Stephen King to use his dark powers for good as he prepares to sic ‘the Thing of Evil’ on his arch-nemesis Elon Musk

At a time when an ever-increasing amount of famous figures and organizations are ditching the sinking ship that is X, one man seems determined to stand as a bastion for all that is good and decent on the once-great (well, at least tolerable) social media platform. That man is Stephen King, who shows no signs of exiting X as he continues his quest to antagonize a real-life villain scarier than any he has created in his novels: Elon Musk.

On an app that desperately needs less hare-brained bigotry and more wholesome content, King provided a little from column A and a little from column B in his latest clap-back to Musk’s MAGA miasma. It’s good to know that, however much things change and no matter how dark things get, our spirits can still be lifted just a tad by someone posting a cute pet pic online. Especially when said cute pet is apparently planning to treat Musk like a particularly appetizing mailman.

“Molly, aka the Thing of Evil, considers putting the bite on the Musk-man,” King captioned the photo of his adorable, but supposedly secretly evil, corgi. Look at those big eyes! Who’s a good girl for tearing Musk a new sphincter to speak out of? Who’s a good girl?

Molly may look like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth, but King knows a thing or two about evil so we’re willing to bet she’s more dangerous than she looks, going by nickname. The horror master has been turning the everyday into nightmare scenarios for his devoted readers for decades now, so it’s about time he redirected that power towards those who deserve a good fright for a change. We’re all for a Cujo remake starring Molly and Musk — that would be the only time Elon could show up in a movie without making us roll our eyes.

Tweeting your dislike of certain public figures used to be the right of every Twitter user, but these days speaking against Elon could get your account banned. Rumors swirled recently, in fact, that Musk had slapped King with a permanent ban, but thankfully those reports have been greatly exaggerated. Currently, King continues to mock Trump’s new “First Lady” with as much reckless abandon as Jack Torrance slashing through a bathroom door. Long may it continue.

We’re still waiting on that new Dark Tower adaptation from Mike Flanagan, but in the meantime it seems King is staging his own epic battle between good and evil on X, casting himself as the Gunslinger — or tweetslinger — battling Elon’s despicable Man Musk in Black. As much as we still have to sleep with the lights on after reading his books, there’s something much scarier about Musk’s sphere of influence spreading ever further with each passing year.

Scooch over in that drain, Pennywise. Let us help you with that rope, Annie Wilkes. We’d rather take our chances with any King villain than the insidious IRL evil of Elon. Unless Molly can protect us all, that is.