Patrick Stewart Fans Are Furious He Wasn’t Named Sexiest Bald Man


There are a great number of reasons that Patrick Stewart might be trending at any given time, such as anything Star Trek related, random shenanigans with BFF Ian McKellen, or developments in his ceaseless crusade against domestic violence. However, the latest one is born of an utterly preposterous declaration for which we will not stand.

Longevita, a company organizing medical tourism for people wanting cosmetic surgery, has stated that the world is of the opinion that Prince William of House Windsor, Fifth of His Name, is the sexiest bald man alive. The internet, naturally, understandably, and quite rightly, is not pleased with this, and have demanded to know why the once and future Picard has been affronted in this most flagrant manner, as you can see below.

The declaration apparently came about from Longevita searching for how many times the physical attractiveness appellation was used in conjunction with the second in line to the British Throne, which at 17.6 million was the highest of anyone, far ahead of the likes of Jason Statham, Vin Diesel and Dwayne Johnson, which is quite simply ridiculous, even disregarding that William hasn’t been in any way hot since his royal genes started kicking in about fifteen years ago. Sir Patrick Stewart O.B.E., to give the great man his due title, was apparently just below the top ten.

Stewart has been bald for most of his life, first losing his hair at the age of 19, and aside from a truly awful wig worn in the BBC’s ‘70s adaptation of I, Claudius, is rarely seen on screen as anything else. It lends a distinguished look to his timeless sophistication and has become as much a part of his presence as his Shakespearean gravitas and ability to utterly embody his characters.

Maybe the search should be run again, as it may well be discovered that Patrick Stewart’s count has increased somewhat, and his rightful place as one of the world’s most desirable chromedomes will be officially recognized.