‘Rise of the planet of the apes activate’: 43 monkeys escape South Carolina research facility, because that’s just what we need this week

With a certain orange primate headed back to the White House, news broke this week that 43 monkeys escaped from a South Carolina research facility, and honestly, we kind of relate. Bring on the Planet of the Apes, I say.

According to a Yemassee Police Department social media update, the rhesus macaques, all young females, escaped from the Alpha Genesis Primate Research Center in Yemassee, SC when an Alpha Genesis employee failed to secure their enclosure. On Friday, Yemassee officials said the monkeys were spotted, “playfully exploring the perimeter fence of the facility engaging with those still inside by cooing to them.” No word yet if any of the monkeys searched “how to move to Canada” on their phones after the presidential election was decided.

Alpha Genesis, a bio-medical research facility, previously said they were attempting to lure the animals back inside their habitat with food and there was no threat to public health, although rhesus macaques are sensitive and easily startled so the public should avoid contact if spotted.

The CDC told CBS News, “Even if a monkey doesn’t appear to be ill, it can still be infected. [The monkeys] are wild animals, even if they have been raised around people. Like any wild animals, they may bite, spit, or scratch when frightened. For these reasons, people should not attempt to capture, feed, or handle the escaped monkeys.”

“Rise of the planet of the apes activate”

Here’s hoping the monkeys get home safe and sound, and that the Alpha Genesis Primate Research facility truly is a benign institution and the monkeys aren’t subject to some top-secret testing that has now escaped in the wild. The Alpha Genesis website says the company, “provides enriched housing facilities for nonhuman primates in both CDC quarantine and non-quarantine settings on a cost-effective per diem basis” — we’re not sure that means but we’re sure it’s fine.

According to Columbia, SC Carolina news outlet The State, monkeys have escaped from Alpha Genesis several times before, some were never caught and some later died from injuries. In the past, the USDA fined Alpha Genesis $12,600 for one instance of monkey dehydration and another when a monkey died, injured by other monkeys after it was placed in the wrong social group.

“Trump wins release the doom monkeys”

With Trump Adminstration 2.0 on its way, the whole thing sounds like something that would happen in 2020 (remember the murder hornets?). If this news is any indication, the next four years will be a wild ride. If nothing else, the social media response is worthwhile. Responding to a CBS News story about the escape, one comment said, “It’s just ridiculous when you’re older and this is the future you worked for.” Another added, ‘O here we go again,2020.” And then there was this,

Referring to a previous monkies-on-the-loose incident, Alpha Genesis CEO and President Greg Westergaard said, “When you have monkeys out in open-air corrals, they’re monkeys. Occasionally they’re going to get out, walls fall down; storms come through. They always return, though” — monkey business, indeed.