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Not content with being one of the lizard people, Stormy Daniels also confirms that she’s a witch

We're guessing "eye of newt" doesn't factor into her potions, then.

WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA - MAY 23: Stormy Daniels receives a City Proclamation and Key to the city of West Hollywood at Chi Chi LaRue's on May 23, 2018 in West Hollywood, California.
Photo by Steve Granitz/WireImage

The jig is up, the truth is out, and the real revelations about Stormy Daniels are finally being brought into the light. Not more than a few hours after she came clean and responded to being outed as one of the lizard people trying to overthrown the established order from the scaly shadows, the porn star has now confirmed she’s been dabbling in witchcraft and wizardry.

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Conspiracy theorists have worked long and hard to uncover the truth about Daniels, who made her name in the adult entertainment industry before lighting the touchpaper on a chain of events that started with Donald Trump’s three-inch cocktail weenie being hurled around with reckless abandon, and culminated in the Two Weeks Notice star being indicted and arraigned.

How did Daniels serve as the mastermind behind Trump becoming the first former or current commander-in-chief to be faced with criminal charges? Well, just when you thought it was down entirely to those pesky lizard folks and their machinations in trying to stage a global coup without anyone noticing, we can now point another finger at the supernatural.

Having seen her popularity skyrocket during the ongoing Trump fiasco, we’re left to wonder which blasphemous deity Daniels made a deal with. Or, and this might be stretch, those claiming she’s in league with Lucifer and concocting all sorts of devilish rituals and potions are completely and utterly out of their trees, spouting verbal garbage that doesn’t stand up under a shred of scrutiny.

To paraphrase Principal Skinner; are they out of touch? No, it’s everyone else who is wrong.

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