‘Halloween H20’ is the best ‘Halloween’ sequel and I’m tired of pretending that it’s not

I’ve been a fan of the Halloween franchise for most of my life. I’m almost 30. Whew, that just pains me to even type. 

Anyway, let me paint a better picture for you as to where this is headed. From the very first time I saw Michael Myers slash his sister Judith in the opening minutes of John Carpenter’s Halloween (1978), I was immediately hooked. Granted, a ten year old probably shouldn’t have been watching a serial killer slasher that young, but hey, take that up with my parents.

Now before we dive into the seemingly endless pile of Halloween sequels, let me refrain from suggesting that Halloween II is anything less than great. In fact, it’s my favorite Halloween movie behind the ‘78 original and H20. But I think we can all wholeheartedly agree that the face-melting sequel is definitely outdated. On that same note, you probably think I’m insane for implying that a Halloween movie from 1998 isn’t outdated — but let me explain before you grab your sharpest pitchfork.

If the title itself isn’t enough of an outline for what the plot focuses on, then allow me to document what exactly happens in Halloween H20: 20 Years Later.

Kicking off 20 years after Michael Myers targeted a teenage Laurie Strode on Halloween night in Haddonfield, we catch up with an alcoholic and deeply scarred Laurie, who is now living under a new identity as Keri Tate, and working as the headmistress of a private school. Point blank, Laurie has several positives swirling throughout her life in this sequel — including a healthy relationship with guidance counselor Will Brennan and a smart-mouthed, but definitely caring teenage son named John.

First off, H20 depicts Laurie’s trauma in an extremely realistic way. Rather than jollying around like nothing is wrong, Laurie copes by ingesting copious amounts of alcohol throughout the day and simply waiting in fear for Michael to make his inevitable return. Now, I’m not saying the most effective way to deal with trauma is by drinking alcohol, but wouldn’t most of us be running for the nearest vodka bottle if we thought our psychopathic brother was on the hunt to kill us? I think so.

Second, H20 is cheesy as all hell. The dialogue is seriously Scream-inspired — which makes sense, what with Kevin Williamson serving as the scriptwriter — and the narrative definitely leans towards a teen slasher vibe. But you know what? It works. It perfectly fit that particular era of horror movies, it performed exceptionally at the box office, and it provided one of the best endings in the entire franchise.

And yet, all of that magic was ruined with Halloween: Resurrection. That’s showbiz, folks!

I will admit Michael’s mask in this movie is horrible, the CGI is disgraceful, and Jamie Lee Curtis’ haircut looks like she wants to speak to the manager, but that’s only if I’m looking to nitpick.

To this day, I watch Halloween H20 every October without fail. That typically includes crafting some sort of Halloween-themed charcuterie board and bugging my fiancée to sit down and watch it with me as I chuckle and smile and adhere to my favorite horror franchise like I’m a child all over again.

So in my own humble opinion, Halloween H20: 20 Years Later is the superior Halloween sequel. No silly sub-storyline focusing on Michael’s niece. No Cult of Thorn crap insisting that Michael has a demonic curse on him. Instead, H20 returns to its roots and the very literary device that made it successful in the first place — the rivalry between Michael Myers and Laurie Strode.