The Ten Worst Behaviors Of Modern Moviegoers

October 3, 2012 Jonathan R. Lack 21 Comments

REALD The Ten Worst Behaviors Of Modern Moviegoers

10. Making Stupid 3D Jokes

3D films. Sigh.

I don’t like them. You probably don’t like them. We would all be much happier to just pay five dollars less and see the film projected flat and at its proper brightness. But the fact of the matter is that 3D is here, and for the time being, it’s here to stay.

So can we please stop acting like it’s some revelatory novelty every single time a 3D movie begins?

Let me put it this way: You know how before 3D movies a graphic usually appears telling you to put on your 3D glasses, and once you do so, the picture of the 3D glasses pops out at you? And you know how half the people in the theatre will inevitably say “Oooooh…” in their most sarcastic voices? And all the children will reach out and try to touch the fake, pop-out image of 3D glasses? And some college kid jackass in the row behind you will say “Oh my gawd, it’s totally like, coming right at me!!!” And then, when a 3D movie preview begins and the MPAA approval message will raise itself off the green background, everybody makes the exact same jokes?

Yeah. Stop that. For the love of God, please stop making lame, recycled jokes about 3D and pretending you are clever. You are not. You are stupid.

This is far from the most pressing issue modern moviegoers present, but it is oddly one of the most ubiquitous and obnoxious ones, making me dread 3D screenings even more than I already do.

9. Complaining about free movie screenings

This is not a problem many will identify with, as it comes from the many press screenings I attend to write film reviews, but it’s still one that vexes me to no end. As many of you may know, most movies are screened publicly a few days, or even a week or two, before their commercial release, both so critics can see the film early to write their reviews, and so audiences can disseminate hopefully positive word-of-mouth. These screenings are free – tickets are usually given away online these days – meaning you get to see a new movie early and without paying a dime. For 3D or IMAX films, that could mean a full twenty-dollar value.

So why on earth do so many people complain when attending one of these screenings? I’m serious. It happens all the time. The most prevalent problem is people moaning about bad seats, or being at the end of the line. When I used to attend these screenings without press credentials, there would always be a group of teenagers or grumpy old people moaning about how ‘they handed out too many tickets.’ It’s true. Studios do hand out more tickets than theatres can hold to ensure max capacity. How do I know this? It says so on every single ticket, along with a friendly reminder to arrive thirty minutes to an hour early to ensure good seats. To my mind, you have no right to complain about something when you were previously warned, in writing. At that point, it’s your own damn fault.

Viewers have an odd sense of entitlement across the board at free screenings. No matter how many press screenings I attend, I will always get five or six dirty looks from people who hate the idea of reserved seats (a small number are taped off for the press), and sometimes, viewers simply take taped-off seats without asking, causing more work for studio representatives and theatre employees. Often, you see people refusing to surrender or turn off their cell phones, and chewing out hired security for simply doing their jobs. And invariably, people refuse to quiet down when someone walks to the front of the theatre to deliver a message about keeping phones off during the screening.

Here’s a personal favorite of mine: At this week’s press screening of Tim Burton’s Frankenweenie, the film began four or five minutes late, which is a common occurrence when so many people are being funneled into the theatre. It was apparently a big issue for some audience members, who began clapping rhythmically to get the film started. Talk about disrespect.

I could totally understand being vexed by late start times, seizure of cell phones, or overbooked theatres at a normal screening where one pays for a ticket. But when the movie is being shown not only for free, but early, viewers need to cut those in charge a little slack. Be grateful. Be respectful. It isn’t difficult.

Continue reading on the next page…

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  • Alex Lowe

    #5 definitely bugs me the most. It’s impossible to zone out, especially when the majority of the theatre catches on. In my midnight premiere of The Dark Knight Rises, people laughed hysterically at the kid singing the national anthem (a part of the film I had been expecting goosebumps from since the trailer) and when Ra’s talked about his wife being taken from him. Come on. Totally brings you out of the movie.

  • http://www.facebook.com/raul.cienfuegos.14 Raul Cienfuegos

    I have to admit that I found Inglorious Basterds funny as hell, whereas the girl next to me was finding the whole thing quite disturbing and was berating her boyfriend for bringing her to see it. Which I found even funnier. So I have been guilty of that one before.

    I had to deal with parents and their kids for Expendables 2. Why bring 6 and 7 years olds to that movie is beyond me. Of course I had to do the parental job of shutting them up.

    As for mobile phones – just get a mobile phone jammer, they work perfectly well in a movie theatre and their range is about the same too. Go to a movie? Do not expect to use your phone for 2 hours. If you have an emergency in waiting, wth are you going to the cinema in the first place. Mobile phone Jammer.

    The talking though, yeah, that one is a tough one…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=746875316 Jon ‘Jonny’ Preece

    i always eat my much during loud scenes!! shame noone else does :(

  • DougK

    I have to admit I’ve been guilty of #6, trying to slurp every last drop out of my soda cup. That’s something I don’t do anymore.
    #4 I’ve never understood either–why in the devil do so many people come in after the movie’s started? What in the heck kept them from arriving on time like everyone else? The latest I’ve ever come in was during the previews, and that’s been rare. In the case of the people leaving before the end, they’re probably anxious to use the restrooms.

  • IKilledChubs

    I don’t get bringing your babies to any movies. My wife and I were lucky enough to find a sitter to go see a midnight screening of The Avengers, and some damn fool brought their baby. THEIR FREAKING BABY! Of course it started crying during the loud scenes. The parents did nothing until people starting yelling at them. Then what does dad do, takes crying baby down into the hallway so he can still watch and the baby’s crying is echoed throughout the entire theater. If you can’t find a sitter, suck it up and not go see the movie. I mean God forbid you be a responsible adult and have to wait.

    • Deadpool

      I wish I could just sit here and hit the like button under ^this guy’s^ comment all day. I’m with you buddy. Worst thing ever.
      You’re a bad parent and there’s now way that kid gets anything about his movie. You’re doing this for yourself and I ask myself what else you’re willing to do to undermine this kid for something you want for youself cause you’re certantly ignoring and not taking care of the kid while you’re distracting youself with this.
      Just hope they have the will power and ability to hit the pause button when watching a movie at home so they can properly take care of their kid.

  • Anju

    Try watching a movie with me in India… it’s all of the above annoying things multiplied by a billion people under one cinema roof :D

  • paul banks

    Maybe you should just watch movies at home. You sound like my grandfather. People have been annoying in movies theaters far before you came along (most on this list have been happening since movie theaters existed) and will continue to do so far after you have gone. If you accept that fact and learn to tune it out, you’ll have a better experience. Or you can just write an article that someone always writes every few years.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lisa-Thompson/1451838291 Lisa Thompson

    you are so right about this I spend a fair amount of time in a wheelchair, invariably, my husband wheels mr to one of the few chair spaces w/a seat next ro it, then goes to get popcorn or whatever some knucklehead almost always comes in and tries to take the seat, even handing me his jacket or my purse, or whatever we put there to indicate the seat was taken saying here – is this yours? I say yes, my husband will be right back and thy stomp off all PO’d – I don’t get it at all
    t

  • Rob

    #4 I totally agree with. And whats even worse is when the cinema is nearly full and a group of, say 6 or 8 people come in 10 minutes late. Since most of the seats are taken they have to either get others to move or split up and rummage around the theatre in the dark to find seats enough seats.
    Common sense would tell me to come in EARLY if I was in a big group, bit no, these idiots have to come in late.

  • Guest

    I feel like this article was written from my experiences. Thank you.

  • Andrea

    I’ve had to leave early a few times because the movie started 10 or 15 minutes later than advertised, or I’d had missed the last train home.. I probably annoyed a few people but I had to do it :(

  • Anne

    Right after I graduated from college, I used to go see movies by myself. One time, an old couple sat right next to me. They gossiped through the whole movie nonstop. About halfway through, I turned to them, and said, “Will you please be quiet?” They started talking more loudly about how rude young people are. I ended up posting the whole story on Facebook wishing I would have taken a picture of these losers to shame them.

  • Hatorian

    Sounds like a lot of your issues happen at free screenings. I would say people don’t appreciate free things as much as they do for things they pay. They also may not care about the movie as much because they are only along for a free ride. Thus your chances of getting aholes in your theatre multiple.

  • Mush5446

    Thank Buddha for the ArcLight Cinemas in Southern California. Assigned seating reduces getting-to-seat issues. Higher ticket prices weed out those who aren’t serious about seeing a film. Real live human ushers introduce film, ask for quiet and consideration, and stay in the auditorium to remind people to behave. If it weren’t for them, I’d never set foot in a movie theater with all these moronic yahoos ever again.

  • Pontificate

    Where does the author live? Because I don’t want to be anywhere near there.

  • henry

    I thought I was the only one who thought that way! It happened to me actually #3 I went to see Cloud Atlas to a nearly full theatre when the couple next to me stand up 5 minutes away from the ending I totally missed the final speech.

  • Banthugsfrommovies

    Black people never shut up during movies. I been to roughly 50 movies over the past 6-7 years and at least 25-30 were ruined by black people talking loudly and acting like idiots the whole time. I can only remember once in my entire life where a white person/people talked and ruined a movie but i can remember tons where black people did it. And i can remember on roughly 15 instances where security kicked some black people out because they can’t act right in a movie.

  • MrCruz

    None of the grievances listed in this article comes close to eliciting the cortisol spike I get when some jackass in the back third of the movie theater starts wagging a laser pointer across the screen.

  • iabhornc

    You really hit the nail in the head with number five. People who do that shit are the most annoying ever. When I went to see a classic film screening of Repo Man, the ENTIRE, PUTRID, RALEIGH, NC; AUDIENCE WOULD NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP! Personally, I did not find anything hysterically funny about that movie. It is well made, but to be in an audience FULL OF NCSU MOTHERFUCKERS AND THE IRISH MICK BASTARDS THEY ARE IS FUCKING TORTURE. Why is it that movie goers are so disrespectful in this day and age? Doing all those annoying things mentioned in this article is not only disrespectful to other people TRYING to enjoy the movie, but it’s also disrespectful to the people who worked on the movie. If that’s the shit you are going to be doing, then don’t even bother going to the movies PERIOD. It doesn’t make any sense to pay money (sometimes up to $20 or more) if all you are going to do is be an obnoxious shit that can’t shut the fuck up and consistently use your cell phone. Then, these assholes get mad because they put signs up saying that talking and/or texting is prohibited. I say most of these MOVIE THEATER FUCKS (i.e. University Mall Fairfax, VA) should forbid people to bring those revolting phones and NOT allow these retarded assholes to come in late (and then sit their tall-asses in front of you). I wish I could shrink their stupid, NC and VA, butts. They should just wait for the DVD/Blu-ray if they are going to do that shit. Reasons as such are why I don’t bother going much to movies anymore. It’s cheaper to wait for the DVD.

  • http://www.facebook.com/dakota.correira Dakota Correira

    i will say, i dont do most of these, however, i was mad at seeing a movie for free. but i had EVERY right to be. why? because if was avatar the last airbender. a abomination i was excited for because the cartoon was sooooo good. i should have been paid to watch m. night ruin one of my favorite cartoons