Triceratops as Triceracop. Talks like a gentleman. Why not.
Because really, why not? A cop, who is a triceratops. Who talks like a proper gentlemen, all “Good day sir” like. At this point, you realize Sandberg has zero fucks to give.
Hitler shoots the police through the phone. This makes sense.
We first meet the film’s villain, Adolph Hitler, when he kills numerous police officers by shooting into an early model cell phone. Yes, the bullets come out the receiver and fly around the precinct with deadly abandon. The first recorded cell phone assassination in movie history.
“I need someone to trace that call!” after blowing holes in it. Ha.
Kung Fury pumps the killer phone full with bullets. Immediately spouts the above line. Classic Fury.
Hackerman. Most powerful hacker of all time. SHINY GRAPHIC. OoOoOoOohhhhhhh.
Yes. I took the time to capitalize the O’s above while taking notes. Don’t judge me. But yes, we meet Hackerman, who, astonishingly, is a hacker. He walks in out of nowhere. A metallic graphic flashes on the screen, because introductions are overrated. And all is right in Kung Fury’s life again. No wasted time, and we’ve got a fresh face!
Kung Führer. Champion. Knew the prophecy of Kung Fury. Nazi soldiers experimented with Kung Fu DNA.
What is Kung Fu DNA? Where does it come from? Why did I not learn about Hitler’s kung fu obsession in high school? WHY HAS MY ENTIRE LIFE BEEN A LIE?! Oh yea, Kung Führer is played by The Lonely Island’s Jorma Taccone, director of MacGruber. That’s two MacGruber references in this article. Today has been a good day.
“I’m gonna go back in time to Nazi German and kill Hitler once and for all.”
Yes, Kung Fury, please go on. I’m listening. Because killer game machines, phone shooting, and evil kung fu Nazis weren’t enough, now we need some time travel thrown in. I’m on board.
“lkjsdhfajklsdhfkljasdhfklasjdfhaskldjfh” hahahahahaha just typing
You know how it always looks like actors are just hitting random keys while intently looking at a screen that’s projecting perfectly typed words? Not in Kung Fury, which tells it exactly how it is. It’s these hilarious details that keep audiences on their toes, and grabbing for a tissue to wipe away tears of hilarity.
“HACKING TOO MUCH TIME” Skateboarding through cyberspace.”
Kung Fury jumps into a computer and starts hoverboarding through cyberspace like a little 8-bit Tron cutaway. Hackerman botches the operation. He hacks too far back. We don’t care, because it can only lead to more good things.
“FUCK. That’s a laser raptor! I thought those things went extinct years ago!”
YUP, LIKE I SAID, ONLY GOOD THINGS. LIKE LASER RAPTORS. GOD BLESS YOU KUNG FURY.
VIKING WARRIORESS WITH A GATTLING GUN RIDING A WOLF. BARBARIANA. ON THE TOP OF A MOUNTAINNNNN
This is the point where I started typing in a lot more caps, because my adrenaline was rocking sky high. We meet Barbarianna, a viking beauty who, well, appears exactly as explained above. Welcome to the party.
“What year is this?”
“The Viking Age.”
“FUCK! That explains the laser raptor. I must have went too far back in time.”
Classic. Fury. Aren’t you happy that dinosaurs went extinct? Especially the laser dinosaurs?
BECAUSE RIDING A T-REX TO ASGARD.
Chris Hemsworth is a bitch. Where’s his T-Rex?!
“Your pecs are epic.”
“Thanks, bro!” – Thor
Ah, what’s an 80s action flick without a little homoerotic banter between a Norse God and a kung fu legend?
“HAMMER TIME” – creates a portal with his hammer to Nazi Germany.
Assuming this is the only recorded instance of Nazi portals in history. And again, Sandberg wastes no time on bullshit. Kung Fury runs a brisk thirty minutes, and Sandberg makes use of EVERY SINGLE SECOND.
“Take my number. And use this phone to call me!”
Kung Fury always gets the girl, even though he had a girlfriend in the beginning? Or maybe she was just a friend. Can one woman really hold down that much concentrated Kung Fu DNA? We’ll never know, we simply don’t have the technology.
The Arian mustache argument.
There’s an awkward argument about a black mustache versus a blonde mustache at this point. One of the Nazi guards ends up crying because his mustache is blonde and inferior. This is why I don’t grow facial hair.
“TANK YOU.”
Kung Fury’s quip after flattening the two guards with a tank he just picked up. CLASSIC. FURY.