Watch: Mulan Super Bowl Spot Teases A Thrilling Epic

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Disney, China, American Football – which of these unstoppable geopolitical forces will we touch on in this Mulan article? All three, apparently.

The first of the three horsemen of the apocalypse have released a new TV spot. The teaser showcases Mulan – that’s where the second horseman is involved. Finally, the TV spot is to be broadcast during this Sunday’s Super Bowl, which is quite a big deal, apparently. There’s Man-horse number three.

I’m reliably informed that there were actually four horsemen of the apocalypse, so if you have any suggestions for what the missing equine link is, do drop them below. Do not suggest my prose. Some jokes come entirely without compunction. The trailer is situated above, by the way (almost forgot my one stage direction).

Mulan is the latest in Walter Wh…I mean, Disney’s line of live-action remakes. This one stands to be a massive, gigantic, huge, stupendously enormous, really quite large box office hit, too. The record gross for a Western film in the Middle Kingdom was broken last summer by Avengers: Endgame (no corner of the globe was left untouched), but I’m going to stick my neck out and say this could run it close.

The unparalleled strength of Disney’s marketing is just as inevitable as the artistic impotence of their corporate produced remakery. Perhaps this will finally be the film that offends me. Its leading lady has already come out on the side of Hong Kong’s egalitarian policing, after all.

Mind you, ignorant political statements are hardly unique to those under the thumb of total governance. If you had a penny for every time a Hollywood star said something mind-numbingly stupid, you could afford your own little piece of Sunset Boulevard. Here’s to the unity of Earth’s most powerful people, all our lives are counting on it. Mulan might help a little, too.

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