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Ranking The Best Picture Nominees For The Oscars

So one of the nice side benefits of perpetual unemployment, other than learning to translate which Craigslist job ads are for porn (read: ALL OF THEM), is that you've got plenty of time to catch up on movies. In a first, I've actually managed to see every Best Picture nominee that the year has had to offer, so I thought I'd drop my two cents on how they all measure up. Even with snubs to both The Master, and my own personal favorite movie of the year, this is a strong selection of films, and everything on this list is absolutely worth checking out. So enjoy, and remember: I'm not an authority on these matters, I'm the ONLY* authority on these matters!!!

4: Amour

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Must…not…expose…emotions….to Michael Haneke

Apparently the only intimate human dramas of note are being made overseas, as evidenced by last year’s best film, A Separation, and now, Amour. Granted, both films are an emotional shiatsu (Thrill, at the home-wrecking divorce proceedings of Iran! Chill, as you confront the inevitability of your own death, and feel bad for not calling your grandparents more!), so I guess their absence from local theatres isn’t too shocking.

Austrian provocateur Michael Haneke tests every ounce of the compassion implied by the film’s title, examining a winter-aged couple’s daily struggles with intimate detail. Haneke hasn’t gone soft on us though, he’s just found a new way to torment his audience, by first making you fall in love with the puppy that is the central relationship, and then drowning said puppy over the rest of the film. It’s a masterfully staged production, held together by two spectacular leads that will break your heart amidst all the suffocating silences.

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