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7 Movies People Find Romantic But Are Actually Depressing

With Valentine’s Day comes every movie websites lists of Best Movies About Love, Most Romantic Movies Ever, Best Movies To Watch On Valentine’s, and then of course the accompanying lists to balance all this out, like Best Movies For Singles On Valentine’s Day and the like. Mostly though, we get to read and hear about the same movies year after year. And it’s sweet, and these movies are fun enough and awaken certain emotions that are expressed in a healthy way so long as we recognize the artifice of the thing that’s arousing them. And sometimes we’ll get a few movies earning mention that are legitimately and wholly lovely and romantic and heartwarming.

6) Love Actually

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I’m not going to pick a fight with Love Actually, partially because its fans are more rabid than I’d care to deal with, and partly because I like it for the most part. I like the idea of finding love in unexpected places, the sweetness of airports, hope, optimism, all that jazz. The stuff with the kid is really sweet. Liam Neeson and Alan Rickman can do no wrong. I could watch Bill Nighy dance for hours, and the surprise twist to his story was a nice touch. The ensemble structure was decently handled, the stories complementing each other reasonably enough, even though it did inspire dreck like Valentine’s Day. We’ll forgive it for giving us a Martin Freeman sex scene.

I have two minor beefs with it though, aspects that are supposed to be romantic and I find horribly unsatisfying, in different ways for different reasons. The first is the bit with Rick from The Walking Dead stealing a kiss from Keira Knightley and just being satisfied with that. Come on, man! Now that you’ve had a taste, how can you not be spurned on to go for the grand prize? By that of course I mean her hand in marriage. Ovary up, bro.

Then there’s the Colin Firth plot with the Portuguese housemaid. This is supposed to be cutesy and it is, but I can’t help thinking that their impending marriage could potentially be a trainwreck since they know nothing about one another, having not spoken a comprehensible word to each other by the time he proposes. What if they’re not actually compatible, sexually or otherwise? Take the time to learn this stuff before rushing into things. It’s just good sense.

Other than that, good show, chaps.

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