'We don't condone violence… but': Hawaiian who beat evil Seattle tourist that attacked seal commended by state government – We Got This Covered
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Image via X/Young monk seal underwater. Image ID: anim2600, NOAA's Ark Collection Location: Hawaii, Northwest Hawaiian Islands, Pearl and Hermes Reef Credit: NOAA/PIFSC/HMSRP

‘We don’t condone violence… but’: Hawaiian who beat evil Seattle tourist that attacked seal commended by state government

The most satisfying beating in recent Hawaiian history.

Respect for wildlife is at the core of Hawaiian identity, so when a Seattle tourist threw a rock at an endangered monk seal, they reacted with outrage from the very moment the projectile left his hand.

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Video of the incident has now gone enormously viral, with the man’s attack on the seal – an especially beloved seal named Lani – being met with horrified gasps and a cry of “What are you doing?! Why would you throw a rock at it?! Hello?! You f–kin haole! He just threw a rock!”

When confronted, the man replied, “I don’t care, I’m rich. Fine me with whatever you want. I can pay for it.” This response got an appropriate response from those present, with the locals pursuing the tourist to his hotel and with one beating him as he tried to make it through the gate.

Maui’s mayor, Richard Bissen, has vowed that consequences will be steep for the still-officially-unnamed tourist (who has been thoroughly doxxed on social media), with the possibility of jail time and a $50,000 fine on the cards.

Maybe he is the hero we need…

Now, as proof of how furious residents are about this, the man who beat the tourist has not only been hailed as a hero, but has been presented with an official letter of recognition from the state government.

State Senator Sen. Brenton Awa held up the framed letter celebrating this seal-protecting vigilante, who is currently going unnamed but has been dubbed “The Ambassador of Aloha”:

“You’ve all seen the video of the monk seal that almost got hit by the rock from the tourist. If you didn’t here it is again. Some of us have seen environmental activists, I like to call them, who took matters into his own hands to educate what might happen when you mess with our lands or the animals. Our attorney over here wants to make it clear we don’t condone violence, but we did make a letter of recognition for Mr. Ambassador of Aloha.”

I mean, it really does sound like you are condoning violence, but I doubt anyone’s going to get too indignant over one of the worst tourists in the world receiving a few bops on the nose. Awa went on to condemn the tourist:

“We see this all the time with people with a different type of mentality coming in and destroying our stuff, essentially, in this case, animals. But we’d like at least the airline to play this type of video on all flights incoming so people don’t do this kind of stuff.”

Who could disagree with that? Visitors to Hawaii often treat the place like it’s a gigantic theme park or resort rather than a place people and animals call home. And sure, when you step off the plane, you may be met with smiles and lei, but woe betide anyone whose soul is broken enough to terrorize innocent animals on Hawaiian turf.

We eagerly await seeing what consequences befall that evil tourist. He said he doesn’t care about a fine because he’s rich? Well, better make sure it’s a punishment he’ll take very seriously indeed.


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David James
I'm a writer/editor who's been at the site since 2015. I cover politics, weird history, video games and... well, anything really. Keep it breezy, keep it light, keep it straightforward.