‘Didn’t deserve to tolerate the intolerable’: Valerie Bertinelli’s marriage to Tom Vitale was two years of ‘shame and self-loathing’

In November 2022, Valerie Bertinelli dropped a bombshell when she announced she was “happily divorced” from Tom Vitale after 12 years of marriage. Two years later, she’s now celebrating what she considers a milestone in her “freedom” from a matrimonial union that left her wounded.

Recently, the actress and television personality got candid about her thoughts and emotions as she reflected on her journey of realizing that her marriage to the entrepreneur was no longer one for keeps. 

“I didn’t know how I was going to get through it, but I knew that somehow, I would,” read a quote by Allyislia that Bertinelli shared on Instagram. Explaining why she chose to share it that day, the Food Network alum reflected on what it entailed to finally be free from the things she had to put up with while she was still with Vitale. 

“And I did! Today marks two years of freedom. Two years of walking through self-doubt and doing my best to get to the other side. Two years of knowing that I didn’t deserve to tolerate the intolerable,” she wrote in the caption.

Bertinelli, who recently suffered a severe anxiety attack, added that she also had to work to find her true self within those years and was not shy to admit that she is still in the process of overcoming “shame and self-loathing.” Additionally, she admitted that she spent the past two years “confronting past demons and traumas,” hinting at what she had to deal with in her tumultuous married life. 

However, the mother of famous musician Wolfgang Van Halen also shared in her post that in the two years she was divorced from the financial planner, she found love again in Mike Goodnough. Unfortunately, by the time she shared her post, her relationship with the writer was already over. 

According to People, Bertinelli and Goodnough split earlier this month after failing to make their long-distance relationship work. They were together for a good 10 months. In April, Bertinelli even gushed to the magazine how she found her ex to be her “kindred spirit.”

In her recent Instagram post, Bertinelli seemingly disclosed what went wrong in her romance with Goodnough, hinting that it was not her ex’s fault but mostly hers as she was still figuring out herself when she gave love a chance again.

“I want to be the best, most authentic version of myself heading into this last chapter of my life. I am learning that until I love myself and accept myself, all of me, my dark and light sides, I can never give someone else the love and emotional vulnerability that they need and deserve.”

The Golden Globe-winning actress concluded her post with a message to her over 1.6 million followers on the platform, saying that she’s grateful for their compassion and feedback. She also let them know that if they were going through a similar experience as her, things would get better, and “the light will shine brighter” eventually.

Bertinelli got engaged to Vitale in March 2010, and they tied the knot in January 2011. In November 2021, the Enough Already author filed for legal separation, and their divorce was finalized a year later, according to Page Six.

Before Vitale, Bertinelli was married to the late artist Eddie Van Halen from 1981 until 2007. They were blessed with a son, Wolfgang, when they were still together. But earlier this year, she opened up about the demise of her first marriage to her online community on Instagram, saying their relationship “rapidly declined” because of the rocker’s drug and alcohol abuse. He was also unfaithful to her.

Bertinelli’s journey through all her failed romances to where she stands now serves as a reminder that one can still move forward in life after going through heartbreaks. The important thing is taking the time to rediscover one’s self instead of jumping into another relationship and making it your escape.