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An unyieldingly uninteresting haunted house horror gets welcomed into the warm glow of streaming sanctuary

You're much better off refusing to answer the door.

abandoned
via Vertical Films

The haunted house subgenre has become such a ubiquitous and over-saturated offshoot of horror that only the very best are capable of making a splash, seeing as virtually all of the expected tropes and trappings have been seen and done literally hundreds upon hundreds of times before. Despite some atmospheric undertones, Abandoned didn’t make the cut.

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In a rare turn of events, critics and audiences found themselves in complete agreement on the merits of director Spencer Squire’s psychological chiller, but not in a good way. On Rotten Tomatoes, the movie shares identically underwhelming scores of only 20 percent, but the good news is that spooky cinema never pays much heed to the consensus on streaming.

abandoned
via Vertical Films

As a result, Abandoned has risen from the ashes to take its place among the most-watched titles on Rakuten per FlixPatrol, even if there’s going to be a lot of viewers left crushingly disappointment and perhaps even downright bored by what they end up getting. The cast may be solid across the board, but the execution and pacing leaves a lot to be desired, making it one of the more forgettable star-powered haunted house stories to come along recently.

Emma Roberts and John Gallagher Jr. play a married couple who move to a remote farmhouse with their baby son, a setup so familiar that it inadvertently sets the tone nicely for what’s to come. Struggling with postpartum depression, the young mother starts experiencing additional symptoms that veer into the realm of psychosis, although the ominous intonations coming from within their new home indicate that it might not be a product of her own mind.

Twists and turns are no substitute for genuine tension, and Abandoned is better off being… well, you get it.