Well well well, Netflix subscribers. You must be feeling pretty cocky right about now. The streaming entertainment and production behemoth just announced that they’ll be sending users as many as 10 free DVDs as their way of saying “We don’t want these DVDs anymore.” It’s a good day to be the person paying for a subscription that’s currently being used by your dad, your siblings, your roommate, your old roommate, and those two exes who somehow keep getting in even though you changed the password.
The point is, you’ve earned a victory lap. Time to kick back, turn on Netflix, and try not to think about what you’re going to do with a stack of loose discs that you don’t have a machine for anymore.
The Pope’s Exorcist (2023)
If you, like most Americans, watched Thor: Love and Thunder and worried that Russell Crowe had been struck by a micrometeor in the part of his brain that makes accents happen, then let us present exhibit B: The Pope’s Exorcist. This horror thriller sees Crowe in the role of Father Gabriele Amorth, the guy that the Pope calls when there’s something strange in his neighborhood. It’s based on a true story, if you ignore the events and the time period and the geography and the fact that the Pope in 1987 wasn’t Italian and didn’t look like a character actor from John Wick 2. Also, it feels like it’s setting up for a real Men In Black meets Constantine franchise by the end, and if that’s nothing else, it’s a heck of a pitch.
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)
If you’ve ever thought about going to extreme, borderline-psychotic lengths to avoid spending six hours at school, Ferris Bueller is the film for you. We’re not going to say anything here that hasn’t already been said about the John Hughes classic. Watch it, and remember what it was like the first time that you got along with your sister after she got hit on by Charlie Sheen in a police station.
Mean Girls (2004)
If watching Ferris Bueller gets you feeling nostalgic about high school, may we suggest a delightful double feature to bring you back down to Earth. Mean Girls is more than just a homerun offering from relatively early-days Tina Fey. It’s also a reminder that adolescence is a punishment placed upon us for the sins of our ancestors, and that every school principal is just one bad day away from grabbing a baseball bat and going nuts.
Suits (2011-2019)
Do it. Be a part of the zeitgeist. For some reason, everybody in the world is watching Suits right now. The smart money says that it’s because Netflix is going to get nine figures’-worth of viewership out of Meghan Markle one way or another, so they’re really pushing the idea that choosy moms choose Suits. Then again, maybe people are confused and think it’s a sequel series to Jackie Chan’s The Tuxedo. Like, at least that would make sense.
Published: Aug 18, 2023 02:24 pm