Diaper Don is desperate to be ‘Daddy Trump’ again, but the stench of his past is far too potent

The past always seems to have a better smell on it than the present, and that’s especially true in the case of our lord and farter former President Donald Trump, who’s trying pretty hard to shed his new image as the king of farts by posting something fellow old guy golfer John Daly said about him in December, saying everyone on the senior PGA tour wants Trump back in office.

Before we get into that, let’s review fartgate. There have been reports that Trump keeps passing gas in the courthouse and that it’s “very stinky around him,” and his “lawyers are really struggling with the smell.” Is this some liberal conspiracy to smear (sorry) Trump’s good name? That would be easier to believe had there not been previous evidence against him.

Trump’s nickname lately has been Diaper Don, and if you don’t know the story behind this well, buckle up. A stand-up comedian named Noel Casler worked with Trump on both Celebrity Apprentice and some of the Miss USA beauty pageants. Back in 2020, Casler made an appearance on the The Hole podcast and spilled his guts (sorry) about Trump’s alleged gastrointestinal unbecomings.

The reason Trump is basically a human fart machine, Casler said, is because of “30 years of stimulant abuse and eating nothing but McDonald’s.” Casler goes on to say that Trump has no bowel control and has to wear adult diapers, hence the “Diaper Don” moniker. Whether or not this is hearsay, it definitely adds some credence to the courtroom farting. Talk about contempt of court! His poor lawyers.

Regardless, Trump knows public opinion, and he knows farting his way through his criminal trial may not be the best look (or smell), so he’s reaching for anything to clear his name. His latest attempt is to repost a story from Dec. from when Daly did an interview with ex Fox News God Tucker Carlson.

The headline Trump quoted, from The Western Journal (undated, by the way) is “Golf Legend John Daly Says ‘All of Us on the Tours…Want Daddy Trump Back.’” Look, it’s not a completely boneheaded move, as Daly is kind of a folk hero. This is the Same John Daly that would drink 40 beers a day and still crush the game. For all his faults, you have to admit that’s impressive. If there’s anyone who can make people stop calling Trump the Farter-in-chief it should be Daly. We could just be gassing him up though, as Daly’s best golf years are well in the rearview.

In the interview, Daly said he was praying to God that Trump wins “Just for the satisfaction of bringing our country back together and get common sense going in here again.” He went on:

“Look what he did, how great was our country for the four years he was in office? Now look at it. No secure borders. I mean what the hell happened? Where did it go? I was loving the four years Daddy Trump was in. And it’s all gone to hell in two to three years.”

We all know Trump loves an echo chamber, and what’s more echo-y than John Daly telling you he has your back “’till I die?”

 “He’s one of the greatest human beings I’ve ever met,” Daly said. “The family is awesome. Once you get to know them, they’re just good-hearted people. He only wants to help Americans and protect our country.”

Who can think about flatulence with praise like that? Everyone. Everyone can.