For most of us, the name Aziz Ansari reminds us of one of the most comforting comedy shows on television: Parks and Recreation. No one could have played Tom Haverford better than Ansari — he was hilarious, physical comedy was his forte, and, to be honest, we’ll never hear the words “Treat Yourself” without thinking of Ansari and Retta’s voices.
At the end of the day, though, one of the hardest parts of being a fan is accepting that we really don’t know these people, even if we love the characters they play. We have to admit that fiction clouds our minds, and more often than not, we let it become our reality. Now, you may be wondering where this speech is coming from — especially because we haven’t seen Ansari’s name on television in quite some time — but trust us, there’s a reason for that.
What did Aziz Ansari do?
In 2018, a woman using the pseudonym “Grace” accused Ansari of sexual misconduct the year prior. Grace described the daunting encounter with Ansari in an article on Babe.net, where she explained in depth, how a consensual date between two adults quickly turned into “the worst night of [her] life.” Since then, the actor has remained somewhat away from the public eye.
Grace, who was then 22, met Ansari, who was 34, at the 2017 Emmy Awards after-party, and a few days later, they agreed to go out. However, the date did not go as planned. After dinner, Grace described Ansari as being incredibly eager to leave, and once they did — going to his house afterward — the atmosphere quickly changed between them. As their encounter became more physical, Grace admitted to constantly using “verbal and non-verbal cues” to show her discomfort at Ansari’s advances.
When Ansari told her he was going to grab a condom within minutes of their first kiss, Grace voiced her hesitation explicitly. “I said something like, ‘Whoa, let’s relax for a sec, let’s chill.’”
We’ll spare you the explicit details of their encounter, but in the end, Grace admits that she wasn’t sure if her words and actions were noticed by the actor, or simply ignored by him on purpose. As Grace put it, she “was physically giving off cues that [she] wasn’t interested,” but she doesn’t believe that “it was noticed at all, or if it was, it was ignored.”
Unfortunately, this encounter went on for some time, with Azari allegedly going back and forth between being understanding and being pushy. After some time, Grace persistently told Ansari how uncomfortable she was, and according to Grace, he finally listened to her, suggesting they get dressed and watch an episode of Seinfeld. Around this time, Grace admitted that the realization she felt violated truly sunk in.
“After he bent me over is when I stood up and said no, I don’t think I’m ready to do this, I really don’t think I’m going to do this. And he said, ‘How about we just chill, but this time with our clothes on?’”
Generally speaking, the entire situation unfolded amidst the #MeToo movement. It was one of the most controversial cases at the time, and that’s saying a lot. This is because Ansari’s sensational exposé was directly linked to a movement focused on abuse, assault, and illegality, and in the end, that did not bode well with many defenders of the movement itself.
On websites like The Guardian, we can find pieces that attribute Grace’s poorly edited testimony to the diminishing importance of the movement through the increase of exposés based on male entitlement and misogyny, rather than its main focus: exposing the systematic and long-term abuse of women by powerful men.
Ultimately, abuse and sexual misconduct are extremely sensitive topics to cover, and Babe.net opted for an approach that did not resonate with most. Many considered Aziz’s actions to be wholly sexist, entitled, and ultimately proof of a power imbalance in their short-lived relationship. However, as Jezebel expertly put it, the journalistic inexperience in the exposure of Grace and Ansari’s brief encounter was palpable, and it did more to discredit the case than to help Grace find what she had been seeking — some sort of justice.
Did Aziz Ansari apologize?
Despite the immense backlash and controversy, Ansari did allegedly apologize in a series of texts he shared with Grace — “Clearly, I misread things at the moment and I’m truly sorry” — but he never publicly apologized to her. In fact, the actor issued a statement denying sexual misconduct, a whole thirty-one hours after Grace’s testimony was posted. The actor, in response, assured that he believed everything to be “completely consensual.”
In September of last year, I met a woman at a party. We exchanged numbers. We texted back and forth and eventually went on a date. We went out to dinner, and afterwards we ended up engaging in sexual activity, which by all indications was completely consensual.
At the beginning of his Netflix comedy special, Ansari addressed the subject once more, saying he “felt so many things in the last year or so: there were times I felt scared, there were times I felt humiliated, there were times I felt embarrassed, and ultimately I just felt terrible that this person felt this way.” Despite all this, Aziz still did not issue a public apology to Grace. Similarly, Grace has not brought up the subject publicly since 2018 — and understandably so.
Nonetheless, despite admitting the encounter happened, Ansari continues to have a public platform. His Netflix comedy special, Right Now, serves as further proof that despite admitting to his actions — albeit undermining them — the subject of sexual power imbalance continues to be, and will likely continue to be, a secondary factor in the success of abusive men in Hollywood.
If you know someone suffering from sexual violence, contact RAINN or the National Sexual Abuse Telephone Hotline at 1-800-656-4673.