Remy’s 2013 Resolutions
Resolution One: To Watch More Varied Films
Being a horror guy, I go on these long, epic stretches of just watching horror, and often indie horror at that. While I love the cinematic discoveries I make as the result of that, I would like to force myself to watch more varied films. This doesn’t mean I will start watching romantic comedies, but, come on now, let’s be realistic, I can honestly say that I’ve missed some real gems because I was so intent on being the “horror” guy. I can still totally be the ‘horror’ guy who sees Disney movies on the side, and I need to realize there is nothing wrong with that.
Resolution Two: More Interviews
I love movies, and I love everything ABOUT movies, so it naturally makes sense that the next progression in this would be me talking to some of my cinematic heroes. Truth be told, Matt’s run in the last few months on We Got This Covered is what inspired this. The man has been interviewing some legends, and I would love a shot at that. Two people I would LOVE to interview: Pollyanna McIntosh from The Woman, and Panos Cosmatos, who directed the trippy and brilliant Beyond The Black Rainbow. Tapping into the minds of my heroes really intrigues me. Help me with this one, Matt?
Resolution Three: Get A Stalker
Okay, I understand how this one can sound silly, but come on? How is it that I don’t have a stalker yet? I don’t want one of those creepy ones who wants to hurt me or the people I love. I just want one of those stalkers who cannot have a sexual thought without me jumping into it. You know, the ones who hear random songs on the radio and think that is you, sending them the song, mentally? I know that seems like a strange thing to want, but I feel dejected from society, and a woman tattooing my name onto her breast flesh would eradicate those feelings of failure that permeate my every moment.
Resolution Four: To Review One Of My Brother’s Films
Alright, sorry for the nepotism here, but can you blame me? My older brother, Jason, has been penning scripts for quite some time now, and has churned out a few absolutely stellar screenplays. One of those screenplays is a movie called Dreadnaught, about a parasitic organism (that actually exists in the real world) that basically goes all The Thing on the cast and crew of a crab fishing reality show. So it’s The Thing crossed with Deadliest Catch, and again, all nepotism aside, the script and story are amazing. Dude’s been hobnobbing with some serious movers and shakers in the industry lately (that script got on the Hot List for 2012) and it seems the next natural progression for both of us would be me actually being lucky enough to sit and review his film. I mean, obviously I will love it, but regardless, that would be a stellar moment in my life, and I hope it happens in 2013.
Resolution Five: Something To Actually Show For All This Work
People ask me what I accomplished in 2012, and I tell them. Started writing for Unreality. Started up my own site. Got about 400 other freelance jobs. Got published and relinked on some of the greatest sites on the web, like this one, and Cracked.com. Ended up getting this column with Matt Donato, who is one of my favorite writers online. Ended up (inexplicably) getting one million hits on my own site, RemyCarreiro.com, within seven months of launch, with NO advertising. For all intents and purposes, I am as successful as an online writer could possibly be. And you want to know how much money I made in 2012? Listen, I can tell you, but you really don’t want to know. Perhaps in 2013 I can actually make some income for all this work? Maybe, just maybe, I can celebrate getting a million hits with a meal that doesn’t come in a Styrofoam cup? Perhaps I can survive without having to work 27 hour days?
Eh, who am I kidding? My real resolution should be not to become homeless and found hanging from my tree in my front yard.
Happy 2013, everyone!