There once was a man from across the pond. Him and his animals had a glorious bond. They would sit and converse, and for better or worse, now all of you can see.
Did you like my little ditty there? I hope so, because I made it up. Speaking of which, you know what I thought was made up the first time I saw it? Dolittle, Robert Downey Jr.’s first post-MCU film. The trailer looked like a joke, a fast one pulled on me by Marcus Theaters before I saw that damn Star Wars or that amazingly under-awarded Uncut Gems. But nope, it’s real, terrible CGI and awful cover of “It’s a Wonderful World” and all. And ya know what? Most other people seem to agree with my takeaway, as Dolittle is going to do very little box office-wise.
According to Box Office Pro, the film is tracking to make just a hair under $17 million in its opening weekend. Compare this to Bad Boys For Life tracking to make over $40 million, and 1917 riding its nominations to $25 million. While I personally wouldn’t scoff at making $17 million in a weekend for writing this specific article, when a movie costs $175 million to produce (that’s not even counting advertising costs), that’s, like…really bad. Like…really bad.
Even Cats is going to wind up making more than this dumpster fire, and that kitty litter in and of itself is highly-regarded as a colossal misfire. But at least Cats is sure to enter that So Bad, It’s Good (TM) territory and get lots of people hate-watching it for fun. At least it has music and confusingly attractive cat-human bodies in it, right?
Dolittle, meanwhile, has the voice Rami Malek, slumming for a paycheck as a polar bear named Chee-Chee. Not exactly high art here. Reviews are also pretty terrible. All of this on top of rumored production woes make for a film destined for the trash heap.
Poor RDJ. Well, kind of. I’m sure half of the budget went to that smart, savvy businessman. He milked Marvel for every cent he could, and it’s made him hate indie films apparently. Too bad, because he can be a really effective actor when he wants to be. Some of his early work is enthralling, albeit drug-fueled. As snarky as I am, and I am snarky, I really, genuinely hope Dolittle bombing doesn’t send the man down a bad path again.
