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‘It’d be 39 angry people watching me eat a Big Mac’: Johnny Depp takes a turn down hamburger lane while discussing his Hollywood ‘comeback’

Johnny Depp has been in France for about three seconds and already wants a Big Mac — right on Johnny, right on.

Actor Johnny Depp smokes during a break in his trial at a Fairfax County Courthouse on May 27, 2022 in Fairfax, Virginia.
Photo by Kevin Dietsch/Getty Images

Johnny Depp using a fast food analogy to discuss divorce is like watching the sun rise every morning. You can always expect it to be there. While chatting with Deadline at this year’s coveted Cannes Film Festival, Depp decided to share his opinion about those who may not wish for him to be at the event in the first place.

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Crafting a hypothetical fit for a Tim Burton movie, Johnny Depp makes his point through the magic of McDonalds. Go figure.

“What if one day they did not allow me — under no circumstances, no matter what — (that) I cannot go to McDonald’s for life because somewhere if you got them all in one room it’d be 39 angry people watching me eat a Big Mac on a loop just for fun. Who are they? Why do they care? Some kind of species, some tower of mashed potatoes, covering the light on their computer screen. Anonymous. With apparently less free time. I don’t think we should be worried. People should really think about what it’s all about. Really.”

I get what he’s trying to say here. What if a relatively small minority decided for the majority that someone (in this case Johnny Depp) couldn’t eat at McDonalds ever again? That would sort of suck, right? Be honest. You’d throw a hissy fit if someone took your McChicken away just because they didn’t like you, don’t even try to pretend. It would be anarchy.

What Depp is communicating, to a questionable degree of effectiveness, is that often these decisions can appear rather arbitrary — with certain folks making decisions across the board for the rest of us that seem a bit overzealous.

After all, McDonald’s serves over 69 million people a day. In this food-themed hypothetical, to tell one person not to eat there because a few folks got upset doesn’t make senes in the slightest. Also, 69 MILLION PEOPLE a day? Holy heart attack Batman, that’s a lot of french fries.

When pressed about his new film Jeanne du Barry and his Hollywood “comeback,” Depp decided to be a bit more straightforward and lay off the culinary comparisons.

“I’ve had my 17th comeback, apparently. I keep wondering about the word ‘comeback.’ I didn’t go anywhere…Maybe people stopped calling out of whatever their fear was at the time. But I didn’t go nowhere.”

Another zinger. When you’ve been in the industry as long as Johnny Depp has, you don’t really get a chance to come back, rather — and this is a sinister thought experiment for a Wednesday — you never really get to leave in the first place.

Expanding his opinions on the articles out there surrounding his off-screen antics, Depp decided to break my little helpless writer heart with a few short sentences. Just kidding, I’m MUCH more fragile than that.

“The majority of what you read is fantastically, horrifically written fiction. It’s like asking the question: ‘How are you doing?’ But the subtext is, ‘God, I hate you.'”

Okay, now them’s fightin’ words, Depp — well, not really. It’s true that plenty of stuff swirling around the internet can be pretty baseless, but more than that, it plays to the worst versions of ourselves. There’s no doubt that inflammatory content gets us reading, but what makes us stay isn’t. So let’s cut the crap, and let Johnny Depp eat metaphorical hamburgers until his head caves in.