Creature Review

This review of Creature will be filled with spoilers, you’ve been warned. The fact is, there is nothing worth writing about Creature if you can’t use a few spoilers. I have to be able to tell you about the creature at the center of Creature and in doing so I will ruin what is the only reason to see this movie.

Then again, after reading my description of the creature in Creature you may be motivated by apoplexy to verify what I am telling you. The idea behind the creature in Creature is so baffling and bizarre that it creates within the audience a need to share the idea with others in order to regain your sanity with the verification from others of how wildly bizarre this idea truly is.

So, there it is; if for some reason you must have this experience for yourself, tune out now. The rest of you are invited to question whether I am telling you the truth as what I am about to describe will read as the completely false invention of a sleep deprived, caffeine addled mind.

Creature begins as most horror films begin with several nubile young’uns driving into a backwoods town that even the census can’t find. On hand to welcome them are the usual assortment of toothless weirdos offering vague warnings of doom. Among the weirdos is the ingratiating Chopper (Sid Haig), so named because he’s the only man in town with teeth.

Chopper encourages the kids to travel to a legendary former tourist trap said to be home to Grimley, a half man-half alligator creature. Naturally, the kids are eager not just to seek the creature but to have sex on the creature’s property in a variety of combinations. The gratuitous nudity in Creature is really its only redeeming value; the flesh on display is the only reminder that you’re watching actual human beings.

Now for the spoiler. This is your last warning; I am going to reveal the origin of the creature. Grimley (Daniel Bernhardt) was a local legend in the early 1900’s. He and his sister Caroline (Rebekah Kennedy) are the last of their family which was devastated by a vicious and rare white alligator.

The brother and sister are intent on continuing the family line by getting married. Unfortunately, Caroline gets eaten by the legendary white alligator. Enraged, Grimley follows the gator back to its cave. After taking his revenge against the gator, Grimley consumes the beast down to the bones.

Then, Grimley eats the human remains of the gator’s victims; including his beloved sister. The cannibalism turns Grimley into a half human/half gator to whom the locals sacrifice strangers. Our young heroes are thusly the human in the latest human sacrifice to Grimley and they line up for their doom with typical horror movie aplomb.

Creature is a real movie and not in fact a fever dream I had after watching too much Cinemax. A man named Fred Andrews, a production designer by trade, directed and co-wrote Creature. Andrews and a man named Tracy Morse sat together and conceived of this idea. They took this idea to another man who then secured financing and distribution for Creature.

I recount this information not for your benefit but for my own. I have to keep reminding myself that Creature was real. That reassurance in place I can attempt to make the turn back to being a film critic and discuss the film’s merits.

If you are one of those souls who is intrigued enough to want to verify whether I have made all of  this up; I wish you well. I understand your curiosity; the film is just as crazy as I have described. I don’t recommend that you follow through on your curiosity but I understand your motivation; I still have to remind myself that Creature is a real movie.

Creature Review
Utter Failure

Creature has no merits to speak of but I am comforted by my ability to overcome my disorientation long enough to recognize how lacking it is.