Prince William was just given the most important title of his life. No, not king — this crowning has much more cultural impact. He was named the sexiest bald man alive for the second year running in a 2024 study.
The research was conducted by PR agency Reboot Online. It took factors like the golden ratio, smile, head shine, vocal attractiveness, positive media perception, height, and global “naked” and “shirtless” searches to determine the rankings.
William championed over some tough competition, including the very buff Dwayne Johnson and comedy legend Danny DeVito. Put the pair in a WWE ring and the story would end differently, but in this case, The Price of Wales has The Rock beat. The folks used in this study could smell what William is cooking.
The top 10 sexiest bald men alive:
- Prince William
- Dwayne Johnson
- Shaquille O’Neal
- Kelly Slater
- Terry Crews
- Danny DeVito
- Samuel L. Jackson
- Thierry Henry
- Stanley Tucci
- Vin Diesel
“Each year since 2021, we have taken famous bald celebrities and examined their level of attractiveness. By analyzing factors such as golden ratio facial proximity, cranial shine factor, voice attractiveness, and global search interest, we have been able to produce a whole new ranking of the world’s sexiest bald men,” Reboot explained, “all backed by mathematics.”
You have to wonder if someone at Buckingham Palace is paying out to ensure William takes the top spot. After all, Britain may doubt his effectiveness as king if he falls off the bald charts. People are so baffled, mostly on behalf of Stanley Tucci, they’ve been putting tinfoil hats and critical thinking caps on to get to the bottom of it since 2021.
It’s more likely everyone’s feeling a little sensitive about the idea of rigged elections than it is for the monarchy as an institution to prioritize William’s sex appeal. That hasn’t stopped accounts like “THE SUSSEX SOLDIER” from theorizing it was all rigged though.
It’s not that surprising when you consider how many royal fans there are out there. A search for William on social media platforms like X will bring up more shooters than you can imagine. The 2021 result was celebrated by fan accounts; one wrote, “tell us something we didn’t know already.”
Harry has generally been the more “bad boy” heartthrob over the years, but he could not compete in the rankings due to his hair. Maybe in ten years? Either way, the split attraction between the brothers could speak to what they each represent.
William is balding just like his father before him, and he’s still a part of the British royal family in the most dutiful way. Harry, however, has somewhat bucked the genetic trend as he strikes out solo on his own adventure with his wife Meghan Markle.
Maybe royal stans are more likely to find William attractive, on account of his participation in the institution. And people who discount the value the royal family brings to the U.K. might prefer the rogue “spare.” We need qualified psychologists to dig into this as a matter of urgency.