10. The Wicker Tree
Director: Robin Hardy
Robin Hardy’s original The Wicker Man has stood the test of time, being a largely adored cult classic praised by horror fans and critics alike as one of the greatest films to come out of 1973. It’s been a long time since then, and even though sequels had been written and teased for years, it wasn’t until 2012 that Robin Hardy directed a “spiritual sequel” to his original film titled The Wicker Tree – based off of his own novel Cowboys For Christ. While The Wicker Man is historically a true classic by now, The Wicker Tree is anything but.
What Hardy has done this time around is introduce two traveling Christians trying to “save some lost souls” in Scotland by spreading their good word, but are sucked into the dark Pagan religion made popular by The Wicker Man. From here, we get more cult worshiping psychos and more crazy religious jargon, but with abysmal quality. I feel like Hardy simply re-hashed the same story with different characters to achieve the same recognition as The Wicker Man, but with horridly dull acting and a much weaker story, The Wicker Tree falls drastically shorter than it’s world-renown predecessor. At least Neil LaBute’s tragic remake of The Wicker Man had Nic Cage hilarity, spawning a slew of YouTube clips that are comedy gold. The Wicker Tree is simply a dreadful watch, and I can only hope Hardy’s upcoming Wicker trilogy-ender has a much fresher vision.
Director: Vincent D’Onofrio
Music and horror, why shouldn’t they go hand in hand? D’Onofrio thought up a pretty stellar concept, sending a bunch of hopeful rockstars into the woods for an inspirational outing, but Don’t Go In The Woods finishes as a pretty cut and dry teenage slasher flick with some songs to split up the killings. Sadly though, neither aspect is dealt with rather well, making for an entirely underwhelming musical horror experience.
In terms of the soundtrack, our band is used to sing about the plot points happening at the time, in a sort of self aware sing along that treats its viewers like toddlers. Another sore point in viewing came from D’Onofrio not known when to insert music and when not to, watching characters being dragged away by a killer while they sing about it. How am I supposed to be terrified of a killer when his victims are too preoccupied to escape because they still have another verse left in their big number? No horror, no fear, poor scripting, flawed characters, and even worse songs? Seriously, Don’t Go In The Woods. Trust me.
8. House At The End Of The Street
Director: Mark Tonderai
While Jennifer Lawrence had an outstanding 2012 with films like The Hunger Games and Silver Linings Playbook, I’m sure she’d love to forget her participation in Mark Tonderai’s critically panned stinker House At The End Of The Street – a bargain bin thriller which didn’t impress in the least.
I don’t blame any of the fault on Lawrence herself, so at least the actress can say it wasn’t her doing, but in a movie so heavily dependent on characters to create horror and tension, not much was done to really make us care about a young girl in trouble or the mysterious boy she so fondly ogles. The chemistry between Max Thieriot and Jennifer Lawrence isn’t one that really warrants us to care about the end, or how Thieriot is able to carry out his more sinister actions without anyone knowing.
You’ll find nothing but a lot of big events with too little explanation if you give Tonderai’s film a gander, making House At The End Of The Street a reward-less and boring watch.
