Growing up and finding your identity is no easy task, especially if you’ve had a spotlight shining on you since you were a teenager. Demi Lovato has metamorphosed more than most entertainers during her decades-spanning career and continues to handle tricky conversations with grace.
Take for example her decision to publicly change her pronouns in 2021. Lovato shared that she had realized she identified as non-binary after “doing some healing and self-reflective work.” At the time, Lovato told the Los Angeles Times that she was “done spoon-feeding the media. These are my pronouns and this is who I am.”
In April 2022, she quietly added “she/her” to her Instagram bio and clarified her return to using those pronouns in an interview with GQ Spain. “Recently, I’ve been feeling more feminine, and so I’ve adopted she/her again.” Lovato shared that another reason for the change was how “exhausting” she found explaining her pronouns. “That is one of the reasons that have led me to also feel comfortable with the feminine pronoun … I just got tired.”
Like many people, Lovato’s gender identity is fluid. In a 2023 interview with Spin, “I still feel very comfortable with they/them … It’s not that I’m changing anything about myself. I’m just accepting my femininity back.”
Considering how much we use pronouns in our daily lives, they’re still a source of contention for much of the population. According to a 2022 YouGov poll, roughly a quarter of Americans know someone who uses gender-neutral pronouns. That number jumps to 43% for Americans under the age of 30. A 2019 study conducted by the Pew Research Center shows that almost 60% of Americans have at least some knowledge of people preferring to use gender-neutral pronouns. Even as this knowledge spreads, Americans are still split on whether they feel comfortable referring to someone using gender-neutral pronouns.
The same Pew Research Center study found that roughly half of Americans (52%) feel comfortable using gender-neutral pronouns while the remaining half would feel somewhat very uncomfortable. Younger Americans are more likely to have no qualms about using gender-neutral pronouns: About 60% of Americans, between 18 to 29, say they would feel somewhat comfortable respecting a person’s request to be referred to by gender-neutral pronouns.
This divide shows why conversations like this one are important. “Pronouns are basically how we identify ourselves apart from our own name,” Emily O’Hara, a communications officer of GLAAD, shared with NPR. “And when you’re speaking to people, it’s a really simple way to affirm their identity.” Using the correct pronouns to refer to someone in your life is a good way to show you accept and respect their identity, especially at a time when transgender and gender-nonconforming individuals are often targeted by hate.
Mistakes happen and if you find you misgendered someone, just apologize and correct. “You might know someone for 10 years, and then they let you know their pronouns have changed,” says O’Hara. “It’s going to take you a little while to adjust, and that’s fine. It’s OK to make those mistakes and correct yourself, and it’s OK to gently correct someone else.”
You can watch Lovato’s new documentary Child Star on Hulu now.