What are the chances? Looks like Jesse Rutherford isn’t the “bad guy” Billie Eilish was looking for after all. The couple is calling it quits after only dating for about six months, and the nation collectively weeps. RIP Eilishford.
The incredibly popular singer and the guy who had that song about sweaters are still going to be friends though, per TMZ. Eilish’s rep — because Rutherford’s was probably too busy fielding offers from county fairs — said that the pair split amicably and “remain good friends.”
There were rumors of cheating, apparently, but don’t worry, those “are false. Both are currently single.” I understand that this is a difficult turn of events for everyone. Please know you’re not alone in your grief. The pair started their dating odyssey back in October, and when they went Instagram official in November a flock of doves circled the Vatican, silhouetted against a brand new sun.
Eilishford had real potential to annoy everyone — oops, I mean save everyone from themselves for years to come. After all, if a megastar and a washed up rock singer can’t make it, what hope is there for us commoners? Cracks started to show when Eilish turned up at the Met Gala without her tattooed beau, dressed head to toe in a sheer black dress. Did she already know?
How could she stay so cool and confident with the knowledge that she was about to tear the very fabric of society wide open by breaking every heart in the world? Jesse. Oh Jesse. Where art thou, Jesse? Who will complement your neck tattoos now?
The world will never be the same again.
Published: May 17, 2023 06:22 pm