8) Pacific Rim (2013) (Dir. Guillermo del Toro)
What We Thought Before: Transformers meets Godzilla in a Guillermo del Toro movie. A film starring Rinko Kikuchi, Charlie Hunnam, Idris Elba, Charlie Day and Ron Perlman – that will surely guarantee high levels of awesome, no? Did I mention it also has Idris Elba in it?
What We Got: A movie so bad, it actually generates a palpable sense of shame at the excitement once felt while watching the trailer. Sure, the robots and monsters look awesome, but if that’s the extent of interesting stuff in your movie, you might want to extend those scenes a little bit and dispense with the half-hearted attempts at an actual plot. Oh, and, incidentally, in case any ladies out there were wondering – in this vision of the future, you play no part of any significance whatsoever.
I mean, sure, there’s Mako Mori (Kikuchi) – an effective fighter – but she’s so sensitive and delicate, thanks to a traumatic childhood experience, she has be removed from piloting a robot on her first run out. She manages to get over it in time to help with the final battle, but is literally ejected by a man before the end. According to this film, she can’t even speak to another woman. Why? Because there are no other women whose roles require them to speak more than a couple of words. We must give credit where credit is due, though. There are a few women in this 21st century film – in the crowd scene, right at the back – if you pause it, and squint.
What They Should Have Done: They should have employed radical concepts of modern cinema – such as plot, structure and people that aren’t men.
Redeeming Features: Apart from having Idris Elba in it, there is a moment – right in the middle of all the tedium – when we are suddenly transported to what feels like an actual Guillermo del Toro film. Mako Mori (Kikuchi) relives the childhood memory of being attacked by a Kaiju (monster), and being saved by a Jaeger (robot), piloted by Stacker Pentecost (Idris Elba).
This sequence – though only a few minutes long – serves to remind us whose work we are watching. It is a beautifully presented episode that, in and of itself, builds perfect dramatic tension and resonates with the audience on a deep emotional level. It is the stunning, yet tiny, diamond in a whole heap of rough. But then, as quickly as it appeared, it is gone, and we are slammed back into a messy, directionless vat of testosterone – filled with disposable and forgettable characters.