‘Star Wars’ fans call in OSHA on Yoda’s child-maiming training techniques

Ever since The Empire Strikes Back, Star Wars fans have had questions about Yoda’s training techniques. Luke spent his time running around a filthy swamp contending with the wildlife, all while an eccentric tiny alien was stuck to his back, and being put through worryingly Freudian hallucinogenic exercises involving his dad.

But maybe Luke got it easy, as fans have some serious problems with prequel-era Yoda handing out lightsabers to the younglings for training. These can famously slice through almost anything, so putting them in the hands of blindfolded toddlers means they’d better have a supply of child-sized cybernetic limbs on site:

As more knowledgeable fans quickly point out, the Jedi Order has actually taken steps to ensure they’re not turning out graduating classes of limbless younglings:

Anyone who’s spent any time looking after kids will know that even handing them low-powered stinging lightsabers is probably a bad idea. Another believes Yoda may be using the Force to keep them from harm:

It’s also pointed out that even fully fledged Jedi Knights can adjust the power of their sabers, allowing them to have practice duels without worrying about harming their opponent:

The counterpoint to all that is that in the movie itself we’re never told that these are training sabers:

As those working aboard Death Star (which had famously terrible workplace safety standards) will testify, Star Wars just isn’t too concerned about safety:

We guess this is also a good way to quickly weed out the Force-sensitive children who would be better off working in the library or on janitorial duties:

The Jedi Order’s questionable treatment of children arguably results in Darth Vader, so perhaps they should have been a little nicer to the younglings. Oh well, it’s a moot point now after Anakin Skywalker’s brief tenure as the adult in the room in Revenge of the Sith.