiculous list, no taste for classics.

  • http://www.facebook.com/glenniverson Glenn Iverson

    I agreed with every review except for Hook, which I first saw as an adult, and which I STILL consider to be cute, fun entertainment. Granted, it’s not Oscar worthy by any means; but it certainly isn’t a BAD movie, especially by comparison to most of what Hollywood puts out these days.

  • http://twitter.com/KyleJMaxwell Kyle Maxwell

    The problem with reviewing childrens movies as an adult and being hyper critical of them is that they are made for kids. I would not rip apart the flimsy story telling of Matt Christopher book now because its not meant for me. Its meant for childhood me, who could barely pay attention for an hour. Its all well and good to be critical of a films flaws but you have to be reasonable about childrens movies man..theyre made for kids. Most games kids play seem silly to adults, because you got older. Its ok.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=746875316 Jon ‘Jonny’ Preece

    You lewd,crude, rude, bag of pre-chewed food dude

  • http://twitter.com/TheMazMan Paul Mazzoni

    Those defending “Hook” are crazy. That movie was a clumsy piece of film-making. And THANK YOU for putting “An American Tail” in there. This came out at a time when there were a lot of great animated films. This was NOT one of them. Ignore the “worst article ever” folks. They apparently love bad movies.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tiffany-Souza/100000062565836 Tiffany Souza

    Awww I love Hook! I still cry whenever it ends! I wanted Peter to come whisk me away to Never Never Land at the age of four! But I think the best part now is knowing that Rufio has gone on to play Prince Zuko in Avatar: The Last Airbender. My youngest brother and I wanted to watch a movie but couldn’t agree on one. I finally suggested Hook out of frustration. He considered no but then I said, “Rufio is Prince Zuko.” “Put it in.” We spent the movie shouting out stupid shit like “Rufio look your honor!” every time Dante came on screen. Way more fun than it should have been. Besides, Rufio is a total hottie! And now he’s Zuko?! That Dante Brasco is in it makes it gold, plain and simple.

    Ru-fi-ooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhh!!!

  • gridsleep

    The only one of these I ever watched was Hook and I wouldn’t repeat the effort. There are too many other things I don’t have to watch twice but do anyway, like Serial Experiments:Lain. And about twenty lifetimes of stuff I have yet to watch the first time.

  • xxadverbxx

    Hook!

    “The plot (a kind of half-assed twist on the original story)”

    My understanding was that JM Barrie had actually planned (or at least contemplated) on a story where Peter did leave Neverland, did grow up and forget his life there, and did end up going back. But it never got written up. So I wouldn’t really call the plot a “half-assed twist”. Otherwise, I will admit I love this film. I recall it being the first movie my parents let me stay up past my bedtime to watch when it was on TV (which at that time I got to stay up until 9pm!). I love the film Hook!

    I will also admit that it is extremely cheesy, that most the child actors in it really ham things up, there are some rather creepy parts for a kids movie (Tink kissing Peter, the mermaid scene, etc), the wardrobe… oh god what can I say about that? Bob Hoskins as Smee though is great (which he reprises the role of in Neverland). So I will admit the film is rather bad, but I love it partly for the odd quirkness it has and mostly due to that nostalgic bit.

    Also, do you really know people who like the Mario film?

  • ekaJ

    This author seems extremely sadistic growing up lol…your supposed to reflect on childhood memories as a positive thing otherwise go become a serial killer, but us we are gonna reflect on how when we were kid we could make everything great, that was the magic of being a kid. When we reflect on memories it usually is supposed to make us feel good inside…weirdo.

  • Liz

    Jingle all the way was never good. I hated that movie as a kid, and now! Space Jam was awesome, even if it is a B movie. It has Bugs bunny and the Loony tunes in Space! Plus Micheal Jordan I believe I can fly was one of our inspired SR class songs. American Tale is depressing, and a little dark but offers hope to many lost kids. I had a lot of friends who immigrated to the US as a kid, and they all say An american tale gave them hope, courage, and wisdom. I mean every kid’s worst fear is being separated from their parents, and Fival is, but then he gets reunited! He also is befriended and helped by a cast who society tells him is harmful. Tiger, normally an enemy, but they become best friends. Tony, and his girlfriend. Teaches kids to see the person, not the stereotype. I have never seen Mario Bros. Finally you insult Hook? Its still one of my whole family’s favorite films from Dad, Mom, Grandpa, Grandma, my little cousins, aunts and Uncles, etc! It was Peter Pan going back to being Pan! It made us laugh, wish for adventure, taught us great vaules and morals, cry why Roofio died. Fuck you man! Most of these movies are great and who cares what the critics said? Btw, NC loved hook and an american tale, so stop bitching.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dan-Counts/100000132702258 Dan Counts

    Whoever wrote this, obviously has no taste as a child or an adult. Seriously, each of those films was assailed as being drivel before they hit the the theatres. The only exception is An American Tale that somehow made money (but Americans aren’t known for our taste).

  • Put3

    MARIO BROTHERS! Its TERRIBLE but AWESOME at the same time… and honest to god i just don’t know why!

  • Hales

    No Those movie are awesome!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000040867962 Jay Smith

    All of these movies were crap. Except Hook. Hook is still enjoyable to me.

  • migster88

    I loved 4 of these movies as a kids and now my kids enjoy them too. They aren’t block busters but the fact that a second generation of kids are enjoying them must say something. My kids aren’t watching The Godfather or Forest Gump but they are considered some of the best movies of all time. These films succeed where they are meant to, entertaining children with imagination and fun-loving hearts. You’re no better than Peter Banning. Find your happy thought and fly!

  • http://www.facebook.com/zapp.brannigan.14 Zapp Brannigan

    Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. I thought as a kid this was the best movie ever, I watched it at least 100 times, now when ive watched it I find it hard to get by Costner’s performance. And I agree with someone else, how dumb were you as a kid to think Jingle All the Way, Mario Bros and Space Jam were good movies, as a kid i assumed Mario Bros would be horrible so I never watched it and Jingle all the way? even as a kid i knew Arnold didn’t belong in a comedy. (kindergarten cop was ok for the time) and Space Jam is the only one I did see, and apart from the cartoons and people intermingling was cool it wasn’t that far removed from Paula Abdules Scat Cat, after I seen the cartoon and people together that was it for me, about a half hour in I turned it off.

  • Jules

    Wrong, wrong, wrong. Hook is magical.

  • Oniönhead

    Funny how these comments seem to be proving the author’s point.

  • DBCoopwe

    You can toss in Superman II and Return of the Jedi.

  • http://www.facebook.com/joeyredhat Joe Velez

    That was the first time I’ve ever seen anyone bash An American Tale. As for the rest, I seen them all as a kid and thought they all sucked. If any kid had seen them and thought they were awesome then something was wrong with that child.

  • Lani

    Funny, I didn’t like the movie up UNTIL the point Peter was taken off to Neverland.

  • wcb123

    you come right out of a comic book

  • http://www.facebook.com/cgolden1701 Christopher Golden

    Hook and Space Jam both Great Movies. I do not care what others may think but It was good.

  • http://www.facebook.com/amber.marie.5283 Amber Marie

    Whoever wrote this article is an ass. Overcritical about every little aspect. These movies are targeted towards kids, thats why kids love them. Fuck what the parents say, as long as the kids are happy with the movie. BTW: My 45 year old dad loves An American Tail and he never watched it until recently.

  • DougK

    Gotta disagree with you on Hook, which is one of the great underrated films of our time. When it wasn’t the expected $$$smash, everyone backed away from it. But you’re right on the money with the others, especially Super Mario Brothers. I mean, when it has lines like “Trust the fungus…” :p

  • skunkybeaumont

    Felix The Cat: The Movie. Tried to watch it on youtube a few weeks ago, the quality depressed me in a violent way.

  • http://ngebid.com/ Video Games Bluray Consoles

    this is the worst article I’ve ever read .

    .

    Video Games Bluray Consoles and accessories

  • Dionysus

    I’ve used Hook a dozen times in class. The kids love it. A film doesn’t necessarily have to be witty, clever or deep
    written to be ‘good’. If the whole single point of the film is to be entertained and people are, I’d say it was pretty darn good.

  • bcs

    hmm. a meaningless opinion from some ignorant douche on a shit website about a decent movie, with ROBIN WILLIAMS! smh

  • http://www.facebook.com/chris.luna.9699 Chris Luna

    this reveiwer is dumb as fucking shit. everyone of these movies are fucking great

  • Dale

    I recall the Peter Pan movie being ripped apart by critics and being a bomb at the box office. I don’t recall anyone really loving that movie. I have a feeling the guy who wrote this article wasn’t born in 1986.

  • McGygas

    Jingle all the way?, is one of the best Xmas Movies ever, aside Home alone, Die Hard and Chrismas Vacation

  • Cindy G.

    I was already an adult when all these movies came out. I loved American Tail and Hook. And still do.

  • Nydia

    Kids are not dumb… Who says that

  • Philip210

    Space Jam is awesome & I was 18 years old when it came out! Sure it’s no Roger Rabbit technology, but it’s a fun lil movie & yes it does seems the article tries too hard.

  • Larry Renaud

    There is no such thing as a great child film, because they are all devoid of reality. They are all basically seminars in morality, with cheese and stupidity to spare. After all you can’t train the next generation of consumers to want what they can’t have and buy what they don’t need if you don’t keep them entertained.

  • http://twitter.com/shaqattaq32 Nicholas C

    UM no. Space Jam is still good.

  • Marie

    I don’t understrand, Hook, actually followed int he line of the traditional Peter Pan play, even casting Mr. Darling as Hook as it has always been done. I understand some finer details might not be as good as it could be today, mostly special effects and stuff like that, but all in all it was a good movie for it’s time.
    I think the author has their head a bit up their ass, they should pull it out. Specially with that “kids are dumb” part. Were you dumb as a kid as well? Are you willing to come out in the open and say “I agree, I was dumb as a kid!” Or are you the exception of the rule (not)?

  • DireLeon2010

    Holy frackin what the buck?! What is all the hate for Lost World? It was an awesome movie! And of course you don’t feel the same about these films now. I still love a lot of them BECAUSE of the nostalga factor. Sheesh!

  • DireLeon2010

    Well, yeah, okay. Space Jam always sucked.

  • kissmyballs

    don bluth bad animation? You are an IDIOT, douchebag!!

  • schniebem

    A.I. was a far worse Spielberg movie than Hook.

  • http://www.facebook.com/lmhsfan Alexis Peters

    Maybe it’s just nostalgia on my part, but I still love these movies. Even Super Mario Bros. And I could watch Space Jam on repeat to this day. Actually, I never liked An American Tail as a child, although I did like most other crudely drawn cartoons of that era. Know a Spielberg cartoon I didn’t realize was bad until I got older: We’re Back! The dinosaur movie. I bought it out of the $5 bin because I remember loving it. That was a big wtf?

  • houstonfan4life

    Space Jam is not terrible!!!! You must be on drugs because that was my favorite movie growing up! and I can still watch it all the time! It may not be the best movie ever, but to said it is terrible is ludicrous!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/erock3 Erik Paquette

    how does it feel to be a joyless sack of shit?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tony-Kirk/1712243021 Tony Kirk

    ummm 100% wrong…Space jam and Hook were both awesome then and they are still awesome now

  • Anna

    I know why I loved Hook… Rufio! Rufio! Ruf-i-o!!!

  • ARIS Faith

    I have to agree wit you on Hook. I saw it as a child and loved it, but a few years ago I decided to re watch it. Honestly I was blown away that I ever thought it was that great. Not only was it horribly made, but the plot is a bit boring and nonsensical. I still love Peter Pan but I do not love this movie.

    • ARIS Faith

      with*

  • MyGroceryListIsMoreInsightful

    Nope. Everybody was acutely aware these movies were actually terrible when you were a kid. This article should have been titled The Only 5 Movies I Watched as a Kid So I Had No Frame of Reference Whatsoever and Now I Realize My Parents Bought Me Only the Worst VHS Tapes They Could Possibly Find on the Bottom of the Hollywood Video Remainder Bin (Or, Even More Likely Dug Them Out of a Dumpster Behind Hollywood Video).

  • alan

    I watched eddie murphy s movie coming to america, and chucky child play 1.2 and friday 13 jason everyday when i was a kid. How weird an asian kid loved these movies.

  • michael

    seriously, to put american tail in this list is madness. the atmosphere and animation are excellent, and will never be achieved again in modern animation

  • michael

    sorry, but Hook is not Spielberg’s worst – have you seen AI?? truly awful sentimental-for-its-own-sake rubbish

  • UR MOM

    YOU ARE WRONG.what the f.u.c.k is WRONG WITH YOU THESE ARE GOOD F.U.C.K.I.N.G MOVIES YOU A.S.S.H.O.L.E YOU GUYS ARE WRONG

  • Max Payne

    prob. the worst article ever. most movies on the list are good, congratulations you actually managed to get dumber by aging.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matty-Perron/100000679657439 Matty Perron

    I’d say I’m pretty good at taking off my nostalgia goggles and understanding that a film is not great, even if I still love it while knowing it’s based in nostalgia. But An American Tail is a great film, I hold to that, it is still my favorite Don Bluth film. And, I see where you’re coming from with Hook, but don’t you think you’re being too hard on it? Maybe if I never saw it I wouldn’t like it much either, but all my nostalgia-love for it aside, I think it’s an alright film, yes, the third act is a let down, and it’s a wee bit shmaltzy (I’ll admit, I sort of love early 90s shmaltz), but damn the buildup is good.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001935619370 Mariana Ferreira Albuquerque

    Curious. I have never seen any of this XD

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Emily-Francis/584916859 Emily Francis

    Whatever. I can see your point except for Hook. It really is a good kids movie. You can’t compare every kids movies to an Oscar winner. Some things can just be fun. Robin Williams was great in this. Come on, the imaginary food eating scene was totally original and Ruuu-fee-oooo!!!!

  • Matthew newman

    Worst film he has ever made? I think you are forgetting A.I.

  • Maaaaanix

    Most of these movies were bad when I was a kid, except Hook, which is still good. “Bangarang” is making a comeback.

  • Rumblepack

    Who’s the bigger fool? The fool or the fool who follows him? Let this guy go fuck off.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kathryn.leech.90 Kathryn Leech

    Talking about children not having “pubic hair”…..in an article about family films goes beyond inappropriate…that just downright creepy.

  • http://www.facebook.com/seajaybird88 Jason Gunderson

    Just because you didn’t enjoy your childhood. You have the nerve as writer , to tell us on how these movies are terrible. Sorry to say these were fun to watch. Hook is a great movie, Space Jam was different but not terrible. Not these movies were that bad compare some of the crap you have today..This your opinion view. and not everyone totally agree with you. You need to walk the plank and feed to the sharks! I’m sure you think Goonies was terrible, What an idiot writer to write such a thing.

  • http://www.facebook.com/the.real.toybaby La ‘Toya Alexandria Hall

    noooo!!!! omg!!! no!!! he went too far with space jam!!! That movie is a classic & always will be. i still have the VHS around my house, & i have fly like an eagle on my ipod.

  • Samuel Loy

    My synopsis: I didn’t like Jingle all the Way as a kid, I thought it was stupid that so much effort was made over a toy. As a kid I didn’t really like American Tail either, the “rat” robot at the end… enough said, I did however enjoy it’s sequel “Fievel(sp?) Goes West.” When it comes to SpaceJam however, I couldn’t get enough of it (for a while) and not gonna lie it did almost get me interested in basketball, and as a self confessed sports-hater at the age of 10, that was a big deal. Mostly I enjoyed seeing the Looney interacting ‘naturally’ with the real world, and also technically I enjoyed seeing the pairing of live action and animation (yes at age 10 I was into that stuff,) also I actually remember several jokes worth laughing at that I do genuinely find funny, even now without the nostalgia goggles “Lemony Fresh” still is funny…. I don’t remember if I’d seen the other films

  • Jenny Mertes

    Hated the movie except for the bits with Robert Conrad as the cop – when have you ever seen Bob Conrad in a comedy, playing the guy who gets blown up? Priceless.

  • crummett

    Man, you liked some crap movies as a kid.

  • mark

    I could handle the fivel diss… but hook fuck you.

  • cece

    agree with all except an american tail. its a classic. it was good then and it is good know.

  • soma

    so ya this is a thing… we ruin our childhoods…. ? i didn’t read this stuff but i saw the movies mentioned….really ?
    seriously, why should i give YOU the chance to fuck with my pastdays…. asshole

    ever heard about that if you look back, everything looks bigger ?! i dont play your game…. asshole

  • JohnWaynman

    Um, Hook has its fair share of annoying schmaltzy moments, but those are evenly balanced out with the hilarious comedy and scenery chewing that still holds up when you’re old and grumpy I think.

    It may very well be the best movie of the bunch, and from what I’ve seen and remember, the most enjoyable piece from the Peter Pan franchise as well.
    Let’s do a headcount here… the original book, yea, had its moments, but they weren’t that great and merely peeked out of a see of dull, moralizing seriousness. the novel was soaked in.

    The corresponding play… a bunch of kids playing a bunch of kids on an island and singing songs, yea right no.

    The Disney cartoon had its amazing moments of slapstick humor in the Hook scenes, but even that could get annoyingly silly at times, and the less said about the rest the better. If you already hate childish schmaltz, the kind of which you’ll come across in Hook… then geesus boy. I remember getting that cartoon after countless rewatching of Hook and already back then there were parts that made me cringe.

    So yea…. Hook wins.

  • Raliko

    I didn’t like any of those when i was a child :/

  • http://www.facebook.com/danny.kay23 Daniel Klyde Davidson

    Space Jam is fucking awesome. FUCKING AWESOME. Anyone who says otherwise has no taste.

    • JohnWaynman

      The RLM one is ;)

  • hrspy

    The Goonies! THAT should’ve been on this list!

  • Gus

    Thought for sure “Return of the Jedi” would be on this list. Star Wars went “cutesy” 16 years before Jar Jar.

  • T Faunos

    ‘American Tail’ was made in the midst of a Cold War with imminent nuclear threat and an oppressive communist super-power living opposite of us that perhaps the author never remembered or experienced. In 1986 I was in the 6th grade. AIDS was mentioned for the first time that year by the president…the Challenger blew up. Chernobyl happened. Reagan jokingly said “we begin bombing in five minutes” into a microphone he didn’t know was broadcasting live to the public…..sorry it wasn’t Beiber-fied, politically correct, and utterly false to real life, due to fear of “perceived & projected liabilities” which took over all of our corporate society in the early 1990s. Nonetheless, it was a tale of a child longing for something better and finally getting it.

  • dave

    get real. hook is great. No one liked mario bros the movie. your taste in movies was bad then and worse now

  • spacejam

    just watched space jam again, still fucking awsome.

  • http://twitter.com/IRJunkie Rob

    At no point in your rambling, incoherent writing were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone having read it is now dumber. I award you no points, and may all commentators have mercy on your pompous ass!

  • dylondylon

    You forgot Bill Murray in Space Jam……

  • Teeniebeanie

    How did Theodore Rex not make the cut?? That movie is awful, But i was OBESSED when i was little!!

  • Philip M

    Space Jam was not a cheap quickie. It cost 80 million dollars in 1996 dollars which made it a very expensive movie. The live action sequences are terrible, but the animation is the one reason to watch the movie. Like “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” it’s traditional animation with added shading-very good looking actually.

  • http://www.facebook.com/MayPhoenix Tami Marie Alexander

    I saw “Hook” as an adult, at a time when I was facing foreclosure on my home and a number of other grown-up problems. It was much-needed escapism. I loved it then and love it today. Good messages for adults who have forgotten how to play.

  • ANON

    Ya for real. This guy was born in a test tube or something. Face it bro Hook was a good movie, was it his best movie? no it wasn’t, but it was entertaining and a decent family flick for your kids. BUT DON’T YOU SAY ONE MORE BAD THING ABOUT DON BLOOTH OR AN AMERICAN TAIL YOU HEAR ME!

  • http://www.facebook.com/vicky.sunderland.18 Vicky Sunderland

    Hook and space Jam are totally awesome films. You are wrong. The others i do agree, But i still watch these two films regularly.

  • Steven Peery

    Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure and Babe’s in Toyland with Keannu Reeves and Drew Barrymore!!! Both just awful! LOL

  • wiscowilz

    And this is where you go wrong…Super Mario Brothers and Jingle all the Way sucked as a kid too…that movie was horrible and made no sense…as for Hook, Space Jam and American Tale…those were good and still are.

  • http://www.facebook.com/dean.ash1 Dean Ash

    this writer is terrible. Do you have an imagination mate? I guess i retained my imagination as i grew up but this guy did not. I agree with most of the choices but even at the age of 22 i found space jam to be a great little distraction from the drudge of daily life. For you and all the space jam haters out there, the plot isnt supposed to make sense, name a loony tunes cartoon that ever did! At the now ripe age of 39 i recently watched space jam with my 5 year old and he loved it so much he watched it over and over for days. I think it might be this writer and hollywood/TV land who are out of touch with what kids love to see. All the constant spewing out of cgi animation and stupid kids sitcoms.

    So far my kid has loved all the old stuff he’s seen on old time channels. He saw “morph” the other day and laughed himself stupid throughout the whole thing. Note to all those producers – kids dont care how cleverly and techie you made your new blockbuster – what they care about is that its either funny or has a great and original story.

  • http://www.facebook.com/dean.ash1 Dean Ash

    writer of this article – ROTTEN TOMATOES – 95%
    what did you do anyway? just look through the tomatoes site to find high percentage kids films from the past and base your article on that?

  • flavs

    i respected this until you put hook up there. You are a joker, Since you clearly have no idea what you are talking about #1 should have been hook/teenage mutant ninja turtles. That way we would all know for certain that you are just dumb

  • Carrie

    Rufio, Rufio, Rufiooooooooooooooooooooo HEY oooooooooooooooooo
    Hook is a great movie!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Paul-Ruffin/100003745411203 Paul Ruffin

    Man when I was a kid (8 years old to be exact)…. I hated that Super Mario Bros movie. It was terrible, I was very disappointed.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1583660205 Zach Miller

    Dude he’s dead wrong about Mario Bros. That movie was, and still is, the shit.

  • feral shade

    I thought this was a great movie…and i’m usually very reserved with my praise. The only criticism was the indignantly abrupt conclusion…i think there was a lot of potential for Spielberg to devise a sequel (or least divide Hook up between 2 films), but instead we were all just kept hanging.

  • Jessica Silver

    I don’t know anyone nostalgic for any of these movies except MAYBE An American Tail. They were horrible then and they’re horrible now.

  • feral shade

    I kind of agree with Super Mario Bros. In retrospect, it was horrible…and I can rarely stand to watch it now
    …but look at the context…how many video game based films are genuinely outstanding–or even decent? Super Mario Bros was meant to be a fun, thrilling gimmick…and personally, the first time I saw it, I loved it…so, mission complete.
    …movies like this aren’t supposed to be the next Godfather

  • feral shade

    Jingle All the Way was beyond redemption. It was shallow, formulaic and probably made purely to motivate Christmas shopping. To this day I use this movie as a prime example of horrible acting (and a signifier of how Schwarzenegger’s talents (and integrity) have diminished.

  • FEAR

    Um soooo there were no horrible kid’s movies outside of 91-95? Dumb article.

  • AstroSquirrel

    What are this guy’s creditials? Is opinion is no better than mine and I saw these movies and they were alright.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Melissa-Hamari/100000076759308 Melissa Hamari

    Really? Hook?! Hook was and is AMAZING. You have no inner child. You suck.

  • RS61

    he’s just a mean old man, without a mommy

  • SteveTheTaylor

    Worst one for me is Robin Hood: Men in Tights.

    As a child? Witty… hilarious… fun… exciting!

    As an adult? Shockingly bad – didn’t make it past half an hour before it went off forever.

  • Frank A.

    “Hook” was great as a kid…and to this day(Yes I am 30) I watch this movie and love it. Dustin Hoffman deserved an award for this movie..Not really sure how this goes in this category at all!

  • http://twitter.com/Pixxxie7 Pixxie

    I completely agree with most of this. I saw all these movies (except the Mario bros one) and as a kid thought they generally sucked. An American Tail was okay though but I preferred the sequel where they moved west. I didn’t realize so many kids liked these movies. Like Hook? That was so terrible. I loved the Disney Peter Pan but I hated Hook.

  • Lex Diamonds

    Actually, there were a bevy of articles at the time raving over the highly groundbreaking animation at the time of “An American Tail”, and its historical relevance is pretty indisputable even for adults, so this article right off the bat is a FAIL. Not to mention that the music was all pretty well written, at least as good as any animated Disney flick. I can agree with a lot of points with the other movies, but right off the bat you destroy your own credibility and really just sound like another Internet troll. Get a life.

  • http://twitter.com/FrankSmalls669 Frank Smalls

    An American Tale is a pretty good movie, I don’t know why it’s on here. Hook is just mediocre.

  • joblow

    What a useless article. I don’t love the movie, but 68% on Rotten Tomatoes is absolutely hellish? Great writing.

  • cms8924

    I disagree with most of your opinions.

    Maybe An American Tail was a bit gloomy, but let’s not forget it’s contemporary to films such as Once Upon a Time in America, among others. The second decade of 80′s movies had that gloomy tendency, or do you not remember The Neverending Story? (I’m amazed you didn’t ravage that movie, too). This “gloominess” as you call it, probably gave the movie the distinctiveness it needed to be such a hit. No, it’s not Disney, no, it’s not cheerful and corny, but nevertheless, it is still a classic.

    OK, I have to say you’re right about Super Mario. I actually didn’t like that movie as a child, it scared the hell out of me and I found it to be extremely long and annoying. I couldn’t really relate it to my all-time favourite Nintendo game.

    Now, Space Jam. Space Jam is just EPIC. Saw it recently, and enjoyed it as much as the first time I saw it. In my case, I did find the movie inspiring. It had all the elements of 90′s movies.

    Jingle All The Way is one of those movies enjoyable on a first-watch basis, I did laugh my guts out. but the second time sucks. Movies of its genre tend to be the same, and this movie is not exclusively bad.

  • Maria Paramythatzou

    As a child I didn’t analyze movies. I watched. Either I enjoyed them or I didn’t. I enjoyed Hook. Period.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jacob.jones.148553 Jacob Jones

    Hook is a bad movie?
    This guy is a moron, the only crappy movie here is the Super Mario one.

  • http://www.facebook.com/tJDGAF Stephen Andrews

    I stopped reading when I got to Space Jam which pretty much made my child hood. Good day sir.

  • http://www.facebook.com/liam.donald.39 Liam Donald

    I didn’t like any of these movies besides Hook and An American Tail. I still kinda like Hook and An American Tail.

  • Hay Lee

    Jingle all the way & Space jam loved and still love them!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/nathan.forester.1 Nathan Forester

    I don’t think the person who wrote this realizes that Don Bluth’s movies did have dark elements in them – quite a lot of fact.

  • Ash

    Space Jam does Not suck! you suck dude.

  • http://www.facebook.com/michael.lister.7 Michael Lister

    To say that movies for children are bad is really foolish. They were created for children, if children love them, then they are great movies. You really can’t argue with that. You don’t expect a child to enjoy adult films.

  • i HATE YOU

    YOU ARE SO STUPID 4 OF THESE MOVIES ARE AWESOME AND EVEN AS AN ADULT I WATCH THEM! YOU SHOULD JUST NOT WATCH MOVIES AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH

  • mzk1_1

    I’m too old to have seen them as a kid. Of the two I’ve seen, American Tail, boring as it is, has a place in my heart simply because it describes the real experiences (translated to the cartoon world) of my grandparents’ generation, without it being universalized beyond recognition. And I enjoyed Space Jam, sorry.

    • mzk1_1

      Of course, I put off seeing the movie when McDonald’s (!) came out with “Feival celebrates Christmas” toys.

  • Lightning

    The animation in An American Tail is fantastic. Don Bluth is one of the greatest animators of all time, and you think it’s awful? That’s seriously retarded. Don Bluth’s animations certainly have a unique style to them, and it’s okay if you don’t like it, but it’s technically brilliant and artistically subtle. Just because it’s “depressing” does not make it terrible, but it gives it a different feeling, setting it apart from all the other garbage animations of that era.

  • Derpa

    Seriously… there is a reason they are called CHILDREN’S movies… it is almost like they are supposed to cater to… Children?

  • Ass Mungler

    you really shouldn’t call kids dumb

  • Nouseforaname

    Have to agree on Hook but for added reasons:
    I was 10 or 11 when I went to see it with my 1 year older cousin. Theater was full and at intermission i went to buy sodas or something and my seat was filled by an older bigger kid. Manager came and didn’t do anything. My cousin either… sort of ended a big part of my childhood that day…

  • The Redhead

    The dude that wrote this artical is pretty acurate. I mean, seriously guys. If you haven’t seen these movies since you were a kid, then you need to go back and watch them with your now grown-up point of view, they are pretty bad. I watched every movie listed here (except the mario one, that looks pretty crappy) when I was a kid and loved them. 8 years later here I’m watching them all again with my lil’ bro and thinking “How the HELL did I think this was cool back then?!”

  • craigamore

    It tells the story (for reasons nobody really knows)? It’s an honest, bleak and yet heartfelt parable about the realities of immigration in the early 20th century. It’s about lost child’s journey to find his family in a foriegn land that’s meant to be his new home. That he ultimately finds his family in the midst of fighting for the most base elements of freedom every immigrant to this country comes here for is an astonishingly intelligent story to be told for the sake of children.
    What about that has no value? Especially in today’s watered down climate of PC nonsense for which every child must be protected and sheltered from the realities of life in our world, this is a rare attempt at honestly in children’s entertainment. Isn’t it amazing that any of us would be hard pressed to find another example of children’s entertainment that actually tries to be honest with kids about an essential part of our history and do it in such a way that it’s as loved by children as it was?

  • rotar666

    i didnt like hook even when i was a kid. all the others (except american tale) were great.

  • Anthony

    you should have called your post :
    “Nostalgia Sucks: Five Movies I Loved As A Kid (That Are Actually Terrible For Me)” because I all disagree with you.
    “Nostalgia Sucks: Five Movies I Loved As A Kid (That Are Actually Terrible For Me)” because I all disagree with you.

  • TheGreatGoblin

    I always thought these movies sucked

  • J Mellor

    I am proud to say that Mario Bros. creeped the hell out of me even when I was a kid. Hook is pretty bad, but I don’t think it’s as bad as you make it sound, and calling something “Spielberg’s worst film” is a higher compliment than it sounds. Nonetheless, I think you’re mostly on-point with these films, even if the post suffers from the histrionics in which writers feel obligated to soak these kinds of posts. I know you have a video game movie already, but I think Street Fighter deserves consideration. Oh, look…the all-American colonel!…has a Belgian accent? Of course he does. And how about five movies that are actually good (excepting Pixar and Disney)? That would be a fun list. The Sand Lot and the first Ninja Turtles, for starters. What else? I’d like to read that.

  • http://www.facebook.com/irg19 Inga Rós Vatnsdal

    hey I saw Hook as a kid and didn’t like it.

  • Chrissiandara

    Kids are Dumb? Are you trying to pick a fight?
    You obviously had no childhood._. I haven’t seen half those movies… But that “Kid’s are dumb” comment kind of Pissed me off! Anyway, have fun with your life^-^

  • radicallyalyssa

    Anyone who puts Space Jam in a list of bad movies is a bad, bad person.

  • radicallyalyssa

    How dare you?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nathan-Phoenix/100001009669803 Nathan Phoenix

    Never saw Jingle All the Way, but be fair, NO ONE loved the SMB movie as a kid. Even gamer kids thought it was dumb. The other three films hold up as excellent to this day, particularly Hook. If you can’t enjoy that film at any age, something is wrong with you.

  • http://twitter.com/saluk64007 patrick mullen

    Fivel is gloomy, but where is the rule that all animated films have to be light and cheery? I still think it’s a beautiful movie. Mario Brothers I can understand people saying it’s terrible, it is very cheesy and weird, and doesn’t respect the property, but it’s still one of my favorite B movies. I still like hook too, and think it expanded the peter pan themes rather well. Peter’s relationship with Tinkerbell; hook given an impressionable young soul to try and corrupt; the direction the lost boys have taken without their leader – it’s all good stuff. The other two movies I saw as a kid but don’t even remember – I can’t imagine many kids going “oh yeah, jingle all the way, I loved that movie!”

  • Mark

    Sure An American Tale is a little gloomy but it’s a story of happiness really.

  • TJCrow

    I can agree with the Arnold film but the rest still hold up. I have have Hook on Blu Ray and still enjoy the movie. There are funny lines and the set is supposed to look like a child’s dreamland.

  • mel

    it sucked even before.

  • mel

    i like this film until now

  • Len

    I think one could pick apart most of the movies made in the 80′s and 90′s. Movies are as much a product of their decade as clothing and haircuts, and the 80′s had some really bad styles of both. Things are never going to look the same 20 years later. But why on earth would you put Super Mario Bros on this list? I’m guessing about 9 people actually saw that movie, and the author must have been one of them. I’m guessing a few more people saw Jingle All the Way, but this is another strange choice of ALL the movies the author could have chosen. Hook, however, does NOT belong on this list, which he claims is the entire reason the article was written. There are a ton of movies I loved in the 80′s that I can no longer watch because they don’t date well, doesn’t mean they weren’t good or enjoyable for their time. By this standard, most anything made before 2000 could be considered a crappy movie. Epic fail on this article, if only because the choices were all terrible and ran the gamut of financial flops to powerhouse moneymakers.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jamie.raisbeck Jamie Raisbeck

    This list can go suck a fuck.

    Only TWO of the movies on that list sucked ass. But everyone already
    knows that Mario Bros and Jingle All The Way suck major monkey balls.

  • decreator

    Nope, they all sucked then and they suck now. Lol

  • http://www.facebook.com/Shieldsy2007 John Shields

    Umm no, Spacejam is still awesome.

  • M.I. Summerset

    An American Tail was a good film. It’s just all the Disney-lovers that hate it because it actually beat Disney at the box office. Don Bluth made films that Disney wouldn’t. And if it wasn’t for Bluth’s films then we wouldn’t have seen as many other studios producing animation as we do today. Bluth showed that it was possible to compete with Disney.

    Hook was okay but it failed when it came to Neverland. It just wasn’t as impressive as it should have been.

    Nobody ever thought that Jingle All the Way or Super Mario Brothers were good.

  • http://www.facebook.com/SamuelK.Hood Samuel K. Hood

    You may be right and I have to re-watch Hook…but on that note another movie that children love and if you watch as a child you love but adults don’t is Goonies. Don’t believe me have someone who never saw it watch it with you. They wont get it. And will think you are crazy.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Plasmic.Obelisk True Monolith

    This dude obviously has no concept of film critiquing, and obviously as many have stated, no childhood. My guess his favorite movie as a kid was Waterside Down.

  • http://www.facebook.com/adam.kershaw.984 Adam Kershaw

    all blasphemy!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Isaiah-Horbert/1248117121 Isaiah Horbert

    I agree with all of these assessments EXCEPT An American Tale. That is an amazing movie.

  • Brawny71

    In listing Don Bluth’s 1980s credits, you omitted the animated sequence in Xanadu, set to ELO’s “Don’t Walk Away”. Anyone who can draw a little female bird flying around in leg warmers and get away with it is okay by me.

  • Sion corvin

    holy crap …after seeing this trailer ….i’m realy shocked..it’s so bad…in my head it looks like a movie from the 21th century like matrix^^(1999 i believe^^)…..but it isn’t….jesus…i wanna be a Kid again!!!!!!!!!
    being grown up sucks ass!!!…Matrix is still awesome tho…at least for the next 10-15 years..my kids maybe gonna hate it…what a cruel world

  • Alexis

    I agree this dude has no childhood. Super Mario Bros. I agree though was downright terrible. But Hook was great.

  • Alexis

    In additon, Jingle All The Way is one of the worst Christmas films I have ever seen. I loved Space Jam as a kid, I thought it was hilarious. An American Tale was a little too dark and gloomy to be a kids movie. I liked Fieval Goes West…no gloom there really haha.

  • malachi

    Actually I thought all of these sucked to begin with.

  • dmg

    space jam will always be awsome

  • Nycolea

    Ay, don’t dump on my childhood ! Even as an adult I still enjoying watching “Hook” and a few of the other movies on this list. This article actually makes me kind of sad.

  • http://www.facebook.com/christ.mcknight Christ McKnight

    I think once you get to the age where you say “I can’t believe people born in year_____ are 18″, your opinion on childrens’ entertainment no longer matters.

  • Jessica

    I didn’t even see Super Mario Brothers. Watched Space Jam once. American Tail was mediocre, I’ll give you that. But HOOK as NUMBER ONE??? You’re insane. That movie is awesome.

  • LMJ

    Beetlejuice. Loved it when I was a kid. Can’t get through it, now.
    Hook, on the other hand, is sitting with the rest of my DVDs; and I enjoy Jingle All the Way. It has all the depth and redeeming qualities of an oil slick, but it’s stupid fun.

  • Dudette

    I just watched hook recently for the first time since I was 5. I didn’t really care about hook when I was a kid.

    Guess what.

    I still really freaking liked it. Maybe I have bad taste. I don’t know. But I really enjoyed it. I enjoyed the music, the acting, and the hokey-ness. I didn’t know it was spielberg, otherwise maybe I would have expected more. But I still really like hook.

    It’s a good movie and I don’t care what anyone else has to say about it.

  • BulldogCG

    if your gonna give “redeeming factors” how can you leave Billl Murray out of space jam? When he comes of the bench in the end, kid or not, classic.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mattdkenney Matt Kenney

    I disagree with Jingle All the way, hook, and space jam.

    • http://www.facebook.com/mattdkenney Matt Kenney

      and A Troll In Central Park is missing!

  • Chocula

    I watched Hook probably a million times as a kid… Sandlot too. Now I watch them all over again at 27 and god… they’re awful. SO bad. Jumanji was another PoS.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sara-E-James/170101031 Sara E. James

    Whatever dude. I knew Space Jam, Jingle All the Way, and Super Mario sucked when they came out. American Tail, I agree, is not as enjoyable as an adult, although I don’t find it as grim as you apparently do. But Hook? Hook is still a good movie. I still enjoy watching it as an adult. You really don’t know what you’re talking about there.

  • http://www.facebook.com/anythya Anythya Gräulnbarkkn

    Aww I love space jam, even as a kid I knew who Michael Jordan was, still love this movie now I’m older, this guy clearly has his panties in a twist, these movies are awesome :D

    And yes, ok super mario bros was slightly dodgy, but I definitely knew the actors, and I will admit I basically still own all these movies INCLUDING the super mario bros

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tierra-Rideout/100000018701716 Tierra Rideout

    omg those damn reptile guys always scared the shit out of me

  • aura

    Um… What. Ever. Hook is just as awesome today as it was when I was a kid.

  • Mysterwright

    Eh mate, for talking so much shite I don’t see you putting anything out. You must royally envy the yanks. NONE of these films are British. Taking the piss notwithstanding. You throw down the gauntlet, you prepare to get served. That’s only proper.

  • http://twitter.com/sage80_rocker Steve Golac

    Hook is a masterpiece. It doesn’t matter what idiots say.

  • http://museluver.wordpress.com/ Alex

    I believe EVERYONE is entitled to their opinion, but within reason – Not hurting themselves or others. Crapping over a vast number of readers childhoods is BANG outta order.

    I look at the list and yes the writer has a point but its called a CHILDhood, of course your perspective changes when you reach adulthood. This is just an attempt to prompt comment in this section, and to grab attention… Aww well, mission accomplished :

  • http://www.facebook.com/jc.rocko JC Rocko

    I obsessed as a kid…….the truth hurts this movie was horrible.

  • hookROCKS!

    Only fuckin idiots dont like Hook! Shut up!

  • http://twitter.com/CuresCancer Kelley Eidem

    I saw Hook as an adult and liked it a lot, especially the opening scenes.

  • Alex

    Jingle all the way is still good fun, no matter when. Not an awesome film, but a fun kids movie for everyone. Hook has never been thought to be great and i dont remember kids loving it, just liking it at most. That was the case for me. It is not terrible at all, it just isn’t very good. i would place here the Land before time, He Man, We’re Back and most dinosaur movies that came to cash in for the Jurassic Park hype, Street Fighter, and maybe both Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, though not sure. I am sure there are more…. I agree most with the Mario Bros movie!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andy-OConnor/1423802225 Andy O’Connor

    Dustin Hoffman was funny in this. It wasn’t great though but it’s not as bad as u make it out to be as Speilberg’s worst movie by far was 1941.

  • bob

    Am American tale wasn’t as bad. everything else you’ve said so far is right on the money.

  • brobro baggins

    what about major payne?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Daniel-Villalobos/830440363 Daniel Villalobos

    HOOK and AMERICAN TAIL belong nowhere near this list. If this list was called Movies that critics wrongly criticized, they you would be correct. In fact, this list should be burned just for having them on it. It’s heresy.

  • http://www.facebook.com/carlcjr Carl Campbell

    The only movie that was shown on here from my childhood was, An American tale, and I I thought it was pretty good, not great but good.

  • http://www.facebook.com/dunsworth1 Dan Unsworth

    Sorry but you can “Fuck right off”!!!! Hook was great fun and still is!!!! HOW VERY DARE YOU!?!?!?!

  • Lissa

    I think one of the worst films EVER was Disney’s Pocahontas. It is SOOO far off of reality that I have to find something else to do when my girls want to watch it. It is truly awful.

  • Cassidy Walker

    You sir need to remember your childhood and not hate on Hook. It is still one of my favorites. I mean, I thought it is great and still love it. RIP Rufio.

  • Goop

    Sounds like someone’s a two-toned zebra-headed, slime-coated, pimple-farmin’ paramecium brain, munchin’ on his own mucus, suffering from Peter Pan envy.

  • Emyem898

    god the one who wrote this is such a duchy

  • http://www.facebook.com/genrukinx1 Kevin Kraus

    i agree with the super mario bros movie being not made right cause it didnt follow anything about the game and the bad guy really wasint called bowser in the film he was called koppa i dont know how to spell it lol

  • marc

    you sir are a pirate

  • XT

    I disagree with #1 entirely… ROOFEE OOOOOOOOOOO!

  • calciferboheme

    I only agree on Mario, though to be fair I barely liked it as a child. The song is amazing though.
    An American Tale and Hook are both great. Not the best work of either director, but still worth their names being attached.
    Jingle all the Way is funny. It’s not best movie ever, but i enjoy watching it every year.

  • Redcordelia

    I actually agree about Hook. I loved its guts out when I saw it in the theater at age 12, but I recently caught it on TV and I was stunned by how terrible it was. How could I have ever loved it? I also loved An American Tale, but I haven’t watched it in decades. Still, despite the passage of time, I can still sing out a little of the “There are no cats in America and the streets are paved with cheese” song, so not all of the music is forgettable. I mean, it’s been something like twenty years since I last heard it. The other movies, I never saw. My mom hated kids’ movies and she rarely let me watch them.

  • Seanpb

    “… though this is a kind of sequel, it’s just the same Peter Pan story all over again. Nothing fresh. Nothing unique.”

    You’ve seen Hook, yeah? The film that takes the boy who never grew up, makes him a jaded, serious and fairly ordinary adult who has no time for kids – the very person he used to revile and rebel against – only to take him back to the life he left behind. The characterisation was a fresh and wholly unique take on a beloved icon of literature and popular media.

    The scene where he remembers his mother, the island, Tink, Wendy and his past life is about as rousing as cinema gets. Whilst Williams’ score to accompany it is some of his finest work.

    You know what, don’t worry. Films are meant to be escapes the fire the stoke the fires of imagination and inspire wonder. Is Hook the best film Spielberg has made? Nope. But its a great film in its own right.

  • Stephen Daugherty

    With the exception of An American Tail, there’s not much here that actually stood a chance of seeming remotely good.

  • Lucinda

    BOLLOCKS to that!! dont quit the day job.

  • k8track

    Well, I guess this article wasn’t aimed toward me. I have no childhood nostalgia for any of these movies, since I was in my 20s when most of them came out. Do you have a 1970s or 80s version?

  • k8track

    Well, I guess this article wasn’t aimed toward me. I have no childhood nostalgia for any of these movies, since I was in my 20s when most of them came out. Do you have a 1970s or 80s version?

  • clp1986

    Honestly, even as a kid I thought “Hook” was extremely boring and I couldn’t stand the kids in it (horrible idea for a story).

  • DoctorX

    “1941″ is Spielberg’s worst movie – at least “Hook” entertained someone (kids)

  • DoctorX

    “1941″ is Spielberg’s worst movie – at least “Hook” entertained someone (kids)

  • DoctorX

    “1941″ is Spielberg’s worst movie – at least “Hook” entertained someone (kids)

  • DoctorX

    “1941″ is Spielberg’s worst movie – at least “Hook” entertained someone (kids)

  • DoctorX

    “1941″ is Spielberg’s worst movie – at least “Hook” entertained someone (kids)

  • A

    Somebody was seriously deprived as a child and is taking it out on Hook, which is a great family movie!

  • A

    Somebody was seriously deprived as a child and is taking it out on Hook, which is a great family movie!

  • This writer just likes to hate

    fuck you. Space Jam was awesome.

  • Zarusa

    Hook is one of my favorite movies all time and I saw it at the theater when I was 19.

  • bigDi€kMcGee

    Independance Day was great when I was a teenager; it is dead to me now.

  • http://www.facebook.com/IAMthatHero Jake Ash Strife

    I don’t really remember Hook, but all of the others were great and still are.
    What’s wrong with this picture?

  • Doe

    I thought criticism is given to movies one has actually seen ? If so, the author would´ve noticed that Hook was (is) a great children´s movie. I still like watching it from time to time, even when there are some very childish moments. But that doesn´t define a bad movie. Not at all. (But I definetely agree to the Mario Bros. part . )

  • Kibby

    Their opinion on absolutely anything shouldn’t be taken seriously?
    If you think that way you are an idiot and therefore your opinion should be ignored as well.

  • http://www.facebook.com/danny.butler.906 Danny Butler

    i really didnt like it when i was a kid. Actually i saw it in the theatre with my family and some guy stole my mothers purse lol. but i thought it sucked before that

  • geronimooo

    Hook on #1. srsly? super mario bros is WAY worse. And I could easily pick 5 other childhood movies which REALLY suck.

  • http://www.facebook.com/liam.webster.357 Liam Webster

    Someone grew up and is bitter he never got the chance to go to Neverland! BANGARANG mate! BANGARANG, in your all grown up and miserable face! ;) (P.S Maggie Smith is probably the best on screen adaptation of Wendy there is, despite the fact she is playing her as an 80 year old! Dustin Hoffman’s Hook is ace as well and Robin Williams always rocks – so I don’t know how you can criticise the acting)

  • Hi

    Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

  • Hi

    Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

  • fghfghfgh

    put your goddamned lists on one page

  • http://avproductreviews.com/reviews/denon-2313/ denon2313

    These moview weren’t good when I was a kid…Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles should be on here somewhere…

  • becki

    you’ve made me want to rewatch every film :)

  • Ray Hopkins

    As Ralph Baskshi said about Don Bluth, “I wouldn’t leave Disney to do Disney!”

  • Ray Hopkins

    As Ralph Baskshi said about Don Bluth, “I wouldn’t leave Disney to do Disney!”

  • Ray Hopkins

    As Ralph Baskshi said about Don Bluth, “I wouldn’t leave Disney to do Disney!”

  • http://twitter.com/CJ76712204 CJ

    All of these movies I liked a lot as a kid except maybe an American Tale. I watched them all semi-recently and they’re still all fun movies to me.

  • Richard_thunderbay

    I wasn’t a kid when “Hook” came out, and I remember that the general reaction at the time was that it was basically a dud, even amongst kids.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1179291952 Don Long

    Hooks was and still is good. But, opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.

  • haikuhelen

    i watched all these with my son. and i was an adult and i loved them all (except well never saw the mario brothers one and that jingle all the way i could have done without)- but hook..and american tale..space jam (i beleve i i can fly that song still a favorite of mine) and the rest all wonderful- preferable to most adult movies violent mean horrible movies

  • korichneveygigant

    I think I even hated the Mario Bros when I saw it when I was young

  • Ripynt

    Even if I was going to agree with anything he said here, how in the actual FUCK do you put Hook at number 1 instead of Mario Bros? Damn you straight to hell.

  • chiffmonkey

    Never heard of An American Tail (probably because I’m not American?) but what the hell is wrong with Jingle All The Way? People are far too critical of fun cheesy movies. (Note I never saw it as a kid and only caught it on tv last xmas. Schwarzenegger comedies are all brilliant.)

  • chiffmonkey

    Never heard of An American Tail (probably because I’m not American?) but what the hell is wrong with Jingle All The Way? People are far too critical of fun cheesy movies. (Note I never saw it as a kid and only caught it on tv last xmas. Schwarzenegger comedies are all brilliant.)

  • Mandi

    This guy has lost every inch of his imagination. Hook was amazing, and is STILL amazing. He shouldn’t be allowed to write articles. Give this guy a free blog to express his thoughts because he stands alone.

  • Say What?

    Ok Ok yes Hook has a 31 on rotten tomatoes from critics but the audience the ones who pay to see the film rate it at a %71 on rotten tomatoes. So lets see I could take what a few critics say as the truth or the rest of the audience tough choice for me…

  • jojo

    this is basically a nobody giving his useless opinion.
    only if arnie says the movie was crap,den i’m gonna agree with you..

  • http://www.facebook.com/logan.mclaughlin Logan McLaughlin

    I actually enjoyed this film as a sequel. It had some echoes of the original in terms of plot progression, but I would hardly call it a repeat performance.

    I loved Hoffman’s performance in this and this cemented Bob Hoskins as being the best portrayal of Smee there has ever been (appropriately noticed in the SyFy prequel to Peter Pan, Neverland, where Hoskins reprised his role as Smee).

    I do agree with some of these movies (Jingle All The Way was terrible, An American Tail was forgettable, Super Mario Bros had a horrible script, etc.) But Hook was actually a very decent movie. Was it great? Not really, it did have its flaws. But I would call it slightly mediocre at worst.

  • Colin Huckestein

    Hook is awesome. You are obviously brain dead.

  • louis

    I stopped reading at Space Jam. First you pick An American Tail which is a great movie. What criticism do you have about it? Its boring. Pretty subjective don’t you think. Specially considering the fact that you don’t offer any real cinematic analysis to back up your claim. OK so you found it boring. Were all allowed our opinions. Even when we are pretentiins internet writers who are dead inside.

    Then you follow up with two movies that are horrible, have always been horrible, are known to be horrible by most people including children and have never been cherished by anyone. They were jokes when they came out and still are so again you fail to provide a real follow up to your premise.

    Seriously though. Who gave you a column.

  • louis

    I stopped reading at Space Jam. First you pick An American Tail which is a great movie. What criticism do you have about it? Its boring. Pretty subjective don’t you think. Specially considering the fact that you don’t offer any real cinematic analysis to back up your claim. OK so you found it boring. Were all allowed our opinions. Even when we are pretentiins internet writers who are dead inside.

    Then you follow up with two movies that are horrible, have always been horrible, are known to be horrible by most people including children and have never been cherished by anyone. They were jokes when they came out and still are so again you fail to provide a real follow up to your premise.

    Seriously though. Who gave you a column.

  • Sean Macy

    Fievel goes west was way better

  • delbertgrady

    yeah, I loved none of these movies as a kid.

    I loved, goonies, jaws, gremlins, big trouble in little china, star wars etc.

    and i still love them

  • Chaospanda

    I can just say i’ve watched most of these movies AFTER I turned 21 and Hook and American Tale both hold up.
    The others I love because they are so bad. it’s like Last Action hero .. Or Labyrinth … Yeah they may not be Pan’s Labyrinth or Last of the Mohicans .. But I still love em.

  • Tony Byatt

    Just a dumb article all around…Adults rating kids movies as if they were meant for them…

  • Caleb

    Yeah, this dude…. no idea what he’s talking about. All of these movies are good, I still vouch that, and just about everything he tries to jab at was either done on purpose and isn’t a flaw or its just a reeeally meaningless flaw the size of which means nothing. And a number of them don’t even exist.

  • Thomas

    Hook, he is sadly mistaken on. The movie had its issues, I’ll admit but it wasn’t nearly as bad as he is trying to make it out to be. He doesn’t actually say how it was a mess or horrible. He just keeps saying it was a mess and horrible and thought he would get some credit if he stated something that Spielberg supposedly said, which I doubt. He also referred to the last half of the movie happens after Peter is taken back to Neverland. The movie is over two hours long and that takes place probably within the first twenty to thirty minutes. Where is half?

    Now aside from all that, my major complaint with the movie was the constant statement of needing a mother very very badly, which is kinda contradictory since it was a father who saved the children in the first place. What hook really needed was parents in general. lol. He had no guidance. While Hook may have needed a mother, he also needed a father to kick his ass for acting the way he did lol. I am 31 years old and the movie is still entertaining to me, even with its flaws. Could characters have been fleshed out more. Well of course. But it wasn’t really about them as the title suggests. It was about Hook, which in turn, is the character actually focused the most on.

    Also one last gripe with the movie. Jack should have smashed the watch when saying that his dad always made promises and broke them. Him smashing the watch for another reason kind of made his whole resentment of his dad seem null and void.

  • Bob61

    Apparently,movies,and kids,were invented around 1980.
    At least according to TJ BarnYard.
    Some of us grew up with Swiss Family Robinson,Darby O’Gill,Blackbeard’s Ghost.
    You know,before computers needed to generate the actors?

  • Bob61

    Apparently,movies,and kids,were invented around 1980.
    At least according to TJ BarnYard.
    Some of us grew up with Swiss Family Robinson,Darby O’Gill,Blackbeard’s Ghost.
    You know,before computers needed to generate the actors?

  • Bud

    Hook is a great movie. How can you not like Robin Williams. It is also the only thing Dustin Hoffman has done that is good, mainly because you can’t tell it is him.

    • Adam Curry

      Robin Williams is awful in every way.

  • Steph

    Loved Labyrinth as a kid, but its total crap and creepy as hell. That grown goblin king creeping on a child? Gross.

  • Dr Banner

    How dare you trash these classic movies you heartless fool, BANGARANG!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/SlickStretch Jeremy Nyberg

    When I was little, I loved Milo & Otis. I saw it in the DVD bin for $5… it was so terrible. I wish I would have left it in my memories.

  • The Wizard

    I guess this is where the expression “Opinions are like a$$holes…” comes from.
    You, sir, are one great Opinion…

  • The Wizard

    I guess this is where the expression “Opinions are like a$$holes…” comes from.
    You, sir, are one great Opinion…

  • The Wizard

    I guess this is where the expression “Opinions are like a$$holes…” comes from.
    You, sir, are one great Opinion…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-James-Halonen/1346851497 Michael James Halonen

    who ever wrote this a fucking moron most of theses pieces of garbage were always garbage but movie like Hook is so fucking great just shows what a stupid fucktard writer is

  • Adam Curry

    I knew all these movies were shit even as a kid. Especially Super Mario Bros., I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say that was a good movie. Even the guy who created the video game said it was crap.

  • PizzaforBreakfast

    The fact that you have Hook on here means you should no longer be allowed to write anything. Ever.

  • Ciara Boerner

    I guess I’m really weird for loving pretty much All of Don Bluth’s movies,sigh but the only other one I disagree with is hook,although it might just be because I like robin willams.whatever…. whoops forget space jam, still love it!

  • leingod

    I actually thought Super Mario Bros and Jingle all the Way were terrible even as a kid… but Hook? That’s a pretty good movie.

  • Muhammad Malik

    kidding me?? Space Jam is an effin classic!!

  • John

    Hook is an amazing movie. You clearly have no sense of movies.

  • John

    Hook is an amazing movie. You clearly have no sense of movies.

  • ThisGuyIsADoucheBag

    No, I get it about all the other movies. Space Jam is terrible, so is Jingle All the Way, and the others are sub-par at best. But, are you fucking serious? Hook is the worst Steven Spielberg film of his entire career? Are you forgetting the latest installment to the Indiana Jones franchise? I get it that you wish to maintain an air of apathetic contrarianism, but to say that Hook is only a movie that children like is ridiculous, and that the only real cause for its place in our hearts is because of nostalgia is utter bullshit. I’ve seen hoards of movies and T.V. shows that I loved as a child and come to them with a critical eye, which most of them fail to meet up to modern criticism, but this is just aimed at pissing off an entire generation. Have you even seen War Horse? Steven Spielberg had is day and it ended about ten years ago. And then to slight Hoffman’s performance in the redeeming section, how could even think of that performance in such a way? I mean of course the movie has its short-comings, but you have overstepped the boundaries of critical thinking and fell head-first into revealing your own hatred of a movie just because everyone else tends to love it. I’m glad that you don’t enjoy it though, you’ll go to the grave having never experienced a film that reinvigorated Peter Pan into the current culture, a film that actually showed off what could be accomplished with real sets and epic fantasy storytelling. Sincerely, go fuck yourself.

  • ThisGuyIsADoucheBag

    No, I get it about all the other movies. Space Jam is terrible, so is Jingle All the Way, and the others are sub-par at best. But, are you fucking serious? Hook is the worst Steven Spielberg film of his entire career? Are you forgetting the latest installment to the Indiana Jones franchise? I get it that you wish to maintain an air of apathetic contrarianism, but to say that Hook is only a movie that children like is ridiculous, and that the only real cause for its place in our hearts is because of nostalgia is utter bullshit. I’ve seen hoards of movies and T.V. shows that I loved as a child and come to them with a critical eye, which most of them fail to meet up to modern criticism, but this is just aimed at pissing off an entire generation. Have you even seen War Horse? Steven Spielberg had is day and it ended about ten years ago. And then to slight Hoffman’s performance in the redeeming section, how could even think of that performance in such a way? I mean of course the movie has its short-comings, but you have overstepped the boundaries of critical thinking and fell head-first into revealing your own hatred of a movie just because everyone else tends to love it. I’m glad that you don’t enjoy it though, you’ll go to the grave having never experienced a film that reinvigorated Peter Pan into the current culture, a film that actually showed off what could be accomplished with real sets and epic fantasy storytelling. Sincerely, go fuck yourself.

  • EmmanuelKShannon

    I’ll give this guy Space Jam and Mario cause that movie honestly sucked but it’s cool since ITS A MARIO MOVIE other then that he can go kill himself! An American Tale was supposed to be dark it’s one of those movies I enjoyed more when I grew up and not cause of Nostalgia cause I used to love big bad beetle borgs when I was little watched one episode for kicks and wanted to punch my screen and how dare you put Hook on here….how dare you! Lol no in all seriousness every movie but space jam has my love cant watch it it was cool when I was little but It’s jsut like you said only cause of the cartoons…but nostalgia will make me watch that most likely

  • MNJ

    Kids aren’t dumb most are smarter than adults :D

  • JayO

    You need 2 find something else 2 do because you’re wrong on all accounts! (Except 4 Jingle All The Way)

  • http://www.facebook.com/mind.bird.9 Mind Bird

    I am well beyond childhood and I only just saw “Hook”–I really liked it.

  • steven

    The thing you forget is their ARE movies made to appeal to a younger audience, and a younger audience only that won’t survive the test of time. At least not in the eyes of the aged. As I now have kids of my own I have to settle the ill in my stomach as I sit through some of todays trash that has massive appeal to my youngins. Obviously the producers of some of this tripe KNOW that we, as the earning capital, will shell out the dough to provide an evenings entertainment to placate the little anklebighters! I’m surprised you didn’t mention such bone-chilling dud’s as Goonies or Explorers! HUGE movies when we were kids but absolute dreck now. Actually, I couldn’t stand Goonies when it first came out!

  • http://www.facebook.com/john.southerland1 John Southerland

    I loved Hook and American Tale and still do, but as for the other films. They sucked just as much back then. They were all films we loved to hate cause they were obvious money plugs for the star (or the game in the case of Mario Brothers). We never liked them and never will.

  • Henry Ponciano

    He listed An American Tail because he doesn’t like the ambiance and the character names. What I considered bad movies in this list should include Superman. All Superman movies made in the 70′s-80′s ignores logic to resolve conflicts. There’s a lot to put in this list of bullsh*t, but the biggest there is in episode 1 is the crap they suggest that reversing the spin of earth can affect time.

  • noowls

    Movies that came out when you were in your 20s and might have watched on the comedown after an all nighter.

  • Frankie

    The writier must be someing something. Space Jam and Jingle All the way? Really. Even as an adult, I still love those movies.

  • REDSLATE

    Space Jam??? Oh no he didn’t!

  • chien_clean

    An American Tail is still Great.

  • dk

    I was with you until the verbal gang beating you gave Hook…i mean, surely its not The Sandlot, Legend, Goonies, and certainly not the Adventures of Baron Munchaussen, but its definitely not the worst childhood movie I’ve ever seen, at all…you are, however, entitled to your opinions

  • Trolly Trollezz

    This Website is Drunk..

  • Trolly Trollezz

    BTW This kid has no life…

  • MrGoyaOhBoya

    T.J. Bernard’s soul did not survive that asshat part of puberty when everyone thinks everything sucks.

  • http://www.facebook.com/vanminh.nguyen.73 Văn Minh Nguyễn

    still like most on the list, though.

    • http://www.facebook.com/vanminh.nguyen.73 Văn Minh Nguyễn

      *I still like

  • http://www.facebook.com/cbuell88 Charles Buell

    I wonder how many people have watched these movies again. I mean, yes, every nostalgic bone in my body wants to say “to hell with you! I love the movie Hook!” (and yes, the pfunk song from the smb movie is still amazing regardless of nostalgia) but I can’t say I have actually watched these films since my childhood, and never would have thought to. Actually after reading this article I really want to watch super mario brothers again haha…

  • Craig

    First of all, nobody like the Super Mario Bros. movie.

  • Ruth Gale

    Sorry man but, you’re wrong when it comes to, “An American Tale” and “Hook”. Those were and still are great films. I like how dark Bluth’s films were. It was a nice change from the over the top happy, sappy Disney films. His films weren’t horribly animated, they were just different. Everyone knows that the worst animation back in the day was anything that Hanna-Barbera did. I am not saying their cartoons weren’t fun and enjoyable but, quality wasn’t their main concern. I think someone peed in your cheerio’s sir.

  • Sabastian Barron

    This guy is just posting this nonsense for ratings and that is it.

  • Kcole

    I was totally ok with Luigi having the romantic relationship with Daisy, “the princess”. Because, c’mon, Luigi was totally the hotter one in the video games.

  • Kcole

    I was totally ok with Luigi having the romantic relationship with Daisy, “the princess”. Because, c’mon, Luigi was totally the hotter one in the video games.

  • Kcole

    I was totally ok with Luigi having the romantic relationship with Daisy, “the princess”. Because, c’mon, Luigi was totally the hotter one in the video games.

  • Ryan Willey

    I’ve seen A LOT worse!!!

  • AKA

    I loved Hook as a kid and I still love the movie as an adult.

  • just a comic fan

    I never liked Hook

  • just a comic fan

    I never liked Hook

  • just a comic fan

    I never liked Hook

  • Mr. X

    DAmn u, don’t mess with space jam, that’s my childhood right there

  • IanBlake

    only agree with Super Mario

  • http://www.facebook.com/luke.pedliham Luke Slywalker

    I agree that the fiirst four films mentioned are indeed complete shit. But Hook? I mean really? I saw this in my late teens when it first came out and have seen it maybe 2-3 times since then and it is not – i repeat not shit! It’s full of heart and has great sets and costumes and Robin Williams, Bob Hoskins and especially Dustin Hoffman are all great and totally in the spirit of things. It’s no Oscar winner obviously but it’s not to be put on the same shelf as Super Mario Brothers for flips sake!
    This guy needs a cuddle or something…..

  • Nick

    I disagree with all of them except mario bros. That is insanely horrible but the rest were the same as the crap kids movies they make today.

  • Guest

    cmon, you cant say you didnt like “jungle all the way” unless you were a lonely sed boy, i fucking loved that damn humour and still do, plus, A.Swairy is a beast as an instrument for comedy, cant say shit bout “hook” as well, cmonnnn

  • Nacho Fretes

    cmon, you cant say you didnt like “jungle all the way” unless you were a lonely sad boy, i fucking loved that damn humour and still do, plus, A.Swairy is a beast as an instrument for comedy, cant say shit bout “hook” as well, cmonnnn, its robin williams plus MOTHEF¡¡ing dustin hoffman, and a great adventure like someone else said here lol

  • SheikhDjibouti

    “Kids are dumb …”

    I’ve worked with children, adolescents and young adults for many years, and they are anything but “dumb.” Some are incredibly insightful and intelligent, in fact.

    Their perceptions may change, as may their perceptions of their former perceptions.

    I’ve always recalled what my brother once told me, a great piece of wisdom. When you thing back on someone you knew many years ago, and have not seen since, you won’t remember what he said, but you will remember how he made you feel.

    These movies touched us as children, and will always be special. And for that, you, sir, are sorely on the wrong path in writing this article.

    PS Your web format of constant page loading to read the rest of the article is truly shitty.

  • Kemo

    this guy is looking for an ass whoopin

  • http://twitter.com/_Monkey_Boy_ Monkey Boy

    Screw off, Space Jam is awesome! It should be Looney Tunes: Back In Action on this list xD

  • Reisclef

    I was in agreement until Hook. How can you not like Hook?!?

  • Brittany Davis Hetrick

    i did not like any of these movies as a kid i thought they all where bad hahahah

  • eric

    They forgot Harry and the Hendersons, as well as Howard the Duck.

  • JR

    Secret of NIMH, American Tail, Ferngully etc. all had a gritty charm to them coupled with social relevance; jingle all the way was a giant piece of shit; The best part of Space Jam was Danny DeVito being abusive; Super Mario Bros made me pro-choice; HOOK IS A MASTERPIECE!! RU-FI-O!

  • JR

    Secret of NIMH, American Tail, Ferngully etc. all had a gritty charm to them coupled with social relevance; jingle all the way was a giant piece of shit; The best part of Space Jam was Danny DeVito being abusive; Super Mario Bros made me pro-choice; HOOK IS A MASTERPIECE!! RU-FI-O!

  • JR

    Secret of NIMH, American Tail, Ferngully etc. all had a gritty charm to them coupled with social relevance; jingle all the way was a giant piece of shit; The best part of Space Jam was Danny DeVito being abusive; Super Mario Bros made me pro-choice; HOOK IS A MASTERPIECE!! RU-FI-O!

  • http://www.facebook.com/brook.dixon.7 Brook Dixon

    I liked this movie as a kid and my oldest saw it about 3 years ago and fell in love with it. Any time it is on she will watch it. I enjoy watching something from my childhood with her… we both know it is bad acting, but it is still fun!

  • William Craig

    There’s also the never ending story

  • Kim

    I still like this film!

  • Kim

    Hook is still cool, I don’t care what anybody says. I watched it on Netflix just a few weeks back and I was still entertained by it and still wishing I could damn well fly and be Peter Pan!

  • Barbara

    I don’t care; I will always love ‘Space Jam’, if not for the story, but for the kick ass song! “Everybody get up, it’s time to slam now. We got a real jam goin’ down, welcome to the space jaaam! Here’s your chance, do your dance at the space jaaam! ALRIGHT!”

    • ThinkStraight

      This made my week. Thank you.

  • Dachness

    Crap, I guess these “when you were a kid” stories are no longer relevant to me. I’ve never seen any of these films. Even “American Tail,” I was 14 when that came out and had no interest.

  • josh

    hook is amazing you should be fired immediately

  • Guest

    These were some of the BEST movies of the time….

  • Juan Jimenez

    Except for American Tail and Space Jam, I thought these movies were horrible when they came out.

  • Justin Anderson

    Actually in Mario Bros they all hated each other while making the movie and just wanted it done.

  • Terrible

    Glad to see I’m not the only one who found this article horrible.

  • Will Styer

    I never liked Jingle All the Way as a kid. That movie was always crap no doubt about it. In fact, it’s also proof that Jake Lloyd’s performance in Phantom Menace was his own damn fault and not George Lucas (don’t get me wrong, Lucas still cant’ direct actors, I’m just saying this one wasn’t his fault and even he was disappointed in Lloyd. That should tell you something).

    American Tail boring though? No fucking way! I haven’t seen that movie in years and I can remember the scenes where the family is in Russia and demonic cats attack them, but before that the father tells the tail of the Great Mouse of Minsk (I’m sure I’m spelling that wrong). The songs “There Are No Cats In America” “Never Say Never” “We’re a Duo” and of course “Somewhere Out There.” Of course the movie looks darker than most Disney fair, that was the point. Don Bluth (at least at his peak) was about things not being all sunshine and buttercups, but raw and dark and grimey at times. There’s the resistance group of mice trying to overthrow the cats (and a female mouse who sounds like a female Elmer Fudd). There’s the Brooklyn mouse Tony who gives Feivel the nickname Filly or Philly. There was Tiger (voiced by the late great Dom Deluise) a cat who befriended Feivel. The supposed rat who was just a cat in disguise. There was the Irish mouse that Tony had a crush on. And I swear to God this is all from memory and I wasn’t looking this shit up while writing this.

    Space Jam was always a mixed bag as a kid. I was indifferent towards really. I grew up watching Looney Tunes, so I was used to more violent humor they did and I never really cared for Lola (it just made no sense in the context of the Looney Tunes world). I never watched Basketball, but of course I knew who Michael Jordan was (the other NBA players not so much, or at all at the time). And yeah the animation doesn’t mesh well with live action (the fact is no movie has ever surpassed or come close to Who Framed Roger Rabbit in terms of live action mixed with animation).

    Even at the age of 7 I knew Super Mario Brothers sucked! But I didn’t care! It was the first movie I ever enjoyed ironically, and I still do (I own it on DVD). The term to use would be guilty pleasure, even though I feel no guilt when I tell people I enjoy it.

    Hook is still a good movie to me even as an adult. It’s a flawed film sure, but it still has plenty of fun moments. Really it’s good that Hoffman hammed it up, Captain Hook is larger than life character. He was OTT in the cartoon version! This was a swashbuckler movie; and those movies aren’t supposed to be taking place in a grounded reality of performance. And I don’t think this was supposed to be a sequel to the Disney cartoon, just a sequel in general to the original source material. Some of the sword fighting is a lot of fun, the supporting actors seem to be having a good time, and Robin Williams for the time was a good choice to play a kid who’s grown up since he’s pretty much always been a man child. I’d say the biggest casting mistake was Julia Roberts, but hey she was still very marketable back then so I can’t blame them since most movies are about trying to make money. In the end, it is a movie that shows there’s nothing wrong with being childish from time to time.

  • Will Styer

    I never liked Jingle All the Way as a kid. That movie was always crap no doubt about it. In fact, it’s also proof that Jake Lloyd’s performance in Phantom Menace was his own damn fault and not George Lucas (don’t get me wrong, Lucas still cant’ direct actors, I’m just saying this one wasn’t his fault and even he was disappointed in Lloyd. That should tell you something).

    American Tail boring though? No fucking way! I haven’t seen that movie in years and I can remember the scenes where the family is in Russia and demonic cats attack them, but before that the father tells the tail of the Great Mouse of Minsk (I’m sure I’m spelling that wrong). The songs “There Are No Cats In America” “Never Say Never” “We’re a Duo” and of course “Somewhere Out There.” Of course the movie looks darker than most Disney fair, that was the point. Don Bluth (at least at his peak) was about things not being all sunshine and buttercups, but raw and dark and grimey at times. There’s the resistance group of mice trying to overthrow the cats (and a female mouse who sounds like a female Elmer Fudd). There’s the Brooklyn mouse Tony who gives Feivel the nickname Filly or Philly. There was Tiger (voiced by the late great Dom Deluise) a cat who befriended Feivel. The supposed rat who was just a cat in disguise. There was the Irish mouse that Tony had a crush on. And I swear to God this is all from memory and I wasn’t looking this shit up while writing this.

    Space Jam was always a mixed bag as a kid. I was indifferent towards really. I grew up watching Looney Tunes, so I was used to more violent humor they did and I never really cared for Lola (it just made no sense in the context of the Looney Tunes world). I never watched Basketball, but of course I knew who Michael Jordan was (the other NBA players not so much, or at all at the time). And yeah the animation doesn’t mesh well with live action (the fact is no movie has ever surpassed or come close to Who Framed Roger Rabbit in terms of live action mixed with animation).

    Even at the age of 7 I knew Super Mario Brothers sucked! But I didn’t care! It was the first movie I ever enjoyed ironically, and I still do (I own it on DVD). The term to use would be guilty pleasure, even though I feel no guilt when I tell people I enjoy it.

    Hook is still a good movie to me even as an adult. It’s a flawed film sure, but it still has plenty of fun moments. Really it’s good that Hoffman hammed it up, Captain Hook is larger than life character. He was OTT in the cartoon version! This was a swashbuckler movie; and those movies aren’t supposed to be taking place in a grounded reality of performance. And I don’t think this was supposed to be a sequel to the Disney cartoon, just a sequel in general to the original source material. Some of the sword fighting is a lot of fun, the supporting actors seem to be having a good time, and Robin Williams for the time was a good choice to play a kid who’s grown up since he’s pretty much always been a man child. I’d say the biggest casting mistake was Julia Roberts, but hey she was still very marketable back then so I can’t blame them since most movies are about trying to make money. In the end, it is a movie that shows there’s nothing wrong with being childish from time to time.

  • Will Styer

    I never liked Jingle All the Way as a kid. That movie was always crap no doubt about it. In fact, it’s also proof that Jake Lloyd’s performance in Phantom Menace was his own damn fault and not George Lucas (don’t get me wrong, Lucas still cant’ direct actors, I’m just saying this one wasn’t his fault and even he was disappointed in Lloyd. That should tell you something).

    American Tail boring though? No fucking way! I haven’t seen that movie in years and I can remember the scenes where the family is in Russia and demonic cats attack them, but before that the father tells the tail of the Great Mouse of Minsk (I’m sure I’m spelling that wrong). The songs “There Are No Cats In America” “Never Say Never” “We’re a Duo” and of course “Somewhere Out There.” Of course the movie looks darker than most Disney fair, that was the point. Don Bluth (at least at his peak) was about things not being all sunshine and buttercups, but raw and dark and grimey at times. There’s the resistance group of mice trying to overthrow the cats (and a female mouse who sounds like a female Elmer Fudd). There’s the Brooklyn mouse Tony who gives Feivel the nickname Filly or Philly. There was Tiger (voiced by the late great Dom Deluise) a cat who befriended Feivel. The supposed rat who was just a cat in disguise. There was the Irish mouse that Tony had a crush on. And I swear to God this is all from memory and I wasn’t looking this shit up while writing this.

    Space Jam was always a mixed bag as a kid. I was indifferent towards really. I grew up watching Looney Tunes, so I was used to more violent humor they did and I never really cared for Lola (it just made no sense in the context of the Looney Tunes world). I never watched Basketball, but of course I knew who Michael Jordan was (the other NBA players not so much, or at all at the time). And yeah the animation doesn’t mesh well with live action (the fact is no movie has ever surpassed or come close to Who Framed Roger Rabbit in terms of live action mixed with animation).

    Even at the age of 7 I knew Super Mario Brothers sucked! But I didn’t care! It was the first movie I ever enjoyed ironically, and I still do (I own it on DVD). The term to use would be guilty pleasure, even though I feel no guilt when I tell people I enjoy it.

    Hook is still a good movie to me even as an adult. It’s a flawed film sure, but it still has plenty of fun moments. Really it’s good that Hoffman hammed it up, Captain Hook is larger than life character. He was OTT in the cartoon version! This was a swashbuckler movie; and those movies aren’t supposed to be taking place in a grounded reality of performance. And I don’t think this was supposed to be a sequel to the Disney cartoon, just a sequel in general to the original source material. Some of the sword fighting is a lot of fun, the supporting actors seem to be having a good time, and Robin Williams for the time was a good choice to play a kid who’s grown up since he’s pretty much always been a man child. I’d say the biggest casting mistake was Julia Roberts, but hey she was still very marketable back then so I can’t blame them since most movies are about trying to make money. In the end, it is a movie that shows there’s nothing wrong with being childish from time to time.

  • Will Styer

    I never liked Jingle All the Way as a kid. That movie was always crap no doubt about it. In fact, it’s also proof that Jake Lloyd’s performance in Phantom Menace was his own damn fault and not George Lucas (don’t get me wrong, Lucas still cant’ direct actors, I’m just saying this one wasn’t his fault and even he was disappointed in Lloyd. That should tell you something).

    American Tail boring though? No fucking way! I haven’t seen that movie in years and I can remember the scenes where the family is in Russia and demonic cats attack them, but before that the father tells the tail of the Great Mouse of Minsk (I’m sure I’m spelling that wrong). The songs “There Are No Cats In America” “Never Say Never” “We’re a Duo” and of course “Somewhere Out There.” Of course the movie looks darker than most Disney fair, that was the point. Don Bluth (at least at his peak) was about things not being all sunshine and buttercups, but raw and dark and grimey at times. There’s the resistance group of mice trying to overthrow the cats (and a female mouse who sounds like a female Elmer Fudd). There’s the Brooklyn mouse Tony who gives Feivel the nickname Filly or Philly. There was Tiger (voiced by the late great Dom Deluise) a cat who befriended Feivel. The supposed rat who was just a cat in disguise. There was the Irish mouse that Tony had a crush on. And I swear to God this is all from memory and I wasn’t looking this shit up while writing this.

    Space Jam was always a mixed bag as a kid. I was indifferent towards really. I grew up watching Looney Tunes, so I was used to more violent humor they did and I never really cared for Lola (it just made no sense in the context of the Looney Tunes world). I never watched Basketball, but of course I knew who Michael Jordan was (the other NBA players not so much, or at all at the time). And yeah the animation doesn’t mesh well with live action (the fact is no movie has ever surpassed or come close to Who Framed Roger Rabbit in terms of live action mixed with animation).

    Even at the age of 7 I knew Super Mario Brothers sucked! But I didn’t care! It was the first movie I ever enjoyed ironically, and I still do (I own it on DVD). The term to use would be guilty pleasure, even though I feel no guilt when I tell people I enjoy it.

    Hook is still a good movie to me even as an adult. It’s a flawed film sure, but it still has plenty of fun moments. Really it’s good that Hoffman hammed it up, Captain Hook is larger than life character. He was OTT in the cartoon version! This was a swashbuckler movie; and those movies aren’t supposed to be taking place in a grounded reality of performance. And I don’t think this was supposed to be a sequel to the Disney cartoon, just a sequel in general to the original source material. Some of the sword fighting is a lot of fun, the supporting actors seem to be having a good time, and Robin Williams for the time was a good choice to play a kid who’s grown up since he’s pretty much always been a man child. I’d say the biggest casting mistake was Julia Roberts, but hey she was still very marketable back then so I can’t blame them since most movies are about trying to make money. In the end, it is a movie that shows there’s nothing wrong with being childish from time to time.

  • Johnny Fatnuts

    Jingle All The Way and Mario Bros…I give you weren’t that great, but I also realized that back when I was a kid.

    The other three….
    That’s the kind of perspective you get when your mother never loved you.
    ass hat.

  • Datrebor

    I was not a kid but I liked and still like ;Jingle all the way, Space Jam, Hook, they are maybe not great movies but good ones that I enjoy watching over again.

  • fge00

    How you missed “HE MAN” I’ll never know!

  • will

    Critters and Poltergeist… not technically kids films but I watched them as a child and thought they were awesome when they’re actually dogshit.

  • libby

    Loved Hook when it came out, I was 31. Loved Robin Williams and Dustin Hoffman. Loved the kid who played Rubio too.

  • anon

    Sorry to necro, but whoever wrote this is as complete asstard.

  • Chad

    What the FUCK is wrong with you bro? You put SPACE JAM on the list? Stopped reading there, and I absolutely condemn this list and its author. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

  • http://www.facebook.com/charles.jannuzi Charles Jannuzi

    Goonies has to rank up there. I hated Hook the first and only time I saw it. It truly sucked. I think Spielberg recycled sets from for a half dozen films though.

  • buckerooski

    1) You lost me at number 5. “An American Tail” was iconic, unique, and though depressing and dark, was also unforgettable. Never say never, whatever you do.

    2) Hook is possibly one of the most quotable movies of all time, not to mention a brilliant, playful plot accessible to all ages, solidly supported by a sadly underrated John Williams score.

    3) T.J., is it? Does the use of profanity help solidify your credibility as an intelligent film critic with your readers?

    Good luck with that.

  • Doc

    Hook is the one movie on that list that I ever enjoyed.

  • Dissin’ Terry

    Where’s “The Goonies.” That movie is unwatchable as an adult. I mean, truly impossible to sit through. Took a gf once to a retro screening at a university theatre to show her just how great my childhood was with Goonies in it. I left apologizing profusely, and will never make the same mistake again. Terrible, terrible movie. “HEY YOU GUYS!!!!” is about the only thing redeemable in this movie, if only for it’s absurdity.

  • Truth Tellin’

    What about the Never-Ending Story? I challenge any adult to sit through that movie and not end up wanting to eat a never ending bullet? Yikes! I actually had to apologize profusely to multiple people after rewatching that movie recently. So many told me it was bad, but I was just CONVINCED it was the best ever. “Books that come to life?! Woo-Hoo!” :-D And, then I watched it again about a year ago and was horrified. The dragon is super molester-y creepy, there’s way too much violence in it, and the fact that no one notices a kid is being bullied and then goes missing for HOURS?! Ugh. Nope. Add The Never-Ending Story to your list. Anyone who disagrees with me has no grounds to their point, period. And don’t make me bring up the Never-Ending Story 2…

  • http://badantenna.com/ Bad Antenna

    No Howard the Duck? Not technically G-rated but, really, who else could it have possibly been made for if not kids?

  • UKnoNothingAboutSPACEJAM

    You didn’t adequately appreciate Space Jam because you’re not American and therefore didn’t idolize MJ like every American between the ages of 5-100 did in the mid 90s. On top of that there’s a Pulp Fiction reference in it (probably the 1st one ever), the Space Jam Jordan 11 shoes from the movie still get made and cost 500 dollars (so it’s still beloved). Oh yeah and it also costars a moderately well-liked actor name BILL EFFIN MURRAY

  • Anirban

    Sorry dude can’t agree with you on ‘American Tail’. Not all movies have to tell a tale for some good reason. The animation is downright beautiful, its gloomy because that’s what most of our cities are like. Have you seen pictures of New York during the war years, they are not so pretty with all the people pouring in the harbor. The story may have been better but the I think you are being prejudiced because the animation feels dated, well because it is, but I like animation like.

  • Crueltea

    Ranked Hook as #1 terrible movie?
    You are fucking HIGH.

  • Jay

    I’ll agree with the rest…
    but Space Jam was a great movie, dammit.

  • carl

    Whether or not you think a movie is good or not is all a matter of opinion. ..to bash someone for liking soming is as ignorant as they come…who are we to say somthing is terrible and everyone should think the same thing

  • Casey

    You are no film critic, my friend. Three on the list were pretty bad, but Hook? AN AMERICAN TALE? You know An American Tale is one of Bluth’s best films, right? You obviously don’t know much about film if you think dark and depressing makes it bad. It was sort of the point. Don’t quit your day job, genius.

  • mason.king1234@hotmail.com

    What about the first Scooby Doo movie? You know, the one where they go to that weird island place and everybody acts like a zombie… I think that’s how it goes… Anyways I loved that as a kid, rewatched it a week ago and asked myself, “HOW THE HELL DID I THINK THIS WAS ENTERTAINING???!!!”

  • DiDiDi

    You know what is really awful? Someone paid this guy to write this garbage. I mean, some of these movies did (in my opinion only) suck. What a waste of time, I must go read something of actual journalistic value to redeem myself (don’t worry I won’t hold my breath).

  • Paula

    Mary Poppins is now fucking terrible
    Never realized how bad dick van dyke’s accent is
    and that magical moment when they jump through the painting
    ITS JUST FUCKING AWFUL CARTOON

  • Emma Stone

    Damn…straight in the bangarangs…

  • Anne-Marie R. Foster

    Gee, campy, fun films that make people laugh – for whatever reason, suck. Guess the critic does too. I’m surprised Willow, Legend, The Goonies & Labyrinth weren’t on this list. It’s miserable in this life to tell others that what brings them pleasure and enjoyment is crap. It is my sincere hope TJ Barnard finds his sense of humor and looks at all these movies a little more openly. Even Vincent Price thought what he did was silly, yet he is arguably one of the scariest actors to grace a film. Ultimately, if you don’t like, sit down and keep your mouth shut, because others do.

  • Jacob wilsons

    space jam is awesome, how dare you.

  • Jennifer

    Can’t agree with most of the choices here: Hook is sweet, adventurous, disturbing and often beautiful. Jingle all the Way was not given justice in this review; the father learns more than once that he’s not being up to par and the ending is…fantastic.

  • TurNaSadle

    and number 8 is Beethoven (with all its sequels)

  • Joey Lee

    An American Tail is based on Maus, the comic representation of the Holocaust. It’s a tragic and true tragedy, not to be mistaken for any Don Bluth film.

    • EnuffBull

      Uh…. no.

  • Splash4

    How did “Ferngully, the Last Rainforest” miss your list???? Now there was some seriously bad animation, among other things.

  • Me

    “But kids are dumb, and that’s why their opinions on absolutely anything should be ignored throughly.”

    I apply that priniple to all “professional critics”, not just kids.

  • anonymous

    Th made a bunny a sex object in space jam

  • Erik Baran

    I sent my son (born in ’89), who was away at college, a bunch of his old movies. One afternoon, he and one of his frat bros were watching Space Jam, and by the time the movie ended, almost the entire house was jammed into the tv room with them.

  • Ms

    Hook, really?? It was not a great movie but it was not terrible. This movie was geared toward kids not adults so of course kids loved it.

  • Seidan1

    I can’t wait for this list to be done again in 10 years so Avatar can be #1.

  • Jessica Mitchell

    So, yeah, I don’t think it’s bad, but Batman and Robin I guess everyone else says is bad and I loved it as a kid…and now.

  • Brennan

    To the author.. you sir are a massive cock smoking douche hole

  • Danath

    All of these movies are still good(jingle all the way) and or great(all the rest of them)

  • Kelsey

    “Not only is this movie a sentimental, schmalzy mess, it also happens to the worst film Steven Spielberg has ever made. I’m talking ever.”

    No, that would be A.I.

  • Eshuster

    Huh? Did anyone really like Super Mario Bros? Seriously?

  • John Jacob

    I really didn’t understand a word this dude just said.

  • Djose

    Geez man. If you’re gonna Tear apart hook like that, you’ve got to at least mention the goonies.

  • Jayson Loyd

    This was fucking terrible, and the author should feel fucking terrible. The only movie that belonged on here was Super Mario Bros. I watched Hook like a week ago, and I love it as much as I did when I was a little boy.

  • COOL

    hook, Jingle all the way, & Space Jam are still deeply treasured in my heart and I am now 24. This list is the only thing “terrible”

  • Je Llene

    I don’t like you’re review. And the movies you’ve mention were must watch! :) I’ve seen all of it except for that Mario thing.

  • Leather Sack Jack

    Hook hit theaters when I was seventeen. I stumbled into the theater while on my first LSD trip. It was glorious.
    I never watched any of the other films on this list.

  • Just Sayin’

    Ok firstly, the guy that posted this to call his either non-existant or “waa she loves my brother better then me” mommy, secondly there is no way in hell kids are stupid, i’m not gonna go in to that ’cause we’d be back to all the things like adverts in the newspaper:
    Looking for love, puppy: 180 years old seeks female companion, who will love cherish and believe in him, also needs not to be afraid of nursing as puppy missed out as baby

  • Joseph Chastain

    I agree with every movie on this list except American Tale. American Tale was very good, the rest sucked. All the people on here complaining about this list are still children in their heads.

  • Jaden Levi

    Kids are stupid? The author of this article is stupid. If a film IS MADE FOR A PARTICULAR DEMOGRAPHIC AUDIENCE and said audience LOVES it…it is a success. This article is effed up.

  • Ashley Elizabeth Barr

    Dude come on!!!! I love and loved all these movies…ESPECIALLY Hook!

  • #OZ4EVA

    Hook would of been way better if they went with the original idea which was to star Michael Jackson and him doing the soundtrack. This was actually Michael’s movie he pitch to Spielberg.

  • Geek Mentality

    You picked a couple real stinkers that I don’t think anybody has ever loved.

  • Tanner

    You’re crazy! I agree with you on the Mario Bros movie, but that’s it. Especially HOOK! How in the world can anyone still not like that movie?

  • Dean-machine Mclean

    seriously you watch a movie when a child you see it as a child it wows you 1 cause its a movie 2 its made to wow you , you watch as an adult no matter how little you think you’ve changed its always different , target audience if you will, the movie never changed and never sucked you grew up changed saying it was awesome then but actually always sucked now your just hypocritical

  • Alex Hunter

    The one redeeming factor of this entire list is that it clearly wasn’t done as an excuse to rip on Batman and Robin in a sad attempt to make the writer feel intelligent.

  • soop

    Fievel Goes West was awesome.

  • soop

    uhh Space Jam was awesome

  • HellRazor

    They right, this movies sucks, but i liked them once im my life :)

  • Joe W

    Wrong!

  • Nubllett

    Hook was in my opinion, written for kids. And as a kid, I loved it. I used to pretend to be Peter Pan. I pretended to be many weird and wonderful’s, but that’s not the focus

    Hook, to this day is a wonderful adventure story. Nothing wrong with it in any way. The author of all this crap above seriously has issues. Neither him or you, have to agree with me, but I sure as hell never want to read anything he posts again.

    I don’t agree with anything he said about any of the movies mentioned. But when he ranted off about Hook, I just lost it.

    Dude, sorry. But who ever told you, you know how to say something about movies, they lied. You don’t know shit. You’re a sad little man that had a sad child hood, and now tries to say something bad about everything that was actually quite good.

    With that said, I’ll be sure NOT to read anything you say about movies

  • childerolandusa

    American Tail was a great movie, it still holds up. And who the hell loved Space Jam, Hook, Jingle All the Way, or Super Mario Bros?

  • Jen Keez

    Sorry I loved Hook and still like it to this day.

  • nah

    you really cant judge the animation from the 90′s compared to what we see today, it was just starting to really develop so you fail for not knowing that today’s animation and the 90′s are obviously different.

  • Billy

    T.J. Barnett (or what ever his name is) is obviously a theatrical God-send. What would millions of brain dead morons do if they didn’t have D.J. Barnard to save them from atrocities such as Hook, and American Tail.

    God forbid someone actually saw pure artist talent in ANY of Don Bluth’s swill… Disney obviously knew what they were doing by canning that guy.

    Thank you B.J. Barrett! There’s a special place in Hell for people with your critical savvy.

  • decse

    MORTAL KOMBAT? Seriously?

  • That guy in the comments

    Space Jam got funnier when I got older… I actually understood the self-deprecating jokes. Bill Murray was the best part of that movie! The only parts that sucked were when the movie tried NOT to make fun of itself.

  • greatattractor

    Ridiculous! An American Tail is a great film, and the previous on, Brisby And The Secret of NIMH, is one of the best animated films of all time. Poor choice, dude. Poor choice. And, yes, I HAVE seen it in recent years

  • denroy3

    Never thought much of any of these movies…all were bad the first time around save Space Jam, which didn’t stink out loud.

  • John Taylor

    From an adult point of view, I would agree overall. However, each movie does have its moments that makes the film worth watching.

  • Sully

    As a child I had enough sense to hate those movies, even back then, with the exception of An American Tail. Crude animation or not, the story was at least decent.

  • BigJim

    how do u hate space jam u bitch

  • SirK

    I am pretty open minded when it comes to hearing other people’s reasons for disliking things that I may like. It’s usually interesting. However, pretty much none of these reviews said anything convincingly negative about these movies. The writer just basically repeated “this movie sucked because I say it sucked” over and over in different forms. Not impressive.

  • Scoop

    You’re outta your mind, Hook has and always will rule. You’re a critic, I’m a film school major. Suck it.

  • Gnuk

    “There are Nooo cats in America, and the streets are lined with cheese!” How is that for forgettable …Author = Jaded

    ..Oh and “Somewhere Out There” won two Grammys, on top of being nominated for Golden Globe and Oscar.

  • Spencer S

    Are we forgetting The Princess Bride, which is probably the single most appropriate film for this list?

    • Scoop

      WHAT?!?! STILL an awesome movie

  • Nicholas Tosoni

    Actually, I DID see Samantha Mathis in a Mitch Albom movie a couple of years ago…”For One More Day,” I think it’s called.

  • the_nailer

    Come on guys how many of these films actually hold up 10-15-20 years later the answer not many….

  • the_nailer

    I feel the same about people with these new star trek films as this guy does with hook

  • joel jansen

    Im sorry, but this is probably the worst article I have ever read. You have to take things for what they are. You can’t hold a kids movie to the same standards of other movies. Most “good” movies are either PG-13 or R. I understand that there are kids movies that are also great movies in themselves (namely Pixar movies), but not every kids movie can be that good. I could go on, but i think you get the point.

  • Peter Pan

    Hysterical! In the same sentence the author refers to kids as dumb, he has a blatant grammatical error so obvious a child could spot it.

  • Jasmine

    ohhhh I have to leave now b/c i just got to the Space Jam part. good day sir. you fail at life.

  • Steven Whisler Jr.

    Space Jam had a #1 hit song. How does “I believe I can Fly” not count as a redeeming factor?

  • drd7of14

    Did you honestly just say that the animated Disney Peter Man movie was better than Hook? The only thing I can think of off the top of my head worse than that is the animated Disney’s Alice in Wonderland version.

  • TLEV

    I agreed with you…until you included Space Jam…..And now you can suck my dick..

    FUCKIN SPACE JAM? Really?

  • J Shampton

    This ended up more of a list of what YOU liked as a kid, and only just now realized what the rest of us knew all along…

  • Kacey McNatt

    The Only movie that I agree with on this list is Super Mario Brothers that movie was just Terrible

  • gabriel

    When i was a kid,i already knew mario`s movie was garbage

  • Donna

    You forgot “Howard the Duck”. Or did kids hate it too back then?

  • Hotrod Crew

    KILL THE LAWYER!!!

  • Claytonium

    I can’t help but laugh at Jingle All The Way (which I continue to watch every single holiday season) when Arnie’s character gets drunk with a reindeer before heading off the parade to be a good father.

  • builder777

    This writer seems pretentious and annoying to me.

  • sandi

    I really cannot believe Howard the Duck didn’t make this list. Don’t get me wrong I loved it then and i bought on dvd, but i bought for pure nostalgia. It’s campy and fun but really horrible lol. Still love it though.

  • Paul
  • Rick

    i remember loving the teenage mutant ninja turtles movies back then. god how they suck. or how about the {power rangers movie.

  • http://www.facebook.com/vinton.bonner Vinton Bonner

    ”But there are noooo cats in America, and streets are paved with cheeeeese! No there are no cats in America, so set your mind at ease!” An American Tail was and always will be…AWESOME. What about downer movies like Dumbo and Bambi? And boring??? Ever heard of the crapstorm that was ‘Ferngully’?!?!

  • Colin BloodyFilm.com

    These movies are good (yes, even Mario), this list is not.

  • PollyB

    Honestly, my least favorite part of the movie was all of the cheesy stuff involving Michael Jordan and his family. And the animation was great. “Redeeming factors” my ass! You’ve got this whole movie backwards.

  • Jason

    Blaspheme!!! How dare you down talk HOOK. Im 26 now and i still watch and love that movie you evil EVIL man!!!

  • redsai4lex

    Hook may not be a very well written movie, but it is still a whole lot of fun for the whole family (if you have one).

  • Joseph

    What if these kids films aimed at kids that kids enjoyed weren’t supposed to be reviewed 20 years later by someone who hasn’t been a kid for a long time?

    If kids like a kids film, then that’s about right isn’t it?

  • Ali Mitchell

    My mom always hated Hook and I didn’t understand.

  • LeopoldHzilquihmbumn

    The author seems to hate Hook for being too schmaltzy and heartwarming, yet criticizes American Tail and Jingle all the Way for not being upbeat and/or genuine enough. I can’t speak for Hook; it’s one I have no strong opinion of either way. However, American Tail being “depressing” and Jingle all the Way being “consumerist” are what make them non-traditionally sweet and funny, respectively.

  • Ronnie James Dio

    even as a kid most people knew these sucked

  • Blistenklasten

    I actually miss when children’s movies could have slightly dark settings.

  • Steph

    Fievel didn’t get off the boat in America, he washed over board in a storm in the middle of the ocean and arived in America in a bottle. Get your facts straight dude. American tale is one of my favorite animation films and I still watch it. Hook was also a brilliantly feel good film and i still love that aswell. The other three you movies you described on here i didn’t really care for. Because they were badly made, even though i enjoyed them as a kid.

  • Sally Sicko

    Whoa, whoa! I’m all about making fun of things I loved as a child, that are way lame now, but in my opinion, you didn’t pick a single terrible movie! THESE WERE THE BEST MOVIES OF ALL TIME!!! It is also in my opinion, that your childhood sucked balls.

  • Brian Howk

    you nailed it bro, i saw it as a kid, & completely dis-agree with you.. im actually gonna watch it right now =P. up to this point i was blown away with your points, but found myself agreeing. but on this one specifically…. im sorry i do not. this is an excellent movie which was created for a child, & the sub-plot, graphics or character/actor interaction with each-other, on-camera or off, doesnt matter when you are ten, which is the direct mind-set of the people making it. it wasnt created to be reviewed by an…

  • Brian Howk

    adult 30 years after the fact, is was funded & paid for to bring to the screen, a depiction of a real-life continuation of the movie we all knew & loved, as a child… younger than we were, at the point of seeing this film…

  • Eddie

    despicable me will be on a list like this in 20 years

  • Honest Abe

    SPACE JAM DIDNT SUCK FUCK U

  • Doverpilot74

    Ok Space Jam was bad lol

  • Doverpilot74

    Super Mario Bros was a HORRID movie lol

  • Wendilynn Kerezman

    How in the world does Hook count as a bad movie?!! I”m sorry, this movie is fantastic, start to finish. I’m with the others, “Kill the Lawyer” line alone is worth the price of admission. I still love An American Tail. Super Mario brothers is definitely one of those bad movies you still like anyway. One movie I would add however, is a movie I was obsessed with as a small child but now laugh hilariously about is “Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band”. This movie simultaneously killed the careers of the Bee Gees and Peter Frampton.

  • Phill

    I feel the exact same way about the film Labyrinth. Find someone who has never seen it before and make them watch it. When they hate it but you love it because you watched it as a child, logic dictates, and I hate to say it but… it’s not them. It’s you.

  • Fray Parabellum

    “I was in junior high, dickhead!”

  • littlemissdovahkiin

    Maaaan, I’d still watch & probably still love all of these! Except Jingle All The Way, which I never saw. Space Jam was awesome.

  • jack56

    I am so sorry you EVER thought Jingle All The Way was a good movie….it has always been an awful film! :)

  • Lola

    Don bluth is awesome! I’m a huge collector of his movies. I love everything about them.

  • dz11

    The author is wrong about Hook. It’s a good film and is one time the critics got it wrong on rotten tomatoes. The audience got it right and rated it 70%. The snobbishness of the critics means they sometimes get things totally wrong, as they did with this film.

  • dz11

    I loved it when Arnold Swarzenegger punched that midget in the face who then went flying. Hilarious.

  • http://shutuplife.com/ laura iaccino

    HEY.

    hey. Hook is AMAZING.

  • SirGaryColeman

    I didn’t like any of these movies as a kid. What was wrong with you?

  • Chyann Wate

    THERE WAS A DALEK IN THE MOVIE SPACE JAM

  • makare

    I just read Peter Pan and then rewatched Hook. I think Hook is a fine continuation of the story. I wonder if the write of this article has read the book or seen the actual play.

  • Alicia Wilkinson

    Actually hook was and is a great movie its got nothing to do with nostalgia, its way better than some of the crap they put out there today! In fact I watched this movie the other day and it was still great!

  • Alicia Wilkinson

    This movie was good, not hellish! Man this dude really doesn’t know anything about what a good movie is! And what kid thinks like that anyway? None that I know. This guy basically just made up crap to go on about in-depth when its all bull****

  • decse

    MORTAL KOMBAT???????????

  • BonafideJones

    These writers are awful. Please leave the internet

  • edie maxwell

    club paradise & north shore. my brother and i watched them so many times, the video store gave them to us to keep.

  • gamblore

    Hook is the first picture… are you serious?

  • gamblore

    The movie has a very nostalgic feel to it. It invokes feelings of being carefree and happy. Reminds us of a time when we weren’t burdened by obligations and competition and so many things that distract us from ourselves. Who we are as people. I’m sure that from the standpoint of Spielberg, him thinking about it from a directors perspective, he may be critical of his work. But i’m sure that you would discover (like any good artist), that Spielberg finds fault in every movie he has ever made. But despite what it lacks in set quality, and academy worthy subject matter, it still speaks a powerful message. And just because the movie isn’t the same as the original book doesn’t mean it isn’t good. You talk about it as though it has been slapped together. Like some disheveled sweaty arm pitted nervous wreck of a writer sold his poorly written knockoff Peter Pan script to fat cat Spielberg sitting in his leather arm chair smoking a cigar. And this whole ‘the performances clash awkwardly’ sentence. You just dug that out of your shit hat. Your big shit hat that you have with technical phrases like the aforementioned that make you sound like you know what you’re talking about, but you don’t. You just conjure up opinions at random and sell them because people want to hear it.

    The movie reminds us to step back from our jobs, be with our kids, love our families, remember what’s important in life. So chill out, and enjoy it for what it is. And take your hatred to somewhere it should be. A new dress or new haircut on some sleazy celebrity that you can shit on in an article you write, rather than ruining something that so many find pure and good.

    like, this sentence right here

    “The plot is tied around that of Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie but doesn’t resemble the genuinely magical qualities of that play”

    what do you even mean by that? Both stories are completely fictitious! What constitutes “genuinely magical”?? WTF does that even mean?

  • Irishay

    The Mario movie was done decently, the issue at hand was that they never made a number 2 to it sadly so it ended really odd, the fact that Bowser and other dinos where not as they seemed was cause they wanted to take over the human realm so they turned themselves like that, they even had random people in the movie state that over and over again, at the ending of it when they fight bowser he does turn back into his true form for the most part. They messed up on allot of movies but cmon man look at that 10 years of movies during that time the style of movies was on key with what was going on and they stayed true to the video game for the most part also while thinking “okay so how do we make this seem realistic in some way?” It’s not like they had allot to work with, you said it yourself. They could remake this like they’ve remade 100s of other horrible flicks and make a box office hit for sure.

  • Irishay

    Yeah Hook was off and on, the concept was amazing and they had amazing actors to work with but I agree 110% that he had to be on autopilot while writing this, I still watch it with my kids as if I was a kid at times and find parts they could of done 100x better then they did even at that time..

  • Ashley

    “he used to be Peter Pan but left Neverland and went home and got bored and became a lawyer”
    *whistles whoooooooooo ppssshhhh*
    *he went home to become a father
    BANGARANG!

  • Broderick Crawford

    Apparanty he was a kid in the 90s when all real people were already out of college and knew all these films sucked the day they were released. Why would anyone pretend to be an adult this badly?

  • princesspie24

    I loved hook it was the best version of Peter Pan I ever saw, ( DONT get me wrong i loved Disney version also) but this was a very funny movie

  • Me

    I loved Super Mario Bros and Hook as a child and I still love them now!

  • Zakk

    Ageist

  • Ali Gator

    What about Mac & Me ?
    Last Action Hero ?
    Now those were horrible.
    At least this guy didn’t bash Garbage Pail Kids!

  • blahhhh!!

    I don’t agree with every movie on here, but Super Mario Bros. was absolute crap. It was weird when I was a kid, and it was just bad when I watched it as an adult.

  • Baby Boomer

    OK, I’ll give you two of those movies (both of which I’ve never seen), but you’re wrong about Hook and Space Jam – they were silly, yes, but funny, and I still enjoy them when they are on. As for An American Tail – you’re off your rocker, pal. That’s a GREAT film, well animated (the equal of most Disney films of the same era – naturally, since Bluth was one of Disney’s top former animators). In fact, ALL of Bluth’s films were excellant, and some truly superb. Secret of NIMH (his first) was wonderfully touching. Anastasia was warm, funny, exciting and inspiring, a true calssic. I could go on and on. Truth is, I’ve never seen a BAD Bluth film, they were all wonderful. The man was a animation genious.

  • Baby Boomer

    In fact, An American Tail was a top box office and critical success, and put Fox Animation on the map as a major competitor to Disney. Several of Bluth’s other films were also top box office and cirtical award winners (including Secret of NIMH). See Wikipedia for more details. He had his share of box office failures, too, but his fans have loved every one of his movies.

  • Doulz

    lol, the only thing that sucks is u :P Peter pan was a sweet movie and still is :P I don’t care about the critics, each and every one of us is a critic, my critic is different than yours, that doesn’t mean people who like these movies are dumb or people who don’t like them are dumb :P it’s just a matter of opinion :P but u still suck :P hehehehe no offense :P

  • L.

    i loved An American Tale and the Secret of Nimh. Both were good and I’d watch them again…but it seems people are dumb if they have their own opinions.

  • koko

    this is the worst list ever made

  • Nancy Knipp Surls

    I liked Hook

  • krossoverking

    Gonna definitely have to disagree on Hook. That film was magical. The dinner scene, the scene when he first gets to Neverland, when he learns to fly, the baseball scene. That movie was gold.

  • Potatamoto

    Even as a kid I thought Super Mario Bros. sucked, as did all my friends and everyone I’ve ever spoken to.

  • MichaelKz

    Someone liked the Super Mario Brothers movie?

  • Ben Tramer

    This is just a dumbass “article”. And not because I particularly like any of the films mentioned, but because it’s written like one of those hipster types who didn’t try during pickup basketball games.

  • Steven Spielrock

    Redeeming features of Hook: one of the most haunting first acts in any ‘kids’ film (seriously, it’s brilliant), John Williams at his very best (the soundtrack is glorious), moments of genuine wonder and ‘movie magic’ (the hook-shaped doorknob, the coconut slicing scene, the ‘Run Home’ scene, the ‘I remember’ scene…need i go on?). I may be looking at this through nostalgia soaked goggles, but gerrammit I still think this a fine fine kid’s film. P.S. Spielberg’s worst film is 1941.

  • Taji Karasuma

    What hell are on about, Space Jam WAS AMAZING, better than Dragon Ball Evolution…-_-

  • Locs

    I agree, all those movies are absolutely awful and the proof that kids are dumb. I’m glad to say that absolutely hated the Mario Bros movie when I was in grade school and thought Hook was a boring piece of crap. I guess I was a little less dumber than your average kid

  • Locs

    Then again, my favorite movie in grade school was Bruce Willis’ Die Hard

  • habsolute

    First of all, “Hook” was and continues to be an awesome movie and a great take on the Peter Pan story (what would happen IF he DID grow up?).

    Secondly, I think the author suffers from the fact that when we were kids, our minds weren’t cluttered with the mess that befalls us as adults, even teenagers. Novelty goes a long way and there are things that you can sometimes only appreciate when you are young not because you are stupid, but because your mind allows a window into an unfiltered world. That’s pretty much what most adults try to do through escapism — get back some of that novelty (perhaps not the innocence). Even as a kid, I realized Super Marios Bros. the movie was garbage (mostly cuz it didn’t resemble the game in any way), but most of the others on this list weren’t nearly as bad. I wonder if the author thinks Home Alone sucked and was full of plot holes. On the flip side, there are some movies that, as a child, you don’t fully appreciate the direction and “vibe” of particular movies. The Micheal Keaton Batmans had that gothic creepy element, that you can only understand once you get older, but that’s another story. As a kid, I loved them for sheer entertainment value. (And as an adult, I am a super fan of TDK trilogy.) I am also a HUGE TMNT fan, but re-watching them is a little painful as I now notice the string of cheesy one liners. Then again, I remember loving them because that’s what, as a child, I was attuned to find fun, not Shawshank Redemption.

    Point being – kids movies are FOR kids. There’s a reason every movie isn’t made for every demographic.

  • Drew Taylor

    Did anyone else notice that Anastasia was NOT Disney. It was produced by Fox Animation, but the author got the Bluth part right.

  • Luna Lovegood

    I loved that Super Mario Bros. movie… Way to ruin my childhood…
    What’s next? Saying Harry Potter was all a dream? :(

  • Rivyn

    I’ll give you Jingle All the Way, but the other four were and still are awesome movies

    • movieoverload

      nope.

  • Brian Roosa

    From my teenage years… Candy Man. I thought it was the scariest, best made horror movie until I saw it recently and realized how bad it was

  • tinvictus

    “But kids are dumb, and that’s why their opinions on absolutely anything should be ignored throughly” -You, sir, are an idiot.

  • tacticuss

    “It’s one of those movies that apparently everybody in the entire world loved as a child” What’s your sample size that enables you to reasonably make this statement?

  • naysayer

    Worst Spielberg movie ever? Have you seen Jurassic Park: The Lost World? Watching that movie, it’s obvious that he completely phoned it in while he was working on Schindler’s List instead.

  • M

    “Kids are all dumb” what a terrible generalisation. That is not true of many children. I for one didn’t feel about most of these movies as he says a child would, and as for Hook and Space Jam – they were enjoyable! They were made for children and weren’t meant to be intellectual, get over it.

  • Yuuenchi

    Cannot believe you left out Howard the Duck and the live action Masters of the Universe

  • moiraesfate

    Wow, you have no taste.

  • White__Rabbit

    You are nuts Space Jam was GREAT!

  • Rufio

    I’ll tell you what a paramecium is! It’s whoever wrote this article! It’s a one-celled critter with no brain, that can’t write! Don’t mess with me man, I’m a lawyer! Bangerang Peter!

  • SilentXero

    The Goonies also belongs on this list!

  • IpseCogita

    Not one of these movies is old enough to go anywhere near the word “Nostalgia.” Most of these, the people that watched them as kids are barely old enough to buy a drink legally. They should have done this article about the stuff we like in the ’70s, like Star Wars, or Raiders, or Close Encounters, or Alien, or maybe…

    Oh, I guess not.

  • Dazz

    I saw Hook a few times as a kid and think it’s ok, nothing more, nothing less. Rufio was freakin annoying.

    I also remember being a kid, trying to watch An American Tail several times but always finding myself bored within 30 minutes and switching off.

  • PersephoneNightingale

    Lol. Throughout most of these movies, both now and as a child, I stayed interested silly because I always ask questions about movies. and ponder “what if…” For example, “what is Fivel really did stay in Russia.” THose were the things I’d ask my parents. I think I’m too inquisitive.

  • Skaet

    We didn’t watch the Mario show, but all the others were fun. I never go by what critics write because they never get it right for me. Sometimes people just need to loosen up, relax and have a little fun! I still love Space Jam! And I own most of the others.

  • Skaet

    By the way, I’m 50, and my children are 27 & 23. This guy needs to get a grip.

  • Karrenstarr

    All I can do is shake my head at this article. They never mentioned that BILL FUCKING MURRAY was in SPACE JAM.

    Last straw. : [

    not cool

  • Wiccy

    You could not possibly be more wrong about “An American Tail” and that’s really all I can say on the matter.

  • stripeyunderpants

    I thought Hook was pretty terrible when I first saw it, and my opinion hasn’t changed. Never saw “Jingle all the Way, ” “Space Jam,” or that Super Mario movie because they look stupid even in the trailers. I liked “An American Tail,” maybe because of the dark, gritty backgrounds contrasted with cute, colorful mice and birds; but I probably wouldn’t watch it again because it isn’t that interesting. Let’s face it, though: most kids like movies that are colorful and not very emotionally deep or mentally stimulating. That’s why they drag their parents to see every damned thing put out by Disney, no matter how lame or stupid it might end up being, and are happy to watch even the dumbest Saturday morning cartoons. I used to watch every Japanese monster movie I could, and I LOVED “Johnny Sokko and his Flying Robot.” When I watch them now, I can’t believe how utterly idiotic they were!

  • http://writtennerd.wordpress.com/ L. A. Howard

    Eh, was going to read this, but the very first critique is sort-of off-putting. I know that the style in An American Tale was unique, but it was also GORGEOUS. That’s what made those movies stand out.

    And since when does a cartoon movie have to explain where it came from? Just enjoy what’s given you, if you’re into it. If you’re not, then you don’t have to watch it. :)

    *goes to scan the rest of the strange list*

  • Ezay

    How is “Howard the Duck” not on this list….Playduck people…Playduck

  • does it matter

    didn’t love these as a kid. they were all avoided by me. I was born in 1979. nice cracked.com-ish article.

  • Nathan Vaughn

    None of these were from when I was a kid.

  • DarrenR

    Ill give you Super Mario as being a terrible movie. But its still a great movie, If you dont think about how horrible the cast is for the characters they are playing and that the plot makes no sense to the actual game its a great movie.

  • sissapants

    This is all assuming every reader was a kid when these movies came out. I was a teenager and knew they all sucked, so this article turned out to be pretty meaningless. Maybe a good follow-up would be to do this same story for people in their late 30s/early 40s!

  • toothteacher

    Loved, loved, loved Space Jam…and I saw it when I was in my 40′s and the teens I was with loved it, too. The music was great, the jokes were funny, and there were lots of positive messages. ” Work hard at something and you can be the best” “Not everything you do will work out” “Family is important” “Teamwork is needed to win” I don’t know what movie you were watching, but there was a wonderful plot that centered about winning the basketball game or lose Earth. All the characters and many sport favorites joined together to form the best team ever!
    I have it on VCR and it has been watched many times by me and the kids. Music is still great and the jokes still make me laugh :))))

  • Martenas Godfrey

    Im with you on most of these…i do think these movies sucked. Well….except Hook. What i disagree with is, that we didn’t know it when we were kids.

    I mean…super mario bros was universally panned by my middle school in the 90s. And that jingle all the way…you are not breaking any hearts when you point out the flaws of those stinkers.

    No, i think our nostalgia work just fine. T2, predator, and aliens still melts my face off. Rocky still inspires. Ghostbusters still needs another squeal, and classic Disney still rocks. Its our personal egos that usually blind us to the truth. Like…i still want to beleive that Hook was a good movie…and it is !!!

  • smith

    no i thought all these movies sucked as a kid

  • Manny

    I actually did love most of those movies as a kid and in some respects this guy is right, like about how “bad” the sets of these movies were but I disagree with pretty much everything else. If the only reason you watch a movie is because it is realistic or has the best special effects than you have no imagination. If a movie was cheap but creative and fun to watch, I will take that over expensive special effects any day. Its also why the opinion of any movie critic means nothing to me and why I still haven’t seen Avatar but can’t stop watching the critically panned Kick-Ass 2… I love that movie.

  • Josh O’Bannon

    i cant believe this guy ” options of kids mean nothing ” these movies ARE FOR KIDS, why make a kids movie that other kids say is gonna suck, then whose gonna watch it , i mean really lets shape sesame street like family guy sense parts of that didin’t make sense to adults either.

  • Josh O’Bannon

    i miss spelled opinions my bad was angry as i was typing

  • Josh O’Bannon

    again another childs movie jackass”‘CHILD’S MOVIE”
    you know what that’s it i’m done DONE!
    im gonna contact to involve a rape scene in Aladin because that makes more sense. Get her jafar!!!

  • Josh O’Bannon

    disney

  • Josh O’Bannon

    u know what u are right guy and sense were on the subject lets have the creators show a scene in lion king where after scars death the hyenas butchers simba and the remaining 3 or 4 lions cuz that makes more sense too …. dumbass

  • Titi

    I loved Howard the Duck as a kid. When I found it at a used video store and watched it as an adult I thought it was terrible. What’s up with the scene when Howard and the lead girl almost get intimate? hat part creeped me out the most i think.

  • Pako

    Oh you did not just put Space Jam in this shit

  • 1800aaacool

    I FUCKEN HATED THAT MARIO BROS MOVIE I love the games though but the movie was shit even the comics were better than this shit

  • Tim

    This article is a joke. Hook was and is a great movie. Do you have any idea how much of the original Peter Pan novel is incorporated into Hook? And the cast is awesome. Yes, the movie looks dated, it has a 90s film quality just like Jurassic Park, but it’s a great movie.

  • Anonymous

    Did anyone ever realize Skrillex song and album is named from this movie?

  • Jonathan Gittinger

    If being boring was the worst crime a film could commit, 2001 A Space Odyssey would universally panned by everyone. It isn’t.

    Also: There Are No Cats in America, Never Say Never, A Duo, Somewhere Out There. Those are just the songs I remember off the top of my head from the 1st film… and the 2nd film is arguably superior to the original.

  • Galen Brewer

    Dude, you are just wrong. I don’t even give a rats ass if this is just your opinion or not, you are just wrong. Every one of those movies were and still are awesome. They may not have been box office hits, but they are great movies. Pull your head out of your ass.

  • Sverre

    No. 1 should be Princess Bride.

  • Marshfox

    Don’t think I agree with you about hook. I didn’t see it until I was 15 (not really nostalgia goggles at that age). True, it’s not a master piece, but it’s just kind of silly and fun. It’s one of those movies you watch when you just want some feel-good, mindless entertainment.

  • peterpanning

    Hook is amazing in every possible way a movie meant for children could be. So – Suck it you crude lewd lame dude!

  • Lucia

    Wow the person who wrote this article is fail… apparently someone didn’t have a childhood.

  • Elise77

    I hate to have to agree with you about Hook. As a KID I found it disappointing. It could have been so much more.
    Although as a kid, the theme-parky set absolutely enthralled me, because what kid doesn’t like theme parks? :) Honestly, though, the set was in keeping with the sort of surrealism of other Peter Pan productions, particularly its history as a stage production. It was done like an over-the-top stage production, and it kind of worked. Couple of great moments in the movie that made you just want it to be more than it was. But yeah… very underdeveloped plot.

  • kgrey38

    You missed the point of Jingle All The Way. Even when I was seven years old I understood it completely:

    - The character played by Arnold Schwarzenegger was indeed very flawed and, in his bumbling attempt to get back into his son’s good graces, did things that were morally bankrupt.
    - The movie’s point was to be entertaining as a cynical comedy about substituting consumerism for more meaningful things.

    That was exactly why it was funny and why I watched it every Christmas.

  • Tony Watches TV

    I have no problem with the premise of this article, but the writer makes little to no attempt to actually delve into why the movies were bad. Other than taking cracks at special effects and animation (we liked them as kids because they were older movies, and older movies have worse production value) most of the criticisms are simply “this is bad and that sucked”.

    Why not go into the Boo-Box scene in Hook? Remember the break the “sentimental, schmaltzy mess” took when it showcased a pirate being dragged screaming and stuffed into a small box that bounced around while they dropped scorpions on him and made faces at him and maybe he died? Thanks world, I’m fucking six. (Separately, I don’t have a link for it, but it’s worth looking up the story behind that scene, and who that pirate really was.

  • Jon

    I loved Super Mario Brothers movie when I was a kid. Now I look back and wonder how the hell I could ever like such a dumb movie. Bowser…….lol

  • emma

    hook and an american tale should not be on this list.. the rest were shite even as a kid lol..

  • Drake Nightfire

    You have 5 movies that span from 1986 to 1996 and these are supposed to be seen by us as kids? I was 13 when American tail came out.. Good movie, still watch it and Hook with my kids. Jingle, Mario bros, and Space Jam though.. all sucked then and they suck now.

  • Nick Demasky

    The writer sounds like they had a really awesome childhood, and grew up into a boring adult.

    I actually thought, and still think as an adult, that Hook is pretty awesome.

  • Kurt Boyer

    “Somewhere Out There” is actually a blatant Beethoven ripoff.

  • Tootles

    “It’s snowing!!!”

  • kiersten churchill

    Your disgustingly pessimistic attitude and lack of imagination probably render you drinking alone on a daily basis, huh? Thank God your type typically sticks to the internet to projectile vomit their hate.

  • Tiger

    THE DARK CRYSTAL

  • Peter Mikkelsen

    So hook was a terrible movie ?
    When did you unlock retarded ?
    stupid writer.
    that’s the 5 movie you could find, then you might need to grow up.
    I really hate when some mongolos telling us what movies we liked as kid but really are terrible movies. and he can tell without ever asking a person about it.
    You are properly so clever that you never had to look up anything.

  • Jesse Hughes

    The author seems to have very, very high expectations with animation.

  • JustSayingWhatYouAlreadyKnow

    Jingle all the way is easily one of the top 5 Christmas movies of all time.

  • reallydemonic

    wow…An American tale crude lol wth, it was great animation for its time. It did not have a huge budget as disney and from what i remember they did not even have alot of publicity for it lol Don Bluth made some of the most beautiful movies that had a dark edge to them that showed me as a child that the world is not a fanciful place (Disney I’m lookn at you) but a place where you have to help eachother out and protect eachother. That is what his movies told me as a child

  • Cat

    Are you kidding me?! Space Jam is amazing. Forget nostalgia, you sir, don’t have any taste

  • Darth Kenyan

    Sigmund Fraud nailed this author: he suffers from penis envy.

  • Tim Boyer

    I think you are a hater…Seriously, you don’t the American Tale, Hook and Space Jam are good movies? I mean come on…it’s Space Jam. All classic movies. I would agree with Jingle All The Way and I’ve never seen Mario Brothers. But I love me some Space Jam.

  • B-Sol

    Who EVER thought ANY of these movies were good?? And the one thing you choose to praise is “Somewhere Out There”?? Saints preserve us.

  • Cameren Lee

    Hey, the American Tale color palette is appropriate for its setting.

  • Cameren Lee

    I did NOT enjoy Hook even as a child. That scene with all the vibrant-colored paint scared the crap out of me. My theory is that it had something to do with my autism, since Silly String freaked me out for the same reason.

  • Chandler

    Fuck you. Hook is awesome.

  • Kenzi

    Things to add to your list. Hocus Pocus, Halloween Town 1-3. Rock-a-Doodle.

  • Sann Sann

    i’ve got 6 words for you:
    Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie

  • SomethinGottaGive

    Where is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles from 1990? I LOVED it as a kid. Not so much as I watched it again in my mid-20′s.

  • testpilot

    Oh, god, did the author of this article really, REALLY, fail to get the satire behind “Jingle All the Way”? Hey, moralizing dickhead, that movie was an excellent tongue-in-cheek essay on the REAL Christmas spirit!

    And if Michael Jordan in “Space Jam” made you think he’s “humble” (a non-virtue, by the way), then he’s much better actor than I’d give him credit for.

  • sknywhtboy88

    you are saying absolutely nothing that thousands of people weren’t already saying on the internet. Congratulations you understand the concept of rose colored glasses. PS An American Tail is one of my FAVORITE films, still.

  • Can1live

    This article lost me at Space Jam

  • http://www.songofsloman.com/ Garrett Sloman

    How did Goonies and Princess Bride not make this list?! Never saw either one as a kid and then watched them during college. Only nostalgia makes them worth watching. Sadly have to agree with the author. As a kid, I totally bought in to Hook, Space Jam, and An American Tail. But what about Fievel goes West?

  • Frankie Addiego

    Wow. This is the stupidest article I’ve ever skimmed. I mean, only the first and last ones are generally considered “good” to begin with, so whatever invisible 20-something he’s trying to insult probably isn’t going to be too torn up. I don’t recall anyone defending the Mario movie. But also, um… ALL these articles “# Works that Actually Suck,” are pathetic because the author is always talking about his opinion as if it’s some sort of recently unearthed fact.

    Sorry, dude, you thought this article would be thought-provoking, but it’s… “actually terrible.”

  • Alden

    Hook was and still is good. The Never ending story, however, is terrible to watch as an adult.

  • stagesiren7

    I think you’re an asshole. Not because I loved these movies as a kid (really-none of them were even among my favorites) but because you write so disdainfully-as if you are offended that these movies even exist, that there are people who enjoy them, and that you must see to it that any positive regard of them is ruined.

    Also, your statement “Kids are dumb, and that’s why their opinions on absolutely anything should be ignored throughly.” Are you serious? That is extremely crass and close-minded. I’ve seen kids who are smarter than adults. And look-you can’t even spell “thoroughly.” Hmm…who’s really the dumb one here?

  • John

    Who is this idiot doing these articles? Doesnt seem to know a great movie if it kicked him

  • Rachel Lusby

    An American Tail may not be the typical children’s animated film, but it has historical reference so at least there is a purpose, unlike the other films mentioned. I had parents who told me what the idea behind the film was, when I got old enough to watch and understand it. (I was a newborn when it came out.)

    As for the other movies mentioned, agreed. Blech. Hook is fun to watch, but it’s pretty dumb.

  • Matt D Bornstein

    These were the 5 best movies of my childhood. This guy is crazy.

  • logat890

    Space Jam = lost opporunity

  • Azwildcat324

    First I didn’t see any of these as a child. I’m too old. So except for American Tail, which I never saw, the rest are FUN movies. Don’t you ever watch a movie just for the amusement? I’m a movie lover. I revel in the world of film. Yes some really, really suck. But sometimes those are the funniest ones to watch.

  • guest

    Hook is great. So is An American Tale

  • Movie guy

    I disagree space jam is still awesome

  • Movie guy

    So is jingle all the way haters lol

  • Ashotjan

    I’ll only comment on the ones I know well.

    An American Tail is a great movie. It is emotionally gripping and a very satisfying tale. Most older children’s movies were darker. Ever seen Snow White? Sleeping Beauty? There are much more sinister antagonists in those films.

    Hook. Yes, many stupid parts. But the story, the idea, of Hook is excellent. There are plenty of emotional moments to make you care, but not enough to take it all too seriously. At the very least it has a great musical score, which helps it mask its other faults. This would be a good remake one day.

  • FrankenPC .

    I find ET insufferable now.

  • Danix Defcon 5

    Hook the worst Spielberg movie? You didn’t watch Jurassic Park 2 then! An American Tail isn’t bad either. It might not be Disney-happy but it is still good. And well, Super Mario Bros, Space Jam and Jingle all the way weren’t good movies at all in our minds when they came out.

  • Rick

    I love Space Jam and I still do!

  • Shakti

    You forgot Hocus Pocus :D . (Nah, kidding, I still think it’s amazing).

  • Kyle Edgecomb

    Jingle All the Way? Im sorry but im 19 and still love it, watch it every christmas

  • NG

    Nah, we knew they were crap back then, too…

  • Stephen

    Those who can’t make good movies, critique them…deusch bag

  • David Smith

    No! NO! And hell NO! Worst Spielberg film of all time was 1941.

  • eli

    I never saw the first four but I did see Hook. It’s amazing- I still like it as an adult (and so does the rest of my family).

  • Bubba

    This writer should seriously consider reevaluating his or her career path. Big Frowns All Around.

    • Artien Nadal

      Hook is such a great movie… Hes smokes crack that probably it. Lol

  • H8er

    this list is crap, Super Mario Bros AND Hook are decent movies…STILL

    • Artien Nadal

      Mario is just horrible dude… Hook is a fantastic movie…

  • Hope McMahan

    I actually still enjoy those movies. LOL.

  • Chan Mac

    Hook… wtf planet are you from.

  • miyah

    Im almost 21 years old and to this day I will defend space jam cause it was and still is amazing. Nuff said

  • bull

    Has he never seen Howard the duck?

  • Bob Barker

    Hook just wasn’t a bad movie. Even today re-watching with a totally different and critical eye, the way superman 3 and 4 used to be cool and now are garbage, I don’t find hook to be a bad film.

  • Artien Nadal

    Sorry dum dum. But hook is a great movie… The rest I agree with u. But…. Co. E on, hook the worst one… Drugs are bad mmmkay…

  • Jonathan Quist

    Ok but Fievel Goes West was frickin phenomenal.

  • Emma Baley

    Only one I agree with is Space Jam. You don’t have to take all the fun out of life. And BTW I watched Hook a few months ago with my nephew…still awesome. Your word is not law.

  • my2cents

    I have to disagree with American Tail. I thought the animation was gorgeous, the backgrounds were fantastic, and the plot was not boring at all. Sure, it was a *little* dark, but not all animated films have to be sugar-coated, annoying dreck. I do agree with the rest of these films, though. They were either pure junk or not very memorable…

  • 18235

    even kids actually liked these movies back then, instead of just plain putting up with them?!

  • Zac Younkins

    Complete bullshit. American Tale was about immigration and its really powerful. Hook is brilliantly acted and still holds up for a fun time.

  • PainPro

    The only movie I saw on this list was Hook and I didn’t think it was great anyway
    Oh well I guess I’ve always had impeccable Tate in cinema

  • Tony

    sorry but i like all five of these movies, not gonna lie any time i see Space Jam, Jingle all the way, Hook and possibly Super Mario Brothers i watch them, i have seen all these movies 100 of times and not just as a kid. Honestly other then this article i don’t know anybody who doesn’t love these movies except for maybe Super Mario Brothers.

  • Sargonarhes

    The others I never even seen. But Hook? I was well over 25 when I seen it. What was really wrong with it?

    • Benjamin Harrison

      Hook was kid-oriented, but then again, it’s a sequel to a children’s musical known as Peter Pan anyways, what would you honestly expect? Peter Pan isn’t serious, why should you expect Hook to be serious either?

  • Volha

    Wow I actually found this a little weird… And I guess I must of being
    a very mature child because never in my childhood did I thinked like that…
    And I don’t think children are dumb. They are able to understand a lot more
    people give them credit to. Anywho, I liked most of the films said here
    really, I understood the concept of the movies that were named here…
    Like really I watched Chucky and “It” when I was three years old
    And I knew people were dying, and I was okay with that. Not that
    They are the best movies for a kid but, Oh well -shrugs-

    • dawnmomofreed

      sorry but what parents let their kid see chucky and It and hope for the best???

  • D.B

    I gotta agree with everyone else’s comments these were all great movies and still are in my opinion and have shared these Jems with my son, but I have to agree with American Tale it was very sad and dismal and a very gloomy movie even as a kid I couldn’t get into it cuz it was more sad then funny. But that’s just my opinion. Other then that the rest all rocked throuout my childhood! :)

  • Brent S. Arrowitz

    whoever wrote this is an idiot,im not even through the first article and i see a HUGE mistake,”(for reasons nobody knows)” referring to why feivels family left russia,it was called the pograms,when the russians went around killing all the jews,and being that feivel is a jewish mouse and the story imitates whatever is going on in the human world (to a degree),one might conclude that this is the case…or they COULD DO RESEARCH…youre childhood must have sucked,and im sorry,but dont try to make our memories as depressing as yours,some of us like to smile from time to time…

  • Heidi McClure

    I’m too old to have seen any of these as a kid. But I really like Jingle All the Way and Hook, and I’ve watched both of them within the last six months.

    OTOH, Space Jam was kind of meh, and I don’t think I could make it through American Tail again at this point. Didn’t see Mario Brothers, so I’ll take your word for it sucking.

  • Greg

    your dumb, pick apart kids movies that were made in the 90s and 80s……………….. grow up

  • sitch

    I still love hook haha..

  • momsaid

    Wonderful allegory of Earthly life: Peter forgot who he was. Remembering was the only way to come full circle and save his children and himself. What was lost was restored. What will happen next? An adventure!

  • papabear1976

    This is the worst list I’ve read so far. Space Jam and Jingle All the Way were cute, and I still think Hook is awesome(except for Rufio, of course). And I NEVER cared for the other two. Show me The Rocketeer, Robocop, The Dark Crystal, Superman 3, And Rocky 5.

  • dawnmomofreed

    Hook is awesome!! jingle all the way stupid, space jam, was cute, never saw super mario..

    • dawnmomofreed

      also i was a teen when all these came out.

  • Tony B

    HOOK was a great movie, as a kid, and Hoffman was nominated for an award for this movie. This reviewer has NO ideal what he is talking about.

    • Benjamin Harrison

      I agree, I liked the whole premise of Hook: What if Peter Pan grew up? And true, a lot of us tend to forget what made us happy by, in essence, forgetting about what was great about when we were children. Pretty much the positive kick that Hook delivered.

  • OP SUX

    The guy who wrote this is a hack. Made it to his review of An American Tail?

    Not the fact that you hated it but your review was horrible. All these wanna be film critics. I hate the intranets sometimes.

  • Eric Killough

    The thing about child hood movies is that they stay with you, and you can revisit them still experiencing the same joy that you have experienced as a kid.

  • Timothy A. Kramar

    Two of the most boring movies in film history are now considered classics [Citizen Kane and It's a Wonderful Life].

    As far as Hook goes, I saw it as an adult and enjoyed it–once. Not the other 20 times, it was played in the house. But then I don’t believe in watching any movie multiple times.

  • Charles Cynic

    The problem with this premise: no one loved these movies…ever

  • MajorMattMason

    this movie is incredible. The author of this article has no soul

  • MajorMattMason

    A much better number one would have been A Never Ending Story. That is rough to watch as an adult.

  • ksting

    Give me a break. Most of the films I will agree with however, American tail had a good story yes its animation was not up to Disney standards but was a good movie with a message. Now the real bad one “Jingle all the Way” Shoot I have to watch that every Christmas along with the Santa Claus and Miracle on 34 th street. It was way over the top but was meant to be just like Home Alone. Bet you never watched the movie until after the credits there is a seen there that finishes off the movie to the tops. If you haven’t seen it watch the movie again and then go to the finish of the credits you’ll die laughing.

  • Ed

    Super Mario was one of the biggest bombs of 1993, not sure how many people actually saw it. I remember not liking it but I was 23

  • Ed

    I really really hated Hook; good choice but I think I hated 1941, The Terminal, and War of of the Worlds equally!!

  • Party_In_Left_Field

    The only one I saw was Hook. I guess I thought they were bad when I was a kid, too.

  • Don’t do it

    NO! NO! YOU WILL NOT TALK ABOUT SPACE JAM!

  • Nuncio78

    THIS NUGGET HEAD HAS NO TASTE! THIS MOVIE WAS AND STILL IS GREAT!

  • DIREWOLF

    Considering the animation of “An American Tale” was created in the 1980′s…I don’t think it was that bad. And, the dark, muted colours and tones give the film atmosphere.

  • Lord Kovac Falkoner

    This man just stated that Michael Jordan was a good actor in Space Jam. Clearly, he’s never actually watched Space Jam.

    • Benjamin Harrison

      He was okay in Space Jam, especially for someone who simply cannot see the characters in real life. The animated characters and their voices had to be drawn into the film. It was just not fictional or creative enough. Borrowed too much from real life to be fun. Fun and entertainment usually involve a lot of stretching reality sometimes, and Space Jam didn’t always feel that stretched out.

      • Lord Kovac Falkoner

        No way! He was horrible in Space Jam. You can tell that they seriously limited his lines because of that. He hardly even talks after 30 minutes into the movie.

  • Brandon Roberts

    how is super mario bros. not number one

  • Nizzemancer

    Hook is pretty awesome actually, tic toc..the Roofio part was kinda embarassing to watch but oh well.
    Space Jam had it’s moments
    Mario was awful
    Could never get through “an american tail” even as a kid.
    and I never watched that Schwarzenegger one.

  • momo

    all dustin hoffman and bob haskins performances in this film are remarkable. I disliked Julia Roberts role though, eckh

    • momo

      AND I LOVE RUFIO

  • Benjamin Harrison

    I actually have some enjoyment, and some laughs, watching Hook. Space Jam, on the other hand I cannot stand. Especially now that I am grown up and the vast advertising scheme of the film is so obvious to me now. Plus the lack of creativity. Essentially, Space Jam deliberately parallels real world things, such as Michael Jordan being a gambling addict (throws a bet at the bad guy to place him in the Theme Park), there already is a Looney Tunes, or Warner Bros. theme park (Six Flags), and in real life, Bill Murray actually does shove himself into a party or other event uninvited.

  • Thetruth

    Fuck off Hook was a great movie I remember when Super Mario bros came out and I was so excited to see I saw it the weekend it came out…………….. im still scarred for life from that horrible thing they called a movie

  • ANIL

    If we all liked a film, the film doesn’t change to be bad in years, only some of us think they grew up and don’t appreciate their memories as a kid. My entire family loves Space Jam, ’cause that’s the only movie they didn’t made them go scream after I watch more than hundred times. My dad is a basketball coach, but the movie led me be an animator. That’s what I am today; an animator. So I appreciate the films I liked when I was little, ‘cuz I found something to like and effect me in a good way out of them. This guy obviously, didn’t. Sad.

  • laustcawz

    Does it really take a genius to figure out these movies are gonna totally suck just upon hearing about them. All I had to hear was crap like “Peter Pan grows up” or “Bugs Bunny somehow desperately needs Michael Jordan to help beat a bunch of aliens at basketball” to be insulted & offended. The original Bugs could’ve easily outwitted any aliens you put up against him, all by himself & Peter Pan DOESN’T GROW UP!! This is what defines the character!!

  • Eric

    You suck man, these movies are great. And shame on you for dissing Space Jam, that’s a classic that makes sense. You must have spent your childhood watching kids watch those movies while you had to go to bed at 5 lol

  • lurker

    Did your parents beat you as a child or something?

  • Thomas Gray

    I expected Hook” to be on this list. But what about another Robin Williams movie: “Popeye”? I’d be curious to know what the author thought of that one.

  • Romeo Garcia

    c’mon!! Space Jam was really cool at least get fun for that,,,Hook was ok i mean even Spielberg says that the movie wasn’t the way he expected…so c’mon.

  • Patrick Comfort

    AI was worse..I wanted to slit my wrists after being subjected to that depressing snorefest

  • warren

    I think Ernest goes to Camp should be on here. I remember how awesome it was as a child. Saw it on TV & it’s quite the load of poo.

  • Silakai

    You did not just diss space jam. I don’t agree with any of the others except jingle all the way. I love space jam. I just watched hook and I love it still. I watched super mario bros a few years back and I loved it. I’m not sure about american tale. I’d have to rewatch it. I’m 26 btw. Are you basing this list off of rotten tomato’s ratings? I choose movies that get a low rating on that site. They suck at picking good movies. Obviously you do as well.

  • Felipe Aguena

    Are you kidding me? even as a little child with no concept on good or bad, i fucking HATED the Mario Bros movie

  • Jman87

    I don’t recall ever watching hook as a child. I think the first time I saw it I was in highschool, perhaps college. It is one of my favorite movies ever, it is one of the few I never tire of and I always feels magical to me.

    I think I might just pop it in now and watch it.

  • the great master

    Space Jam was genius, how dare you.

  • http://booooomstrawberries.tumblr.com/ Natalie Sharp

    I’ve never met anyone who thought the Mario movie was good. That thing was a steaming pile of shit and even as a 10 year old kid, I knew it.

  • spyronic

    mental? hook & space jams were blockbusters and still are. fool,,,,,