2) Alien vs. Predator
“Hey guys, did you hear that they are making an Alien vs. Predator movie based off the Dark Horse comic book? Do you believe it? Like, did you ever think you would get to see those two brutal, unrelenting characters meet up and clash on the big screen? I mean, just take a moment to think about just how visceral and intense this movie is going to be. Two ruthless creatures from the pits of space, hellbent on taking the other down. Just thinking about it makes me want to cover my furniture in plastic from all the inevitable bloodshed. WHAT?! It got a PG-13 rating? Are you f*cking kidding me?!”
*Punches wall and walks out.
Yes, I think that fake dialogue with myself sums up the film best.
3) Constantine
Even for the best of us, the fact that Constantine is an adaptation of the DC/Vertigo comic Hellblazer can be lost. If you glanced at The Mask, or even films I don’t mention here, like The Losers, you can understand that they are definite “versions” of their comic book alter egos. But with Constantine, all traces of Hellblazer were lost. Literally, all.
First off, John Constantine was based (visually) on Police frontman Sting. I know, logistics like looks shouldn’t be something we get hung up on, but that was the first misstep of many when it came time to adapt the amazing source material. I am one of the seven people who actually like Keanu Reeves (note I didn’t say like him as an actor), but he was an AWFUL fit for John Constatine. I get the “quiet brooding” thing, but it just did not translate well here. One of the deepest character in comics was suddenly one dimensional. Cockiness was replaced with confidence, and that took away what made the character work so well. He was a human inhuman. Also, tricking the devil into curing his Cancer was a brilliant move, and that was all but missing from the film. Hell, any traces of what made it work were missing.
We ended up with a generic action flick, when we could have had one helluva supernatural thriller. At least he still smoked while he had cancer. That was the one thing that kept reminding me of Hellblazer.
