Woman says she helped boyfriend pay bills after he claimed to monetarily help his sister. Then she learns who he’s really send $600 every month

On the Reddit community r/GirlDinnerDiaries, a plate of salmon, spaghetti, salad and a glass of water looked like a healthy and delicious meal by all standards. But there was not an ounce of enthusiasm from the person who posted the picture. She told the forum that she had just discovered her boyfriend was secretly sending his ex $600 every month.

In any committed relationship, especially one that has lasted multiple years and involves shared expenses, financial transparency is important. In this case, the boyfriend allegedly fabricated an entirely different story to get his girlfriend to accept the arrangement.

By claiming that the money was going toward helping his sister, he was relying on his girlfriend’s sense of family and empathy. He knew she would probably have little reason to object to a man helping his sibling.

Commenters said not in this economy

The revelation that the money was actually going to an ex-girlfriend changes the situation from a “white lie” into what relationship experts often describe as financial infidelity. According to Reframed Psychology, financial infidelity occurs when one partner intentionally hides financial decisions, debts or spending from the other.

While there is no physical affair involved, many relationship experts argue that the breach of trust can be just as damaging. It requires one partner to maintain a lie over an extended period, creating an entirely different relationship dynamic once the truth eventually comes out.

And then there is the fact that the money was going to a former partner.

In the Reddit post, the woman explained that she had previously helped cover their security deposit. That means she was, unknowingly, helping subsidize a life that benefited her boyfriend’s ex.

The comments quickly turned into a debate over which kind of betrayal would be worse. One user said they would rather their partner have a full-blown affair than secretly send money to an ex. Plenty of other users seemed to agree, particularly given the current cost of living.

Found out why my boyfriend has been “helping his sister”
by u/Fancy_Incident5635 in GirlDinnerDiaries

Had the boyfriend been honest from the beginning, the couple could have at least had a conversation about why this financial arrangement existed. Perhaps there was an outstanding debt, a shared pet or some other responsibility that still connected the two.

But according to the post, the couple had already been together for three years. That makes it difficult to imagine many explanations for a monthly $600 payment to an ex that would not require a very serious conversation — perhaps with the exception of an actual child.

There are always nuances to romantic relationships. Just recently, a Texas woman shared a story about how she and her husband continue to care for her ex after he was severely injured in an accident nearly 20 years ago. The couple still considers him family and makes sure he has people around to support him.

They might need a conversation

So there is certainly nothing inherently wrong with helping an ex-partner when the circumstances genuinely call for it.

The problem here is not necessarily that the boyfriend was helping his ex. It is that he allegedly manipulated his girlfriend’s empathy to hide it.

And whenever a partner takes advantage of your trust while asking you to unknowingly finance someone from their past, perhaps the girl dinner and social media venting should eventually be followed by a very serious conversation.