Just so you know, Andrew Garfield is teaming up with ‘Bridgerton’ and ‘Baby Reindeer’ stars to climb a magic tree

That’s right, folks; Andrew Garfield is officially quitting acting and has assembled a ragtag posse of fellow British thespians (and Nicola Coughlan) to break into the budding occult arborist industry. And if you believe that, I have a Spider-Man 4 rumor to sell you.

Indeed, folks, what’s actually happening is that Garfield will be headlining an all-star cast with one Claire Foy in The Magic Faraway Tree, an upcoming film based on Enid Blyton’s children’s novels of the same name. Alongside Garfield and Foy, the Ben Gregor-directed fantasy flick will star Nicola Coughlan (Bridgerton), Jessica Gunning (Baby Reindeer), Nonso Anozie (Sweet Tooth), Rebecca Ferguson, and Michael Palin. Between big-screen stars, Netflix hotshots, and living legends, it’s an extraordinary gathering indeed.

Written by Simon Farnaby (whose collaborative scripts with Paul King have brought us the likes of Paddington 2 and Wonka), The Magic Faraway Tree follows a family who are struggling to connect with one another after being forced to relocate to the British countryside. They come to discover a magical tree in their new home, and when they climb it, they’re transported to worlds beyond their wildest imagination.

Blyton’s novels were published from 1939 to 1951, while other authors have written titles in the series as late as 2023. The books center on three children, Jo, Bessie, and Fanny, who climb the Faraway Tree to see which land is currently occupying the top of the tree. Each land moves away to make space for the incoming land, and so if they don’t leave by the time the lands finish moving, they’ll be trapped until the land they’re on swings back around to the Faraway Tree.

The other twist is that sometimes the lands are good, and sometimes they aren’t. The Land of Goodies — where everything is made of chocolate and candy and other such scrumptious indulgences — would be an example of the good, whereas the Land of Dame Slap — which houses a schoolteacher named Dame Slap who slaps you — would be an example of the bad (unless that’s what you’re into; I’m not judging).

Garfield and Claire will be portraying leading characters named Polly and Tim Thompson, who are either husband-and-wife or brother-and-sister. What’s curious, however, is that The Magic Faraway Tree is, by all appearances, a live-action movie, and yet the only child among the cast seems to be one Billie Gadson (Cruella, Here). Could this be a Harold and the Purple Crayon situation where the main characters in a film based on a children’s book with children protagonists, are adults?

Mind you, the level of tried-and-true talent involved with this production suggests that even if it is, it won’t be done in a way that manifests as a creative faceplant, especially given Gregor’s words to The Hollywood Reporter about the approach to this film: “What you gotta do is just treat young people as sensible adults.”

In any case, we won’t be able to see the fruits of these artists’ labors for ourselves for quite a bit yet, as the film only finished confirming its cast back in August. But with all those names piled into your cast, plus the fact that this movie is for families, those tickets are as good as sold.