‘Jesus Christ. We need to stop this’: ‘A Minecraft Movie’ fallout enters a new phase as fans dare to suggest the unthinkable

If you’re one of the few remaining souls on this planet who hasn’t caught wind of the first trailer for A Minecraft Movie, first of all, how does it feel to have been successfully separated from the madness for this long? Secondly, how much are you going to miss that separation when the horrors of this trailer inevitably crawl their way into your brain?

Just look at this. Look at these 80 ungodly seconds of cinematic violations of the Geneva Conventions. Is this where Hollywood finally learns the lesson of never, ever full-sending realistic CGI unless James Cameron is at the helm? Well, A Minecraft Movie is probably going to make a hefty dose of cash at the box office, so probably not.

Or is it? If the official Minecraft subreddit is any indication, no one’s taking this threat of a movie trailer as harshly as the Minecraft fandom.

As is the case with just about every major social media site out there at the moment, Reddit has been the site of A Minecraft Movie‘s trailer getting subjected to laceration after laceration after laceration. And whenever a post isn’t chiefly bemoaning the essence of the whole teaser, it’s wondering what could have been if the film was fully animated (or even just generally interested in being a Minecraft movie rather than a movie with the Minecraft IP slapped onto it).

Just look at this lifeless gameplay-to-plot gimmick translation.

Surely this frame alone counts as animal abuse, right?

Now, in fairness, not everyone has dubbed this trailer as the next echelon of desolation for the human condition. Somehow, someway, there are those who are partial to the sneak peek we’ve gotten of this blocky tentpole release.

And all jokes aside for just a moment, there is wisdom to be found in optimism — or, at the very least, ambivalence — about A Minecraft Movie. It might be true that this trailer — even without regarding the CGI in any way — doesn’t inspire even the briefest iota of hope, but it’s always a good idea to save one’s final verdict until after the film has been watched. Best case scenario, you end up enjoying it, and worst case scenario, you can tear it to shreds in a manner that’s more constructive and conducive to healthy debate (even if it ultimately doesn’t amount to more than finding newer and newer ways to express your disdain).

Nevertheless, A Minecraft Movie doesn’t hit theaters until April 4, 2025, so those of us who have lost sleep over that pink sheep might just have to rely on pre-emptive bashing for the next little while. Such is the burden of living in the era of brand filmmaking.