‘Why did you RSVP?’: Bride invited more than 200 people to her big day. Then only a fraction arrived, and people say it’s her problem

A TikTok video has sparked a big debate after a bride shared her frustration over guests who RSVPed “yes” to her wedding and then did not show up. The bride, Selene, who goes by @slkvalor on TikTok, revealed that out of 205 invited guests, only 89 actually attended. Seventeen of those cancellations came in just the week before the wedding.

According to The Mary Sue, Selene explained that when guests RSVP, money and time are already being spent in anticipation of their presence. While she understood cancellations for serious reasons, like a relative passing away, she was confused by other excuses. These included not being able to find a dog sitter or suddenly realising they could not afford travel after already saying yes.

“Why did you RSVP? Because I feel like maybe you had to have known that before,” she said. Despite the low turnout, Selene admitted her wedding day itself was wonderful. Still, she could not shake the awkwardness of the empty seats, and looking back, she feels eloping would have been a less stressful option. “Love the memories we did make but for the amount of stress I feel like eloping would have been so much better,” she wrote in her caption.

Late cancellations after an RSVP are widely considered rude and financially harmful to couples

Many viewers were not very sympathetic. One commenter asked, “When you had the cancellations the week before the wedding, why didn’t you rearrange your seating?” Another pointed to the financial burden on guests, suggesting that attending a wedding can be costly. Wedding drama can take many forms, and in one case, a bride lost all her wedding photos after a family member deleted them out of spite.

Some questioned the number of invitations. “I think some of us misjudge the closeness of our relationships. We think we are closer or more important to people than we actually are.” Another wrote: “If your wedding is more than 40 people – you are wasting your time and money. It should only be for friends and family that you have spent quality time with in the preceding year.”

On wedding etiquette, many sources note that venues and caterers typically need a final headcount about three to four weeks before the event. If a guest cancels before this deadline, the couple may be able to save some money. But if someone cancels after the deadline, the couple usually loses that money because the spot cannot be filled.

RSVPs are widely considered “socially binding contracts,” meaning attendance is expected once someone says yes, unless a truly unpredictable situation comes up. Many viewers agreed with this view. Uninvited guests can cause just as much chaos, as seen when a woman and her mother crashed a coworker’s wedding and faced serious consequences.