Texas city officials warn taps about to run dry, but PETA say they have the solution

Corpus Christi, Texas, is set for some hard times. Officials have warned that the city is facing an “imminent” water emergency in months and, by 2027, will reach the catastrophic point where the city cannot deliver water to residents.

Residents place the blame on city leaders, with former CEO of the Port of Corpus Christi Authority Sean Strawbridge, criticizing “their lack of experience, their lack of knowledge, their lack of recognizing the risks”, singling out a “bumbling” failure to build the desalination plant that might have averted catastrophe.

So, what happens when the taps run dry? Don Roach, former assistant general manager of the San Patricio Municipal Water District, said this would plunge Corpus Christi into a “controlled depression”, resulting in “mass unemployment” and “total industrial shutdown”. One high-profile casualty would be the jet fuel refinery that supplies Dallas and Austin airports, meaning the economic ramifications for Texas could be enormous.

Former director of Corpus Christi’s water department, James Dodson, says this disaster is now locked in, regardless of what officials do this year, saying residents “are crazy not to be panicking. … It’s the very worst scenario that I’ve ever seen. It’s going to be an economic disaster.”

Don’t worry, the vegans are here to save you

But don’t worry, Corpus Christi residents, because PETA is here to save the day! They say that if Texans embrace veganism, and cut out dairy, meat, and eggs, they can save thousands of gallons of water. Perhaps enough to serve away from danger?

Their eye-catching campaign says “Save Water: Go Vegan!”, and they’ve put out a press release explaining:

“With Corpus Christi officials predicting the city may be just two months away from a water emergency, PETA is preparing to run an urgent message throughout the city urging everyone to do their part to help conserve water by choosing vegan meals.”

PETA founder Ingrid Newkirk said:

“Animal agriculture drains water faster than a leaky faucet, but getting the meat, dairy, and eggs off your shopping list is one of the simplest ways to protect precious resources and animals. Raising cattle, chickens, and other animals for the table is a cruel and costly business, but it’s also water-use-intensive, and that’s a recipe for disaster.”

To help Texans commence their new plant-based lives, they’re offering residents a free “Vegan starter kits” containing tips and recipes. Even better, if you know someone who’s adamant that they absolutely do not want to be vegan, they are happy to dispatch them an “Empathy Kit”, “for people who need a lesson in kindness.

PETA is, broadly, right about the meat and dairy industry using an inordinate amount of water. But, sadly, bean burgers and tofu wraps are not going to save Corpus Christi, as its water problems appear to be baked into the future. But perhaps other Texas residents might see this as a warning, and switch from beef to one of the many mycoprotein, seitan, pea-based plant steak substitutes that are improving in quality each day?

Alternatively, some of them may prefer that they and their cities literally die of thirst rather than go vegan, leaving baked and abandoned cities full of bleached skulls and slowly tumbling tumbleweeds. Whatever the case, thank God PETA is here to help out. What would Texas do without them?