A tiresomely unoriginal horror unleashes a biblical plague of cliches on weary streaming worshipers

As you’ll no doubt be aware, the desire for fresh horror content has reached its zenith today, which is about the only reason we can think of as to why streaming subscribers are actively seeking out last year’s The Unholy.

Think of a dozen cliches, throw them in a blender, sprinkle over a garnish comprised of talented actors who are above this sort of material, and then launch that motherf*cker as hard as you can at the nearest wall, and that’s pretty much what writer and director Evan Spiliotopoulos’ adaptation of James Herbert’s novel Shine has to offer.

After an alleged visit from the Virgin Mary herself, a young girl suddenly gains the power to heal the sick. Naturally, she becomes an instant phenomenon, forcing Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s skeptical journalist to investigate. As you can imagine, he not only begins to believe that these events are legit, but there may even be something demonic at play.

The Unholy was a minor box office success after recouping its budget three times over at the box office, but we’d be generous to call the reception from critics and audiences unenthusiastic. However, because it is in fact the spookiest time of the year, it’s rebounded out of nowhere to become a sizeable streaming smash.

Per FlixPatrol, the tiresome and wholly unoriginal tale of supernatural terror has been rising steadily up the Starz rankings all week, and we’d bet good money on The Unholy being cast back to whence it came by this time tomorrow.