What We Learnt From The 83rd Academy Awards

It’s time to roll out the red carpet again. The 83rd Annual Academy Awards were presented last night with the usual surprises, snubs and mistakes in tow as well as plenty of post speculation. For a three hour show not much excitement was involved to make the process generally pleasing or effective enough to remember a week or two from now. But like always the Academy Awards leaves viewers with valuable lessons learned each and every year. Here are some facts gained from the 83rd Academy Awards.

-James Franco was either stoned or incredibly unhappy to be hosting the event while Anne Hathaway was way too excited about job.

-You can’t make the Oscars appeal to the younger demographic.

-Tim Burton’s films will always win Best Art Direction and Costume Design, it’s what he does best.

-Do not get someone on the verge of dying to present an award (Kirk Douglas).

-Melissa Leo should be shot with a tranquilizer dart any time she is accepting an award, either that or just don’t invite her at all.

-Helena Bonham Carter is the most underrated actress in Hollywood.

-Aaron Sorkin is a pro at public speaking and can’t be rushed off the stage, even when the music plays to get him to leave.

-Christian Bale has an oversized ego and seems like a prick.

The Fighter proves that acting in a supporting role which involves a dysfunctional drug-fueled family will win you an Oscar.

-Jeremy Renner goes to award shows for the after parties and free booze.

-Justin Timberlake has slept with Mila Kunis and wants everyone to know.

-The Academy officially hates Christopher Nolan, officially.

-Charlie Sheen jokes are appropriate at any time.

-Anne Hathaway has a good voice.

-After hosting the Oscars previously, Hugh Jackman is guaranteed a front row seat every year and at least 5 minutes of screen time as well as public recognition from presenters three or four times.

-Billy Crystal wants to host again.

-Robert Downey Jr. is always entertaining and highly aware that his former partying days provide an ample amount of laughter to all.

-Fake musical sketches don’t get old or stale.

-Canada isn’t taken seriously in the Best Foreign Film category even if it has the best nominee available.

-Randy Newman has completely lost interest in winning after being nominated so many times, plus he wants five nominees instead of four.

-James Franco isn’t afraid to call people nerds in front of millions of people.

Inception is a technical masterpiece.

-Jennifer Hudson lost a lot of weight and speaks weird.

-Cate Blanchett is squeamish.

-Rick Baker was born to win a Best Makeup Oscar.

-The In Memoriam section always manages to forget a bunch of actors.

-Halle Berry is the Oscar’s go-to black female for anything related about color or race during the awards.

-The Best Documentary speech typically involves political or social bashing from the winner.

-When Oprah is present, everyone shall bow to her to will, even the host.

-Nicole Kidman has de-botoxed to look attractive again.

-Sandra Bullock can act cool and relaxed even if she isn’t in real life.

-Natalie Portman can memorize and list a lot of names, including hard to pronounce ones.

-Young male actors never win, young female actresses usually do.

-Winning Best Director is a sign that the Oscar for Best Picture is inevitably close to happening.

-The Academy is in love with British historical films.

-Ten Best Picture nominees is too much.

-Masterful movies that lose in an upset at the Oscar’s end up being remembered much more fondly for years to come than the actual winner does (The Social Network).