Hard times ahead for lonely men as Mississippi politician files ‘Contraception Begins at Erection Act’

It’s a depressing fact of life that bills concerning reproductive issues almost always target women rather than men. The last few years have seen a conservative blitzkrieg against a woman’s right to choose, resulting in abortion being severely restricted and even criminalized in multiple red states. Well, one Mississippi politician thinks it’s high time men and their reproductive issues were placed under the microscope.

Mississippi Senator Bradford Blackmon has filed a bill entitled the “Contraception Begins at Erection Act”, which would make it “unlawful for a person to discharge genetic material without the intent to fertilize an embryo.” This primly refers to a practice men tend to get up to on lonely nights illuminated only by the artificial glow of a laptop screen.

Wilfully spilling seed without any desire to fertilize an embryo would result in a staggered series of fines: $1,000 for a first offense, $5,000 for a second, and $10,000 if you’re caught red-handed (white-handed?) a third time. Exceptions in the bill exist for those donating at sperm banks and anyone knowingly partnering up with a woman on the pill.

Blackmon has already faced criticism, but is keeping a firm grip on his principles. In an interview with WLBT, he said:

“All across the country, especially here in Mississippi, the vast majority of bills relating to contraception and/or abortion focus on the woman’s role when men are fifty percent of the equation. This bill highlights that fact and brings the man’s role into the conversation. People can get up in arms and call it absurd but I can’t say that bothers me.”

At least theoretically, Biblical literalist evangelicals should be rushing to support Blackmon by referencing the biblical story of Onan, who displeased God by spilling his seed upon the ground rather than father children with his brother’s ex-wife.

At this point, it’s worth pointing out that despite Blackmon being a real Mississippi senator and this being a bill that (as far as we can tell) has officially and legally been filed for consideration by the Mississippi State Senate, it’s intended to make a political point about inequality in reproductive legislation rather than actually becoming law.

That said, many men are taking this attack on their favorite pastime very seriously. Over on X they’re positively quivering with anger:

This poster promptly blew his top:

And @TopherOnx landed himself in a sticky situation by completely missing the point:

It’s curious how many conservative men react with absolute outrage that any politician should attempt to create laws governing what they do with their reproductive organs. If they had a glimmer of self-awareness this should spark a note of empathy as they conclude that if this bill leaves them red-faced and trembling, they now know how women feel when another panel of dusty old men tell them what they can and can’t do with their ovaries.

Despite its clear intentions, this is a real bill and it’s not impossible that it could become law. If that happens the chicken population of Mississippi can relax — their days of being choked are over, nobody will be celebrating this particular Palm Sunday, and those who like their steaks tough can celebrate, as the meat will definitely not be beat.