Machete, Robert Rodriguez’s pulpy, preposterous action series, is possibly the most unlikely franchise in cinematic history, but I could not be more excited for the second serving of guts and glory that we’ll be getting this October with an awesomely-titled second instalment, Machete Kills.
Starring Danny Trejo, the Machete series follows the absurd, gory adventures of a deadly Mexican ex-federale. The series originated with a fake trailer attached to Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino’s exploitation double feature Grindhouse and somehow made the jump to the big screen with 2010’s Machete. Now, against all odds, we’re getting a bigger, ballsier sequel with a ridiculously stacked cast and a plotline even more gonzo than Machete‘s border war between Mexican illegals and border vigilantes.
In Machete Kills, our lethal protagonist, who has become a spy in the time since his last adventure, is sent on an impossible mission by the President of the United States (Charlie Sheen or, as the renowned warlock is credited here, Carlos Estévez): infiltrate the criminal empire of an arms-dealing terrorist (Mel Gibson) who is determined to unleash anarchy across the globe with a high-tech space weapon.
All I’m really hoping for with this movie is that Sheen and Gibson can throw down at some point to determine which one of them trashed their career most effectively. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t shell out twelve bucks to see that – I know you would, like any lover of great cinema.
Ceck out an extensive collection of photos from Machete Kills below, showing off most of the film’s main cast members, and witness the outrageous theatrical poster for the film in all its explosive glory:
You see? I wasn’t kidding about that poster. Just check out that tagline: “Trained to Kill. Left for dead. Back for more.” When a movie borrows from The Expendables 2 of all movies, you know there’s some nutty stuff going down.
Most of the film’s cast shows up in the above photos; we get glimpses at Gibson guarding what appears to be a human heart in a jar, a gun-toting Amber Heard in full pageant regalia, Sheen looking downright patriotic, Michelle Rodriguez reprising her role as revolutionary leader Shé, Antonio Banderas sporting a cowboy hat and, of course, Trejo staring down some poor off-screen guy who’s just realizing how totally screwed he is.
The crazy poster brings most of the remaining characters into view, including Sofia Vergara’s Madame Desdemona sporting a seriously killer brassiere, Lady Gaga’s La Chameleón in a one-piece swimsuit and Demian Bichir’s Mendez not looking so hot right above the title. In case you’re wondering (I know I was), that trio of armed-and-dangerous hotties includes Vergara and two former good girls – one-time Disney starlet Vanessa Hudgens and ex-Spy Kid Alexa Vega.
And though she isn’t pictured anywhere here, Lindsay Lohan has also been confirmed to reprise her role as sexy-socialite-turned-badass-nun April Booth. Jessica Alba, Zoe Saldana and Cuba Gooding Jr. will also make appearances.
Are you as psyched for the chaotic, cheesy thrills Machete Kills is sure to bring as I am, or is this sequel to a one-joke movie trailer a step too far for Rodriguez? Let me know in the comments section.
Machete Kills blasts into theaters on October 11th.
