Arnold Schwarzenegger vehicle Kindergarten Cop has become the latest ’90s flick to get dragged down into remake hell, with word that an Arnie-less, possibly direct-to-video redo is in the works from Universal’s 1440 Entertainment.
1440 typically remakes old movies into (terrible) VOD sequels – its past films have included such cinematic masterworks (cough) as The Scorpion King 3: Battle for Redemption, Curse of Chucky and Beethoven’s Treasure Trail, so that gives you an idea of where to set your expectations for the new Kindergarten Cop (hint: very, very low).
This new take will excise Schwarzenegger (not that his star is yet low enough to participate had they asked) but pair a new cop hero with an Indian sidekick named Sanjit, as they hunt down a missing flash drive from the Federal Witness Protection Program and fend off Albanian crooks who want the flash drive. Along the way, the cop meets a beautiful female teacher, and sparks fly (because why not).
Michael Don Paul (Jarhead 2: Field of Fire, Sniper: Legacy) has signed on to direct, from a script by American Pie scribe David H. Steinberg, which definitely gives this the stench of a direct-to-VOD, bargain-bin knock-off. Apparently, 1440 sees the movie as a “stalking horse” for a TV series, and so it’s looking to cast recognizable small-screen actors, but how something this immediately awful-sounding could possibly be seen as a launching pad is beyond me.
Nevertheless, my job is to report the news, not tear my hair out over it, so there it is: Kindergarten Cop is getting a new lease on life, albeit as a junky, lower-key sequel that doesn’t include the one reason people went to go see the original. Good luck to them, and may God have mercy on those poor young actors who end up in the new classroom.