Not Greasy Enough: 2016’s Most Disturbing Movie Moments

2016's cinematic existence was mostly one of beauty and wonder - if you ignore how f*#&ed certain aspects became. For every majestic La La Land or groundbreaking Moonlight, a The Greasy Strangler reared its malformed monstrosity of a head. Something grotesque, obscure, and so aggressively "WTF" that its very existence demands documentation. This can be a good "WTF" (Train To Busan) or a bad "WTF" (Wiener-Dog), but in any case, there's something special about unhinged expressionism. Last year wasn't without a host of skin-crawling oddities, from split fingernails to gruesome practical effects work. Characters were hacked to little-itty bits and bodily fluids were used in ways that tapped into immediate gag reflexes. Movies are meant to push boundaries - that's what they do - but did any films in 2016 go TOO far? Join me as I recall some of the most insane moments from last year's nastiest, most shocking films (comedy, horror, drama - any genre). A few festival flicks are being left off because they'll be in my 2017 recap (looking at you, We Are The Flesh), but there's still plenty of debauchery to choose from this year. Thanks for bringing it, filmmakers who want to tarnish my soul! Dirty Business (Train To Busan) Characters in horror movies are often defined by one or two spotty decisions (typically bad ones that get themselves killed), but Train To Busan features one of the most savage dystopian villains of late. Had he been a cartoon character, Kim Eui-Sung's selfish businessman would have twirled the world's most devilish mustache (Dick Dastardly x100). Why? Well, because Eui-Sung doesn't only get one other character killed, or three other characters. No. A host of bodies pile up as he attempts to use other passengers as zombie bait without remorse. Survival is priority number one, even if it means dooming multiple main characters. How could a human be so cold, heartless and detached? It sends chills up your spine based on how light his actions weigh. When Hell comes to earth, true demons show their faces. Turns out one was already among the living. Elephant Sex Party (The Brothers Grimsby) Shock-comic Sacha Baron Cohen has never shied away from indecency, but a particular scene in The Brothers Grimsby paints a milky portrait of cruel visual perversion. Two words: elephant bukakee. Cohen has no shame, and surprisingly, neither does his co-star Mark Strong. Together, as two brothers are on the run from assassins, they hide inside a cavernous elephant vagina to avoid capture, but find themselves pinned by a massive elephant dong that plugs their escape. In order to leave, they must stimulate the male elephant until climax, thus freeing their exit (among other things). Too bad there's a line waiting outside. Revolting. It's like Cohen just re-watched Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls and said "Yeah, we're gonna do the rhino gag, but with real animals. And jizz." So much animal semen. So. Much. Animal. Semen. The video is above for your "enjoyment" or whatever. We'll warn you now though, this is one of those real "cannot unsee" moments that you'll be haunted by every time your eyelids shut. Greasy Overload (The Greasy Strangler) 2016 had its fair share of surrealism, but none more - I don't know, let's say "obscure" - than Jim Hosking's The Greasy Strangler. In it, a disco enthusiast named Big Ronnie (Michael St. Michaels) doubles as a local serial killer. His M.O.? Covering himself in a thick coating of grease, and then strangling people. Oh, but that's not the gross part. Practical effects are rather fun (eyeballs popping like balloons), but the grossness comes into play because of the grease itself. Michaels consumes thick, slimy grease like water, or slurps it off food. Greasy grapefruit, sausages glistening in greasy film, legit grease piles that look like thin oatmeal scooped off the floor. Michaels keeps proclaiming nothing is greasy enough, but I beg to differ - any more grease and my stomach would have been reacting a bit more violently. Tiger's Death (Green Room) Jeremy Saulnier made my most f#*ked up movie moments list last year with his opening Blue Ruin kill, and with Green Room's 2016 release, he's back once again. Many look to Anton Yelchin's sliced-up hand as the film's most grotesque offering, but for me, Tiger's death at the hands (paws) of a vicious pit bull hits like a Muhammad Ali right-hook. Torn flesh aside (blood spurts from a removed esophagus), the kill itself evokes a primitive brutality because the dog is just following orders - evil, white-supremacist orders. Because everything happens so quick, Tiger's breakneck death eradicates any hope we think the film might be building for the Ain't Rights. Unfortunately, they're toast - there's no way around it. Egg Vomit (Bite) Bite sold itself on one simple premise - sickening visuals. Barf bags were handed out before its Fantasia Fest screening as a gag, and reports of hospitalized audience members made rounds on social media. Now, do I buy it? No. In fact, I'm pretty sure I ate dinner while watching Bite (once you survive Septic Man, everything gets a little easier). That said, Elma Begovic's performance has its queasy charms, especially once her little insect egg spit-up starts flowing at a fairly steady pace. The clip above is but a taste (ew) of the constant larva drool she spews, and gives you a sense of the film's sticky aesthetic. You might want to wear a wetsuit for this one. Turkey Baster (Don't Breathe) No - Stephen Lang wasn't cooking Thanksgiving dinner during Fede Alvarez's Don't Breathe. Instead, Lang's blind villain finds an alternative use for the gravy dispenser, still involving gravy (man gravy), and still involving dispensing. There's not much else I really want to give away. If you've seen the film, here's a handy link to Jane Levy's reverse moneyshot. If you haven't, well, go rent Don't Breathe and commence covering your mouth (worth it from start to finish). Los Angeles Will Eat You Alive (The Neon Demon) Subtlety has never been Nic Winding Refn's strong suit. Look at The Neon Demon. It's a literal representation of the notion that "L.A. will chew you up and spit you out," beautified by cinematography that mirrors the same hollow core of makeup-caked model stereotypes. How clever. Well, clever or not, Refn still has a wicked mean streak. His models end up with a battered body on their hands (lying contorted in an empty pool), after which - well, let's just say their next job isn't completed with empty stomachs. Although, one of the girls can't cope with her actions, and ends up first regurgitating a body part and then slicing open her own stomach. It's truly one of the gorier, more nauseating moments of 2016 cinema - and that's not even where the scene ends. Home Invader (Hangman) Adam Mason’s Hangman earns a spot on my list for perverting the illusion of safety we hold so precious. So much of our lives are about trust and perception, which Mason offers an alternative take on. From the film's open, our point-of-view is that of a sicko. A voyeur who breaks into a family's home and watches their every move. Jeremy Sisto and Kate Ashfield slumber while "Hangman" gazes, or go about chores while he watches from another room. It's everything we hold sacred - four walls that we consider impenetrable - until you realize someone's been backwashing in your OJ and going through your things while no one is home. That, my friends, is horror. Doggie Dookie (Weiner-Dog) What could pair more perfectly with Todd Solondz's exhausting existential hopelessness? Dog poop. Loads of it. That's what the first segment of Wiener-Dog brings, as a chocolate-colored pup is accidentally poisoned and bowels cannot be clogged. But is it enough just to reference this poor doggy's reverse-constipation? Of course not. Solondz offers a majestic slow-mo long take of a shit-covered street, zoomed in on the dookie path left by "Wiener-Dog." Close-up poo poo to start things off on the right foot. Frankly, I wasn't a fan of the movie - but if you're curious, there's a Wiener-Dog ballad above that hits on the film's tone. Now take that song and crank up the hopeless despair. If that sounds great, Wiener-Dog is for you. Tracker Gets Tagged (Desierto) Are you one of those "can't watch a movie with dog deaths" people? Then avoid Jonás Cuarón’s Desierto like the plague. It depicts one of the most graphic animal deaths I've ever seen on camera, and worse off, it's a much nastier fate than any human character suffers. Jeffrey Dean Morgan's pup Tracker was just following orders given by its border-huntin' owner, and is punished brutally by Gael García Bernal. Like, death scene with thorny bramble and a flare gun. My problems with the film aside, it's the kind of overkill death that stops a movie in its tracks, no matter how "dramatic" said death can be. Playing Doctor (Southbound) David Bruckner's segment "The Accident" is the stand-out tale of Southbound, where a man (played by Mather Zickel) attempts to save the young woman he just injured. Her body, mangled and bloody, lays limp in his arms as he takes orders from a 911 voice. He's led to an abandoned hospital where the girl is plopped on an operating table - only to have one of her legs just snap. The bone dangles at a perfect right angle, held thinly by strained ligaments and ripping flesh. It is - in a matter of words - quite the gruesome sight. And if you think it stops there? Kudos, Bruckner. Way to bring the pain. Turkish Hell (Baskin) Can Evrenol's Baskin takes some time to reach full horror insanity, but when it does, walls run red with innocent blood. Four police officers find themselves chained in a basement, while a freakish little man tortures and tests them. One cop's eyes are ripped out (some licking involved), a woman in a goat skull is impregnated (something like that), organs are ripped - everything goes religious mindf#(k before you can blink. It's not start-to-finish gut-wrenching, but once we descend the stairs into some underworld crossover room (you've really got to give this whole film a chance), Evrenol goes balls-out goregasm sacrificial. Open 'Er Up (Beyond The Gates) Jackson Stewart's Beyond The Gates is a charming 80s throwback through and through, from fantasy themes to campy aesthetics. Does it get more 80s than VHS movies and Barbara Crampton? Yes. Exploding prosthetic heads and torn-out guts thanks to a voodoo curse. Especially when the film's top death happens to character actor Justin Welborn, who's just minding his own business in a bar (harassing a nice woman) when SNIP - Chase Williamson's game-player opens up a voodoo doll that in-turn spills Welborn's insides. It's an explosion of red organs and practical gore that reminds us of prime slasher tomfoolery, steeped in dread and covered in thick, bloody goop. Simpler times, right?