We all knew it was going to happen someday. Not content with branding Meghan Markle a nightmare boss, a threat to the British monarchy, and making disgusting insinuations about her race, we now have reports that Buckingham Palace staff gossiped about her being a witch and gave her the secret nickname “Mystic Meg.”
This comes via the upcoming book Yes Ma’am: The Secret Life of Royal Servants by Tom Quinn, which claims to draw back the curtain on drama the Buckingham Palace staff witnessed, as well as giving their private thoughts on the aristocrats they’re serving.
Markle began being called “Mystic Meg” — a reference to a famous British astrologer — after promoting “new-agey beliefs.” This was probably something innocuous and mainstream as yoga and, in any event, is extremely hypocritical as King Charles is notoriously into all manner of alternative medicine.
Anyhow, it’s said they also saw Markle as a left-wing firebrand indoctrinating Prince Harry into her “woke” belief system. They zero in on an incident in 2016 in which Markle accompanied Harry and his Eton schoolmates on a shooting trip. This group of fabulously wealthy shotgun-wielding young men proceeded to spend their time making jokes about “sexism, feminism and transgender people.” Markle is said to have reprimanded each person who made a joke like this, resulting in one guest moaning that “she lacked any sense of humour.”
In a group thread after the trip, Harry’s friends exchanged messages along the lines of “OMG, what about HER?” and “Harry must be f**king nuts!'” Those observing this concluded that in not silently tolerating sexist, transphobic, and misogynist jokes, Markle was rejecting “the values and traditions of his family.” Yeah, she was! And that’s a good thing, idiot!
To Buckingham Palace’s apparent horror, this rubbed off on Harry, who came down with a bad case of the woke mind virus. One staffer grumbled that since meeting Meghan, Harry had become “far more concerned about social issues and the rights of minorities” than he’d ever been before Meghan’s arrival.” Some younger staff “applauded” this, but many elderly members concluded he’d been led astray by this devilish California temptress and her diabolical empathy for minorities.
One of the most telling things about the leaks about Meghan’s “woke” beliefs is how those spreading the stories are convinced they cast her in a negative light. It doesn’t seem to have occurred to them that all they’re doing is cementing the image of the Royal Family and its support apparatus as not just incredibly out-of-touch with the modern world, but intrinsically cruel and small-minded.
But I’ve saved the most ridiculous criticism they made til last. Markle’s “woke” beliefs and ambitions to use her privilege to enact some good in the world saw her dubbed “princessy” by palace staff. Guys, I’m going to need to you sit down for a moment, but Meghan Markle is literally an actual princess. If we can’t allow actual princesses to act “princessy” then what’s the point of this whole Royal Family thing?
And, as always, the rancid cherry on top of this whole thing is that Buckingham Palace will not just tolerate but defend and protect the truly repugnant Prince Andrew, even after his litany of major moral failings. Honestly, at this point, the various anti-monarchy groups calling for the Windsors to be deposed should disband, as Buckingham Palace is making their case much better than they ever could.
Published: Feb 12, 2025 10:04 am