5) “I will try to be as direct and honest with you as I possibly can be…” – The Witches Of Eastwick (1987)
There is a vast amount of great dialogue in the script for this horror-comedy – which is Michael Cristofer’s adaptation of the John Updike source novel. Three very different, single female friends unwittingly summon a mysterious man to their small Rhode Island town, and all manner of mayhem ensues. Alexandra – played by Oscar-winner Cher – is perhaps the more rational of the three women and, when Daryl Van Horne (the ridiculously good Jack Nicholson) begins to cause pain and injury, she goes to confront him in an effort to save her friends – prompting a blistering argument.
“Well, you know, I have to admit that I appreciate your directness, Darryl, and I will try to be as direct and honest with you as I possibly can be. I think-no, I am positive-that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we’ve been together you have demonstrated every loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you’re morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor, and you smell. You’re not even interesting enough to make me sick.”
It is – quite simply – one of the most fabulous responses to a ‘bad guy’ in all of modern cinema. Who hasn’t wanted to dismiss an unpleasant soul using this combination of accurately observed insults? This speech is made all the more delicious by Cher’s almost nonchalant delivery – it’s as if she is attempting to swot an annoying fly which is proving itself to be nothing more than a fleeting distraction. The fact that she failed to consider the otherworldly powers at his disposal is almost irrelevant. For that one shining moment, Alexandra Medford is the master of her own, beautifully articulated universe.
6) “Not everyone can be a great…” – Ratatouille (2007)
It should surprise almost nobody that Ratatouille is one of the most critically acclaimed films of all time, for two reasons: First, it is simply a sublime feat of storytelling, and in this writer’s opinion, Pixar’s finest achievement. Second, it features a critic as its antagonist, and his musing about his occupation toward the end of the film probably rang true for any person who likes to review and analyze the arts.
2013 was not a kind year to film critics, with many remarkable, lifelong columnists leaving the profession, as well as the death of its most influential voice, Roger Ebert. However, it was also not a kind year for fictional critics, as Anton Ego’s voice comes from the warm, joyous tone of Peter O’Toole, who died in December. Even in old age, O’Toole’s brought weight and humor to one of Pixar’s great characters.
There are many great quotations about writing that great authors and journalists probably staple near the place where they work on their craft. As the header of my first blog as a film critic, I placed Ego’s words. Unsurprisingly, I agree with every word, especially in a time where nary a month goes by without a major publication wondering whether arts criticism can survive.
“In many ways, the work of a critic is easy,” Ego writes, succinct and with flair. “We risk very little yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their works and their selves to our judgment… But there are times when a critic truly risks something, and that is in the discovery and defense of the new.” Considering the high level of quality of much of Pixar’s canon, they have gotten a lot of favor from critics over the years.
In his review of Remy, the terrific new chef at Gusteau’s, Ego humbles his own savage professional obligations, writing that “Not everyone can be a great, but a great artist can come from anyone.” That is a mantra that Pixar should hang atop the entrance to the animation studio.